Four minutes.
Heart Rate 120
Respiration 16
Brain activity: Normal.
Everything for Brian was ready as well, a blanket, diaper, crib, bottle, immunization. The clock ticked slowly. Dean’s heart beat rapidly.
Three minutes
Heart Rate: 118
Respiration 20
Brain Activity normal
Caroline was hungrier than Dean imagined. It wouldn’t be long at all until that bottle was empty. Dean could already hear the hollowness of it as Carline tried with diligence to get all the fluid as fast as she could. Dean had a plan. He’d hold Caroline, bounce her in comfort until the timer hit one minute then she’d have to deal with being set down. What he would do with two screaming babies, he didn’t know.
One minute
Heart Rate: 120
Respiration: 18
Brain activity: Normal.
“This is it.” Dean moved back to the crib. “I have to put you down, Okay.?”
It wasn’t an alarm by any means, but it should have been. A simple beep, short and quick alerted Dean. He laid Caroline down and glanced over his shoulder.
His entire being dropped.
“No,” He breathed out.
Forty five seconds. Nothing. No heart rate, respiration, nor brain activity. Rushing to set Caroline in the crib, in his haste Dean knocked the bottle from her mouth and it sailed to the floor.
Caroline started to cry, continuously.
Dean grabbed onto the case. “No. No.” He pulled, pried, and worked the lid. The seal would not give. “Oh, God.”
Twenty seconds.
Each passing second seemed like an eternity. Blood rushed to his ears and his head spun. That moment in time seemed like a nightmare. His struggles to open the lid early were in vain and Caroline’s screamed louder and louder in his new fucked up world.
Time’s up.
The lid loosened. Steam emerged.
Dean didn’t wait. He flung open that lid.
Impatiently, Ellen stood where Frank had told her, at the bend of the tunnel just before the cryo-lab. She must have looked at her watch a million times and raced with urgency to Frank when she heard him coming. “What took you so long? You’re late.”
“My father.” Frank took her arm and moved with her. “I had no idea we were gonna be in Bowman that long.”
“I almost went in without you.”
“I would have been . . .”
The both stopped at the cryo-door and looked at each other at the sound of it.
Crying.
“Oh my God!” Ellen spewed with excitement. “It worked. Hurry.”
Frank didn’t hesitate. He punched in his code, buzzed open the cryo-lab door, and flew in.
It could have been an orchestra playing. That was how much the crying was music to her ears. Frank led the way, bolting to the back lab, breathing heavily as if the short trip across the lab was a long ten mile race.
Frank arrived a second, maybe two, before Ellen. He skidded to a stop right inside the door, and his eyes shifted to Caroline who stood in the crib with her arms extended. Instinctively he picked her up and embraced the child as if she were his own.
Ellen gasped when she entered the room. She glanced at Caroline when she came to a complete stop and her hand graced the child’s face while she turned to look at Dean.
Dean’s back was to them and he was hunched over.
“Dean?” Ellen called out with a smile on her face. “Dean, I know we weren’t suppose . . .” Her eyes saw it and, had the glands in her throat not swelled instantaneously to the size of plums, Ellen would have been able to speak.
The hand.
Dean wasn’t working. He was just standing there in a hover with his arms gripping to the sides of the table. All Ellen could see of what Dean hovered over was a glimpse of a tiny hand. It dangled lifeless over the edge of the table.
“No,” Ellen whispered.
Frank shot a look at Ellen, then to Dean. “What . . . what’s going on?” He cupped Caroline close to his chest.
The look on Dean’s face said it all as he turned around. His eyes were red, his face drawn, and his lips moved without words.
Ellen’s voice graveled, “No!”
“Dean?” Frank questioned and then he too saw. From his position, he could see Brian laying there. “Oh my God.”
“You . . . You . . .” Ellen began to hyperventilate. “He’s . . .”
“I’m sorry, El.”
“No.” Ellen shook her head.
“I tried.”
“No!” Ellen screamed. “Trying would have let it be. Trying would have been not going back to fuck it up.”
Frank closed his eyes. “El.”
“No!” Ellen burst her loudest. “You did this, Dean! Your arrogance, impatience, and your need to be the best! Your need to look like the hero. You did this. I blame you . . .” In pain, unable to look at the child she had seen die once, Ellen turned her head. “I will never forgive you. Never.” Pivoting her body, Ellen raged out.
“El!” Frank took a few steps to follow. He stopped when he realized he had Caroline in his arms. A pain filled moan seeped from him in such a lost manner as he entered the back room again. “What happened? What the fuck happened?”
“Frank, I’m so sorry. I am so sorry.” Dean sadly lowered his head.
“I’m holding Caroline, Dean. Why am I not holding my son?”
“I tried Frank. I tired. He was fine. His vitals were fine. Then he just went. He went before the process ended. I tried to resuscitate but . . . It was the cryo-process that kept him alive. When the cryo-machine stopped helping him breathe and stopped generating his heart, it was like shutting off life support.” Dean saw the hurt on Frank’s face and the confusion as Frank stared away, gripping tightly to Caroline. Dean couldn’t look at Frank anymore. He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Lunch in the mess hall seemed like a bad idea to Elliott, a very bad idea and with just cause. It was bad enough that it was a heavy field training day and all of the men would covered in mud, but seventeen of the horses were recovering from a bad reaction to the new protein feed and were not in control of their bodily faculties. It was hard to see in the mud but easy for the nose to detect.
Elliott grabbed his Oodles of Dan Noodles and with the excuse of an important call, he headed to Hal’s office.
Just as he settled down behind the desk and prepared to indulge in his noodles before they absorbed all the broth, the phone rang.
“Captain Slagel’s office, Sgt. Elliott Ryder speaking. How can I help you?” He snapped forward. “Creed, what a surprise. We just spoke to you a few hours ago. The Captain is not here. Can I help you?” Elliott asked. “Sure, you can run something by me. I’ll run it by the Captain. What’s up? Wait, are you drunk? Oh that’s right. It’s Omega Man day. Go on . . .” He slurped up some of the noodles and perhaps Elliott shouldn’t have. Creed went into a speech of how he and his men had cleaned up the beaches and two neighboring hotels. He wanted to toss out the idea of, once the trains were running, making LA a vacation area. Elliott choked “Vacation spot? Have you been speaking to Danny Hoi . . . he’s a . . . never mind. If you don’t know him then you haven’t. Well, my first reaction is . . .” Elliott heard the door open, but didn’t think much of it until he saw Ellen.
With her arms folded, leaning against the door, Ellen’s face was tear streaked and she looked as if her world just crumbled.
“Creed . . . let me call you back. I have an emergency.” Elliott hung up the phone and stood. “Ellen?” He walked around the desk. “What’s wrong?”
“Brian came out of stasis, Elliott.”
The words, ‘that’s great’ were not the ones that first came to Elliott’s mind considering the state Ellen was in. “What . . .”
“He died.”
Bringing Ellen into him with one arm, a silent Elliott closed the office door.
>
^^^^
“I don’t know how to feel.” Dean leaned over the crib. His hands played with Caroline’s fingers while she slept. They kept her in a room far from the busy wing. She slept soundly. “I don’t know.”
Andrea inched in to him. “I’m not understanding? Is it about Brian?”
“Yes. Yes and no. I don’t know how to feel about losing him. I had so much faith that it would work. Right now, I don’t know if the anger I am feeling is because Brian is gone or . . .” He lifted his eyes. “I failed.” After a hard swallow, Dean looked back down to Caroline. “That sounds awful.”
“No, not really. I believe in a day or to you’ll be able to distinguish those feelings. Right now, they are all meshed together in one big emotional ball.”
“Tell me about it.”
“There is one thing you are forgetting.”
“What’s that?”
“Caroline. Look at her,” Andrea whispered. “Look. You succeeded with her. She lives and this baby is well. Well enough to tell her mother.”
“I just want to wait until I feel sure.”
“I understand that.” Andrea laid her hand on Dean’s. “Right now, the magnitude of what you did with this baby will not hit you until you tell Jenny. Perhaps that will make you feel a little better.”
“Is it a balance, Andrea?” Dean asked. “You know, with something good comes something bad. Succeed on one thing fail on the other. In the future history El and I witnessed, both Caroline and Brian died. I fixed the problems. I was certain of it. I had to, right? I mean, Caroline’s here.”
“Dean.” Andrea squeezed his hand. “No amount of reexamining is going to give you the answers. No amount of scientific reasoning or going back and forth will tell you. The answer may be a very simple one.”
“What’s that?”
“The good Lord may have just said . . .” Andrea spoke motherly and soft. “It just wasn’t meant to be.”
^^^^
If Frank was missing in action following a bad situation then finding him wasn’t really all that difficult. Joe knew exactly where to look and he found Frank with the ease that he thought he would.
Whether Frank turned around from his slouched stand at the bar in the Social Hall, Joe was certain Frank was aware that he had walked in. Frank kept his head down and eyes on the glass of whiskey he held.
“I hate to harp.” Joe walked closer.
“Don’t. Please.”
“Frank . . . you had a problem. You fought that problem and beat up. You son, have that problem again.”
“I’m in control.”
“Until something goes wrong.”
Frank slammed down the glass. “Don’t. Not now. Not today.”
“Is it helping?”
Frank shrugged. “I don’t hear people’s thoughts when I drink. I don’t hear my own . . .” He took a sip. “I don’t feel.”
“I’m sorry about what happened.”
Frank only nodded.
“Hal called. Ellen’s in New Bowman.”
“She fuckin takes off and runs to Ryder.”
“She just ran . . . and that was the place she chose. Hal’s there and Elliott. Can I tell you something?”
“Do I want to hear it?” Frank asked.
Joe gave a chuckle. “You know what the nice thing about being a parent and talking to your child is?”
“You say what you want and don’t care if they want to hear it.”
Joe laid his hand on Frank’s back. “Exactly, Frank.” Joe paused. “Brian died. Brian died . . . six months ago.”
“No.”
“Yes. I watched you grieve and have a burial. You went through hell and you paid hell over that boy’s death. Don’t do it again. Don’t you do it.”
“But I made it through that whole thing only because thought I’d see him again.”
“You will, just not on this earth.”
“I hate that fuckin line. I hate it.” Frank finished off his drink. “I don’t want to wait until I leave this earth to see my son. I wanted him in my life. I wanted him back.”
“Yeah, and you don’t think I want Jimmy back?” Joe questioned with edge. “You don’t think Hector wants his kids back. Or . . . Ellen. What about your other kids. All those . . .”
“It’s not the same thing,” Frank snapped. “With Brian, we had a chance.”
“You had a chance to cheat fate, to cheat death. Brian was just meant to leave this earth and no matter what you did, or tried, it wasn’t going to work. You have to accept that. Sometimes, things happen. They are meant to be and can’t be changed.”
“Then why . . .” Frank turned to his father. “Is Caroline alive and well?”
“Maybe she was never meant to die.” Joe lifted his shoulder in a guess. “I don’t know what to tell you. You also can look at it this way. What do you have in your life and what does Jenny have? She has nothing Frank. She has nothing. Now . . . she has her daughter back.”
“Can I tell you something?” Frank whispered.
“Absolutely.”
“Please don’t think any less of me.”
“Never.”
“I don’t . . . I don’t feel a loss.” Frank dropped his voice. “What’s wrong with me? I’m not feeling the loss I felt before.”
“Bingo.” Joe pointed. “You just answered your question. It’s because you felt it before. You went through it before. Right now, it’s a lot of anger and frustration but you’ll get through it, I promise.”
“You’re right.” Frank reached for the bottle. He stopped and retracted his hand. He gave a peaceful smile to his father. “I’ll get through it.”
^^^^
There was something about seeing Jenny Matoose that Dean needed, even though she carried some sort of irritated air about her when she walked into the clinic. Dean positioned himself outside of the lab door after he had phoned her and waited for her to arrive.
“Dean,” Jenny said, holding up her hand. “I don’t know what it is that you feel is so important, but I hope it isn’t what I think it is.”
“What do you think it is?” Dean asked.
“Ellen told me.”
Dean breathed out. “Thank God, even though I wanted to be the one. So you must be excited. Why weren’t you here earlier?”
“Why would I want to be?” Jenny asked.
“Out of obligation, maybe, or love.”
Jenny huffed. “Just because most of the women in this community look up to me doesn’t mean I’m obligated. As far as love goes, Dean, I like you. I respect you and possibly even dabble in friendship love. But I don’t . . .”
“Wait. Stop,” Dean said. “Are we on the same subject? What did Ellen tell you?”
“That you broke up with her. I assume since you need to find yourself that you want me to fix you up with someone.”
“No.” Dean shook his head. “That’s not why you’re here. When’s the last time you spoke to Ellen?”
“Hours ago.”
“Come this way.” Dean took Jenny’s arm and led her down the hall. “I wanted to wait until I knew for certain that there would be no changes and that everything was going to be good. Understand?”
“No,” Jenny said.
“Okay, I started doing something scientifically I shouldn’t have, at least not yet. But on your end”. Dean stopped before closed door. “Your end of it turned out perfect.” He opened the door. “Go get your daughter, Jenny.”
At first Jenny hadn’t a clue what he was talking about. She thought maybe Dean had decided for her to be the parent of the orphan killer baby. Those thought raced through her mind until she shifted her eyes and saw Caroline in the crib. “Oh my God.” Jenny flew into the room. “Oh, my God! Can I hold her?”
“You can take her.”
Jenny screamed, rushed to the crib and lifted Caroline. Immediately she started to cry, as she embraced the baby girl for dear life. “Oh, Dean. Oh, Dean, thank you. Thank you.”
With his hands i
n his pockets, Dean only nodded.
“I bet Ellen and you are ecstatic. We should have a welcome back Brian and Caroline party. Don’t you . . .” Her eyes were focused on her daughter and when Jenny finally looked at Dean, she saw the expression on his face. “Where’s Brian?”
Dean only shook his head.
“Dean?”
“Brian didn’t . . . he didn’t make it.”
Jenny pulled back some from Caroline, her head lowered, and she closed her eyes. “Why do I feel an abundance of guilt at this second?”
“I don’t know, but you better stop.” Dean walked to her. “I need for you to be nothing else but happy right now. Caroline is the bright spot. I need to see that, Jenny. If I don’t see the good in what I did, all I’ll see is the bad.”
“Dean,” Jenny whispered. “You don’t need to hear my praise or see my smile to get that. Look at my daughter. You’ll never have to look any further than her to see the good.”
^^^^
Hal had a hard time comprehending the emotions behind everything that had happened. The Brian incident was tragic, but surely his brother and Ellen had planned on it possibly not working since science was not infallible. But still, everything was disrupted more than he would have imagined. He had Jenny calling him every half hour to check on Ellen and to try to persuade her to come home. Hal saw no reason for it. Ellen was secluding herself and was seeking that solace with Elliott and her brother.
But it wasn’t just Ellen. Robbie had no real clue what had happened and Hal didn’t know how much to tell him. His father was phoning as well and asking, “Hal, have you seen Frank? I can’t locate him.” Since there wasn’t a security breach, Hal was forced to lie to his father. If he told Joe he had seen Frank, then he would have to answer the question, ‘was Frank drinking?’ Frank wasn’t just drinking, he hadn’t just fallen off the wagon, he had plummeted. Not only did Hal have to deal with Frank in a heavily intoxicated state, he had to keep Frank away from Ellen. Ellen was already dealing with Brian. She didn’t need Frank to complicate that.
The Next Ten: Beginnings Series Books 11 - 20 Page 379