Warrior Without Rules

by Nancy Gideon

  “And so now you’re punishing me for my disobedience by making this dramatic gesture.”

  “No. You’re the expert there. I don’t make threats, Toni, and I don’t make deals and I don’t make fools out of those who are hired to take care of my interests.”

  “I ditched you and it hurt your feelings?”

  “My feelings don’t matter one way or another.”

  “That’s right. You’d have to have them first, wouldn’t you.”

  “Oh, I have them. I wish to God I didn’t because I don’t ever want to have to feel what I did ten years ago when the call came to say you were gone.” He placed his shirt in the open case, stacking it neatly atop the others.

  Recklessly, Toni plunged on. “So this is about your professional pride? You’re afraid I’ll make another black mark on your record.”

  “I’m afraid they’ll be zipping you up in a black plastic bag because you just can’t seem to help throwing yourself from one bad situation to another.”

  “The only bad thing I’ve ever thrown myself at is you. And we know how that turned out, don’t we?”

  Calmly, with enviable control, Zach closed the lid to his suitcase. “This isn’t going to work, Toni. I knew it was a bad idea from the start.”

  “Bad ideas and bad situations. That’s all we have between us, isn’t it, Russell?”

  He regarded her impassively. “That and bad company.”

  “Mateo? Is this about Mateo?” The wild notion that he might be somehow jealous went to her head like a snort of pure oxygen. But she quickly shook it off. This was Russell, after all, and he would never let emotions cloud the issue. “I was perfectly safe with him. There’s no reason for you to react like this.”

  “You’re so sure of that, are you?”

  “He asked me to marry him.”

  Zach blinked. “Congratulations.” He turned to zip the suitcase. The sound was harsh, like their inevitable parting. After a beat, he asked, “What did you tell him?”

  When she didn’t reply right away, he was forced to look at her again. The depths of his forest gaze were filled with unpredictable shadows.

  Her answer was unsparingly blunt. “I told him no, that I was no bargain, that I came with too much baggage to ever be a bride.”

  Zach stared at her for a long, impassive moment then made an uncharitable sound. “What a crock. And he believed you? The man’s an idiot.”

  “No. He’s a good man and he’s my friend. He deserves better than—than a woman who can’t bear a man’s touch. And we both know why, don’t we?”

  She could only imagine what he’d seen when he opened that cellar door to find her huddled, bound, bleeding and naked on the dirty floor of her prison. It had taken him only two days to locate her once the ransom had been refused. But those two days had been filled with a spirit-scarring hell. When he’d stripped off her blindfold, she’d been close to catatonic from the abuse she’d suffered. Abuse no woman should be made to suffer. Especially when it was her first time.

  He knew it was, because when he’d gathered her up into a tender embrace, his coat bundled about her to hide her shame, she’d clung to him about the neck, to whisper words that burned to his soul.

  “It should have been you. I wanted you to be my first.”

  But first times never happened more than once, and the chance for her to learn about intimacy between a man and a woman the way it was meant to be was lost to her forever.

  She picked up the suitcase and swung it behind her. “Don’t go, Russell.”

  He reached for the bag, but that brought him into sudden close proximity to her. He froze. Her eyes were huge seas of blue, shimmering like the ocean at sunrise, liquid, salty, beckoning. But those tears didn’t fall.

  Her voice when she spoke was rough with forced sincerity.

  “Do you want me to beg you?”

  Horrified by the very idea, he took a step back, increasing the distance as if that would automatically guarantee a measure of safety. But he didn’t count on her taking a matching step forward.

  “I will, you know. I’m not very good at it. I haven’t had much practice.”

  “Don’t do this, Toni.” He put out his hands to keep her back but the feel of her bare upper arms, all smooth silky skin over surprisingly hard muscle, only made things worse. Only made things more real and more immediate.

  “Don’t leave, Russell. I need you.”

  He argued the point on the only linear level he understood as a man. “Why? You won’t listen to me. You won’t do what I tell you. You won’t follow the simple precautions required to keep you safe. I can’t do you any good if you won’t let me do my job. Why did you hire me if you have no intentions of playing by my rules?”

  “You’re the only man I trust, the only one I can let close to me.”

  “You didn’t seem to be having any trouble where your friend Chavez was concerned. Or with any of those pretty, muscle-bound fellows who seem to keep you company in the tabloids.” How petty and unprofessional that sounded. It surprised both of them into a moment’s silence.

  Only then did Toni find the courage to explain.

  “I have lots of men who are my friends. Men who’ll share drinks and swap stories, who’ll race me in fast cars and on fast bikes, who’ll show me how to change out plugs or field dress an elk, who’ll spar with me in a boxing ring or on a judo mat. I don’t have any problems with men as friends, as competitors, as teachers, as business partners. As long as they treat me as an equal and with respect. As long as they don’t…as long as they don’t try to get close.”

  He understood then. And he started to remove his hands from her arms. She dropped his suitcase and seized his wrists, holding him in place, keeping him from retreating.

  He went very still.

  “Russell, I’m a prisoner inside my own life.”

  With a quiet candor, he told her, “Get help, Toni. All you have to do is ask for it.”

  She moved closer, pushing against the resistance in his arms, leaning toward him, toward the answer she needed to hear.

  “I’m asking. Help me, Zach.”

  Chapter 10

  His answer was painfully blunt.

  “Are you asking me to take you to bed?”

  Controlling her frustration and embarrassment with obvious difficulty, she told him, “To bed, to the couch, to the shower, on the floor. I don’t care. Just take me away from this dark place I’m in. I asked you once, Zach. Do you remember?”

  He closed his eyes tightly but he couldn’t shut out the memory of her ragged voice.

  I wanted you to be the first.

  “Do you want me to beg you now? I will. I have no more pride. I can’t go on like this, being separate from the world, afraid of a simple touch, of living a normal life. I don’t want to be alone, Zach. I can’t cry. Since you found me, I’ve never been able to cry. I want to feel something, something that’s not fear, something that’s not panic. I’ll never be strong. I’ll never be in control. I’ll never be able to be…happy. Put aside your rules this once. If you have any feelings for me at all.” Then a sharp spear of memory brought back his phone call to another woman. She spoke through a painful cramp in her throat. “Unless there’s someone else.”

  He was motionless for a long, agonizing moment. His features seemed set in stone.

  “Zach?”

  He took a breath and the facade began to crumble. “No.”

  “No, what?” The raw hurting in her voice forced his answer.

  “Oh, bloody hell.” He spoke the curse with a soft reverence, the words as gentle as the touch he brushed along the side of her pale cheek. “No one else.”

  She closed her eyes on a sigh and turned her head slightly to press her lips to his palm.

  And he was lost. Damn the rules.

  She let him draw her to him without resistance. The curl of his arms flattened her to the wall of his chest, his embrace firm, solid yet at the same time, nonthreatening. And he just held h
er, giving the skittering doubts and residuals of panic time to settle down. Time to let awareness of him build until the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and rock of his breathing became as regular and inviting as the tide of her emotions.

  She had wanted him, wanted this for so long. Finally the tangling chaos of her fears relented so she could remember just how much. The ache of it clenched like a fist in her belly, tightening there until the slow stroke of his hand through her hair excited a series of fierce, needy tremors. Mistaking the cause of her trembling, he hesitated but only until she lifted her head. Her eyes glittered like hot blue flame.

  “Make love to me, Zach.”

  Wordlessly, he led her, not to the bed, not to the couch, but to one of the big overstuffed chairs. He sank down in it, putting his feet up on the footstool while maneuvering Toni to straddle his lap. Perplexed by his odd choice of setting, she let her hands rest lightly on his broad shoulders. Her confusion woke a small smile from him.

  “If you want to stop, there’s nothing holding you.”

  In the well-lit room, with nothing to restrict her movements or weight her down, the choice would be hers. There’d be no fighting her way free if she became uncomfortable. She’d be in complete control.

  Shaken by his consideration for her fragile state, Toni overcame the sudden paralyzing thickness in her throat by leaning down to kiss him. His mouth was warm and surprisingly yielding to her first innocent forays, parting, inviting her to trust him with more of herself. Curious and flushed with a new increasing confidence, she slipped between his lips, to touch, to taste, to boldly explore, teasing his tongue into a light play that was all hot, wet silk and edgy excitement. She relaxed the cramp of her fingers, letting them knead his shoulders and upper arms instead, reveling in the hard swells and powerful contours until she grew restless with the fabric that kept her from experiencing him more completely. She rocked back, breathing in quick, shallow little pants while her fingers hurried down the buttons of his shirt. He watched her, expression impassive, as she pushed the linen from his shoulders and bared his torso. Her touch trembled down his chest to the sculpted cut of his abdomen.

  “You’re amazing.” Her voice had a rough, velvety catch. “What did you do to build a body like this?”

  “I was an Olympic diver during my years at the university. Ranked twelfth in the world. Not so impressive, really.”

  That would explain the tapered physique and brutally chiseled musculature. Her laugh quavered. “I’m impressed.” Her palms smoothed over the defined ridges. “Bryce’s camera lens would have a field day.”

  “I’d prefer Bryce not have a field day with any part of my anatomy, thank you very much. Not in my job description.”

  “I think your resume needs updating. I can see our next billboard campaign right here.”

  “For your eyes only, darling.”

  Even though he spoke teasingly, his words triggered a tigerish possessiveness in Toni. Her fingernails scraped along the sides of his ribs, startling a jerk and tensing of his middle.

  “I’m fine with that,” she purred, sinking back onto his mouth for more enthusiastic tongue tangoing. Finally, out of breath, her pulse going like crazy, Toni leaned her head upon his shoulder, hoping to recoup some degree of sanity.

  But that wasn’t Zach’s plan.

  His thumb charted the bold angle of her cheekbone before hooking beneath her chin. He challenged her with a kiss that escalated from throating-aching tenderness to rampaging hunger. With an intensity that staggered her senses and sent wild, fluttery shocks to waken every extremity. She clung to him, swamped by sensation, her body ripe and throbbing with the need for more…more everything. And all he’d done so far was kiss her!

  She sat back, a mass of quivering nerve endings, emotions raw and so vulnerable unshed tears spiked her lashes as they flickered shut. Her voice was husky with impatience when she realized he was waiting for her next cue before proceeding.

  “Touch me, Zach.”

  Her thighs clenched over his as his palms pushed upward, lifting the floating hem of her short sun dress until it pooled over his wrists and left the tiny triangle of her string bikini panties exposed to his view. She drew a ragged breath as his thumbs centered on the moist scrap of nylon to press and circle with maddening insistence, coaxing, then demanding a response from her dormant senses. Building, building. And when those long-starved sensations reached a spectacular completion, her pleasure was voiced in a roar, not a whimper.

  She said his name with an explosive gusto, her thighs clamping his, her fingers knotting behind his neck as her body was ravaged by a seismic pleasure. Aftershocks seemed to go on forever until finally, she exhaled raggedly and slumped upon his chest. He stirred a soft murmur of contentment as he rubbed the tension from her back.

  “I found that very impressive,” he whispered into the flyaway wisps of hair that had escaped the regimented twists of her braid.

  “Amazing,” she concurred.

  After a brief moment to recuperate, Toni sat back to regard him with an endearing shyness.

  “You don’t have anywhere you have to be, do you?”

  “Where you go, I go.”

  Her fingertip touched to the solemn set of his mouth. “Then if we’re to follow the rules, you have to come with me, Russell.”

  His eyes glinted dangerously. “We can’t break the rules, now can we?”

  “Certainly not. And as a professional, I’m sure you’ve considered every aspect of personal protection.”

  A smile flirted across his lips. He lifted one hip to pull his wallet from his pants pocket, taking a moment to extract a flat packet. “One must prepare for any eventuality.”

  “A commendable motto,” she agreed, reaching for his zipper.

  If she was going to balk, it would be at the moment his engorged sex rocketed free of its confines, aggressive, full and proud. She stared at his impressive maleness, her expression complex, intense and focused inward. Then, with an agony of gentleness, she touched him only to laugh nervously at his twitch of response.

  He was studying her features, trying to read reluctance or fear in her wide gaze. “The occasion requires an top-coat. Do you want to do the honors or shall I?”

  She realized he was discussing the foil wrapper and chose that moment to plunge ahead with this baptism by fire.

  “I will.”

  She took the packet from him and removed the necessary outerwear. She glanced at the wrapper.

  “Extra large. Do you suppose any man would ever go up to the counter and request a small or medium?”

  He grinned wide and wolfishly. “They don’t come one size fits all. Believe me, love, I plan to rise to the occasion.”

  And he did even as she rolled the latex down to glove him. Feeling him pulse hot and hard within her palm got her anticipating how he was going to feel inside her. Where she’d only experienced pain and humiliation before. But that had been in a world that was dark and cold and bereft of all else. And here, with Zach, it was anything but. Sensations ran riotous, varied, hot and inclusive. And she was a full participant. Eager to get beyond the harsh barrier memory had built to explore unknowns that yet teased her nerve endings with tiny shocks of delight. There was so much more she needed to experience. Was ready to experience.

  Zach gently but firm urged her to lessen her adoring grip, saying, “It’s not wise to give Huey too much encouragement. We wouldn’t want him to jump the gun, so to speak.”

  “Huey?”

  “Part of me mum’s family is from Louisiana and they were fanatic about politics.”

  She frowned a moment then grinned at the allusion to Huey Long. “Well, let’s not keep the governor waiting.”

  “Shall we adjourn to more comfortable chambers?” He nodded toward the bed.

  “Here’s fine. For now.”

  “Outstanding.”

  While she gripped his shoulders to keep her balance atop his thighs, Zach skimmed her dress up over her head then tosse
d it free. The sight of Antonia Castillo in her lacy white undergarments against all that bronzed, smooth and temptingly ample flesh had his heart ricocheting off his ribs. He’d seen her pictured in scanty athletic wear, had observed her emerging from the pool in a wet cling of spandex but this, this was different, this eyes only, intimate view. He drew a deep, tight-chested breath, uncertain of where to start. He didn’t want the sudden unexpected unsteadiness of his hands to alarm her with their clumsiness.

  Taking advantage of his indecision, Toni undid the back of her bra and shimmied out of it. After holding the cups up to protect her nakedness in a moment of discomfort, she finally let them fall away so Zach could look his fill.

  She was used to men ogling her breasts. She’d been early to develop and had always felt awkward with the difference her shape placed between her and her peers. As she matured, she learned to be proud of her healthy physique, but the undue attention to her chest still made her uneasy.

  Zach was staring into her eyes, not at her bosom. He held her gaze as he drew her to him for a long, languid kiss. When her muscles had gone to a buttery consistency, his mouth shifted from her lips, to the side of her throat. Tracing the pattern of abuse that still remained. Her fingers locked behind his head as her neck arched, offering that slender curve. And when his head dipped lower, she found it impossible not to respond to the slow drag of his lips around to the underswell of her left breast where he had to be able to taste the thunder of her heartbeats. Her breath caught as his tongue moved in ever tightening circles until her nipple was pebbled with anticipation. She gasped at the brief pull of his mouth. Then trembled fiercely with unrequited need when he moved on to bestow an equally frustrating tender torture upon the other side.

  By the time he released the satin strings that tied her panties together, a savage, instinctual kind of wanting possessed her. A desperate wanting to be possessed by him. She drank greedily from his mouth, lifting, poised with the slightest hesitation before sinking onto him.