Awkward

by Ty Tashiro

  There is new evidence that behavioral tendencies shared by awkward people and gifted individuals might share common genetic influences. Pedro Vital and his colleagues analyzed a large sample of twins to investigate whether striking skills and obsessive interests might share common genetic roots. They found that the heritability of obsessive interests was strongly related to the heritability of striking skills. Another behavioral genetic study from David Hill and his colleagues at the University of Edinburgh included more than twelve thousand individuals who had their blood drawn and their genomes scanned for known genetic markers of psychological diagnoses including depression, anxiety, and autism. Hill found that genetic markers associated with social-communication deficits and repetitive behaviors were also associated with higher intelligence scores and higher levels of educational attainment.

  Although not all gifted individuals are socially awkward and not all awkward individuals are gifted, these studies and others suggest that the two characteristics show significant overlap. When high levels of ability and obsessive interests are found in the same person, this combination is referred to as talent and researchers have found interesting behavioral mechanisms that explain how awkward characteristics and giftedness work together. Francesca Happe of the Institute of Psychiatry, King’s College, has found that individuals with high levels of awkward characteristics show exceptional attention to detail and memory for those details. Simon Baron-Cohen has also found that this attention to detail might underlie some unique abilities, but also suggests that awkward individuals’ systemizing tendencies help them search for patterns and logical relationships between the details of problems.

  Awkward people are particularly skilled at breaking down situations into component parts, focusing on the details of those parts, and then searching for patterns that others might not see. That’s why awkward kids do seemingly inexplicable things like taking apart a functional toaster “just to see how it works.” Their systematic nature combined with obsessive interests drive them toward deliberate practice and help them maximize their inherent ability, potentially pushing it from very good to excellent, or excellent to exceptional.

  Most people have a hunch that awkward people’s interests tend to fall into certain areas such as technology, physics, or comic books, as embodied in phrases like “mad scientist” or “absent-minded professor.” These archetypes of someone with an abundance of book smarts, but who seems to lack some social capabilities are counterintuitive characters. We marvel at the rocket scientist who can figure out how to get a satellite to Mars but cannot navigate his way back to his car in the parking lot, or wonder how a brain surgeon can read intricate brain scans but have no idea what is running through others’ minds during social conversations.

  The stereotype that techies and physicists tend to be socially awkward is found in television shows like The Big Bang Theory or movies like Mean Girls, in which the quintessential nerds were “mathletes” who competed in the Math Olympiad. These television shows and movies ultimately portray these gifted and awkward characters in a compassionate way, but part of what makes the humor work in these scripts is that people can relate to the idea that those who are gifted in technology, science, or math are likely to be socially awkward. This is a good example of a situation in which casual observations overlap with the results of systematic investigation.

  INTERESTS AND ABILITIES

  One way to organize your thinking about your interests and abilities is using occupational psychologist John Holland’s six interest types. Extensive and well-researched tests like the Strong Interest Inventory can provide in-depth feedback, but the chart below can give you some ideas about your interests and abilities. There is also extensive information available from the U.S. Department of Labor at onetonline.org.

  CATEGORY

  INTERESTS

  ABILITIES

  Realistic

  Hands-on activities with tangible outcomes.

  Independent, practical, produce tangible outcomes

  Investigative

  Ideas, theories, data

  Analytical thinking and exploring new ideas

  Artistic

  Aesthetics, abstract concepts, creative endeavors

  Imaginative, see outside the box, creative

  Social

  Helping people, teaching, relationships

  Helpful, empathic, social fluency

  Enterprising

  Starting projects, leading, risk taking

  Bold, assertive, persuasive

  Conventional

  Order, procedures, working with information

  Efficient, precise, methodical

  Simon Baron-Cohen and his colleagues at Oxford University compared the levels of awkwardness among four groups: Oxford University students majoring in the humanities, Oxford University computer science majors, winners from the high school UK Math Olympiad, and a control group that was not selected for specific interests. They wanted to determine whether participants whose interests required highly systematic thinking, as in computer science and mathematics, would report more awkward characteristics than participants in the control group or humanities group. They found that those in the control group and humanities group endorsed about a third of the awkward traits, which was significantly lower than the percentage of awkward traits endorsed by computer science majors (42 percent) and Math Olympiad students (50 percent).

  Computer science students at an elite university or mathematically gifted teens likely possess an exceptional ability to apply systematic thought and logic to problems. The beauty of something like computer science is that computer chips do not have mood swings or self-doubt, which makes it easier to read the information on those chips if you work within the system. Mathematical proofs do not vacillate between logic versus intuition, which means that if someone follows an order of operations or a set of rules, then they will eventually reach a verifiable answer. But as we saw earlier, this kind of linear and systematic thinking that is so well suited to nonsocial, rule-governed problems can be an awkward fit with social problems that are far less linear and unexpectedly variable.

  It’s important to remember that majoring in computer science or becoming a mathlete does not cause someone to be awkward; rather the data suggests that people with obsessive interests and a high degree of systematic ability tend to go into fields like computer science or mathematics. But high achievers who are compelled by an obsessive drive are found across many domains, and a systematic approach is an asset in many fields. Consider the obsessive nature of elite athletes like swimmers who wake at four-thirty to train for two hours in the morning and return in the evening to do the same training all over again. Or consider the need for elite dancers to attend to detailed movements and repeat those movements thousands of times, and the violinist who practices the same scales for so long that the skin under her chin grows tough to protect itself against the repeated abrasions. The strongest link between giftedness and awkwardness appears to be this predisposition to engage in deliberate practice, but this kind of obsessive drive can get in the way of people’s social lives.

  Figure 9.1 Percent of autism traits endorsed by each group. Arrows represent the 15th (low levels) and 85th percentile (high levels).

  Professor Winner has found that talented individuals’ rage to master can manifest as social behaviors that make it hard for them to fit in. While talented individuals are happy to spend solitary time honing their skills, their isolationist behavior can make them appear aloof or disinterested in others. The narrowness and intensity with which they pursue their interests usually means that there are few people who share their same interests or certainly the intensity of their interest in a topic. Recall the young Hans Asperger, who loved the nihilistic poetry of Franz Gillparzer, but who found his peers were far less interested in this kind of morbid contemplation.

  Even when talented people share the same areas of interest as their peers, their rage to master can be off-putting to others who want to have
fun instead of rage. When talented people cannot approach their interests with the intensity or pace they prefer, you will sometimes hear them say, “This person has no sense of urgency!”

  As outsiders, it’s easy for us to see the bigger picture. Talented people need to compartmentalize their rage to master and understand that sometimes they need to temper their intensity or do something just for fun. They need to understand that most people will not be as obsessed about their interests and will probably hold interests in other areas. Awkward people should try to pay attention to the big picture and focus less intensely on narrow areas of interest, but the reality is that it’s not as easy as flipping a switch.

  All of this seems obvious, but so are most psychological liabilities when viewed from an outside perspective. It’s obvious that the alcoholic should not drink so much, the anxious person shouldn’t worry too much, or the depressed person should not be so glum; but everyone has struggles that make it hard for them to keep themselves away from themselves. The trouble for parents, friends, managers, or psychotherapists who try to get people to get a grip on their obsessive interests is that the more they push, the more the people they are trying to help dig in their heels.

  It’s tricky for parents and teachers to help talented kids realize that their chances of success will rely upon an ability to relate to other people. A brilliant computer scientist might realize that she needs sharper emotional intelligence to communicate her ideas to others, or an exceptionally talented singer may realize that he will have to develop a rapport with his fans online or onstage. The awkward computer scientist may not intuitively understand how to be more persuasive or the awkward singer may not know how to let himself show his emotions during a performance, but these kinds of social skills are usually important for fully realizing one’s potential. For talented kids with social deficits, it’s tempting to push off the hard work of developing difficult social skills and to instead dive deeper into solitary time, honing their skills in their nonsocial areas of interest.

  It’s tough for parents, teachers, and mentors of talented children to know how to best support them. If talented kids devote too much time to their obsessive interests, then they put themselves at risk for becoming more socially isolated and will not practice handling social skills that are integral to maintain social connectedness. On the other hand, encouraging nerdy kids to “be more like the other kids” risks discouraging their uniqueness and depriving them of what makes them happiest. There are no easy answers here, but it’s possible that these two scenarios are not diametrically opposed.

  Talented kids may find it harder to make friends with a wide variety of children, but once they find like-minded kids they can be social while being able to immerse themselves in what they love. This does not necessarily mean that a talented artist needs to find other artists of similar talent, but they do need to find people who will push their boundaries and who will understand the unusual types of support one needs while trying to pursue ideas that sound outlandish to most people. Prodigious achievements are rarely accomplished in a social vacuum.

  If people are gifted, but not awkward, then the prescription for nurturing those gifts is relatively straightforward. I went to Brooklyn College to visit with Jennifer Drake, who is a leading researcher of children who are gifted in the visual arts. She said that kids who are gifted in painting or drawing tend to not be socially awkward and the task is finding ways for them to nurture their talents. Low levels of arts funding in schools make it hard for gifted artists to find the resources they need through typical coursework.

  Although gifted artists may not want to pursue an artistic career, they still feel a rage to master their inherent abilities and they are frustrated when that motivation cannot find an outlet. Parents often have to seek out summer programs or community opportunities where their kids can find other gifted artists who understand their way of thinking and who can push them to further develop their skills or inspire new ideas. When I asked Professor Drake about what parents should do, she responded with an emphatic, “Don’t push them.”

  I thought this was particularly good advice in an age of hypercompetitive parenting, in which some parents try to compete based on their children’s accomplishments. Gifted kids have already achieved a high level of excellence for their age and they are naturally motivated to master their area of talent. Parents have to keep in mind that kids or adult kids with a rage to master are probably at the brink of what could be a healthy level of drive and focus, which means that pushing them could drive up their intensity to a level that overheats their engine.

  Talented kids need meaningful relationships with mentors and supportive peers who get them. They need to be able to rely upon loyal relationships for guidance and support just like anyone else, but they also need mentors and peers who get them. One of the most helpful things parents, teachers, or coaches of talented kids can do is to put those kids in positions to find like-minded peers or mentors. This may involve seeking out programs for gifted kids at schools and summer programs hosted by universities for high-achieving youth. These brief immersion experiences at conferences or institutes, or through other extracurricular activities, puts talented kids in a position to be with people who are interested in the same things they are, who move at the same brisk pace. Professor Winner remarked, “The most important impact this has on kids is socially because they find other kids like themselves and they realize that they’re not alone.”

  Being True to Yourself and Fitting In

  AFTER I GAVE my first lecture about awkwardness and giftedness there was a question-and-answer session. The first question came from a soft-spoken young man who bravely stood up and asked, “What happens if you are awkward, but you have average ability?” The social cues surrounding the situation suggested that he was not posing a hypothetical question as an academic exercise, rather he was asking a matter-of-fact question about how he should proceed. The convenient conclusion is to say that awkward people always harbor exceptional ability, but it’s the kind of rah-rah self-help oversimplification that is not only untrue, but also unhelpful. Even though awkwardness and giftedness show significant overlap, they are far from perfectly correlated. Some people are awkward and gifted and some people are awkward with normal levels of ability. I replied with a non-rhetorical question: “I wonder about people’s remarkable potential, regardless of their level of ability, that arises from doing what they love with an obsessive energy, sharp focus, and tireless persistence.”

  It’s natural for the best of us to wonder whether we have the ability to achieve our goals, but the research findings pertinent to this question suggest that ability may be less important than people assume. Consider the extent to which graduate school performance is predicted by the Graduate Record Examination (GRE), which is used as a measure of raw scholastic ability. In a meta-analysis of more than seventeen hundred studies, Nathan Kuncel and his colleagues found that GRE scores were accurate predictors for a little more than 30 percent of graduate students’ subsequent grade-point averages and performance ratings from faculty. While 30 percent is a significant amount, the finding also implies that there is plenty of room for other factors such as grit, confidence, or social support to elevate one’s performance.

  When people think about striving toward their ambitious long-term goals, I think the question is not so much about whether they have enough raw ability, but rather how they can leverage their unique dispositions to achieve their ambitious aspirations. For awkward people, two distinctive characteristics are their spotlighted focus and obsessive interests.

  When I entered graduate school at the University of Minnesota, I overheard conversations among classmates discussing their near-perfect GRE scores or perfect undergraduate grades and I knew that by these metrics it would be foolish for me to try to compete with their raw intellectual firepower. In fact, it would have been foolish for me to compete at all because the reality was that there was plenty of success to go around for everyone and so I resol
ved to do the same thing I had always done to adapt to a new situation: I turned my spotlighted attention on one challenge at a time, determined to eventually understand how the parts came together.

  Awkward individuals’ spotlighted focus makes their perspective sharp and vivid. Although they miss the bigger picture at times, they may see details that others miss, details that could provide inspiration for a novel approach. For example, improv actors call small, aberrant details during a scene the “unusual thing.” It’s something another actor does that is a little atypical, maybe a shirttail that has come untucked or a slight hesitation in their speech, but this unusual thing becomes the foothold for them to launch the scene in unexpected directions. There are small hiccups in technology that might spark innovative breakthroughs, outliers in science to guide other scientists to groundbreaking discoveries, or unusual sounds in a city that can inspire novel music compositions.

  Awkward people also like to understand how details can be organized in a systematic way. While awkward people can be frustrated by their difficulty in spotting social conventions, their bottom-up view gives them an opportunity to question whether the accepted way of doing things is the best way. Although they should pick their battles, they are good at seeing inefficiencies in systems and are naturals at thinking about how to build a better system.

  The other advantage awkward people have is their obsessive interest. Behind every scientific breakthrough or Olympic gold medal are thousands of mundane hours spent peering into a microscope or years of swimming laps at four-thirty in the morning. While most people would find this repetition mind-numbingly boring, awkward people’s obsessive interest confers an intrinsic pleasure and the persistent energy necessary to trudge through thousands of tiny details and endure repeated trial and error to achieve many long-term goals.