Where Would I Be Without You

by Hawk, CJ

  I hadn't made it ten blocks before I had to pee. I walked three more blocks convincing myself I didn't need to go and two more blocks after that, I spent looking for a huge bush to pee behind. The sun was down, and it was dark enough that no one would see. I still had a bit to go and no business in sight to use their facilities, so I noticed a small run-down house set back away from the street and some unruly bushes. I took a quick look around, and the house seemed empty; I unzipped my jeans, squatted down and took the longest piss of my life.

  Only problem was, sometime during that piss a set of headlights illuminated my naked ass in the bushes, and me squatting down. The next thing I saw were red and blue flashing lights for a second and a voice coming over the sheriff's car intercom. "You have got to be kidding me. Now you can pee?"

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  Sample Chapters of Now Why'd You Have To Go And Do A Thing Like That

  Hollywood takes in Alabama, but not for long. One woman thought she wanted the glamorous life but what she got was a backstabbing best friend and her spot on prime-time television for the entire world to see. Back home, no one seemed to care that she had gone and screwed up her life, but there was one question on the tip of her own tongue that kept repeating itself. "Why'd you have to go and do a thing like that?" Not once did she see it coming, but when she went about making the same mistakes back home in Alabama, she knew she needed to get her wits about her. Only problem was, that the one man who mattered most might have decided she was too much drama to handle. It wasn't her fault that she was born with a magical drama disaster wand or was it? Could she learn to be the woman she was raised to be and let the man of her dreams know how much she loves him back, or is it too late, and he decides that loving her hurts too much to be rejected again? Sometimes a southern man knows that if you love someone, she is worth it all in the end. Can this starlet claim Sweet Home Alabama once again?

  Favorite quote that describes it all. "I was born with a tiara on my head and magical wand that created plumes of drama whenever I waved it."

  Chapter One

  "It's a cat fight; that's what it is." I turned to my best friend Lisa with a coy smile after watching two women go at in the bar. Hair pulling, claws flying, expensive clothes ripping and harsh words their mothers never thought they would hear out of their daughters. "Thank God, we'd never be like that." I tossed in for a confirmation, as things have been a little strange lately. She smiled back, but her eyes said something else altogether unnamable with what I had just stated. I had no idea that what was coming my way would have made the Japan tsunami look like a wading pool splash.

  Rumor has it. Rumor has it. Those three lousy words rolled through my brain over and over for hours, reaching over forty-eight hours at this point. Lack of sleep. I've got it. Red itchy burning eyes from crying, I've got it. Puffy face and the hiccups, I've got those too. However, what I don't got - is the fact that it was happening to us, Lisa and me. We were the Rumor Has It gals now, and I wasn't sure if a cat fight would make me feel better or worse. What she had done was far worse than my worst nightmare and none of it was true, well some of it. "But why?" I had cried out those words repeatedly, to myself, to my mother, to my father, my sister Claire while she bathed her twin girls and now to my cat, Snickerdoodle. The one creature I know that will not judge me or believe what is being said.

  My entire life was now being splashed across the Hollywood media, for all to judge. Every picture, racy or not, was being sold to any tabloid willing to buy it. What was worse, I wasn't some Hollywood Starlet. I had wanted to be, but I was the Hollywood Entertainment News reporter, the one that usually reported the scoop.

  Now I was in my apartment, fuzzy jammies, fuzzy hair, holding my cat, watching my ex-employer and some new bimbo read off the teleprompter, all the juice about me that Lisa spilled. Watching pictures of me in my long brunette hair with a Brazilian blowout, sparkling hazel eyes, and my three hour a day of strict workout regimen body be turned into a woman out of control. Somebody had made my eyes look dull, my skin over tanned, my hair in massive need of conditioner and a muffin top on some of these pictures. "A muffin top!" I practically screamed and cried at the same time to the confines of my bedroom walls. If they could talk back, they would have told me that I did not have nor did I ever have a 'muffin top' and that Lisa was going to pay for what she did.

  This rumor juice would have flown under the radar for most, but Lisa timed it just right. I was about to be promoted to lead interviewer which meant a lot more Hollywood parties and a gig as a sidekick in a new movie. It was a small part but a start in acting that I had been working for. My career was going up, up, up and hers... well she had just been laid off as restaurant manager at an elite Hollywood restaurant.

  If it was money she had wanted, I would have given it to her, but it was my boyfriend she wanted along with the money, that came with selling the story and all those darn cell phone pictures we took of each other doing really stupid stuff. Not to mention she videotaped my confession of my pregnancy conception from Hollywood's latest hunk. A videotape I was not aware of; damn camera phones. A pregnancy I wasn't sure I was going to keep, and I definitely didn't want my current boyfriend Crispin to find out about unless I planned to keep the pregnancy.

  The whole thing was a mess of proportionate disaster, at least in my world. My boss fired me on the spot and then quickly released my story and pictures before anyone else, making me out to be the latest Hollywood scarlet wanna be. Then it was all over the entertainment news media, Twitter, Facebook and even the local news back home in Alabama. If I had slept with anyone other than Mr. Hollywood, I probably never would have made the headlines. He was big news and now I was part of it.

  As for my boyfriend Crispin and why Lisa wanted him. Well, he is an up-and-coming actor with very famous parents in the industry. Lisa was known for flirting with him ruthlessly, but I never imagined she would do this, never. Now I could see her working her way into my life, easily replacing me.

  The same words echoed through my head like a reverberation, 'now why'd you have to go and do a thing like that'? My mom said it, my dad, my sister down in Alabama and if my fluffy white cat Snickerdoodles could talk; she would have asked the very same question. It was in her blue eyes that she told me that she forgave me, and I was still number one in her book.

  As for Crispin, he was on Facebook faster than a racecar driver, stating his status as single. A few hours later, Lisa and Crispin were updated as a couple and I was crushed. They looked so happy in their pictures. Moreover, I knew that looking at their updates was only making things worse for my mental wellbeing, but I had to look. I was curious. The pictures they posted together seemed almost too surreal.

  As for the current condition of my pregnancy, well if it weren't for the slipped up condom deal, I would not think that it was Mr. Hollywood's. Nevertheless, the incident happened, rather disappointingly I might add considering he was up for an academy award that I had expected more. However, five cosmopolitan drinks later with no food in my system for the last twenty-four hours left me a wee bit tipsy and not a very good thinker on the cognitive scale. A trip to the ladies restroom, followed by a persistent Mr. Hollywood following me, wanting an 'exclusive' interview; we did the horizontal for all of two minutes. The worst dreaded two minutes of my life.

  I didn't think Crispin needed to know. It wasn't like we were engaged or going to get married. We were an item though. Hollywood loved to have us together at events, taking pictures, laughing or just hanging out. We were a Hollywood match made in heaven. My southern sweetness and LA body went hand in hand with his blonde surfer shag and six-pack of abs.

  Right this second, as my face and name were being splashed across entertainment news by my replacement; there was no longer a hand in hand or a promotion. There was just Snickerdoodles, the little pea pod growing in my belly and me. This poor thing didn't have a chance in my crazy world, yet alone what kind of mother would I make? Somehow, the nagging fe
eling in the back of my head told me that I would keep it. I picked up the fifth pregnancy test with the pink positive sign and stared at it a bit longer. Long enough to make my eyes feel cross and my fingers twitch.

  Just as I was about to eat the last Pepperidge Farm Milano cookie in the bag, Snickerdoodles made a loud meow and jumped out of my lap and off to the floor heading for the front room. I paused for a second and muted the low volume I had going on the TV. If I didn't know better that was the sound of my front door being opened and the only three people that had a key were Crispin, Lisa and my sister Claire. The last thing on my mind lately was to change the locks.

  Then, there was her voice. "Julie Marie Howland." Not the name Lisa or Crispin called me. They called me by my stage name Jules Hone. My acting manager gave it to me, said it had a certain ring to it, kind of Starlet factor. Right now, it sounded like nails on a chalkboard every time I heard my name in the news.

  As she rounded the corner to my bedroom with Snickerdoodles in hand, she had a look of concern on her face. "I don't know if I am madder at the fact that Lisa and Crispin did this to you, or that you didn't tell me first. How the heck can I not be excited about being an aunt, but not telling me first? Not to mention the fact that you got it on with 'the' next big Hollywood hunk. I would have liked to know about that incident, like every frigging detail."

  I looked at her with puppy-dog eyes and slowly crawled out of my bed with cookie crumbs falling onto the floor while trying to get up and give my baby sister a huge hug, which I needed so desperately right now. I needed someone on my side, not just by phone but also in person to help me through this ordeal.

  After a long tender hug from my baby sister and a white fluffy cat meowing at our legs, winding in and out and around, we pulled apart and laughed.

  "So here's how it's going to play out." She put up her hand to stop me from talking. I was usually the older sister in charge so this felt different. "I talked with mom and dad; they can't fly back from the Bahamas for another two days. I told them to finish out their golf vacation there and that you and I were going back to Alabama. You my dear, get to come on back in my family minivan and stay in the twin's bedroom until we figure out what to do next."

  "Oh I don't think so Claire. I mean I would love to come see the girls but... wait a minute. You drove all the way here from bama in the family minivan? That's over thirty-hour drive. The news just hit forty-eight hours ago."

  "Hell have no furry like a pissed-off baby sister from Alabama. By the way, silly, it takes three hours to get to the nearest airport by our house. I flew here but I had to drive to the airport, not to mention driving through LA traffic to get here during rush hour. Ron's got the girls covered, and I told him there was nothing stopping me from driving straight to the airport. There was a jack knifed semi incident that held me up for a bit, but it was a straight shot except for gas, piss and go, and not all in that order. Girls are thrilled to see you, and Ron is setting up the new trundle bed in their room. You get Lil's bed, and she will sleep on the trundle bed that May got. We got one for Lil too, but Ron said he would only have one bed up, by the time we got back. So let's pack 'sista'."

  "Wait. I can't just leave LA. I mean this will blow over soon, and I'm sure something will come up and hell's bell Claire. Why'd I have to go and do something so stupid?"

  "Honey. Mr. Hollywood wasn't stupid. What was stupid was Lisa and Crispin. That is not what I call a best friend and after everything you told me about her. Where'd you two hook up any ways, back stabbers are us? Listen. This is not blowing over soon. And if it does, you can fly back anytime. In the meantime, the girls are itching to see you; I'm dying for female company that doesn't have grape jelly on her, or talk about Dora the Explorer all day long. Ron, well, he's always had a soft spot for you. Says you're like a lost puppy dog waiting to find a home."

  I watched Snickerdoodles climb up on my bed and land her plump body on the TV remote, which turned the TV off, as if to say let's get to packing 'sista'. I turned to Claire and we both started laughing.

  "What about Snickerdoodles?"

  "Ron says the coonhounds can stay in the barn. We just have to keep Snickerdoodles in the house. The girls will be thrilled. They've been asking for rabbits, but Snickerdoodles will be the next best thing right now. I have to tell you though, Lil is going through this phase where if you don't talk to her first over May, then she won't talk back. May doesn't seem to mind as Lil keeps reminding her that she was first born by a minute; however, I think May is finding ways to get back at Lil by hiding her stuff and saying things like 'I have no idea where it is momma' with just the sweetest innocent look to her. But I know. Lil is the silent but resilient type that will get her revenge sweetly but softly, while May goes a stomping around directing orders."

  Life with six-year-old twin girls could be a hectic one. Life with a newborn and single might be too much to bear. However, I did not have it in me to tell my sister that I was contemplating the one thing that would never allow her to speak to me again. It was a word my family did not support nor was it a word I wanted to think about, but I knew it wouldn't be long before it was a word in a contract from Mr. Hollywood's lawyers, and I had a serious decision to make.

  "Well why you are sitting there; red brimmed eyes and looking lost. I got a special treat for Snickerdoodle's first flight, ought to put her out like a light. Our flight leaves in three hours, which puts us back in Alabama at the airport with a three-hour drive in the dead of night."

  I watched my sister feed Snickerdoodles something from her pocket, pull out my suitcases from the back of my walk-in closet, plop them on my bed and unzip each one. She was in super charge mode, and nobody messed with my baby sister when she was in that mode. When she had her mind made up, it was going to happen whether you liked it, wanted it, or not.

  Chapter Two

  "The first time I drove all the way to LA, by myself, I might add, never seemed this long as this drive back home. Having our flight delayed didn't help any. I swear the minute we got in this minivan; time has come to a slow tick-tock. Maybe it's because I am scared out of my wits of what everyone will think about me back home." I got a 'hmm' sound out of my sister.

  "I think the short blonde wig and colored contacts, along with the pj's kept the media at bay from catching on to who I was. Thank God those tickets were in my real name. I don't think a LA soul has any idea what my real name is. You are the best." I got another 'hmm' sound out of my sister as I shook my hair again from the wig and put my frizzy hair up into a ponytail with a pink hello kitty holder I found in the cup holder of my sister's minivan. I didn't think too much of the quiet 'hum's' from my sister. She was lost in deep thought and most likely concentrating on the dark stretch of highway heading back home. I had a lot of my own figuring out to do and talking about random things was helping. Some.

  As we drove the long stretch of quiet darkened highway at a quarter to midnight, I saw my sister yawn, and I tried to keep her talking. We had less than an hour to go, and I knew she could make it. She was one determined woman when she wanted to be. She was determined to marry Ron at the age of five, and she did so promptly after high-school graduation, exactly three months later. Ten months later, they had the twins. She was determined to make Ron the manager at the grain and feed plant, and he was now the manager. She was determined to be the top sales rep at her job and did so three years running. Right now, she was determined to get me away from my personal holocaust and bring me back home to make things right. Who was I to argue with a baby sister that seemed to have it more put together than I did?

  Her voice broke my thought and concentration. "You know Bubba is back in town. Has been for over a year now. He managed a farm up in Montana for his uncle, but he's back and running a successful business. Maybe you could give him a call."

  Ok. Here's the scoop. Bubba was my high school sweetheart. He was to me, what Ron was to Claire. Bubba is a man now, but he was a boy when I fell in love with him at the tender age of rip
ening hormones for a girl, ten years old. I was a scrawny-legged, ghost of a girl, as he often referred to me. It wasn't until high school when my chest blossomed a bit that he considered asking me out. We dated all of three weeks, two of them fighting and one of them making up by kissing and making out in the loft of his daddy's barn.

  "Oh!" Her voice sounded so excited. "You'd never guess who Shelly Wright married last month. This man moved to town about a year ago, and he was a hot ticket item. Some dot-comer from New York, looking for a place to settle back and relax after selling off his business. Shelly Wright married Mr. Wong. Get it Wright and Wong. Boy did we have a hoot of a time making fun of that one. And... the Snip-N-Shoot did a remodel after moving to the new building down on Franklin Street."

  The only family-owned business I know of that you can get a haircut and shave then go next door and buy a gun.

  "Then the Nelson girls opened up a bridal shop down on main. They are working in cahoots with their aunt Tilly, who has that huge estate out on Ralston Road. They've gone and turned that place into a wedding destination. It's actually very nice. Mr. Wright and Wong got married there."

  That is when my sister's tired laughter started in. The laughter she got when she was really tired, and it would start and not stop. Once she started laughing at her own jokes, she couldn't stop. She was laughing so hard she barely got out one long breath of a sentence. "Oh my garsh, I am going to pee my pants. I can't stop laughing at that... Miss Wright married Mr. Wong." She kept on laughing right on until we pulled into the Stop-N-Go, just a half hour out of town. She jumped out and ran to the bathroom, while I slowly got out and stretched my legs.

  This particular Stop-N-Go was a high school favorite stop on the way to the boondock, a party spot we all found so exciting back then. Now, I would not be caught dead there, just like I hoped I wouldn't be caught dead in these clothes and my hair in a ponytail mess with no makeup. In LA, these types of comfortable casual clothes were to only be worn in the privacy of your own apartment, otherwise my normal attire of three to four inch heels, and the latest fashion, was about all I was seen in and that was after I spent an hour on my hair and makeup. I wondered if anyone back home did Brazilian blowouts. I was due soon, and I didn't see me going back to LA without one. That is if I went back to LA.