My Beginning With Mr. Darcy [Book Two]
Page 21
“I will not sit here and listen to my daughter tell me what I am doing wrong in raising my children. Good Lord, Lizzy has taught you how to talk like this. It is not becoming of you, Jane. You used to be a serene, kind, and dutiful. Now, you speak your mind as if you have all the experience of being a mother when you know nothing about it.” Mrs. Bennet retaliates irritably.
“Mama, I have seen things differently because I have seen the effects of ill manners. Suitors will actually stay away if the lady’s family is tied up in shame or if their family members are ridiculous.” Jane states firmly; she has to be bold. Her Mother does not know that Mr. Bingley got scared away because of Lydia’s shame. “How can you think that it is alright for you to demean Lizzy in the hearing of Mr. Morgan this morning? Do you not think that it would sound terrible to him and embarrassing to me? You scare people away, Mama.”
“I am not scaring anyone away! You are sounding more and more like Lizzy! I will not tolerate this talk from you, Jane! I thought you were kind and good, but you are all ‘high and mighty’ now that you have a suitor.” Mrs. Bennet has had enough! How dare Jane talk to her in this manner? This is definitely Elizabeth’s doing.
“Mama, this has nothing to do with me being in a courtship with Mr. Morgan. It has everything to do with how badly Lydia has turned out and how she almost ruined our entire family. Do you not remember what she did as an unmarried girl? Do you not remember the consequences? She miscarried; that is the only reason that we are not under continued scrutiny and shame from Lydia’s horrendous behavior. Papa, Mr. Darcy, and Colonel Fitzwilliam had to force Sergeant Denny to stop extorting Papa for more money, and they had to force Sergeant Denny to marry Lydia. Do you not remember all of that, Mama? Yet, you still treat her like you have always treated her. She has learned nothing.” Jane sighs exasperatingly. She has decided that she is not going to continue. Her mother does not want to listen to or to admit to her failure with Lydia.
“Please, Mama; I am very sorry that I have to utter any of this to you, but it is the agonizing truth. Mr. Morgan was mortified to have witnessed everything today. He did not have to tell me for me to know. In the past, I have tried to push everything aside in hopes that it would get better, but it is not better, and it does not seem that it will get better. I only want to point out to you that our family will be either a laughingstock or we will be looked at with derision if certain things do not change.” Jane states heartbreakingly with near tears in her eyes. Jane breathes heavily because she is very saddened and tremendously disappointed at her Mother. She never thought she would have to say these things to her Mother, but she is glad she did. It is her duty to try and help her family; at least, she tried.
“I will not talk to you anymore, Jane. I am disappointed that you would talk to me like this.” Mrs. Bennet says crossly and then leaves the sitting room in a huff.
Goodness gracious, her Mother hates her now.
When Jane and Elizabeth get ready for bed that night, Jane tells Elizabeth everything about her talks with Mr. Morgan and their Mother. Elizabeth is impressed, indeed.
“Mama hates me now, Lizzy.” Jane sighs heavily with such disappointment.
“I do not think Mama hates you, Jane. She is just shocked and upset at your nerve for talking in such a manner to her. She never expected that from you. If she hates anyone, it is me. You heard her; she thinks you learned all of this from me. Do not worry, Jane; Mama will forget her anger towards you if you talk nicely to her again and not say such things anymore.” Elizabeth says with assurance because Lydia is successful at getting their Mother to put aside her anger by sweet talking their Mother all the time.
“But Lizzy I cannot ‘un-see’ and ‘un-know’ what I know now.”
“Yes, I agree. However, if you continue in this fashion, then Mama will not like it. You must decide what you want and what is important to you.” Elizabeth imparts her wisdom from her personal experience.
FRIDAY, JANUARY 30th
Friday comes and Elizabeth is surprisingly calm regarding her wedding tomorrow. She is prepared to be William’s wife and to show him how much she loves him. She is glad her life has come to this point, and she will be marrying the best man she has ever known. She is relieved not to be a burden on her family any longer. She is especially glad that she was able to help her Uncle with his business. She has about six months left of the auditing to do; she has shown her Aunt exactly what to do, so her Aunt will take over and finish up the auditing of the accounting books. Elizabeth is happy to find that Mr. Clarke did not embezzle anymore than the twelve months period that he has paid back on. Thank God! She was happy to reveal what she found thus far to her Uncle. Obviously, everyone was relieved.
Elizabeth is more apprehensive about how her Mother will act today and tomorrow due to her talk with Jane yesterday. Elizabeth does not want to sound as if she is washing her hands of her family, but she will have her own family in less than thirty hours. She cannot do anymore than what she has been doing throughout her life. Her family will have to decide how they want to be seen and to be treated by society.
Elizabeth will try her best to help those who want to be helped, like Mary and Kitty. They have shown that they want to change for the better; they do not want cutting remarks to be heaped upon them like what was done to Lydia yesterday. Lydia’s pregnancy problem also sufficiently scared and pushed Mary and Kitty into positive actions. With positive influences, Elizabeth truly thinks that they will be better young ladies who will be better prepared for their futures. Elizabeth knows that William will not mind if Elizabeth helps Mary and Kitty even if it means that she allows them to visit her more often or for longer periods.
William has told her that he still cannot understand how her Mother can treat her worse than the other daughters. He does not care why, anymore; he simply will not invite her Mother to any of their homes. He cannot forgive or forget that her Mother had the gall to tell Elizabeth to use her wiles to get money from him in order for Lydia to live a gentleman’s daughter’s life. He was astounded when he learned of it.
Elizabeth cannot blame him because she cannot forget or forgive her Mother either. She will not be extending an invitation to her Mother any time soon either, if at all.
Elizabeth’s wedding gown has finally arrived; it is hung up carefully, and all the ladies (except Mrs. Bennet who is not present) gaze at it with undisguised delight and joy except Lydia. Lydia quickly and casually glances at it while standing behind Mrs. Gardiner. When Mrs. Gardiner offers to move, Lydia says, “That is alright, Aunt. I do not need to see it up close; it is nothing special to me. I am already married. If Papa wants to spend wasteful money on such a gown then it is not my money to worry about. I do not interfere with other people’s finances and force my ideas on them when it is no skin off of my back. I could not care less about Lizzy’s gown. What I do care about is that Papa was unfair about my wedding trousseau. Mama had to talk to Papa about it before he would give me the money for it.” Lydia purposely jabs at Elizabeth to take revenge for what Elizabeth did at her wedding and for the perceived slight and unfairness from their Father.
Elizabeth shakes her head in irritation and total vexation before saying, “Lydia, I cannot deal with your stupidity any longer, so I am not even going to correct you anymore. I am going to let you stay stupid, stupid, and…stupid. Do not attend my wedding because you are a farce. I will not allow you the privilege to witness my wedding and bring it down to your level. Your immaturity, pettiness, stupidity, envy, jealousy, and ugliness are bothersome to see. I do not want any of it at my wedding for anyone to notice. You will only cause me great embarrassment and immense shame as you have been doing. I want no part of it any longer. There will only be people with manners present, so you are barred from attending. Papa made a mistake thinking that you have learned something from all that has happened to you. Actually, I think you deceived Papa by holding your tongue. Either way, I only allowed you to come to my wedding if you had shown some betterment, but y
ou show absolutely NO betterment. Leave my sight immediately. Your stupidity is glaring.” Elizabeth turns away from Lydia completely when she finishes her speech. She has never been so harsh in her words to any of her sisters before. She is irate and disappointed, but she will not allow this to depress her joy of getting married to a most marvelous gentleman.
“You are stupid, Lizzy! I hate you! You think you are so good? You would be nothing without your rich husband!” Lydia screams furiously to Elizabeth’s back.
“HUSH Lydia!” Jane yells snappily. The things that Lydia are spewing at Elizabeth are unimaginable.
Lydia continues to shout. “NO, Jane! I do not like you either! You think you are so much better than me too? You are not!”
Mary and Kitty are in complete and utter shock. They are stunned into silence by Lydia’s viciousness, spitefulness, and offensiveness.
With disgust and fury Elizabeth exclaims loudly, “Do not bring my betrothed into your STUPID rant! I am more than you will ever be able to accomplish in your pathetic life. You know nothing, as usual. You are too stupid to know anything! You would be less than NOTHING if my betrothed did not force your conniving, dishonorable, despicable husband to marry you! Less than NOTHING!” Elizabeth grits through her teeth because she is incensed. “I would rather blend into the wall for the rest of my life than have everybody scorn me for being a fallen woman, having a child out of wedlock, and having a contemptible husband forced into marrying me for those reasons! Is that what you want to hear?” Elizabeth glowers intently at Lydia who is being pulled away by Mrs. Gardiner.
“What is going on here? Why is everyone shouting? Why are you yelling at Lydia, Lizzy? Why are you picking on her again? Was it not enough last time? You vex me completely, Lizzy,” cries Mrs. Bennet as she approaches the chamber door.
Elizabeth rolls her eyes and shakes her head with great dissatisfaction. It is no longer a disappointment; it is an expectation that her Mother would act this way and say these things. She is not going to try to explain to her Mother anymore.
“Mama, Lydia was completely rude and malicious towards Lizzy! You should have heard her.” Jane explains with irritation.
“You are protecting Lizzy again. I am tired of you both!” Mrs. Bennet storms out of Elizabeth’s chambers.
Mary and Kitty stand stock still as their Mother denounces Elizabeth and Jane. They do not know what they should do; they are actually scared to say anything to their Mother at this point.
“It is the truth, Mama!” Jane declares to deaf ears as Mrs. Bennet follows Lydia down the hall with Mrs. Gardiner. “Oh God, Lizzy. What has become of our family? I cannot tolerate it anymore! I will ask Papa to let me live here with Uncle and Aunt if they allow it.”
Elizabeth sighs heavily and shakes her head. “Jane, I think things will calm down once I am out of Mama’s hair, for good. You have to help me guide Mary and Kitty. They are new to their change; they will need someone on their side; without me, then it will have to be you. I only ask it of you if you are willing. Obviously, if you get married, then it will be a different situation. I will try to help Mary and Kitty as much as I can. Do not worry, Jane. I think I am the key to Mama’s anger.”
“I am sorry, Lizzy that I did not realize and stand up to all of this sooner.” Jane admits with great disturbance to her normal tranquility; her tears are about to fall due to all this trouble.
“Oh, Jane; we cannot do anything about the past now, but we can help with the future. If Mama remains this way with me, then there will be no relationship between us. I cannot continue to experience the gibes and the dissatisfaction that she clearly displays towards me at every turn. I cannot expose my own future family to it. It will be too cruel to William; he has not grown up with such comportment, thus for him to see how Mama treats me is a complete shock to him. He will not tolerate anyone acting in such a way to me, and if I do not put a stop to it, then he will out rightly cut Mama in front of others and forbid her connection with me permanently. At least with my way, it will not be official that Mama and I are disconnected.” Elizabeth sighs and takes in deep breaths to calm herself. This has been the worse argument she has ever had with any family member – well, other than the one where her Mother told her to use her wiles with William. Lydia was too much, and Elizabeth could not control her last nerve.
“I do not know about Mama anymore, Jane. She has been like this for so long that people just endure her until something this severe happens. I am extremely blessed to have William because having his love and devotion gave me more courage to distance myself. Plus, it was about time anyways. I knew that I could help Uncle with his business so I knew I could be an independent person if it came to that. Even if I became a spinster, I knew that I could support myself. I know that it would have been a hardship, but I felt I could no longer stay at Longbourn with Mama being responsible for me especially as a spinster. Can you imagine what more I would have to endure from Mama if it resorted to that? I cringe at the thought.” The horror of it all makes Elizabeth shiver with great terror.
Mary and Kitty listen to their two elder sisters carefully. They know that they are fortunate to have sisters who care for them in such a way. They simply could be left behind to fend for themselves, but Elizabeth is actually thinking of helping them even after she is married. Mary can feel the tears prick her eyes out of fear of having to endure more of their Mother after today. At least their Mother ignored her; she did not get yelled at as much as Elizabeth did.
“Oh Lizzy, I do not think we would have become spinsters, but we surely would not be able to marry the gentlemen that we dreamed of.” Jane sighs but she cheers up and says, “Fortunately, you will be marrying Mr. Fitzwilliam Dream-Man Darcy tomorrow so there will be no more talk of being a spinster living with Mama.” Both sisters giggle at Jane’s description of William; he really is her dream man. She will always feel blessed to have him. God must have pity on her and is watching out for her. THANK GOD!
“Yes, William truly is my dream man. I love him beyond anything I have ever imagined, Jane. There are insufficient words for me to describe how much and how deeply I love him.” Elizabeth divulges. She feels so grateful, and she wants to gush about her love for him, but she does not want to make any of her sisters feel bad for not having their own ‘William’.
“I am thoroughly elated for you. I aspire to have the same.” Jane says joyfully.
“I hope you will find the same love, Jane. It is the most glorious feeling to have.” Elizabeth becomes excited and dreamy when she thinks and speaks this way about her fortune to have William in her life; other distresses are pushed to the back of her mind. “I love William with everything that I am, Jane.”
Elizabeth looks over at Mary and Kitty who have been silent the entire time, and she can tell that they are frightened and distressed by the arguments. She encourages them to evaluate what they have seen and heard. They need to assess what is right for each of them and continue to listen and learn so that they can better themselves.
Elizabeth and Jane look over Elizabeth’s bridal gown and assure that she has everything for tomorrow. Elizabeth finishes packing, and she decides to give all her clothes to Jane, Mary, and Kitty. Mary and Kitty are especially content to take them. Elizabeth will only pack her wedding trousseau; she will start her new life with everything new. This is not to signify that she will forget her past, but she will learn from it and leave it in the past. She looks forward to her future happiness – her William.
Later in the afternoon, Elizabeth says nicely, “Papa, I brought you some tea.”
“Thank you, my dear. How is the bride to be?” Mr. Bennet says good-humoredly. “Was there some yelling earlier? What has happened now, Lizzy?”
“Oh, Papa.” Elizabeth shakes her head in annoyance and with great disappointment. “That was Lydia expressing her discontent with my interfering with her getting more money from you. I tried not to say anything to her, but I think she took that to mean that she has a right to speak her mind
and express her dissatisfaction with me, disrespectfully and disdainfully – very disrespectfully and disdainfully.” Elizabeth tells her Father all that was said.
“I am sorry, Lizzy. I thought that she had improved a little. I will have a talk with her, right now.” Mr. Bennet sighs heavily.
“Papa, I have already told her that I do not want her at my wedding. I cannot have her attitude and behavior displayed for all to see, Papa. I am sorry. She is very angry and hateful, now. I will not get involved with her anymore; she will not want it or appreciate it.” Elizabeth asserts calmly.
“I hope with time away from her family, Lydia will be able to see clearer about what her family has tried to do for her. If she still does not, then I fear that she will remain that way and have a more difficult future than any of you girls. Let it go, Lizzy. You will be married tomorrow to a great gentleman that loves you and adores you like no one else – other than me, that is.” Mr. Bennet teases to lighten the mood, but in his heart he can feel the loss of his most favorite daughter build up. His only consolation is knowing that she will have a great husband to love her and care for her for all of her life. “I do not want you dwelling on this any longer. Be happy with your husband and your future, my child; you deserve it. I am sorry that it has been hard for you, but in four and twenty hours, you will be Mrs. Darcy. I will lose my most precious second daughter. I am only glad that I will be losing you to a most deserving young man as Mr. Darcy. You both deserve all the happiness.”
“Papa…” Elizabeth gets emotional so she stops talking for a moment. “I hope you know we welcome you to any of our homes at any time you would like to visit, Papa.” Elizabeth states candidly as she pushes her tears back.