Circus Excite

by Nikki Magennis

  When the hapless Joe was plucked from the audience and dragged onstage the mood turned again – now a certain line had been crossed and the audience waited with trepidation to see how the act would develop. Rather than sitting passively and watching the show, they were now moving around, some standing to better see what would happen, some trying to make sure they had an easy escape route. There was a fierce noise of chatter and the entire tent was stirring, either with shock or delight. Julia couldn’t tell but she knew she had to keep going. The cameras onstage were still filming close-up shots of her body, and now Joe’s as he was slowly stripped and dragged towards her. The clicking of cameras surrounded her in a flurry as the audience tried to capture this unbelievable scene – the innocent bystander caught and forced to take part in some strange sexual performance. It was building to a crescendo, just as she’d hoped, and as she moved in closer to Joe and pressed herself against his face, Julia heard the noise of the crowd swell and mix with the music. It was bedlam – Julia and her accomplices onstage working their asses off while the audience gave in to their fearful delirium, their shouts and cat calls almost drowning the music as Joe was stripped and worked on by Sylvie.

  As the show moved closer towards its climax Julia felt the pounding of her heart and the hot slick of sweat on her skin, tumbling over the bodies of the other performers and knowing the sight had the audience utterly captivated. She was working harder than she’d ever imagined, shaking with the effort and the fear, yet pushing her body to move with more vigour and passion. She felt strong jolts, shivers of desire that were amplified by the crowd’s reaction, turned on like never before. This, wild reckless act was the closest she’d ever felt to the audience, their horrified pleasure so tangible she could almost taste it in the white-hot atmosphere of the tent. A hundred sensations were building around her: the sweating and gasping of her fellow performers; the hubbub of the crowd; the throb and wail of the music and the steadily increasing frequency of the strobe lights nearly overwhelming her as they all hammered closer to the final chaotic moments of her act.

  The final parade passed in a blur. Julia was exhausted, her nerves shaken and her body aching with exertion. She couldn’t bring herself to meet Robert’s gaze, knowing the cold fury that would be emanating from him. She’d dared to interrupt his masterful performance to show her own crazy act – an act that had lost them a good few audience members and seemed to stir up a dangerous reaction in the crowd. The response was loud, the applause thunderous, but Julia knew she’d pushed her luck too far. It was going to be an unpleasant scene when she finally confronted Robert, and she wished she could disappear without having to face his anger.

  As the performers finally left the stage, Julia slipped quickly to her caravan, avoiding the crew members who were eagerly trying to attract her attention, thrilled by her kamikaze actions. In the sanctuary of her narrow bunk, Julia collapsed and closed her eyes, burrowing her head into the pillow. Outside, she could hear shouts as the after-show party started, the performers still high on adrenaline and ready to cut loose. Her whole body was buzzing as though there was an electric current running through her, static crackling over her skin. For the first time, Julia had achieved something she’d never dreamt possible – found a way to express her exhibitionism and sexuality in a form that stirred an audience. In a moment she’d have to go and thank all the people who’d put themselves at risk to help her. She wanted to see Joe and Sylvie, and let them know how grateful she was, but at the same time the shadow of Robert darkened her thoughts.

  Opening her eyes, Julia saw the picture of Josephine Baker hanging above her bed. The impish smile of the woman who’d dared to take Paris by storm seemed to wink at her and she felt a new stirring of joy. Even if she was now sacked, nobody could take away the buzz she’d felt when she heard the applause of the crowd.

  ‘It was worth it, Josie,’ she said out loud, quietly thanking the image of the woman who’d driven her to try and realise her dream.

  She cleaned the greasepaint from her face as though preparing herself for a firing squad. She dressed slowly, half listening to the sound of the party outside. As she pulled on an old shirt and jeans, she heard Sylvie’s laughter and gave a tired smile. It was going to be a late night, and she had every intention of enjoying herself. It may be the last party she ever got to share with the strange and fabulous creatures of the circus.

  As she stepped out of the caravan, she was taken off guard by the sudden whoops and cheers of the party cavorting round Joe’s truck. Most of the company were assembled there, half of them still in costume, make-up smeared. All of them were turning to greet her, bottles of beer in their hands and teeth shining in the darkness.

  ‘A toast to the hottest ballerina I ever met!’ Sylvie’s voice rang out over the Meadows, jubilant and loud as she raised a bottle of beer to salute Julia. The others joined in a warm ‘hear hear’, and Julia felt herself start to grin as they clapped her. It was the most welcome ovation she’d ever heard, and she stood on the steps of the caravan and gave a humble deep bow in return.

  ‘And a toast to all my accomplices,’ she said, nodding back at Sylvie.

  As she walked forward to join the party Julia noticed a tall figure standing apart from the group of happy performers, watching in silence. It was Robert, his face still pale with panstick, hands in pockets. Julia knew his gaze was fixed on her, and knew that she couldn’t avoid him forever. Her heart did a flip as she thought of the anger she’d seen in him once before – a slow-burning and implacable anger that he expressed with a low even voice. The thought of confronting him made her feel lightheaded, as though he had mesmerised her. Julia was the adept who had turned on her teacher – the upstart girl who’d dared to wreck his show. What could he possibly do to her that scared her so much, she wondered. She was strong enough to withstand the harshest criticism, the most vicious insults from her strict ballet masters. Yet the thought of Robert’s disapproval filled her with a vast and uncertain dread.

  ‘Have a drink, Julia?’ someone called to her, and she turned to see Joe’s warm smiling face. ‘I bet you could use one after that performance.’

  Julia hesitated. Part of her wanted badly to join the others, stay in the shadowy circle around the truck and discuss the show. She felt like celebrating, and the exhaustion was starting to take its toll. Her body was limp, her eyelids heavy. But she knew she couldn’t rest yet – not until she’d seen Robert.

  ‘Thanks, Joe, I’ve got something to clear up first.’ She gave him a wry smile and steeled herself to approach Robert. When she looked back, he’d disappeared.

  Julia guessed where he’d be.

  She ducked to enter through the gap in the canvas, and looked around. The house lights were still on, motes of dust dancing in the beams of white light. The air was still thick with the smell of dry ice, the stage abandoned and silent.

  ‘Robert?’ Her voice fell flat in the empty tent. It was a strange feeling, to find the place so quiet after the pounding music and furore of the audience. Julia thought she could almost hear echoes of the night’s show, but there was no sign of Robert. She walked slowly to the stage and pulled herself up, standing under the soft house lights and looking out at the rows of empty seats.

  ‘Can’t get enough of the stage, can you?’

  Robert’s voice came from behind the curtain that screened the backstage area, so low and velvety it was as though he’d run his hand over Julia’s shoulders and stroked the back of her neck. She whirled round, searching for him.

  He walked out across the stage till he was standing so close Julia could smell that faint cedarwood of his skin, the smell that made her think of dark shady theatres. The powerful musky undercurrent of his sweat made her dizzy. Julia couldn’t bear to meet his eyes – were they burning with suppressed rage, or was he laughing at her? She kept her head down and breathed in the scent of his body.

  ‘Were you looking for me?’ he asked.

  She was thrown again by Robert’s unpr
edictable moods. She had expected her dressing down to start right away.

  ‘I wanted to explain . . .’ she started.

  ‘Explain how you managed to pull off something like that without me getting wind of it? That I’d like to hear.’

  ‘I meant to tell you the reason why.’ Julia felt herself floundering, wishing that she didn’t find herself struck speechless by Robert every time.

  ‘Why you wanted to stage your act?’

  ‘Yes.’ She realised Robert was moving even closer to her. She found she was shaking – not since the audition when he’d reached up to draw a feather from her hair had he come this close.

  ‘You think I wouldn’t understand, Julia?’

  He spoke softly, and Julia watched as though he were moving in slow motion. The warm dusty air of the tent seemed to stand still as he reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear. The gesture was so intimate, so gentle, that Julia felt as though the ground had been swept from under her feet. The thudding of her heart was sending urgent signals to her body, and she was flooded with that same aching tingling sensation that made her want to touch him so much. As her eyes rose to meet his she thought she sensed something there, a new glimmer of colour and warmth that she recognised. Did he share the same yearning desire to touch her? His faraway look had been replaced by the hungry intensity she’d seen when he’d watched her perform, onstage or in their private sessions.

  Before, he’d been a catalyst, directing the action of their sexual encounters yet remaining on the periphery, untouchable. This time he placed his hand on her cheek and pulled her towards him.

  ‘You understand?’ she asked, hesitantly.

  ‘Of course. I understand your hunger, Julia. The things that drive you. I’m a showman too.’

  Julia felt his hands stretching across the great divide between them, reaching to her and the warm responsive body that had wanted him for so long. When he touched her it was a strangely soft and tender feeling, his hand working at her shoulder through the cloth of her shirt, kneading at the muscles as though he were trying to feel the very substance of her.

  ‘What you said, about the audiences, about performing.’ Julia felt the words rushing to her lips now, and the sudden need to explain everything to him that she’d experienced since she arrived at the circus. She wanted him to know all her thoughts, all her feelings. As he pulled her arms upwards to rest on his shoulders, she talked as though the words were spilling out of her.

  ‘I was thinking about how I feel, on the stage. And how the audience feels, what they look for.’

  ‘How you turn them on?’ Robert seemed to be laughing at her, gently.

  Julia nodded. She hesitated, unused to speaking so openly to Robert, but the situation between them was changing, even as she did so. He was holding her against him now, and the parts of their bodies that touched were buzzing as though currents of electricity were passing between them.

  ‘I was – I was thinking of you,’ she admitted finally, feeling her cheeks flush as she let her breasts brush against his chest and felt the swell of his cock bump gently against her belly. It was an unbearably erotic feeling – after wanting him so long, to finally feel his body was a deeply shocking epiphany. Julia was so acutely aware of the feel of his strong wiry muscles under her hands that she thought she was communicating with him solely by touch.

  He leant in then to kiss her, and Julia felt the heat of his mouth as the hottest, sweetest touch of her life. Under the pale light from the lighting rig they pressed against each other. Julia felt herself falling into Robert as though she were finally coming home, her hands searching roughly under his shirt to find the smooth flesh she craved.

  His body was warm and real. So real. She’d felt many men’s bodies against hers, but never one that seemed to respond so swiftly to her movements. It was as though Robert had unleashed all the pent-up desire of the summer, running his hands over her, exploring her, licking and biting her neck and nuzzling his head down towards her breast without ever taking his lips away from her skin. Julia felt the roughness of his stubble and then, suddenly, a wave of disbelief. After so long teasing her, toying with her, why was Robert at last giving in? Was he taking advantage of her one last night before he sacked her? She struggled to pull away from him.

  ‘Why, why now?’ she asked, her breath ragged. Robert kept his hands clamped around her waist, and looked at her with that familiar flicker of amusement.

  ‘Because we’re equal now.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Julia, you turn me on. Always have done. But I wasn’t about to start screwing you.’

  ‘What, you thought I was beneath you?’ Julia laughed in disbelief.

  Robert shook his head, reaching out to run a finger round the inside of Julia’s collar.

  ‘This circus revolves around sex. Just because I found you beautiful, and you made me horny, wasn’t enough.’

  ‘And now?’

  ‘When you pulled off that little coup, you showed me just what you’re capable of. Proved your mettle.’

  Julia felt herself start to melt again as Robert traced the outline of her breasts with his fingertip, aware of her mind struggling to keep a hold on the conversation as he flicked gently at her nipples, coaxing them into stiff points. She felt her mouth curl in a smile.

  ‘I won the game, then?’

  Robert laughed. ‘I could have killed you. But then again, Julia, subversion is what it’s all about.’

  Now he held both her breasts in his hands, squeezing gently. Julia tried not to close her eyes, tried to keep her head. As he started pulling her buttons open, one by one, she leaned back, curious to know his reaction.

  ‘Did you like it?’

  ‘Oh yes. I always enjoy watching you.’

  ‘People walked out.’

  ‘I know.’ Robert shrugged. ‘You should take it as a compliment.’ He hesitated, concentrating now on removing her shirt and laying her body exposed to his gaze. Julia shivered as he looked her over, knowing that this time his enjoyment of her voluptuous nakedness would not be purely visual.

  ‘Shocking an audience is hard these days. I admire your courage.’

  ‘So you’re not going to fire me?’

  ‘On the contrary, Julia. I’m going to fuck you.’

  The conversation ended there, and they sank to the floor.

  He pressed her back so that she lay on the stage, surrendered under his slow hungry kisses. The feel of his mouth on her belly, his tongue rolling over her curves, was enough to make her drunk with arousal. She could feel the cold surface of the stage under her as he slid her jeans down, and the heat of the spotlight that shone on centrestage beat on her skin. The most intimate performance she’d ever given on this stage. Sinking back to lose herself in the sensation of his kisses, Julia felt a heady joy wash over her, as though she were tasting the rewards of the summer. Her hips bucked against Robert’s face as he gripped her by the haunches, the better to probe inside her with his tongue.

  When at last he eased his cock into her, his eyes were still closed, and Julia knew that they were connected in the most beautiful act possible. The simple glorious act of fucking. There were no barriers between them now, and she felt his cock fill her as though he was reaching as far as her heart. They were silent as they moved against each other, communicating in a language of skin and touch, of warmth and hunger. Julia raised herself on her hips to take him in further. They were no longer looking at each other, hardly aware of the empty tent around them or the sounds of the party outside, lost in the worlds of each other’s bodies. Robert fucked with the languor that Julia might have expected – letting his whole cock slide into her with a slowness that let them both appreciate the exquisite shock of their bodies joining, letting his pleasure build slowly. Julia felt her own slow-burning climax start to shiver from the root of her body.

  All the pent-up wanting of the summer finally fell away, and she bathed in the sensation of being so close to Robert that there was n
o space between their bodies. With every rocking motion they seemed to be trying to move further inside each other, using the hard stage floor to push against, feeling the dust and dirt stick to their skin as they fucked. It was by turns so tender and so urgent that Julia felt almost on the verge of tears, as though the emotion and the physical forces inside her were more than she could bear. Finally, she felt the hardness of his cock start tensing, pulsing inside her, and felt the friction of the tangle of hair at his groin rub against her, agitating her clit till it threatened to tip her over the edge. Holding onto his hair, biting at his mouth, Julia held her breath and let the universe swim up towards her, the warm black surge of her orgasm crashing and spreading through her whole body just as Robert started bucking and pounding at her, unable to hold back any longer, letting himself explode deep inside her.

  They rocked together, floating in oblivion, Julia feeling the aftershocks shudder through her as she relaxed and fell back against the floor. They lay sprawled, limbs entangled and slick with sweat, both half undressed and breathing hard.

  Julia managed a smile as she realised it was the first time she’d ever seen Robert lose his cool. After a summer of playing cat and mouse, she’d finally hooked him.

  He leant back on his elbows, gasping for breath and regarding her with those lazy brown eyes that seemed to be always amused, always curious. A look passed between them, and Julia knew that everything had changed. She was a different person from the girl who’d turned up in Brighton with a suitcase and high heels. After the most intense summer of her life, after playing the game of the circus and discovering her own desires and dreams – she’d never be the same.