by Amy Clipston
“We heard you have the best raspberry pies in Lancaster County,” the tall woman said. “Do you have any pies left today?”
“Oh, ya.” Veronica pulled two pies from her cooler. “How many would you like to purchase?”
“Two,” the short woman said. “Wait.” She looked at her friend. “What do you think, Phyllis? Should we get five instead? You said your sons like raspberries.”
“That’s true.” Phyllis touched her lip with her fingertip. “I suppose I should get three. Do you have five?”
“I do.” Veronica removed the pies from the cooler.
“Oh, look at these jams, Louise.” Phyllis clicked her tongue. “We need to get these too.”
While the women tried to decide which jam flavors to buy, Veronica looked toward the back of the house. She wondered if Jason was still talking to her father. He had to be in the store. What was he discussing with her father? What was her father saying about her?
Veronica gnawed her lower lip as her thoughts turned to his sweet, loving letter. Why was Jason still holding on to Veronica so tightly when she was pushing him away? It seemed as if he was positive they belonged together. If he was right, then why was this so difficult for Veronica?
“Miss?” Louise asked. “Are you all right?”
Veronica forced a smile. “Ya, I am. I’m sorry. I just have a lot on my mind.” She turned her attention to her customers, but her thoughts were still absorbed with Jason. He had lodged himself in her heart, and now she just needed to figure out if he belonged there permanently.
CHAPTER 21
JASON STOOD OUTSIDE THE HARNESS SHOP AND STUFFED his hands into the pockets of his trousers. He was sure Veronica’s father could help him figure out how to convince her he loved her. He mustered all the courage he could find and walked up the rock path leading to the front door. The bells hanging from the doorknob chimed, announcing his entrance.
Emily stood at the register, helping an English customer who was buying a saddle. She met Jason’s stare and smiled at him. He was stunned by her warm welcome. “How are you, Jason?” she asked.
“I’m okay.” He gestured toward the workroom beyond the store. “I was wondering if your dat is available.”
“Ya, he’s here,” she said. “You can go on back.”
“Danki.” Jason walked through the store and stepped into the workroom, where he found Hank and Leroy working at the benches. Jason cleared his throat, and they both turned toward him. He nodded a greeting.
“Jason.” Leroy gave him a surprised expression. “It’s gut to see you.”
“Hi, Leroy. I was wondering if I could talk to you.” He wanted to talk to Leroy in private, but he didn’t want Hank to feel as if he had to leave his shop.
“Of course.” Leroy stood and retrieved his hat from the peg on the wall. “Let’s walk outside.”
“That would be perfect.” Jason followed Leroy out the back door, which led to the fenced pasture on Hank’s property. The dark, foreboding clouds in the sky mirrored Jason’s mood. The air was cool and smelled like rain. Autumn was teasing the late-summer day. He fell into step with Leroy as they moved to the pasture fence.
“How have you been?” Leroy asked.
Jason considered the question and found it difficult to answer. “To be honest, I’m frustrated.” He leaned against the split-rail fence. “I need your advice.”
Leroy nodded and placed his hand on a fence post. “I assume this has to do with Veronica.”
“Ya, it does.” Jason shook his head. “I have a feeling you already know what happened between us.”
“I believe I do. Mattie tells me she’s upset because she found out you knew Seth and didn’t tell her. She feels you deliberately withheld that information to manipulate her somehow, and she’s hurt.”
“That’s exactly right. I can’t seem to find a way to make her understand that I’m sorry I made the mistake of not telling her the truth, but my intentions were pure, and I want to make things right again.” Jason rubbed his chin with the back of his knuckles while reaching deep inside of himself for the emotional strength to put his feelings into words.
“Leroy, I love your dochder with my whole heart. In fact, I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. I think she feels the same way about me, but she’s too stubborn to allow herself to admit it.”
Leroy smiled. “That sounds like my Veronica.”
“If she truly didn’t love me and didn’t want to be with me, then I would drop this,” Jason explained. “I don’t want to force someone who doesn’t love me to be with me, but it’s not like that. I know she feels the connection we have. I know she feels something deep and powerful for me. I can see it in her eyes when I talk to her.”
The older man nodded. “Ya, I think you’re right. She’s been moping around ever since she argued with you. I know her schweschdere and Mattie have talked to her, but it doesn’t seem to have done any gut.”
Jason scowled as vexation gripped him. “I’ve tried to get through to her. I came to see her, even brought flowers. But she wouldn’t see me. Today I brought her more gifts. She just argued with me and told me to leave. She said it’s time for us to move on, but I disagree. I love her too much to move on.”
The compassion in Leroy’s eyes surprised Jason. “I understand.”
“Danki. I made a mistake, I’ve apologized over and over again, and she says she’s forgiven me. But she won’t give us another chance.” He paused and took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m desperate, and I’m at the end of my rope. I don’t know what else to do. Would you please help me?”
Leroy rubbed his forehead and then nodded. “Ya, I will. I’ll try to think of something that will help you.” He paused, contemplating the situation. “I have a few ideas, and I’ll see what I can do.”
“I don’t know how to thank you.” Jason shook Leroy’s hand as hope sparked within him.
“If you want to thank me, then just make my Veronica froh. I’ve seen her bedauerlich for way too long.”
“If I could only get her to try again, I would make it my life’s goal to make her happy,” Jason admitted.
“Just don’t give up. If Veronica is anything like her mamm, she’ll eventually realize that what she wants has been right in front of her eyes all along.” Leroy nodded. “You take care, son.”
“Danki. You too.” Jason shuffled around to the front of the store and down the path leading to Leroy’s house.
With Leroy’s help, Jason hoped he could regain Veronica’s friendship. It was time for Jason to back off and allow Veronica the space she’d asked him to give her. As much as the idea stung, Jason planned to leave the Fisher place today and not come back again until Veronica invited him.
Jason rounded the front of the house and noticed the gift bag was gone. He hoped Veronica had retrieved it and opened it. He prayed she had read his letter and it had touched her deeply. The idea made him smile. Jason ambled down the driveway toward his buggy. He stopped in front of the bake stand where Veronica was helping two middle-aged English women.
Veronica’s glance shifted to him, and her smile crumpled as her eyes locked with his. She studied him, and the intensity in her blue eyes caused his heartbeat to accelerate. It wasn’t hatred that he found there; it was something else entirely. He hoped the heat glowing in her eyes was love. Had she read the letter? He longed to read her mysterious thoughts.
One of the customers said something to Veronica, and her attention snapped back to her. She answered the woman and smiled again.
Oh, how Jason missed seeing Veronica smile at him. One of the women examined a pie, and an idea took root in Jason’s mind. He knew Veronica would never be rude to him in front of a customer. Jason took the opportunity to talk to Veronica one last time.
The two customers turned toward him as he neared the stand and grinned as if they’d never seen an Amish man before.
Jason smiled at the ladies. “Are you here to purchase her raspberry pies?”
“They are.” Jason glanced at Veronica, and her eyes widened with shock and confusion. “I usually come here every Saturday to get one or two. My parents and my brother enjoy them too.”
“It seems like you have some frequent customers,” the other said.
Veronica nodded slowly, but she kept her questioning expression trained on Jason.
“I’d like to buy two pies please, Veronica,” Jason said, keeping his voice calm and his smile wide.
Veronica eyed him and then pulled two pies from her cooler. “These are my last two,” she said, her voice tight.
He pulled his wallet from his back pocket as she put the pies in a shopping bag.
“No charge,” she said, pushing the pies toward him.
Jason looked at her, longing to see her smile the same sweet, warm smile that had always seemed to be only for him. Instead, she was frowning. “No,” he insisted. “I want to pay you.”
“Just take them,” she said. “You’re a frequent customer.”
“Right.” His mouth formed a thin line. So he was only a customer now. “Danki.”
“Gern gschehne,” Veronica said softly before turning her attention back to the English women. “Is there anything else you’d like today?”
Jason made his way to the buggy and placed the pies on the bench seat before climbing in. He glanced back toward the bake stand once more, hoping to catch Veronica’s gaze, but she was focusing on her customers. He knew where he stood with her, but he clung to the hope that her father could help him. Surely Leroy would know how to get through to the independent, stubborn daughter who had stolen Jason’s heart.
AS SOON AS THE CUSTOMERS LEFT, VERONICA PUT UP THE Closed sign and then stalked over to her father’s harness shop to see what Dat had said to Jason. He had seemed so different when he returned, almost serene when he’d come to buy the pies. It was as if all the tension she’d seen in his shoulders earlier had left. What had Dat told him?
Concern consumed her as she picked up her pace and moved up the path leading to the shop’s front door.
Veronica found Emily sitting behind the register and working on the store’s accounting log.
“Hi, Veronica.” Emily frowned. “Was iss letz?”
“Is Dat here?” Veronica asked, ignoring her sister’s question. “I need to speak to him.”
“Ya, he’s in the back.” Emily studied her. “You look upset.”
“I am upset.” Veronica walked through the store and into the workroom where her father and Hank were busy making harnesses and leashes to sell. “Dat, what did you say to Jason?” The question burst from her lips before she had a chance to stop it.
Dat turned toward her and raised his eyebrows.
“Hi, Veronica.” Hank smiled. “How are you today?”
Veronica fingered the hem of her apron. “Hi, Hank.” She cleared her throat. “I didn’t mean to ignore you.”
Hank stood. “I’ll give you two some privacy. I need to take a break anyway.” He made his way into the store.
Veronica rubbed her temples where a headache brewed. “It’s been a really stressful day.”
“Have a seat, mei liewe,” Dat said, patting a stool beside him. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
Veronica folded her arms over her apron in an effort to quell her trembling body. “Did Jason come to see you earlier?”
Dat nodded. “He did.”
“What did you say to him?”
“We talked.”
Dat handed her a bottle of water from the small refrigerator next to her. “He didn’t stay long.” He opened a bottle and took a long drink.
She tried to temper her frustration. Why was Dat holding back information? He was evading the question, and she was ready to scream with irritation, but she was certain her father would completely shut down if she yelled at him. She had to force herself to remain calm despite her growing resentment.
Veronica leveled her eyes at him. “Dat, please tell me what you discussed.”
Dat took another drink and then moved the back of his hand across his mouth. “He told me he loves you, and he asked for my help showing you how much he’s sorry and wants to make things right.”
Veronica blinked. She’d had a feeling Jason had asked her father for help, but hearing her father say those words out loud touched something deep in her soul.
“I told him I would try to help him,” Dat said simply. “I think his feelings for you are genuine.”
Veronica nodded, speechless. Jason was so desperate to convince her he loved her that he’d asked her father for help. Emotions warred inside of her. She took a long drink of water as her body continued to quake.
Dat was looking at her intently. “Are you all right?”
“Ya.” Veronica stood. “Danki for the water.”
She made her way back through the store, where Emily and Hank were talking at the cashier desk. Veronica nodded at them and continued out the door toward the house. She walked up the back porch steps and through the mudroom into the kitchen as the events of the day threatened to overwhelm her.
Her focus settled on the shelf Jason had given her the night he told her he loved her. Despite her efforts to forget him, he continued to make his way into her thoughts and her heart. Did this mean she still loved him?
The question settled deep inside of her, and she closed her eyes. No, she couldn’t love him. They weren’t meant to be together. She had to fight this silly notion. Jason just needed to get over her, and she needed to let go of her feelings for him.
Veronica opened the pantry door and pulled out an armful of jars of relish and then made her way back to the bake stand. She would keep herself busy until she forgot her feelings for Jason. She would look for more recipes and make more pies—just maybe not raspberry pies. She was glad all the raspberries were gone now. She wanted to forget how that recipe from her grandmother had brought Jason into her life.
That’s all she could do right now. She couldn’t waste time thinking about Jason. He wasn’t right for her.
FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE SHE’D BROKEN UP WITH JASON, Veronica took the lid off the vanilla candle and lit it. She placed the candle on her nightstand and watched the flame dance in the dark silence of her bedroom. Sitting on the bed with her legs tucked under her body, she pulled out the lavender lotion. She pressed the pump and rubbed the smooth lotion on her arms, breathing in the sweet fragrance.
Veronica retrieved the letter from the gift bag and contemplated the words again. She touched the bag of rocks, imagining herself walking with Jason while they made their way around the pond where they’d had the picnic. Was this what she wanted? Did she want to make everything right with Jason? She didn’t know what she wanted.
All she knew for sure was that she was bewildered, so bewildered that her vision blurred with tears. She pulled out her grandmother’s letter and reread it. Did her grandmother feel this befuddled before she accepted her grandfather’s proposal? She longed to talk to Mammi and ask her how she managed to move past her grief after losing her brother. How did she know when she was ready to move on?
“If only Mammi was still here,” Veronica whispered.
She turned off her Coleman lantern and snuggled under her sheet. She pulled Seth’s quilt to her and watched the candle’s flame as it continued to flicker and dance, casting shadows on her ceiling. She rolled onto her side, closed her eyes, and opened her heart to God.
God, I’m so baffled by my feelings for Jason. In my heart, I know I love him, but I’m afraid to open my heart to him only for him to hurt me again. Please show me the way, God. Show me where I belong. Should I give Jason a second chance, or should I allow myself time to heal before I love someone else? I just don’t know what the right path is for me. Please, God, show me the way. Amen.
And then she blew out the candle and drifted off to sleep.
CHAPTER 22
JASON SAT BETWEEN HIS BROTHER AND FATHER WHILE THEY ate lunch after the church service at the Zook farm the next day. The fragrance of animals and hay surrounded Jason as he sat at the long table with the other men in the large barn.
He’d spent most of the service thinking about Veronica and wondering if his efforts yesterday had made any impact on her feelings for him. But in the end he was positive to the bottom of his soul that he’d wasted more of his fragile emotions on her. Veronica had made it clear that she didn’t love him anymore and that he should move on with his life. So why was it so difficult for him to accept that it was over?
“You’ve been awfully quiet,” Stephen remarked while smothering a piece of bread with peanut butter spread. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Jason muttered. He lifted a small pretzel to his mouth, but he wasn’t truly hungry. He was exhausted and tired of trying to think of another way to prove his love to Veronica. He was burned out and had exhausted all of his ideas. All he could do now was wait for Leroy to try to get through to her. Was Veronica worth all this emotional pain?
Yes, she is worth it because I love her to the very depth of my soul.
“Ya, something is wrong. It’s written all over your face.” Stephen lifted his cup of coffee and sipped. “Did you go to see Veronica yesterday?”
“Ya, I did.” Jason sighed and pushed the peanut butter spread around on his plate with another pretzel. “It didn’t go the way I’d hoped.”
“What happened?” Dat asked.
Jason told him the whole story. “I’m out of ideas. I’m just emotionally drained.”
Stephen shook his head. “I’m sorry. I thought she would’ve realized by now that you’re a genuine guy.”
Dat’s face reflected the same sympathetic expression as his brother’s. “She’s missing out by not giving you another chance.”
Dat and Stephen shared knowing looks, and it infuriated Jason to be the object of their pity. He was tired of everyone’s sympathy. He was tired of pining over a maedel who’d rejected him. He was just plain tired of feeling sorry for himself.