The Forgotten Recipe

by Amy Clipston

  Mamm’s eyes widened with concern.

  “Wait.” Veronica held up her hands. “Just let me finish. I thought about him all afternoon, and another thought occurred to me. It was more like he wanted to tell me something, but he didn’t know how to say it. There was something in his eyes. I can’t explain it.”

  “Maybe you shouldn’t be out there alone,” Mamm said.

  “I don’t think he wanted to hurt me,” Veronica continued. “I just got this feeling.” She wished she could put it into words.

  Mamm shook her head as she returned to scrubbing the pot. “I want Emily to stay out there with you.”

  “It’s okay, Mamm, really. I’m almost twenty-three. I can take care of myself.”

  “No, not if a strong man tries to hurt you.” She shivered. “I don’t even want to think about that.” She rinsed off the pot in the side of the sink with the plain hot water and handed it to Veronica.

  “Mamm, do you think we could make a quick trip to see Margaret and Ellie tonight?” Veronica asked, absently moving her dish towel over the pot.

  Mamm looked surprised. “It’s Saturday and we have church tomorrow. We need to go to bed early.”

  “I know, but I promise it won’t be a long visit. I just want to give Margaret a pie and see how she’s doing. I’m really worried about Ellie. She and Seth were close.”

  Mamm was silent for a moment. “This means a lot to you.”

  “Ya, it does.” Veronica nodded. “I promise to make it quick. It will be difficult to talk to them alone at church. If we go to their haus, we’ll have more privacy.”

  “Fine.” Mamm nodded toward the table. “Let’s finish the dishes, and then we’ll walk over there.”

  VERONICA AND MAMM WALKED UP THE FRONT STEPS OF Seth’s mother’s house, and Veronica knocked on the door. She scanned the porch, and memories assaulted her mind—sitting with Seth and Ellie while watching a thunderstorm last summer; snuggling together on the swing while the first snowflakes fell last winter; rushing out the door and holding back tears after their first argument. So many wonderful, though heart-wrenching, memories. She prayed none of them would ever fade. Seth would always live on in her memories.

  Ellie opened the door, and her lips formed a smile. At nineteen, Ellie had the same blonde hair and light-green eyes her older brother had. Shorter than Veronica, she looked up into her eyes. “Hi, Veronica.”

  “Who’s here?” Margaret appeared behind her in the doorway. “Oh, hi, Mattie, Veronica. I didn’t expect you.”

  “Hi, Margaret,” Mamm said. “Veronica especially wanted to stop by for a quick visit.”

  “I know we have church tomorrow, but I want to give you one of my raspberry pies,” Veronica explained. “I’ve been selling them at my bake stand, and I thought you might enjoy one.”

  “Oh. Danki. Please come in.” Margaret opened the door and motioned for them to follow her to the kitchen, inviting them to sit down at the table.

  Veronica cut the pie, and they each had a piece. As they ate, she glanced around the kitchen, where more memories teased her mind—sharing lunches and dinners with Seth’s family, playing board games, laughing when he told another silly joke, teaching Ellie how to make pumpkin spice kiss cookies . . .

  “This is wunderbaar, Veronica,” Margaret said. “You are a talented baker.”

  “Ya,” Ellie agreed. “Where did you get the recipe?”

  “Mei mamm used to make these pies for mei dat,” Mamm explained

  “So you have a bake stand now, Veronica,” Margaret said. “I noticed the sign the other day when I was coming home from running errands. How is it going?”

  “It’s been busy.” Veronica wiped her mouth with a napkin. “I’m enjoying it.”

  “I bet you’re selling a lot of pies. This is fantastic.” Ellie took a drink of water. “Veronica, I want to show you something upstairs when we’re done here.”

  Veronica and Ellie washed and dried the dishes while their mothers visited on the porch, then made their way upstairs. Ellie walked quickly down the long hallway, but Veronica’s steps slowed. She felt as if she were walking through quicksand as they came closer to Seth’s room.

  She’d been in his room only once when he asked her to run upstairs and get him a clean shirt and trousers after he’d fallen into the pond while chasing one of his pigs that had escaped its pen. Veronica laughed until she couldn’t breathe when he walked back up to the porch, covered in mud from head to toe. He feigned a glare and then asked her to go get him the clean clothes. She’d walked gingerly into his room, feeling as if she were invading his most personal space.

  Taking her time, she first ran her fingers over the quilt folded at the bottom of his double bed and then found one of his green shirts, the color she loved most on him, in the bottom drawer of his dresser. She located his trousers hanging in the closet before rushing down to meet him in the mudroom.

  When she saw him, still covered in mud, she started laughing again. Seth had grabbed a rag and cleaned only his face, but he pulled her to him. He flashed his amazing smile and then kissed her until she was breathless.

  “Are you all right?” Ellie asked. She was standing in the doorway leading to Seth’s room.

  Veronica nodded as a lump swelled in her throat.

  “If this is too difficult for you, I can just bring it to you in the hallway.”

  “No, I’m okay.” Veronica cleared her throat. “I’m fine.”

  “I want to give you something. I asked mei mamm, and she said it was okay if I did.” Ellie stepped into the room.

  Veronica stood in the doorway, and she was astounded to see that the room was exactly as she’d remembered it. Seth’s family hadn’t touched anything. His dresser stood in the corner with his favorite trinkets lined up on top of it, including the wooden sign spelling Love that she’d given him on Valentine’s Day. The pegs on the wall held his jackets, and with the door cracked open, she spotted his trousers hanging in the closet.

  “It looks the same.” Veronica said the words before she could stop herself.

  Ellie nodded and her eyes glistened. “Mamm won’t let me change anything.”

  “I think that’s nice.” Veronica crossed the room and stood beside the double bed. “May I sit on it?”

  “Of course.” Ellie sat down on the bed and patted a place next to her.

  Veronica lowered herself onto the edge of the bed and touched one of the pillows, trying to imagine Seth lying there asleep the night before he died. Had he slept well? Had he dreamed of her and their future together?

  She remembered Ellie was sitting beside her. “How have you been?”

  Ellie shrugged. “I have gut days and bad days. Some mornings I’m sure he’s going to run into the kitchen and grab a banana on his way out the door because he’s late for work again.” She looked down at her hands. “Sometimes I hear mei mamm crying at night.” She looked up at Veronica. “I can’t stand hearing her cry. It just hurts so much.” A single tear trickled down her cheek.

  “I understand.” She squeezed Ellie’s hand. “I miss him too. All the time.”

  Ellie nodded. “I know you do. He loved you so much, Veronica. He talked about you all the time.”

  Veronica’s lip quivered. Don’t cry in front of Ellie! If you start, you won’t be able to stop.

  “That’s why mei mamm and I want you to have this.” She picked up the quilt at the bottom of the bed, folded it in half, and handed it to Veronica. “Mei mammi made this for Seth when he was twelve. It’s been on his bed since then. We want you to have it.”

  Veronica couldn’t stop the tears from escaping her eyes as she hugged the quilt to her chest. She lifted it to her face and breathed in his scent—soap mixed with earth and wood—and her tears continued to spill, dripping onto the quilt. She closed her eyes and imagined Seth smiling down at her while they walked hand in hand toward the back pasture on his mother’s farm. It seemed like it was only yesterday that he was whispering how much he love
d her into her ear.

  She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned toward Ellie, who was wiping tears away from her own eyes.

  “Danki, Ellie,” Veronica whispered. “I will treasure this.”

  “I know, Veronica.” Ellie nodded. “He would want you to have it.”

  There were no words to describe the emotions roaring through her. Veronica placed the quilt on her lap, leaned over, and hugged Ellie.

  “THIS PIE IS FANTASTIC,” JASON’S MOTHER SAID AS THEY sat around the table that evening. “It’s just as gut as Anna Mary said at the quilting bee.”

  Jason took a bite of the raspberry pie and closed his eyes, savoring the sweet and tart taste. It was amazingly more delicious than he’d ever imagined!

  “Ya, it is,” Dat agreed. “It’s the perfect dessert.”

  “You must go get me another pie next Saturday so I can take it to my quilting circle the following week,” Mamm said.

  “I can do that.” Jason smiled, and Stephen raised his eyebrows.

  After dessert, Jason and Stephen strode out to the barn to check on the horses.

  “That pie was appeditlich,” Jason said as they stepped into the barn. “I definitely need to go buy a few more.”

  “So you can see Veronica,” Stephen said. “I’m not stupid. I know you want to talk to her again, and I think there’s more to it than wanting to tell her you knew Seth and feel guilty about his accident.”

  “Ya, that’s the truth.” He might as well admit it. He couldn’t wait to see her again. In fact, he couldn’t get her off his mind.

  “When you do talk to her, you have to be confident. Just pretend you’re talking to me,” Stephen encouraged.

  Jason chuckled. “I don’t mean any offense, but you’re not nearly as attractive as she is.” He stopped and faced his brother. “I hate asking your advice, but I have to.”

  “You need some help with maed?” Stephen leaned against a stall and smirked. Jason knew his younger brother was enjoying having the upper hand yet again.

  “Ya.” Jason sighed. “How did you find the courage to talk to Leah?”

  Stephen shrugged. “I just talked.” He tilted his head. “Did you have problems talking to Arie?”

  “No,” Jason insisted. “She never intimidated me the way Veronica does. I looked into Veronica’s eyes and turned to Jell-O.”

  “Jell-O?” Stephen snickered, and Jason regretted being so honest with him.

  “Never mind.” Jason started toward the back of the barn. “I can figure it out myself.”

  “Wait, wait. I’m sorry.” Stephen trotted after him. “I didn’t mean to laugh. I just never expected you to ask me for advice. I figured you had it all under control since you dated Arie—even if you had trouble today. Just be yourself. Pretend you’re talking to Leah or Mary. She’s only a person.”

  “Right.” Jason repeated the advice in his mind but knew that he’d turn to gelatin when he saw her again. Something in her ice-blue eyes melted him to the core. He’d never felt such a strong attraction to anyone, and he hoped someday she might feel the same way about him—just as soon as he straightened things out with her about Seth.

  Stephen also suggested he go slow because Veronica was probably still grieving. He couldn’t forget that.

  VERONICA CURLED UP ON HER BED LATER THAT EVENING. Despite the hot, humid July air coming through the open window, she hugged the quilt to her body, breathing in Seth’s smell while contemplating her favorite memories of him. She hoped his scent would never fade from the blanket, even though she knew someday it would. Veronica missed him so much that her soul ached for him, but she was thankful for this special gift that could help her hold on to him for a little bit longer.

  VERONICA CARRIED TWO PIES TO THE STAND THE FOLLOWING Saturday morning. She looked toward the road and saw a horse and buggy heading toward her. She stowed the pies in the cooler and then smoothed her hands over her apron as the horse halted in front of the stand. When she spotted the mysterious man from last week climbing from the buggy, her stomach tightened. She recalled her mother’s worries about her safety, and she considered calling for Emily, who was working in the garden.

  When the man met her gaze and smiled, however, all her worries faded away. There was something genuine in his light-brown eyes.

  He nodded. “Gude mariye.”

  “Gude mariye,” she said. “Did you enjoy your purchases last week?”

  “Ya.” He pointed toward the coolers. “I’m hoping you have more pies. My family ate the first two quickly, and mei mamm sent me back to get more.”

  “Oh, gut. I’m glad you liked them.”

  “What’s your secret?”

  “It’s an old family recipe.” She lifted two pies from the cooler. “How many do you want?”

  “Three.” He pulled out his wallet and paid her. “Do you grow the raspberries in your garden?”

  “Ya,” she said. “My mammi planted them many years ago, and they come back every season. We have an abundance of raspberries. There are so many that my schweschder has to help me pick them and freeze them.”

  “That’s amazing.” His smile was warm and genuine.

  Veronica looked up at his face twice as she placed the pies in a bag, first taking in his chiseled cheekbones, then his perfectly proportioned nose. He was handsome, just as Emily had said, but she wasn’t interested. No one could ever fill the hole Seth had left in her heart.

  “Here you go.” He handed her the money and then picked up the pies. “I know we’ll enjoy these. My mamm is taking one to her quilting circle.”

  “Danki.” She slipped the money into a pocket in her apron and recalled their brief conversation last week. “Your weather report was right, by the way.”

  “What?” He raised his eyebrows in question.

  “Last week you told me it wasn’t supposed to rain until Wednesday, and you were right. In fact, it poured on Wednesday. Have you heard a weather report for this week?”

  The corners of his lips twitched with amusement. “Let me think.” He looked up at the cloudless sky, and she knew he was going to fabricate a weather report. “I heard it isn’t supposed to rain until Tuesday.”

  “Tuesday.” She folded her arms over her apron. “I’ll make a note of that and be prepared when I go to buy groceries.”

  “That’s a gut idea.” He looked at her for a moment, and the nervous expression she’d seen last week returned to his face. Was he afraid to really talk to her?

  “What’s your name?” She felt outspoken and bold after asking the question, but the words had slipped from her lips before she could stop them.

  “Jason.” He gave her a hesitant smile. “Jason . . . Huyard.”

  “Well, Jason Huyard, I hope you enjoy your pies, and I’ll be sure to find my umbrella for Tuesday.”

  “Gut.” He nodded. “Stay dry.”

  “You too.”

  He climbed into the buggy and gave her a little wave before guiding the horse back down the driveway.

  “Jason Huyard,” she whispered. Why was that name so familiar? Was there another Jason Huyard in their community? She doubted it since Huyard was a rare Amish last name, unlike Fisher. She stared after his buggy and wondered if he would come back for more pies next Saturday. And if he did, would he have another make-believe weather report to share?

  She smiled. He seemed like a nice person, but she wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. He might, however, eventually become a friend, and maybe she could use a brotherly friend right now.

  JASON PLACED THE PIES ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER. HE smiled as he contemplated his short conversation with Veronica at the bake stand. She’d seemed happy to see him, and she even teased him about his weather report. She was stunningly beautiful in her rose-colored dress. He’d had a difficult time pulling his focus away from her. And he was glad she hadn’t recognized his name. He still wasn’t ready for the talk he knew would have to come.

  “You went by the bake stand again?” Stephen stepped into the
kitchen and reached for a bottle of iced tea from the refrigerator.

  “Ya, Mamm wanted three more pies, so I stopped at Veronica’s bake stand after going to the hardware store.”

  “Oh.” Stephen poured two glasses of tea and handed one to Jason. “And? How did it go? Did you actually talk to her this time?”

  “Ya, I did.” Jason frowned before taking a sip. “We joked about the weather, and she asked me what my name is.”

  “Did you tell her you worked with Seth?”

  Jason sighed and placed the glass on the counter. “No, I didn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I’m afraid I’ll scare her away if she finds out I knew Seth.”

  Stephen gave him a look of disbelief. “I thought you wanted to express your condolences to her and tell her you miss Seth too. What about your plan to grieve with her?”

  “I chickened out.” Jason couldn’t admit that he was so taken by her beauty that he was afraid of saying something that would ruin the moment. When she joked about his weather report, he felt as if it was an invitation to be friendly and get to know her better. He feared that bringing up the subject of Seth might have turned a fun conversation into something depressing.

  “You have to tell her the truth if you’re going to keep seeing her,” Stephen insisted.

  “I will tell her,” Jason promised. “I’ll tell her the next time I’m there.”

  “Gut.” Stephen took a long drink. “Are you coming to the youth gathering tomorrow night?”

  “I don’t know.” Jason shrugged.

  “You should come.” Stephen placed his glass on the counter. “Mary has been asking about you. It seemed like you two got along when you went to their farm. You should see her again. Give her a fair chance, especially since you can’t be sure how your talk with Veronica will go.” He started for the back door. “See you later.”

  Jason placed the pies in the refrigerator and contemplated Mary. She was sweet and pretty, but he didn’t feel the spark with Mary he felt with Veronica. When Veronica smiled today, his elation had thrummed through his whole body. He had never felt such an overwhelming yearning to get to know someone. He knew his brother was right; he had to tell Veronica he had been friends with Seth and was there when he died. He’d find a way to tell her the truth, but he also wanted to find a way to spend more time with her—and that was what made following Stephen’s advice so hard.