Continuum: Time Rep

by Peter Ward

  “I can see that!” Zoë said. “And a haircut! How the hell did you do that so quickly?”

  Geoff raised his hands to calm her down.

  “Zoë—there’s something I have to tell you.”

  “There is?”

  “Yes—listen. This will explain everything. You know how I work as a holiday rep, showing people around London?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, that’s not the whole picture. You see…these tourists…” he trailed off.

  Zoë tilted her head to one side and waited for him to speak again.

  “Yes?” she said.

  “Let me put it another way,” he said. “What would your reaction be if I said that these tourists were from…” he trailed off again.

  “What would my reaction be if you said these tourists were from…where? Sunderland?”

  Geoff rubbed his eyes. “This is very difficult for me to explain,” he said.

  Geoff sighed. He wanted to tell her everything—how he was employed as a Time Rep, how he had traveled as far back as prehistoric times, how he had defeated the most aggressive alien race ever encountered by humanity; but it was so difficult. He just didn’t know where to start.

  He started to formulate a decent explanation in his mind, but by now it was too late. Zoë was beginning to give him a strange look. In fact, she looked a little worried for him, as though he’d just come up to her and told her he was having romantic thoughts about the cat.

  This hadn’t gone to plan at all.

  But he could always try again.

  Ten

  This time Geoff understood that it might seem a bit strange for Zoë to see him immediately after she’d just said goodbye to a past version of himself, but he decided to use this to his advantage. If he were clever, he could use this as proof that he could travel through time. After all, how else could he have gotten changed and had a shave and a haircut so quickly?

  “Hey Zoë,” he called out, giving her a wave.

  Zoë looked up and stared at him for a few seconds. It seemed to take her quite a while to realize who she was talking to, but since she had no memory of their previous last two encounters, he supposed that was understandable.

  “Wait a minute,” Zoë said, looking up and down at him. “Geoff?”

  “That’s right,” he said, taking a couple of steps back. “It’s me.”

  “But I…” she pointed back down the road. “And you were…”

  “I can explain,” Geoff said, “I know this must look a bit weird.”

  “You could say that!” Zoë put her post bag on the ground and took a few deep breaths. “How did you change clothes so quickly? And how did you make yourself look so…”

  “Different?”

  “Yes, different. How did you make yourself look so different?”

  Geoff raised his hands to calm her down.

  “Zoë—there’s something I have to tell you.”

  “There is?”

  “Yes—listen. You know how I work as a holiday rep, showing people around London?”

  “Yes…”

  “Well, that’s only part of the story. You see, the tourists I show around London aren’t from around here.”

  Zoë blinked. “I know that, Geoff,” she said. “That’s why they’re called tourists.”

  “That’s not what I meant,” Geoff said. “Okay—let me put it this way. You know how a regular tourist is from the same time period as we are?”

  Zoë frowned. “The same time period?”

  “Yes. You know how a regular tourist is from the twenty-first century?”

  “Yeees.…”

  “Well, these ones aren’t. The tourists I meet are from the future.”

  “And what do you mean by that exactly?”

  “I mean they travel back through time to go on vacation. From the thirty-first century.”

  “The thirty-first century.”

  “That’s right,” Geoff said.

  Zoë looked at him in silence.

  He knew that look.

  It was the same look she’d given him when he’d accidentally dropped that hat of hers under that bus.

  “You don’t believe me, do you?” he said.

  “Not particularly,” Zoë replied.

  “Why not?”

  “Why not? Time travel is impossible!”

  “No it isn’t,” Geoff said. “And I can prove it.”

  “Maybe another time, Doctor Who,” Zoë said, picking up her post bag and looking through it. “Besides, I’m sure your TARDIS must be coming to the end of its time on the parking meter.”

  Ten

  This was getting ridiculous. He was on his fourth attempt now, and he still couldn’t get this right.

  Maybe he should just kiss her.

  Ten

  Okay, so he knew not to just kiss her.

  “Hey, Zoë,” Geoff called out to Zoë, giving her a wave. His jaw hurt a little when he moved it to speak, but fortunately you couldn’t see a bruise.

  Zoë looked up and stared at him for a few seconds. “Wait a minute,” she said, looking up and down at him. “Geoff?”

  “I know what you’re thinking,” Geoff said, his voice quickening with impatience. “You’re wondering how it is I’m able to be here talking to you, when you’ve only just said goodbye to me a few seconds ago.”

  Zoë opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out.

  Geoff stepped forward and smiled. “I know this looks weird, Zoë,” he said. “And I know I look different. But please—don’t be scared.”

  “Your hair…” she said. “And your face…”

  “I’ve scrubbed up,” Geoff said.

  Zoë pointed behind her to where she had just said goodbye to the other Geoff.

  “I don’t understand,” she said. “How did you get over here? And how did you change your clothes so quickly?”

  “Listen, Zoë,” Geoff said, stepping forward. “I have something amazing to tell you, something that will explain all of this. But before I do, I want to ask you a question.”

  “Y-yes?”

  “Do you trust me?”

  “What?”

  “I said, do you trust me?”

  Zoë looked him in the eyes as if to check whether this really was the Geoffrey Stamp she knew talking to her. He reached out and held her hands, and as he did so, he felt her relax. Somehow, despite however crazy this situation must have appeared, he could tell from her eyes that she knew it was him.

  “Yes,” Zoë said, dropping her post bag to the ground. “Yes, I trust you.”

  “Okay. That’s all I needed to know.”

  Zoë smiled. “What is it you wanted to tell me?” she said.

  Geoff let out a sigh.

  “This is going to sound crazy,” he said, letting go of her hands and taking a step back, “but you have to promise to hear me out, okay?”

  “Okay…”

  “It’s like this. You know how I work as a holiday rep, showing tourists around London?”

  Zoë nodded.

  “Well, that’s only part of the story. You see, the tourists I show around London are very different from your regular tourists. They travel back in time from the future, visiting different historical periods for their vacation.”

  Zoë narrowed her eyes.

  Geoff knew this look. This was the first stage of her skeptical look. He needed to do something quickly before the look entered stage two, which involved tilting her head to the left slightly. Once that happened, he would be only a hairsbreadth from her pursing her lips, and then it would all be over. There would be no chance of convincing her that he was telling the truth.

  “They travel back in time from the future,” she said.

  “Yes.”

  As Geoff had feared, she tilted her head. They were now at DEFCON 2.

  “Visiting different historical periods for their vacation,” she said.

  “Uh-huh. Like I said—I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true.
I’m not a holiday rep. I’m a Time Rep.” She untilted her head. Whatever he had just said must have intrigued her. “A Time Rep?”

  “It’s like a holiday rep, only instead of being a tour guide for a certain country, I’m a tour guide for a certain time period. In my case, the early twenty-first century.”

  “I see,” Zoë said, tilting her head again. It had only been a small reprieve. “And what year did you say these tourists are from?”

  “They don’t measure time in Earth years where they’re from.”

  “They don’t?”

  Geoff could see Zoë’s lips beginning to purse. He needed to make sure that whatever he said next wasn’t too weird, otherwise he’d lose her.

  “No, they use something called Outer Galactic Mean Time Spiral something something. I can’t remember exactly. But basically, they’re from the mid-thirty-first century.”

  Geoff thought about what he had just said. If there was ever an award for the last thing you would want to say to someone to convince them you weren’t insane, that sentence probably would have won it.

  But it was true.

  “Okay, Geoff,” Zoë laughed. Somehow, his talk of Outer Galactic Mean Time had disarmed her. “Very funny.”

  “What’s very funny?”

  “This story,” she said, reaching to pick up her bag again. “It’s funny.”

  “I’m not joking,” Geoff said.

  “Yes, you are.”

  “Okay—how else do you explain this?” he said, gesturing to himself. “How else do you think I was able to be standing here, just a few seconds after you said goodbye to me?”

  “I have no idea,” Zoë said. “You have a twin brother. It’s magic. I’m dreaming.”

  “No. It’s because that man you just spoke to was a past version of me. I was him a few hours ago, and now I’ve traveled back in time.”

  “Geoff—I’m sorry, but…”

  “Please, Zoë,” Geoff said. “You said you trusted me. Will you give me one chance to prove it to you?”

  “I don’t know…”

  “Oh—I should point out that you’ll need to drink this weird serum,” he said, taking the small bottle of red liquid out of his coat pocket and showing it to her. “But don’t worry—it’s totally safe. I had some a few moments ago, and as you can see, I’m perfectly fine.”

  Zoë narrowed her eyes, tilted her head, and pursed her lips.

  That was it.

  DEFCON 1.

  “No chance,” she said, and walked off.

  Eleven

  Okay, he was getting fed up with this now. He thought telling Zoë was going to be a special moment where she would just happily accept everything he said without question.

  “You meet tourists from the future? That’s amazing!”

  “I know. And I’ve saved the world, too.”

  “Wow, Geoff—I had no idea! You’re incredible!”

  But that conversation was just a fantasy.

  He knew Zoë better than that.

  Zoë was smart, and when you went up to someone smart and told them you met people who traveled back in time from over a millennium into the future, it was only natural for them to be a tad skeptical about your sanity. As he was discovering, he needed to navigate his way through this conversation very carefully, and for a moment he felt as though he were in one of those annoying video games where you have to choose the right dialogue options, otherwise you get sent back to the beginning of the level.

  Then he realized he didn’t need to go back to the beginning of their conversation. Toward the end of their last exchange, Zoë was thinking it over. He had been so close—in fact, for a while she looked like she was about to say yes. It was only when he’d mentioned the serum that she’d decided against it, so maybe if he didn’t mention that, she would give him a chance to prove that he was telling the truth.

  There was only one way to find out. He took the Sat-Nav out of his pocket, pressed the rewind button, and dragged the slider back a few seconds, to just before he’d messed up the conversation. Then, after pressing the flashing green button at the bottom of the screen, he watched as he un-took out the tablet from his pocket, un-jumped up and down holding his foot, un-kicked the lamppost, un-swore, then looked up at Zoë as she marched back toward him. Then she said “ecnahc oN.” Finally, Geoff un-mentioned the serum, and then Zoë was un-tilting her head from one side to the other.

  Then time began to flow forward again.

  Ten

  Zoë’s head began tilting from one side to the other. Once again, she was thinking about giving Geoff a chance to prove he was telling the truth about being a Time Rep.

  This was the moment he needed to say something that would nudge her decision in the right direction—something that didn’t mention serums, or anything else that might put her off. Like paradoxes.

  “Come on,” he said. “Didn’t you say you wished you could look into the future? What if I told you I could take you to any time, any place? We could go wherever we liked, with no one telling us what we can and can’t do.”

  Zoë stopped tilting her head and looked Geoff in the eyes.

  “Isn’t that worth taking a chance on? And besides, if I’m joking, so what? You have absolutely nothing to lose.”

  Zoë began nodding to herself. “To hell with it,” she smiled. “I know you’re probably pulling my leg, but whatever. Let’s do it.”

  Geoff let out a long sigh. “At last,” he said.

  “Fine,” Zoë said, picking up her post bag. “If you’re going to be like that, maybe I won’t let you show me.”

  Needless to say, Geoff undid that last comment.

  Eleven

  It took Geoff another eight attempts to adequately explain to Zoë how the Sat-Nav worked, and another fifteen to convince her to drink the serum. As it happened, the correct conversation path was to first of all invite her back to his place for a cup of tea, sit her down on the sofa, and then gently introduce the idea that she would need to drink a serum as well. He then needed to do a bit of reconvincing that this whole time travel thing was a good idea, tempting her with ideas like the fact that she would be able to see if her band ever made it, and that he would take her back to visit her favorite time period, which just so happened to be ancient Egypt. Then they had to talk about how amazing ancient Egypt would be to visit, and then Geoff had to listen to an anecdote about how Zoë had actually been to Egypt quite recently and lost her phone. Then the conversation took a detour to talk about what the best phone was to get these days, then they talked about Angry Birds, and finally the conversation returned to the subject of time travel. All in all, it took about two hours and three cups of tea for Zoë to finally understand how the Sat-Nav worked, and to agree to drink the serum so that her mind and body were synchronized with the device.

  “That tasted awful,” Zoë said, handing the empty bottle back to Geoff.

  “I know,” Geoff said. “But it will be worth it—trust me.”

  “Just for the record, I still don’t believe any of this,” Zoë said, wiping her mouth. “But since you seem so convinced by all of this, I’ll humor you.”

  “I do appreciate it,” Geoff said. “And I promise—I won’t let you down.”

  “So what happens now?” Zoë asked.

  “Now, I’m going to show you something I did two years ago,” Geoff said. “Not long after I was hired to be a Time Rep. It’s something I’ve been desperate to talk to you about since the day it happened, something you are not going to believe.”

  “And what would that be?”

  “Well, you might have a little trouble believing this, but two years ago, I saved the world from an alien invasion.”

  Zoë looked out of the window for about fifteen seconds before appearing to register what Geoff had said. She seemed distracted. “Sorry—I thought I saw a starling. You don’t see many of those around this time of year. What did you say?”

  “You heard me. I saved the world from an alien invasion.”<
br />
  Zoë took a sip of her tea. “Uh-huh.”

  “I’m serious,” Geoff said, getting to his feet and walking over to the other side of the room. “They were called the Varsarians, and two years ago they sent a massive fleet of spaceships across the galaxy to wipe out the human race. The only thing that stopped them doing that was me.”

  “You stopped an entire fleet of spaceships from wiping out the human race.”

  “Yup. That’s correct.”

  “And how did you do that exactly?”

  “I broadcast a message over the Internet while playing a computer game called Space Commando. And when the Varsarians heard it, they thought it was meant for them.”

  “What did you say?”

  “‘I see you alien fuckers, and the Death Bringer is coming your way!’”

  “The Death Bringer?”

  “It’s a weapon in Space Commando.”

  “Right.”

  “Of course, I had no idea they had picked up this message, but the second they heard me say this, they called off their attack to make sure they hadn’t underestimated humanity’s technological capacities. It took them two hundred years to realize their mistake, but by the time they sent their fleet back to wipe us out, we had invented time travel. So this time, when the Varsarians turned up again, we projected a portal into space sending the entire alien fleet forward in time by six hundred years. When they materialized in the future, the human race had massively improved its military capabilities, and the invading forces were defeated.”

  Geoff paused for a moment to catch his breath. He wasn’t sure his explanation was making a huge amount of sense, especially since Zoë looked more confused than a protestor at an antiprotest protest rally.

  “Are you with me so far?” he asked.

  “I think so,” Zoë said.

  “Good,” Geoff said, “because the next part is where it gets pretty complicated.”

  “The next part?”

  “Yes. You see, some of the aliens survived the battle, and spent the next couple of centuries hiding on Earth in human form, infiltrating different aspects of society. One particularly nasty alien called Tringrall managed to put himself in charge of Time Tours, and once he was there, he began plotting a way to use the time tourism industry to change the outcome of the failed Varsarian invasion.”