Hope at Christmas

by Nancy Naigle

  “Oh there was a card all right. And chocolates too.” She took a sip of wine. “Let’s see if I can remember exactly what that card said. ‘Dear Syd, Thanks for being my Valentine all of these years. I know you adore these chocolates. I’m sorry these will be the last you’ll get from me. I’ve already packed my things. I’m in love with someone else. Forgive me. Jon.’”

  “Back up the bus. He couldn’t have.”

  Sydney raised her hand. “I swear.”

  “Did you suspect anything? Had y’all been having problems?”

  “No. Well, clearly yes. But none that I knew of. And it was like the hits just kept coming day after day.”

  “You had to have been in shock.”

  “When I got up the nerve to tell people, they all knew. People who were supposed to have been my friends knew Jon had been unfaithful, and yet not one of them had the guts to tell me. It was so humiliating.”

  “Maybe they didn’t want to hurt you.” Diane downed a gulp of wine and then sat up. “I take that back. I would have given him a piece of my mind for sure, and then told you. That’s what friends do.”

  “Exactly.”

  “What’s wrong with people?”

  “I really was the last one to know. I swear it was like everyone was giving me that bless-her-heart, head-cocked-to-one-side, it’s-such-a-shame look. I couldn’t stand it.”

  “Oh, I know that look. It’s the worst.”

  “It is, but it wasn’t the worst. That came the next week when I saw Jon in town at our favorite restaurant, with our best friends, and his new girlfriend. She looked young enough to be my daughter.”

  “No.”

  “Yep. She wasn’t that young, but it stung twice as bad to know that I’d been dumped for someone younger.”

  “We’re not even that old. How long were y’all married?”

  “I was married for twelve years, but apparently he was only married for ten of them.”

  “How’s RayAnne doing through all of this? I mean she seems fine.”

  “She wanted to go live with him.” Sydney’s lip trembled. “I’m sorry.” She swept at a tear. “It just kills me. Not only because I’m so mad with Jon, but because I love her so much.”

  “Of course you do. We’re mothers. We live for our children.”

  “She was always a daddy’s girl. He spoils her so much. He’d always wanted a little boy, but she came out day one as scrappy as a little boy. And Jon does love her. I have to give him that.”

  “But she’s here with you. So everything’s fine.”

  “For now. He keeps luring her with expensive toys. I didn’t have much choice but to move here. He sold the house out from under me. I couldn’t buy him out of my half of the equity so there was nothing I could do. I begged him to wait until the summer to sell, but he’s buying a fancy place out in Buckhead for her. He needed the money.”

  “I’m just numb,” Diane said. “I’m sitting here in shock. How can someone who loved you enough to marry you and have a child do that?”

  “I guess he either never really loved me to begin with, or something changed. I don’t know.”

  “Well, thank goodness your grandparents’ place was still here.”

  “It was the only asset I had that was just in my name.”

  Diane scanned the room. “This is a great old place.”

  Sydney laughed. “It’s drafty and cold.”

  “It’s got character.”

  “Yeah, it kind of does, and it’s mine. When I told RayAnne we were moving she threw a fit and said I was taking her from her friends. Jon promised her trips, toys, and her friends. Hard to compete with.”

  “But she’s here.”

  “I promised we’d reassess at the end of the school year. I was hoping I’d either be in a position to go back to Atlanta and make a decent living there, or she’d fall in love with Hopewell and we’d stay here.”

  “The right thing will happen. Things will turn out great.”

  “I just want to find a new normal. This has been such a hard year.”

  “Did you work back in Atlanta?”

  “Never had a real job, but I did some freelance projects over the years. Mostly for Jon though. I’m a pretty good graphic artist. I was lucky to have enough samples to land a position with Peabody’s.”

  “That’s a really good place to work. You got lucky getting an opportunity with them. I have to admit I have a great marriage, but sometimes I do worry what would happen if something happened to Tony. I mean I put my whole life into being a good mother and wife. I guess I could run the shop and hire mechanics, but I’m just not sure how all that would work.”

  “I know what you mean. My attorney really thinks I should take alimony for a year to get on my feet, but I hate to do that. It’s like Jon would then somehow still be responsible for me making it. I don’t want him to help me, and I don’t want him to pay his way out of feeling guilty, either.”

  “You got a job so fast. I think you’ll be fine.”

  “I’m counting on it. I can’t even think about it not going right. I’d just be a mess if I started worrying about that. Right now I just need to stay busy until I start my job the first week of January.”

  “Do you like working at The Book Bea?”

  “Are you kidding? I love working there. I still love The Book Bea as much as I did when we were kids. I feel so different when I’m in that place. Like I’m supposed to be there. Like I’m good at something.”

  “Oh, don’t shortchange yourself. I’m sure you’re good at lots of things.”

  “I’m trying to find that part of me again. I feel like there’s something better here for us.” Sydney set her wineglass down. “What if RayAnne decides she wants to live with her dad? He’s picking her up Wednesday, and I know there’ll be a slew of expensive gifts. It’s so hard to compete with that.”

  “It’s not going to happen. She loves you. All little girls love their daddies, but when it comes down to it, she’s right where she wants to be.”

  “I’m hoping the distance will help with us living here. He was taking her cool places with barely any notice. Now at least he’ll have to make a plan. He was making me the bad guy every time I said no.” Sydney stood. “Come on. Let’s go sit in the living room.”

  Diane followed along behind Sydney. “I think you moving to Hopewell was a smart thing to do. This is a great place to raise children, and this community is filled with good people who will help you. Plus, I’m excited to have my old book buddy back.”

  “Me too.”

  “Reading naughty passages out of those romances.” Diane covered her mouth as she laughed. “We were so bad.” She sat down on the other end of the sofa.

  “I’m sure Bea knew exactly what we were doing, too.”

  “She had to have known.”

  Diane tucked her feet underneath her. “How about the summer we had the Charlotte’s Web book club and they had that pig in a pen out in front of The Book Bea?”

  “I’d forgotten about that. That pig stank, and do you remember him eating the giant cardboard spider that was hanging on that fence?”

  “You cried,” Diane said with a laugh.

  “I loved Charlotte,” Sydney said. “It was devastating.”

  “Charlotte was a spider!”

  “A really smart one. I still love that story.” Sydney hadn’t even remembered that until just now. “Seems so long ago.” She should buy that book for RayAnne.

  “It was a long time ago,” Diane said. “We were our girls’ ages. Miss Bea doesn’t do the bookworm reading thing in the summer anymore. I’m not sure why.”

  “She probably can’t climb the ladder to put those big construction paper circles with each book we read on the soffit like she used to.” Only Sydney knew that wasn’t the reason there wouldn’t be another one.

  “True. That was one psychedelic bookworm.”

  Sydney had always picked pink for her circles. “More like a caterpillar if you think about it
.”

  “You should start that again, but year round. It sure fired up our competitive nature. We both read like fiends trying to be the winner.”

  “Would sell more books, too,” Sydney said.

  Diane lowered her voice. “I don’t know if she’s told you anything, but the talk about town is that she’s thinking of closing the place down.”

  “She did tell me.”

  Diane looked like the wind had been sucked from her sail. “I’ve been hearing the rumors. I just hate that. It seems like it’s usually pretty busy, too. Anything we can buy locally we do. Doesn’t matter if you can save money by going online. It’s our way of supporting our own around here.”

  That explained a lot about why Bea’s business stayed steady.

  “The Book Bea closing would be so sad,” Diane said.

  “I haven’t said anything to RayAnne, but I’ve been toying with the idea of maybe taking it over. Bea said she’d work out something with me. Like maybe we could work together for a year or something.”

  Diane sat up tall. “You totally should. I’ll help you out while the kids are in school a few hours a day. For free even. Oh, you’ve got to do it.”

  “Buying The Book Bea would be really amazing, wouldn’t it? That place holds such special memories for me. I’d love to be that for others.”

  Diane clasped her hands in front of her. “It would be so neat. I bet that store makes a nice little profit each year.”

  “After the way Jon left me, I want to be in control of my future. No way will I ever put myself in a position where I have to count on someone else.”

  “I don’t blame you, but just because Jon was a jerk you can’t be bitter about all men.”

  “I’m not. Men are fine. I just don’t need one.”

  “Yeah, you tell me that in six months.”

  “It won’t change.”

  “I hear ya.” Diane stood up. “I better get the kids home and tuck them into bed.”

  “It’s already nine o’clock. I’m sorry. I didn’t even get to hear what all’s been going on with you.”

  “No worries. We’ve got a lifetime to do it now that you’re back.” Diane walked over to the stairs. “Jenny, Zach, come on down. Time to go.”

  “Thanks so much for coming by tonight, and for all the help with RayAnne. I’d thought I’d be here to take care of things until after the holidays. Then this thing with Bea just happened.”

  “The Book Bea brought us back together, and RayAnne is no trouble at all.” Diane waved Zach and Jenny down the stairs and then opened the front door. “Load it up.” She wrapped her arms around Sydney. “I’m glad you’re back. And Sydney, I’m sorry all of that happened to you.”

  “Thanks, Diane.”

  RayAnne came down the stairs and stood in the doorway waving as the minivan headlights swathed a path through the dark night.

  “Dinner was awesome. They loved it. Thanks for fixing that tonight.”

  “My pleasure, treasure.”

  “Jenny and I had a such a good time, and her little brother is funny.”

  “I’m glad. I’d planned to help you start packing tonight, but I’m pretty tired. How about you?”

  “Me too.”

  “We’ll do it tomorrow night. But there’s only three more days before your dad picks you up.”

  “I can’t believe it’s almost here. I was telling Jenny about my trip with Dad. She was so jealous. She’s never been skiing. Think Dad would let her come with us sometime?”

  She highly doubted that. “You should ask him,” she said. Happy to put Jon in the bad guy seat for a change, especially since Jon had never agreed to travel around the holidays when they were married.

  The fact that a broken family was the price of that trip had seemed to escape RayAnne completely.

  * * *

  Sydney tossed and turned most of the evening. Partly because even in flannel pajamas under a quilt the old farmhouse seemed to hold a damp chill. But more than that, her mind was still in overdrive with the possibilities of what her future could look like.

  Giving up on sleep, she wrapped herself in the quilt and climbed out of bed. The wind whistled between the gaps in the old wooden sash windows. The clock showed 2:47. Every board creaked beneath her feet as she tried to quietly make her way down the hallway. She had such great memories about this house, but with each step and each gusty draft, she wondered how practical it was to live here. Even if it was paid for.

  RayAnne was in a heap at the top of her bed as usual. Only her forehead poking out of the covers. The modern colors of the walls looked so out of place amid the fancy crown moldings, but RayAnne had picked out every paint chip, and when they’d gotten done, she’d said that it was even better than her room at their old house. Not an easy accomplishment.

  Still, after ten years, each time she watched her daughter sleep her heart filled with so much love that even RayAnne’s worst moods couldn’t dim that light.

  The little electric heater she’d bought for RayAnne’s room hummed, working overtime even though it was thermostat controlled.

  RayAnne slept quietly. No need to bother her.

  She pulled the door closed to help keep the heat inside her room, then went downstairs.

  The Book Bea buzzed her brain. The initial thought had been a bit of a fantasy, but now it was more like a need.

  She wondered what price Bea would be looking to get for the place. Dipping into her savings so soon was going to be hard. She’d barely stepped out on her own, and this house definitely needed some fixing if they were going to stay.

  She filled the teakettle with water and set it on the gas range, hovering near the warm flame. Just as the kettle began to whistle she tugged it from the burner and dropped in the chamomile tea sachets.

  Maybe if she gave in to her thoughts for a little while she’d finally find a way to catch some sleep before morning.

  She plodded back out to the living room with her tea and restarted the fire. It would help if she could leave it burning all night, but she just wasn’t comfortable leaving it unattended in the old wooden frame home. At least it would be warm when RayAnne came down in the morning.

  She took a long wooden match from the container on the mantle and struck it hopefully. For the first time, she was able to catch the starter log on fire with the first match. Finally getting the hang of it, she put the box of matches away.

  So, maybe she wasn’t Survivor fire challenge good, but the first few times she’d used so many wooden matches to start the fire that it was like extra kindling scattered in the bottom. This was definitely progress.

  She stood there warming her hands in front of the fire, glancing over at the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves that flanked the fireplace. Bottom shelves on both sides held the children’s books that she and RayAnne couldn’t let go of, along with all of her current books. Sydney’s collection had easily filled most of the space on the other shelves, leaving only a few open spots for strategically placed colorful mementoes and decorative pieces that tied the room together.

  She’d opted for all new furniture, purchased with the money she’d gotten from her old home’s garage sale. It wasn’t anywhere as nice as the furniture she and Jon had bought together, but it was hers. Fresh, comfortable, and not one memory came with it.

  Sydney set her mug on a coaster on top of the square oak coffee table, then took her laptop from one of the baskets underneath. With a press of the power button, her computer came to life. She opened up her budget spreadsheet and started moving things around.

  Working through the numbers and what-if scenarios wasn’t really getting her anywhere without knowing what financial outlay purchasing the store would require. Her attorney’s words kept coming back to her. He’d strongly encouraged her to accept at least a year of alimony to give her time to find a job.

  She hadn’t asked for it, but Jon had offered it. She knew that was just because he felt guilty. Did she really want to let him off the hook that easy? She
had been dead set against freeing him from the guilt.

  Besides, she didn’t want to be one of those women who gouged her ex. Not that what he was offering would make any difference in his style of living. Jon would never feel that guilty.

  Still, the idea of alimony rubbed her the wrong way. Her attorney had made her hold off on a definitive no until after the New Year.

  For the first time, she was actually considering it.

  On her third cup of tea the sun began to rise and the sky filled with yellows, pinks, and oranges. No sense in trying to fall asleep now. By the time she fell asleep it would be time to wake up again. She started searching the Internet for everything she could find about running a bookstore. There was even a southern independent booksellers group. She wondered if Bea was a member. Maybe not, since she seemed to still be in a pen-and-paper world. She started a new Favorites folder and began saving links of helpful tips.

  RayAnne came downstairs in shorts and a long-sleeve t-shirt.

  “Where’s your robe? Aren’t you freezing?” Sydney asked.

  “I’m fine.” She swung around the bannister and headed for the kitchen. “You been up long? It’s still early.”

  “A little while.”

  RayAnne scrubbed a hand through her hair. “Something wrong?”

  “No.” Sydney lowered the screen on her laptop. She was dying to tell RayAnne about her ideas for The Book Bea, but the last thing she needed was Jon hearing about her idea before she’d even had a chance to really think it through. And she’d promised herself no matter what shenanigans he threw into the mix that she’d never bash him to her daughter, or ask her to keep something from him. “Why do you ask?”

  “I don’t know. Whenever I can’t sleep you ask what’s on my mind. Figured maybe something was bothering you.”

  It was moments like this that made her feel good about how she’d raised her daughter.

  It was so hard to keep her ideas from RayAnne. But if RayAnne mentioned it to Jon, he’d break the confidence she was starting to regain.

  She could hear him now. What makes you think you can run a business? Small businesses are risky even in good times.