by S Cinders
Katie felt wretched, but before she could speak Colt answered his mom. “You are right, mom. It was all my fault. I wasn’t paying attention.”
Katie looked up to where Colt and Liam were standing. Liam’s brow was raised, asking in silence if she was going to allow Colt to take the fall.
It would be so easy. And Mrs. A wouldn’t stay mad at Colt for long. Everything could go back to how it was and this terrible feeling inside of her would go away. Or would it?
“I was driving, Mrs. A,” Katie blurted out. “Don’t be mad at Colt. I was the one not paying attention. He was just trying to teach me to drive and I was scared. He did something, “Katie blushed, “to help me take my mind off my fear and I stopped looking where we were going. I will pay for the damage, I promise.”
Mrs. A’s eyes widened.
“Are you very angry with me?” Katie asked in a small voice.
Mrs. A took Katie’s cold hands into her own, “No, I am not angry. Surprised, most definitely, but not angry. We can turn the claim into the insurance, I am not worried about that. But I am concerned that you both weren’t paying attention in a moving vehicle. That isn’t like either one of you.”
Colt’s jaw was tight, “It was my fault mom, I kissed her.”
Liam and Mrs. A dropped their jaws.
Liam couldn’t contain the burst of inappropriate laughter that bubbled out, “You are so screwed, man.”
Mrs. A sighed wearily, “It looks like we all have some talking to do.”
CHAPTER 15
Colt plopped down on the old metal swing in the McCannon’s backyard. The thoughts swirling around his head were overwhelming as he contemplated the awkward conversation they had all just had with his mom.
“Hey man,” Liam gingerly approached his best friend.
“I’m not going to punk out on Katie. So, if that is why you have come out here to lecture me about, I’d rather not talk about it.”
Liam nodded, “I figured as much. I think you made it clear inside just now.”
Colt laughed humorlessly, “Like when I yelled at my mom to mind her own damn business?”
Liam winced, “Not your finest moment.”
“Or how about when Katie promised to stay the hell away from me? That was a personal highlight for me.”
“Colt,” Liam sighed, “Katie just wants to protect you. The last thing she would ever do was come between you and your mom. She’s locked in her room bawling her eyes out right now. And your mom is still crying at your house.”
“Awesome,” Colt ran a hand through his messy blond hair. “What about you? What do you think about all of this?”
“Me?” A ghost of smile appeared on Liam’s lips, “I am seriously considering a move to Canada. It’s beautiful there I hear.”
Colt’s lips twitched, “Beautiful? Since when do you care about the scenery?”
“When it doesn’t involve tearful women ripping my heart out,” Liam shrugged.
“Are you looking for a roommate?” Colt smiled, but he looked dead tired.
“Sure, there is a smoking hot brunette that I’ve had my eye on. Oh, you mean you? Sorry man, you have too much baggage for me. And I don’t want to jump your ass. That has to be a consideration—you know?”
Colt feigned insult, “After all I’ve given you? This is how you repay me? I gave you the best years of my life!”
Liam sat down on the grass. “Your mom seemed pretty upset.”
Colt looked at his friend, “No shit. But she can’t tell me how to live my life.”
“Have you told her that you know about your dad?” Liam asked tentatively.
Colt was silent.
Liam wasn’t sure how much he should push things. This was a side of Colt that he didn’t see very often.
“I don’t know why she continues to pretend that everything is fine,” Colt’s grasp on the swing tightened. “I get that she wanted to protect me when I was younger. But I am nineteen. We graduate in the spring, and I don’t want that douche bag coming here. And I don’t want him anywhere near Katie.”
“Is your dad still living with that woman?”
Colt swore, “Who the hell knows? But if it’s not her, it would be someone else. He’s never been faithful to my mom. When I read through the information that the private investigator sent mom, there was evidence spanning over almost ten years. That was a year ago. I have given up waiting for her to tell me the truth. It’s their life, as messed up as it is. And I have respected their privacy. That’s part of what pissed me off so bad. How can she tell me what to do? It’s not like they are prime examples of a healthy relationship. And when she goes to visit him? What kind of messed up shit is that? Does she even go where my dad is? There are so many secrets and lies. You and Katie are the only steady thing in my life.”
“I don’t know, Colt. I really don’t know what to say. But you are right about the hypocrisy. And you do have the right to choose how to live your own life. I just don’t want you or Katie to make a rash decision that you may later regret. You are freaky smart, I know that several schools have been scouting you. What happens when you go away to college? Katie will have the baby and another year of high school here.”
Colt ran his hand over his face massaging his temples. “There are other options. I can go to school here, I don’t have to leave. Especially if you end up playing ball somewhere. I don’t want Katie to be alone. I can go to school on-line if that is a better option. If worse came to worse, we could try a long-distance relationship.”
Liam grimaced.
“I agree,” Colt added, “But I won’t give up on her.”
“You haven’t even been dating a month,” Liam reasoned. “The longer you are together, the messier this gets.”
“Now you sound like my mom. ‘Break it off now, before it gets too involved.’ Does she have any idea how long I have felt this way? I can’t shut my feelings off for Katie any more than I can decide not to see. And now that I know she feels the same way? There is no way I’m pushing her away. You will have to drag me off—kicking and screaming.”
Liam smiled faintly, “The brother in me is relieved that you aren’t in this to screw her over. But as your best friend, I can’t help but think you are heading toward a major disaster.”
Colt met his gaze, “Then bring it on. I am going up to the house to cheek on Katie. Are you coming?”
Liam shook his head, “You go on, I think I will enjoy the peace out here. Call me if you need anything.”
Colt saluted him, “Will do!”
CHAPTER 16
“Katie, I know you are in there, I can hear you crying.”
Katie closed her eyes tightly hoping in that moment that perhaps she really could just disappear. She wasn’t sure what had hurt most. Hearing Colt’s mom voice her concerns about their relationship. Or knowing that everything Mrs. A said was true.
Katie knew that she couldn’t be the one to ruin Colt’s future. Even if they hadn’t started dating, Katie would never do anything to purposefully harm him. Colt had a real chance at making something amazing of his life. He deserved more than she could give. She needed to break things off, and it was killing her inside.
“Please, don’t push me away. I couldn’t stand that.” Colt’s sounded as defeated as she felt.
Katie stood up and glanced in the mirror above her dresser. Her hair was a tangled mess. Her eyes were red and swollen, and her skin red and blotchy. The last thing she wanted was for Colt to see her like this.
But it was Colt. The same boy that had gone to get tampons for her because she was so afraid to drive. The same boy that had gone to her prenatal appointments. Colt had been there when she had first found out that she was pregnant. He had already seen her at her worst.
Katie unlocked the door and turned the handle.
Colt looked surprised, but he immediately pulled her into him. Katie melted against his chest. The feel of his strong arms was just what she needed. His scent enveloped her, and she grabbed o
nto his shirt, needing this life line.
Colt held her close. He was terrified that she would call it quits. His fear was making him literally sick to his stomach. He knew that his mom was only trying to do what was best for him. What his mom didn’t realize was that if Katie wasn’t in his life the other things didn’t matter. He wasn’t sure when she had become so important to him.
What his mom had deemed a little crush was so much more.
“We need to…” Katie started bravely, but Colt interrupted her.
“We don’t need to do anything because of what my mom said,” Colt’s arms tightened and Katie laid her head against his chest.
“I can’t ruin your life, Colt. You mean too much to me.”
This statement just about ripped his heart out.
“Katie, I don’t know how we are going to make things work. But I know that we will. When your parents died, Liam was freaking out, and you were so sad. If we can make it through that, we can make it through this. I won’t give up on us.”
Katie sniffed, feeling the tears start up again. “Your mom is right, it will be so much harder a few months down the road.”
“Why would it be harder then? You are all I think about, even when I am dreaming you are on my mind. And it isn’t because we finally admitted we had feelings for each other. Don’t you see what you mean to me? You couldn’t ruin my life, Katie. The only thing that could ruin it would be to not have you in it. Katie, I am falling in love with you.”
“You can’t love me, Colt. You don’t know what kind of person that I am, what I have done.” Katie sobbed against his chest.
“Then tell me. Tell me why I can’t love you,” Colt’s impassioned tone wrenched her heart.
“I can’t. If I do it will change everything. Can’t we just have one more night together, where everything is okay? And I am not worried about the baby and you are not throwing away your future.”
“Katie, my future includes you and the baby. I am not throwing anything away.”
Katie broke out of Colt’s arms, immediately missing their strength and comfort. “It’s Mitch, he’s the father.”
Colt froze, “I don’t understand.”
Giant tears welled in Katie’s eyes, “I didn’t want to tell you or Liam. Mitch probably doesn’t even remember. We were both drunk, and he might have been high.”
“Did he force himself on you?” Colt’s anguish was palpable. “I will kill that bastard!”
“No!” Katie caught his arm, and Colt flinched. Katie removed her hand faster than if she had touched a hot stove. This was why she hadn’t told anyone. Everything was going to change.
“He didn’t force me. If anything, I pushed him into doing it,” Katie whispered.
“That’s bull-shit! No guy would be forced into sleeping with you, Katie.” Colt looked ill.
“I was supposed to stay the night at Lexi’s. We were at one of Mitch’s famous parties.”
Colt turned away, “I don’t want to hear this.”
But Katie couldn’t stop. Now that she had breached the dam, what had been hidden away came tumbling out regardless of the consequences. “Almost everyone had left. And I wanted sex, I craved the closeness that I thought it could bring me. He pushed me away at first.”
Colt clutched his hair, “Stop! Katie, I don’t…”
“So, I took off my shirt. I have no idea where my bra was. I guess most guys are impervious to that type of invitation. And the next thing I knew.”
“Shit, Katie, SHUT UP!” At Colt’s yelling, Liam burst into the room.
“What in the hell is going on here?” Liam looked from Katie who was sobbing uncontrollably to his best friend who looked like death.
When Colt didn’t speak, Liam couldn’t contain his anger. Colt had promised not to hurt her. Liam launched himself at his best friend. Clocking him right across the face, Liam punched the shit out of him.
“Stop! Liam, stop! He isn’t fighting back! You are going to kill him!” Katie’s screams finally registered and Liam pulled back.
Horrified he realized that Colt was bloody and bruised. “What did you do to her?”
Katie ran to Colt, but he turned away from her. Trying to contain herself, Katie turned to Liam. She hugged her thin arms around her waist. Instinctively protecting her baby. “He didn’t do anything. It was my fault. This is my fault. I told him the truth. Of why we couldn’t be together.”
Liam was confused, “What truth?”
“Mitch is the father,” Colt’s cold tone sliced through both Liam and Katie.
Liam looked from Colt to Katie incredulously, “I don’t believe you.”
“I need to go,” Colt picked himself up and started to walk out of Katie’s room.
“Wait a minute,” Liam tried to stop him, “You can’t just leave, Colt.”
Colt turned to Liam, desolation clearly written across his face with the blood from his most likely broken nose. His eye was turning a nice purple shade, and his jaw was clearly swollen. “You don’t need me. Neither of you do.”
As he walked away Katie fell into Liam’s arms, she thought that she knew what losing everything meant. But clearly, this was rock bottom.
CHAPTER 17
“Colt, I am so sorry.”
Colt glanced over at his mom who had been sitting with him in silence for half the night. He tried to smile at her, but couldn’t.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Mrs. A asked gently.
Colt had so much anger and hurt inside of him, he had no idea what to say, but what came out of his mouth surprised even himself.
“Why didn’t you tell me you divorced dad? Why do you pretend that everything is fine when he is sleeping with someone else? Where do you go when you pretend to visit him?”
The color drained from Mrs. A’s face.
“How did you? Never mind, that doesn’t matter,” she took a deep breath to steady herself, “You are right. I shouldn’t have hidden that from you. I began to suspect that he wasn’t being faithful about ten years ago. I hired someone to investigate. When the information came back that I was right, I was devastated. I was embarrassed that I was so stupid and naïve. You were only nine years old, and so happy. I didn’t want to ruin that.”
Colt lashed out, “For ten years, Mom, you have been lying to me for ten years! I get maybe that you didn’t want to drop that on a nine-year-old. But what about all the years after? And when he came to visit, I know it isn’t often, but he did come. What happened then?”
Mrs. A’s eyes were bright with unshed tears, “I didn’t confront him, not at first. I didn’t know the best way to handle things. And if I am being honest, I was hoping that he would give her up for me. It wasn’t until I learned that there had been many indiscretions that I filled for divorce. And at that point I was ashamed of how I had let him treat me. I didn’t want you to know. I wanted you to still have respect for me.”
Colt held his head in his hands, “Everything is all fucked up!”
A sob escaped her throat and Colt swung around to see the tears fall from the same green eyes that she had given him.
Groaning he went and pulled his mom into his arms, “I am sorry, mom. So very sorry. I do respect you. And I love you more than anything. Don’t cry, I can’t stand it.”
“You don’t need to apologize to me, Colt,” Mrs. A hugged her son closer. “I should have told you. When I went to visit him, I was seeing my publisher and working on my writing.”
Colt knew that his mom dabbled in writing romances, but he thought it was just a hobby. He had no idea that she had a publisher. “Mom, that’s incredible. I wish that you would have told me.”
Mrs. A pulled back to look at her son. She brushed his blond locks back and kept her hand on his cheek. “I know that you are nineteen and almost fully grown. But I can’t help but see you as the little boy missing his front teeth, with scraped knees, and sparkling eyes. I desperately want to protect you from the harsh things of the world. What I have failed to realiz
e, is that you are becoming a man in your own right. I truly am sorry for not telling you about your dad. And for keeping secrets from you. Colt, I am so proud of you. I love you, and I promise to be honest with you. I also need to apologize or earlier today.”
Colt looked at her in surprise.
“I am not sorry about expressing my feelings, but I could have listened to you more.”
A look of anguish came over his face, “Mom, it doesn’t matter. I don’t know if Katie even wants something with me.”
Mrs. A sighed, “Life can be a bunch of disappointments. One after another, and if you let it get to you, you are bound to be unhappy. Setbacks are necessary for growing. I have learned this the hard way. But if you take those opportunities and allow yourself to learn from them, you will be far better off. I have seen the way that Katie looks at you. I know that she cares deeply for you. So, what has happened?”
Colt looked anguished, “She wants to break up and the baby’s father is Mitch. I don’t understand.”
“That is a tangled web,” Mrs. A nodded, “Does it bother you more that Mitch is the father or that he has been intimate with Katie and you haven’t.”
Colt blushed, his mom had always been forthright in her conversations with him. “Honestly, I think that it’s because he slept with Katie. Why wouldn’t he tell me? Why was she protecting him?”
“These are all good questions that deserve answers.” Mrs. A tilted her head, “But does any of this change how you feel for Katie?”
Colt thought long and hard, “No, I love her, Mom. I have loved her for so long, and even though I am hurt and angry. I still love her with everything that I am.”
“You are so young, both of you are. It is not impossible for you to have everything that you wish for. It’s not going to be easy, you know that. But you are going to have to fight for it, Colt. If this is what you truly want, I will support you.”
Colt felt the familiar roughness in his throat, “Thanks, Mom. I know that this is not easy for you too.”
“I just hate to see you hurting, sweetheart. And this road is going to be packed with disappoints and setbacks. Just remember what I said about using those to learn. Don’t let it destroy what you have with Katie.”