Saving Jane Doe

by Carolyn Purcell

  “You shouldn’t feel bad. Henry is the light of her life. For that matter, he’s the light of Joshua’s life too. Ellen thinks Henry would have died without you.”

  “I wonder if Joshua misses it that Ellen’s disease kept her from having more children.”

  “Didn’t you know? Joshua is sterile. He knew he couldn’t have children when he and Ellen met. He was thrilled when he found out Ellen had a son already. Henry is just as much his son as Ellen’s.”

  I did know. I also knew infertility procedures might have helped them if Ellen had been well. “I’m glad Ellen found someone who could love her and Henry.”

  “Joshua is the best. He brags about Henry even more than Ellen. Henry is brilliant, you know. He just found out that when he finishes high school, he has a full scholarship to MIT. He’s going to study physics. Ellen and Joshua don’t know whether to be thrilled or worried that he’s going to be so far away.

  “That’s understandable; he may not come back this way. It sounds like you and Joshua are close to each other.”

  “Yeah. You know, Joshua is the same age as Mom’s first stillborn baby would have been, a year younger than Ellen. He’s like the brother I lost. He comes to visit at least once a month.”

  After Mike and I had finished catching up on all the people we knew in common, I decided to address a touchy subject. I squirmed for more reasons than the hard chair and my aching back. “I saw Elaine yesterday.”

  “How is she?”

  “She looks good.”

  “The way she looks was never the problem.”

  “I hear you. I understand she comes every Sunday afternoon to visit you.”

  He nodded and looked at the floor. “Yes, she does. I’m thinking of seeing her next time. I might choose to forgive her too.”

  “It’s good you’re planning to see her, and I hope you choose to forgive her.” Looking at my watch, I realized it would be late when I got home. Jon would be late for dinner, but there was barely time to pick up Thai take-out. “Mike, this has been a wonderful afternoon, but I have to go. Jon will be home from work before I get there.”

  “How come you and Jon never had kids?”

  “We both wanted them, but he was afraid they would have birth defects from his Agent Orange exposure. The Vietnamese suffer the most disabilities, but American veterans suffer as well.

  “I didn’t know he was in Vietnam.”

  “Yes, in the Air Force. He helped drop the stuff.”

  “Wow. I’m sorry. With as many unwanted children as there are in the world, it’s a shame for people to want them and not have them.”

  I agreed.

  As soon as I got to the car, I called Jessie. “I just visited Mike.”

  “How is he?”

  “Jessie, you won’t believe how good he is.”

  “Really, in what way?”

  I began relating the afternoon’s conversations as I pulled out of the parking lot. We talked on the phone most of my way home. Finally, I told her that he said she should come with Grace to see him.

  “That won’t work,” she said.

  “Why not?”

  “Grace’s visits usually intersect with George’s. I don’t want to risk having George color my visit with Jeff.”

  “Well, I can understand that. Maybe you should just go when it suits you; I’m sure this will be a good visit. Jeff said Wednesday afternoon, Saturday, and Sunday are the best times.”

  “What are you doing next Wednesday?”

  “I can check, Jessie, but I really don’t think you need me.”

  “Please, just once more.”

  “Okay, I will check. I’m getting back to town so I need to get off the phone.”

  As I glanced down to disconnect the phone, I rear-ended the car in front of me. I knew I should not have been on the phone. I’ve lost count of how many fender-benders I’ve had. The combination of sleep deprivation and distraction can be deadly. Fortunately, no one has been hurt in my accidents, including me, unless you count being embarrassed and poorer. The last time I took my car into the body shop the owner recognized my voice from the other room. My car insurance costs a lot. After I called the police, I called Jon and asked him to pick up the Thai take-out for an even later dinner.

  The next day Jessie called to tell me that she had talked to Grace and learned that George was not going to visit Jeff that weekend. She would be going with Grace.

  “Don’t forget the scrapbook,” I said. “I didn’t tell him what you had, but I told him you had something to show him, and he wants to see it.” I was a bit sorry I was not going to see Mike’s reaction to the scrapbook, but I was confident that I would hear about it.

  On Saturday evening, Jon and I had just gotten home from a concert at the university when Jessie called.

  “Cara, thank you for arranging today,” Jessie said, somewhat breathless.

  “Jessie, I didn’t arrange anything. Mike had already decided to forgive you. I take it things went well today.”

  “Oh, yes. Grace and I had a wonderful day. The weather was beautiful for the drive. Jeff seemed truly glad to see me.”

  “What did he say about the scrapbook?”

  “He loved it. As a matter of fact, after we looked through it page by page, he gave it to the guard to go through, hoping he would be able to keep it. They didn’t find any files or weapons, so they let him keep it. He seemed really grateful to have it.”

  “What about it did he enjoy the most?”

  “Well, he loved the clippings from his games. They let him relive some joyful times, but I think he liked the photos that I had taken of the games and important events the best. He had never seen those pictures, and they proved that I had cared enough to come. I should not have tried so hard to hide my presence. He needed to know that I cared about what he did. I should have known that.”

  “Don’t second-guess yourself. That time we went to see him after the middle school game distressed even me. I can imagine how you felt. The important thing is that he has forgiven you, and you can begin anew.”

  “Yes, thank God. I told him I’m going to start coming to visit on Wednesdays, and he said that would be fine. You know, Cara, he even thanked me for making him take piano lessons.”

  “Did he tell you about the chaplain?”

  “Oh, yes. He sounds like a remarkable man.”

  “Who represents a remarkable God.”

  “Indeed. Well, I’ll let you go. Tell Jon I said I’m sorry for keeping you so long.”

  “Oh, don’t worry about that. He’s watching UK’s first basketball game of the season. It’s just an exhibition game, but it’s still on TV. I could be on Mars and he wouldn’t miss me. Jessie, I am so happy for you.”

  The following night Jon was working on a guest lecture he had been invited to give at his Alma Mater, Wharton School of Business, and I was washing dishes when Elaine called.

  “I saw Mike today,” she said. “We talked all afternoon.”

  “Elaine, that’s wonderful! Sounds like it was a good visit.”

  “He didn’t want to talk about what happened, but I did say I was sorry and asked him to forgive me. He wanted to talk about his mother. I told him I was living with her now. He didn’t know that but agreed that selling the house was a good idea. He said he didn’t want to ever see that raised hearth again.”

  “I can understand that.”

  “He wanted to know all about Jessie’s house and her work. It seems that every time someone had tried to tell him anything about her, he had refused to listen. When I told him how big the house was, he wanted to know how his mother had gotten that. He didn’t even know she had inherited the house and money.”

  “Amazing how clueless we can be when we refuse to communicate with people.”

  “In the end he wondered if Jessie had been the source of the money he needed to go to college. His father never told him where the money came from.”

  “I know Jessie offered, but Mike refused her money. I
don’t know that George refused.”

  “I told him about visiting Greg’s mother. He seemed relieved that she didn’t blame him for what happened. He said we could discuss our issues next time. At least he’s going to see me again.”

  “That’s a start. I’m glad you talked.”

  Jessie and Elaine saw Mike every week for the remainder of his prison term. That Thanksgiving was the first time in more than twenty years that Jessie did not cook Thanksgiving dinner. She, Elaine, Grace, George, Mary, Erin (Mike’s youngest sister), and Bill all spent the day at the prison with Mike. Ellen, Joshua, and Henry spent the day with Joshua’s parents so Ellen could rest if necessary. Jon and I went to Florida to visit his parents, who had retired in Sarasota. Jon’s mother loved the artistic community in Sarasota, especially the opera.

  On April 1, 1996, the parole board met to consider Mike Green’s case. The chaplain testified that Mike’s conduct had been exemplary. Greg’s mother came to say that she believed her son’s death had been an accident and Mike had been punished enough. The board voted unanimously to approve Mike’s parole with release planned for Wednesday afternoon, April 10. On April 3, I received an invitation from Elaine and Mike to attend his release. I thought that was a little strange, but it was a Wednesday afternoon and I could arrange to be off.

  When I arrived at the prison entrance, I left my purse at the desk and went through security as usual. Then I was escorted in the opposite direction from the room where I had always visited. After passing through countless locked doors, I arrived at the prison chapel. Mike and Elaine were there. She was wearing a beautiful champagne-colored linen suit. Mike was also dressed in a suit. Jessie, Bill, Grace, Ellen, Joshua, Erin, George, and Mary were there. I was introduced to Chaplain Martin Harrison, whose bald head shone under the fluorescent light and whose eyes twinkled like Santa Claus.

  “Would everyone take a seat?” Chaplain Harrison said. “Jeff and Elaine Green have invited you here to witness as they renew their marriage vows.” Jessie was obviously surprised to hear Mike called Jeff. As if Chaplain Harrison could read her mind, he said, “Jeff has requested that he be called by that name in the future. He remembers an innocent, happy time before age twelve when that was how he was addressed. As he enters this new phase of his life, he wants to return to his former name. He wants this name change to help him leave behind this time in prison and to symbolize the change in him.

  “Over the past four months Elaine and Jeff have had weekly counseling sessions with me. They have dealt with marital issues, communication issues, and spiritual issues. They have both expressed their desire to repeat these vows. Elaine and Jeff, come and stand here in front of me. Jessie and George, they have asked that you stand with them.”

  Jessie beamed as she stood beside Elaine. How different this was from their first ceremony when Jessie sat alone in the balcony! It was equally different for Elaine and Jeff. Whereas the first ceremony was in a huge church, filled with flowers devoid of fragrance, the only flowers in this small chapel were three gardenias grown in the prison greenhouse and set into a wrist corsage for Elaine and a boutonniere for Jeff. Their heavenly scent filled the room. Elaine’s formal white wedding gown, complete with twenty-foot train, and Jeff’s tuxedo were replaced by the simple suits, their Sunday best. Whereas their love had been blind before, now it had been tested and made stronger by failure and forgiveness. I thought of Uncle Henry and Aunt Edna.

  Elaine turned to Jeff, took his hands into hers, and repeated her vows after Chaplain Harrison. Jeff did the same. It took only a few minutes, but it felt as though they saved a lifetime, and perhaps they did. Chaplain Harrison closed with a prayer.

  “Dear God. I ask that you bless this union between Jeff and Elaine. While difficulties will doubtless come again, I pray that their love for each other and for You and their newfound commitment will lead them through any trouble. I pray that You fill all the remaining days of their lives together with peace and joy. As You are their witness and ever-present help, remind them of these vows and keep them faithful. Give them a home filled with Your presence. Help them to love as You loved. Lead them to the life that You have planned for them to live, and whatever comes their way, give them an ever greater capacity to love and forgive.”

  Jeff walked out of prison with Elaine by his side. They went to Jessie’s house, which was now Elaine and Jeff’s home as well.

  CHAPTER 15

  On an unusually warm day in May, Jeff and Elaine came to my office. Jeff looked tense, picking at the cuticle of his left thumb. He was dressed neatly in khaki pants and a green golf shirt, though I knew he was not playing golf. Elaine looked radiant in navy and white polka dot pants with a navy shell and white shirt. Her smile was so broad I guessed the purpose of their visit.

  “We want to talk about having a baby,” she said as soon as they sat in my inner office. “We know the first thing is Jeff’s vasectomy reversal, and you won’t do that, but we want to know who you would recommend.”

  “I’m still mad at him for doing this vasectomy in the first place, but I think Dr. Daniel Day is the best in town. He’s done more reversals than anyone else, and that is especially important in microsurgical procedures.”

  “Will it work?” Jeff asked.

  “Dr. Day can give you his statistics, but across the board there is a 92 percent chance of normal sperm counts and motility. It usually takes about three to six months for the normal counts to occur. Of course, success is in pregnancy. Just over 50 percent of reversals result in pregnancy within two years, about 75 percent if you look at longer time periods. I do know that the sooner you do it the better. There is some decrease in success if it has been over five years since the vasectomy was first done. You are past that.”

  “Is it expensive?”

  “Yes, it is, and your health insurance will not cover it. It’s less if they don’t find much scarring and the procedure can be done easily. More complicated procedures cost more, and they can’t tell you ahead of time if it will be complicated.”

  “Oh, dear,” Elaine sighed.

  “If I were you, I would ask Dr. Day for a discount. He may be willing to help.” He ought to, I thought to myself. He had no business doing the vasectomy in the first place. “Even so, that will not help with the facility bill. It is done as an outpatient procedure now so that will help some.”

  “We’re going to use some of the equity we had in the house to pay for it,” Elaine said.

  “My mother also wants to help. I hope she doesn’t have to, but we may have to let her. Will I need a lot of recovery time? I still haven’t found a job, but I want to get back to work as soon as possible.”

  “I would think you could work after two to three weeks.”

  “How soon can we get pregnant?”

  “We don’t consider couples infertile until they have tried for a year.”

  “That long?” Elaine looked as though yesterday was not soon enough.

  “You could do some simple things like keep a basal body temperature chart just to help with timing. I’ll ask Anita to get you one. You just use an old-fashioned thermometer and take your temperature for five minutes before your feet hit the floor every morning.”

  “I suppose you also mean before any other morning activity.” Jeff winked at me. Elaine’s face turned the color of the roses that sat on the corner of my desk, and I laughed.

  On Monday, June 3, 1996, just one day before Jeff’s thirty-seventh birthday, he was scheduled for his vasectomy reversal. Dr. Day had agreed to do the procedure for half his usual fee. I had a tubal ligation scheduled at the same time in the operating room next door. When I finished my short procedure, I stopped by Dr. Day’s operating room. “Worlds Apart,” a song from Vince Gill’s new country music album, blared from the radio, and Dr. Day sang along with a rich tenor voice that seemed better suited to “Nessun dorma.”

  “We could use that tenor voice in my church choir,” I said.

  “Not me. I’m usually on the fift
h green about the time church starts.”

  “How’s it going?”

  “Good. When I did his procedure originally, I took a very short segment of the vas deferens. I do that when the men are young and may be making a mistake having the vasectomy in the first place. He was so sure his wife was cured; I didn’t have the heart to tarnish his hope.”

  I have judged him unfairly, I thought to myself. When am I ever going to learn?

  “I just have to attach vas deferens to vas deferens,” Dr. Day continued. “It’s much simpler than if I had taken a longer segment, like I do with old farts who have eight or ten children with four or five different women. I wouldn’t even want their reversals to work. Are you going to the waiting room?”

  “Yes.”

  “Would you tell his wife that Jeff’s doing well? She looked like she was scared to death.”

  “They’ve been through a lot. I’ll tell her.” What a colorful character, I thought as I left for the waiting room, feeling much more kindly toward Jeff’s urologist and walking a bit lighter not carrying my heavy load of judgment.

  In mid-July Jessie invited Jon and me to share her table for Picnic with the Pops, a popular August activity in Lexington. People bought tables and chose a theme for decoration and menu. During the meal the Lexington Philharmonic played popular music and the tables were judged. Jessie, who had bought a table every year since the first one, usually chose her theme based on the movie that won the Academy Award that year. She did the decorations and cooked the food for the table of ten. Often others had the meal catered, but not Jessie.

  “I’m not sure what to use for my theme this year,” she said as we had coffee one Saturday morning. “What kind of food would you choose with Braveheart as a theme? The nominees aren’t much better—Apollo 13, Il Postino: The Postman, Sense and Sensibility, and Babe. I guess I could use Sense and Sensibility and cook roast beef with Yorkshire pudding, but that would be a difficult meal to make into a picnic.”

  “You could do Babe and have pulled pork barbeque.”

  “Somehow it doesn’t seem right to serve the star of the show.” We both laughed.