To-Do Him List

by Denise Marie

  The corner of her mouth rose and she stared at him. She didn’t want to ask. He brushed his thumb over her cheek but didn’t say anything while he held her gaze. She bit her bottom lip, thankful her public request online resulted in him and not some creepy psychopath. She giggled as she shoved off the bed to grab her bag, and pranced to the bathroom, knowing he’d catch on.

  “Seriously. When my woman laughs after having earth-shattering sex, not cool.”

  She halted her steps and composed herself. “I’m sorry, it’s not you at all, I promise. I just had this random concern about how lucky I am it wasn’t some psychopath who answered my request.”

  He threw a pillow in her direction and wiggled his eyebrows at her. “How do you know I’m not?” She chuckled with him as she closed the door. She needed her journal, and her phone.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Dear Diary,

  He’s in, deep. Should I?

  The valet brought a rental car around for them. They leaned against the side, people watched while they waited for everyone to arrive. The early morning charm of Beverly Hills masked any forlorn dilemmas. She now understood it benefitted no one to conceal your troubles and go about life in disguise.

  It was time to head back to the airport. Drew strolled out of the lobby doors and threw his bag in the trunk. She tapped her toe on the hard pavement, wiggled away from Cole, and threw her arms around Drew when he neared.

  His chest vibrated, amused at her overzealous compassion.

  “So, I guess he told you?”

  She broke away before the tears could spill and slid her sunglasses over her eyes to cover the sorrow she couldn’t hide as he did.

  He tossed his arm around her shoulder and squeezed. “I’m okay, beautiful. Don’t let it bother you.”

  A taxi drove up and she breathed a sigh of relief. Brett and Zander got out of the car with their typical childlike eagerness.

  “Damn. Did she add another item to the list?” Brett wiggled his eyebrows at Drew before Zander hit him on the back of the head. “Ouch. What was that for?”

  Drew opened the passenger door for her. “Classy Brett, real classy.”

  Everyone slouched in their seats, quiet on the drive to the airport.

  Guess everyone had a late night.

  “Cole?”

  He let go of the wheel with one hand and rubbed up and down her thigh. “Yeah, baby?”

  She shivered. “What about the Lamborghini?”

  The back of her seat jerked when Zander snagged the sides of it to get closer to her. “It’s at my parents already. Sweet ride.” He hit Cole on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. My folks are going to see to it for now.”

  Cole glanced back at Zander in the rear view mirror, self-satisfied, before he faced her with a wink. “I owe your entire family a round of thanks, Zander.”

  She dropped her jaw and spun to the window in time to hide the heat that rose to her face.

  ****

  With her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands, she took deep breaths. She blamed her nausea and the pressure in her head on the altitude of the plane. He massaged her back and the uncontrollable bounce of his knee knocked over the ginger ale on the tray in front of him. He didn`t have to see her face. Every inch of her skin appeared pale, clammy. Please, please, please, hurry up plane.

  Her symptoms were getting worse. She acted as if she didn’t think he understood the severity of her situation, but he did. “Is there anything else I can do?”

  She shook her head and then groaned. He squinted in pain at Drew, Brett, and Zander; their gaze on her reflected his own. Her medicine didn’t seem to work as well these days.

  Tears streamed down her face under her sunglasses while they made their way through the airport. Security insisted she take them off to go through the metal detector, and the officer glared at him. As the last question was answered by Zander, he tore the paperwork from her hands, passed it back to Drew and bent to lift her. He cradled her all the way to the limo outside. She didn’t fight him. Not a good sign.

  He held her in his arms while she slept. She passed out before they even made it to the car. He was relieved; sleep always helped.

  “I-is she going to be okay, man? Brett and I are kind of out of the loop here.” Concern echoed in Zander’s voice.

  How did he answer that? He inspected her lifeless form and swallowed. With a light brush of his fingertips, he smoothed the hair back out of her face. “It isn’t good. She’s having surgery when she returns home, not favorable odds.” He was caught in the middle. He didn’t want to betray her trust, but didn’t want to lie to the friends who had his back for years. Hers now, too.

  “Surgery?”

  He glanced up to Brett’s waiting stare. If he told them right now, she’d never know, but he’d have to form words in order to make that happen. As he scanned her limp body, he couldn’t. The rest of the drive was quiet and he didn’t know if they just let her sleep or because there were no words.

  The limo arrived at the bus and he could feel the breath of his best friends’ stop, like his, when she stirred and opened her eyes. “Hi.”

  He brushed back her hair again. “Hey yourself, beautiful. How are you feeling?”

  She tipped her head from side to side. “Much better, thank you. What are the plans for the rest of the day?”

  He helped her from the car, and shielded her with a blanket from the chilly St. Louis air. He’d never encountered a time when Derek arrived for them, unprepared. Drew put her bag on her bunk in passing; they were all quiet. She paused at her bunk but he tugged her hand toward the lounge. “Come sit down. I want to make you a proposition.”

  She didn’t ask, just followed suit like part of the family. She sat on the couch where he pointed, careful not to jostle too much. He joined her. Within moments, everyone sat with their eyes on him.

  “We fly out again tomorrow morning. We have a show in…” He made note of their joined hands and inhaled deep. “New York.”

  “Oh that sounds fun.”

  By the excitement on her face, she’d never been and if he got his way, she wouldn’t now either. “We’re only there for one night and know from experience, Friday night shows in New York are so chaotic it’s not as much fun as you’d think. I’m sure you’re a little homesick, maybe even a lot. Why don’t you stay back? Have your friends fly in to see you. There will be lots of empty space on the bus.”

  He glared around the tiny lounge, made direct eye contact with the three men to shut them up before he focused on her again. “Besides, you want to get a tattoo. Isn’t it kind of ritualistic for groups of girls to do that together, a drunken bonding experience?”

  He couldn’t read her blank expression as she surveyed the group. When she smiled wide, he let out the breath he’d held. She bit her lip as though she stopped herself from speaking.

  “That sounds wonderful.” She scanned the room; Derek now joined them. “Are you sure it isn’t too much? Us taking over the bus?”

  He held up his hand when Derek perked up, to say something he shouldn’t. “Not at all, right?” He remained firm with his unspoken words to the guys, who all shrugged their shoulders, tight-lipped.

  “I’ll take care of the cost. You take care of the arrangements. I’m afraid it will only be for one night though. When we get back, we will be off again, in the bus.”

  “Believe me. We can do a bang up job in twenty-four hours.” She laughed and brightened up from her earlier spell, but tension still radiated from the men around him.

  “But no to the cost. We will pay our way. You have already done so much. Too much.” She let her gaze fall to her lap, picked a piece of nonexistent lint. A tear slid down her cheek and he could tell she avoided eye contact to prevent a waterworks display. “Thanks, guys.”

  “Ahem. Boss man wants you in the other bus for a meeting.”

  Derek raised his eyebrow but Cole glanced out the window instead of going head to head with him. Fuck. He kissed her a
nd followed the rest of the guys off the bus. “We might be a while. If you have any problems with the arrangements just shoot me a text, and I’ll help out anyway I can.”

  “There shouldn’t be any problems, but I’ll let you know if I need you.”

  Her furrowed brows were a clear indicator, she suspected something was up.

  ****

  “Hello?”

  “Hi Katherine.”

  “Oh my God. It is about damn time you called, I’ve missed you.”

  She laughed and wiped the tears now falling, at will, down her face. “I’ve missed you too. I have a surprise.”

  The sigh on the other end said it all. Katherine stressed. “I could handle a surprise right about now.”

  She used the back of her hand to wipe her face and took a breath, on the verge of an outright sob. “The guys are leaving by plane tomorrow morning for a show. Think you, Abigail and Taryn could manage to get away? Come spend a night here, on the bus? I think we are due for a girls’ night.”

  The break down began, but not from her. Katherine, who most often held the group of them together. She was the strong one. “Yes. God, yes. Are you sure the guys are okay with a group of women taking over their domain? Scrap that. They would, in all likelihood, want pictures or something.” She could still hear the pain behind her best friend’s laugh.

  “I’m not fooling anyone here, Katherine. In some ways, these guys are our carbon copies, with penises, piercings, and tattoos of course.” She closed her eyes, pressed her back into the cushion, and curled her legs up to her side, savoring the memory of last night. “That reminds me. Cole had a brilliant idea. You ladies need to be a part of my list too. So, while you’re here, we’re going for my tattoo.”

  Silence fell on the other end of the phone. It wasn’t like Katherine to be quiet.

  “I’m in, all the way. Whatever you get, I’m getting it too. Please don’t leave me marked for life with something ridiculous.”

  She laughed but Isabelle could picture the tears on her face.

  “I will talk to the girls, book our flights. Wait. Where are we flying?”

  She placed her hand over her stomach. Katherine’s episode passed, but to hear her say she’d get a tattoo, the same tattoo, offered a memory she could leave them with. Cherish.

  “Well,” she sniffled. “I expected to return from Beverly Hills to Michigan, but we’re in St. Louis. They must have an upcoming show here and Derek drove the bus while we were away.” Sniffle.

  “Izzy?”

  “Yes?” Sniffle.

  “We will be on the first flight out in the morning. I am going to let you go now before you make me start to cry again.”

  She smiled. Katherine didn’t do tears. “OK. Text me to let me know what time you land so I can meet you?”

  “Will do. I can’t wait to hear all the juicy details.”

  The dead air roused her sob, so much so, she glanced down the aisle to make sure they were still gone. If she had to explain, it would only make it worse.

  When her tears cleared enough to see and move without injury, she hurried to the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face, something she’d seen her mother do many times when she was a little girl. She now understood why. Single parenthood wasn’t the piece of cake her mom led her to believe.

  She wandered around the bus a little heavy footed. The side effects of the medication lingered. She peeled back the curtain and crawled in his bunk. The cookies were right where expected. She took a bite and dialed.

  “Hello, baby girl.”

  She scrunched her nose. “Really, Mom?”

  Carol laughed. “Hey, you are my only child so by rights, will always be my baby. How are you, honey?”

  She peered into the near to consumed box and grabbed another. She made a mental note to stop at the store while out tomorrow. “If you’re referring to my list, I only have three items left and am having the time of my life. If you are referring to the tumor…” She couldn’t lie to her mom, never could. “The symptoms are a little more intense. It’s probably a good thing Cole has made so much happen for me in such a short amount of time.”

  “Dr. Peterson called me.”

  She dropped the cookie and closed her eyes. Oh boy, she isn’t going to like this. “He’s called me, too, Mom.”

  Silence. Not good.

  “Isabelle. I want you home safe. Don’t push it too much, okay. Leave Dr. Peterson to me.”

  “Okaaay.” She let her hand fall to her lap. The surprises were endless today.

  “Katherine has been doing a great job with updates about your trip. So, Cole’s his name?” Her mom laughed and it was the best sound in the world. If things were different and she was the one with a daughter, would she be as strong?

  “Yes, Mom.” She laughed and placed the cookies back in their concealed spot. “Cole is his name. He is the lead singer of the band. They’re all fabulous.” She didn’t want to make too much of it, since she still wasn’t sure what to make of it herself.

  “I want details when you get home sweetie, even the juicy ones.”

  She covered her mouth to prevent cookie crumbs from flying when she laughed. “Mom.” Then again, why not? “Okay. If you are sure you can handle them?”

  “I think I have proven I can handle a lot, hmm?”

  She leaned out the bunk and checked down the aisle. “Yes Mom, you are the strongest person I know. I will tell you everything. I should get going though, just needed to hear your voice.” She squeezed her eyes closed. Things were too damn emotional today.

  “Okay, sweetie. Let me know when to expect you back home. Talk to you soon.”

  Click

  ****

  Isabelle’s voice trembled. Crouched in the stairway and behind the cupboards, Cole listened. Eavesdropping on her needed to stop, but how else would he find out? If she’d let him, he’d hold her, make it all better. She was worse, just like he’d suspected.

  He fisted his hands. To force her admission would damage what they’d built. His mood sucked. Getting reamed out by the guys about these last-minute plans of his to avoid the truth…well, it sucked. They were all in this together. They made that clear, again.

  She’d sought out his bunk though. His. The significance in that hit hard; she found comfort in his space. He coughed, stood up, and climbed the stairs with his hands in his pockets. When she peeked out of the bunk, he wasn’t fooled; her smile was fake, much like his.

  “Hey, you.”

  Brett, Zander, Drew, and Derek climbed the stairs behind him. They continued the obscene jokes that had launched without boundaries on the other bus—after the lecture of course.

  “In the back?” Drew asked, but made his way to the lounge without a glance behind for confirmation.

  “Yeah.”

  He held his hand out to her, and she accepted it without hesitation. Their comfort with each other filled a void that had consumed him for so long; the possibility of an end to it choked him up. He kissed her on the forehead and leaned into her ear. “Enjoy the cookies?”

  She jerked her head toward him, her mouth hung open.

  He winked. “It’s okay,” he squeezed her hand and tugged her arm to lead her to the back lounge.

  Everyone sat in their usual spots; even she possessed one now.

  “What’s going on?”

  He relaxed his muscles at the sight of her nervous fidget with her arms. They were more than right for each other. He put the DVD in the machine and joined her with his arm draped, carefree, around her shoulder.

  “We—” He surveyed the group and shook his head. The three men sat still, waited with their hands tied in knots on their laps. “Have a surprise for you.”

  He held the remote up and hit play. Everyone sat to face the television with a grin. He glanced to catch her surprise but she stared at the screen, blank faced, nervous.

  The music played through the speakers first, God Gave Me You by Blake Shelton. Then there they were, all of them, dancing
like idiots. A slideshow of edited clips slid across the screen in time with the music, as they learned to tango.

  The excitement of the day hit him, remembering the man she believed stood by fixing the camera, but really recording them. The guys pointed at the screen to make fun of one another.

  She tensed in his arms when the close up of her and him filled the screen; it was powerful. He didn’t know until seeing it with his own eyes, how he tended to her, like she were the love of his life.

  She shoved him away and stumbled off the bus. The video continued but everyone scolded him with their glares before they returned to the screen once again. He ran after her.

  ****

  The tears made it difficult to see, but she was pretty sure she stood behind the bus. With her arms tight around her waist, she sobbed, too loud to hear him creep up behind her. She stepped out of his embrace when he wrapped his arms around her. The heightened emotions created by the video, sent her instinct to flee into overdrive.

  “I thought you would like it.”

  She faced him, could feel the puffiness in her eyes. “I can’t even tell you how much the video means to me. No one has ever done anything so thoughtful for me.”

  He tucked a stray hair behind her ear and the heat of his hand on her skin made goose bumps travel the length of her body. Again, she stepped back. He rubbed his face with his hands and she could no longer see his true emotion.

  “Is that why you’re crying?” His voice was quiet, cautious.

  “I’m scared of the feelings I have for you. This can’t go any further. If I die—”

  He kissed her with a fierce need and guided her with a desperation he didn’t care to hide, until her back came in contact with the bus. It didn’t matter how hard he anchored her with his hands, he couldn’t get deep enough to satisfy. He broke the kiss and lowered his forehead to hers, panted so hard his breath warmed her face. “Here or on the bus?”

  She tipped her head in confusion.

  “I need you. Now.”

  He touched his lips to hers but his arms shook, on edge and ready to lose control. “Here or on the bus? Either place is fine with me as long as I’m inside you. I don’t care who watches.”