Their Surprise Amish Marriage
Page 16
She cried for herself. All she’d ever wanted was to be a wife to the man she loved and a gut mother to his children. She knew whose wife she was and would be as long as he lived, but she was so confused over whose wife she’d been meant to be. Forgotten romantic girlish feelings for Aaron seeped into the small patches of her mind that weren’t absorbed with motherhood and homemaking. Patches that’d grown feelings for Ben. Could they ever regain their burgeoning happiness now that Aaron had returned?
She cried for the two brothers whom she’d unwittingly come between. She’d never forgive herself if she shattered what used to be a close relationship permanently.
* * *
Ben’s fingers itched to urge Sojourner into a faster speed. He couldn’t wait to get home and share his good news with Rachel. Things had been going so well for Schrock Brothers’ Furniture that Malachi had given them all a raise. Ben couldn’t have picked a better time to receive such news, with two new babies to support. His smile felt like it stretched from one buggy wheel to the other. Maybe they could save enough for their own farm with room for a bigger garden sooner than they’d thought. Sojy must’ve felt his excitement, because her gait quickened.
He blew out a breath. The raise would also be a good lead-in for other information he planned to share. That he loved her. Maybe admit he’d always loved her? Nee, that might be a little much. But it was time to tell her. Perhaps after supper, he could take her outside where it was private—on the opposite side of the house from the cattle, his lips twisted wryly—and tell her that he loved her. He was finally ready to say it. He hoped she was ready to hear it.
An oncoming vehicle was rapidly approaching on the narrow country road. Ben reluctantly checked Sojy as he guided her closer to the shoulder. The driver reduced his speed. At least he was courteous enough not to fly by and hog the road. Not recognizing the car, Ben idly glanced over as it passed. Sojy half reared and the buggy jolted toward the ditch at his involuntary jerk on the reins when he saw the driver.
Instantly soothing the offended horse, Ben craned his neck to look back down the road. His mouth went dry at the sight of the car’s glowing brake lights. When it started to back up, he forced a hard swallow as his heart started to pound.
This wasn’t a reunion to have in the middle of the road. Peering ahead, Ben saw the entrance to an alfalfa field. With tense hands, he directed Sojy to it, driving her far enough into the stubbled vegetation that the driver of the car, should he choose, could pull into the field entrance.
The driver hadn’t hesitated. Ben heard the vehicle pull in behind him as he set the buggy’s brake. His chest rose and fell as if he’d been the one racing down the road. As he stiffly climbed down from the seat, Ben didn’t know what to expect as a greeting. A hug? A punch to the jaw? Both were abnormal to Plain folk. Amish didn’t believe in overt display of affection. They didn’t believe in physical violence either. But this was far from a normal situation.
There weren’t many houses down this road and therefore few reasons to be down it. As he didn’t recall his brother being a close friend of Jethro, Ben knew there was only one explanation for Aaron to have come from that direction. He’d been to the house to see Rachel. He’d found out where she lived and he’d tracked her down. If he’d wanted to see Ben, he would’ve known to find him at work.
But he hadn’t.
Crossing his arms over his chest, Ben clenched his teeth. He didn’t care to have his bruder, or any man, hunting down his wife behind his back.
What’d been Rachel’s response? Had she been anticipating Aaron’s arrival? Had there been more letters since he’d found the one in the drawer?
Aaron was driving a car. Did that mean he didn’t plan to stay? Had he come back to get Rachel to go with him this time?
The possibility of losing his family had Ben going rigid as he watched his brother slowly climb out of the car and shut the door.
“So you finally have something faster than what I drive.” Ben wanted to grab the words back as soon as they escaped his mouth. In the vibrating silence, he’d striven for some weak joke to break the tension. Not to competitively increase it. But he couldn’t stop himself.
It was going to be the fist to the mouth. Aaron was capable of throwing one. Ben almost welcomed it. Despite Aaron’s flat-brimmed straw hat, perhaps he’d been with the Englisch so long he’d forgotten that he was Amish, or had been. Ben watched warily as his older bruder’s hands clenched. When Aaron spoke, Ben would’ve rather had the physical blow.
“I should’ve known you’d go after her the moment my back was turned.”
Ben’s mouth was dry. There was no way he was going to mention that Rachel had sought him out first.
“You shouldn’t have left her without a word. She needed comfort.”
Aaron’s grimace migrated to a smirk. “Is that what you want to call it?”
Anger warred with guilt as both barreled through Ben. “You left all of us. You know, I’ve thought of you as many things throughout the years, but I never thought you were selfish. It was selfish, Aaron, to leave as you did, without telling anyone you were going. Where you were going. If you’d ever be back. Without reaching out to tell Daed and Mamm wherever you were, that you were safe. Makes me wonder why I thought so much of you when we were growing up. I should’ve been a better judge of character.” Ben’s gut twisted even as he spewed the angry words. More of them that he wanted to take back. He’d have climbed back into the buggy to stop the tirade if his knees weren’t so shaky.
Aaron’s face was pale under the brim of his hat. “I wondered what kind of reception I’d get. I didn’t figure on red-carpet treatment, but I certainly didn’t expect my own bruder,” his lips curled at the word, “to betray me and steal my girl. Looks like the exhaust from my bus hadn’t even cleared town when you two got together. Talk about being stabbed in the back. I should’ve shaken loose of you years ago if this is the thanks I get for letting you trail behind me.”
“Well, don’t worry about it now. Because—” Ben’s gaze drifted behind Aaron to dwell on the car “—even if you think fit to return to the community, I’ll figure out some way to steer clear of you.”
“That’s funny. Because I was, until I discovered what I was returning home to.” Pivoting, Aaron strode to the car and jerked the door open. Sojourner flung up her head when the engine revved and dirt flew as the car wheeled out of the field road.
Ben sagged against the buggy’s wheel. What had he done? What had come over him? He squeezed his eyes shut, his face contorted. Well, that was obvious. He was afraid. Afraid that somehow he’d lose what he was discovering he loved more than he could imagine, Rachel and the boppeli. Would they go with Aaron? He didn’t think so, didn’t think Rachel would agree to be shunned, which she would if she went. But even if she stayed physically, would she be emotionally distant again, realizing she’d married the wrong brother?
How would he face his parents, knowing his brother had left for reasons of his own before, but this time Ben was the one to drive him away?
Perhaps permanently.
Panting, he stayed by the wheel a moment with his hand pressed against his stomach, reluctant to clean out the buggy if he got sick while in it. When he finally climbed onto the seat, his movements were as slow and stiff as an old grossdaddi. He felt like he’d aged fifty years in the past fifteen minutes. Listlessly, he guided Sojy back onto the road. Where just a half mile back, he’d been so excited to reach home, now he dreaded what he’d find there.
It was as he’d feared. Aaron had obviously been to the house. Rachel came out on the porch as he drove up the lane. Her face was pale and drawn, except for her eyes, which were red from an obviously long bout of tears. Ben lingered as long as possible taking care of Sojy and the other livestock. Trying to think of what to say. Determining it was better to be silent. Only a fool would bleat his love to a woman who loved another.
Not even the presence of Miriam could keep the meal from being stilted, although the hired girl tried a few topics of conversation before surrendering to the tense silence around the table. Ben would’ve been surprised if any of them took a bite, only stirring their food around the plates. He didn’t linger after supper, heading straight to his room, a solitary room that would now be endlessly his.
Chapter Sixteen
The ticking of the clock outside his bedroom marked the seconds, minutes and hours that crept by. Sleep was impossible. Ben’s heart was still hammering, his stomach still churning from his conversation with Aaron and the lack of a needed one with Rachel. The only moments that’d brought peace were the ones when he held the boppeli. Obviously alert to his tension, they’d initially squirmed, their blue eyes seeking his face. As they’d relaxed, he had as well, the rigidity seeping from him as they eventually fell asleep in his arms.
Thinking of them, he alerted to the occasional squeaks he knew were coming from the cradles now in Rachel’s room. The babies were waking. Knowing he wouldn’t be sleeping, and needing their comfort again, he slipped from bed and quietly dressed. After lighting a lamp by his cushion chair, he tiptoed into Rachel’s room and headed for the cradles while casting a glance toward her motionless figure on the bed.
The babies were stirring, but their mamm was not. Not surprising, when he’d heard her up with them two hours earlier. Although she had Miriam to help care for the house and boppeli, the two little ones required a lot of work. The amount of tears Rachel had obviously cried today would’ve also physically exhausted her. Ben quietly and carefully scooped up Amelia and Eli and carried them out of the room.
No stranger to diaper duties, he had the twins changed before they became fully awake. Glad they kept formula on hand for such occasions, Ben prepared a bottle for each and with some negotiating, settled down to feed them. It took a bit of coaxing, as the twins preferred their mamm, but as they grew hungrier, they latched on to the bottles.
While watching them eat, Ben again felt his tension ebb as his heart filled.
“You two will have a bond that can never be parted.” Ben sighed. “You’ll play together. You’ll work together. You’ll learn from each other. You’ll probably argue at times. I imagine Eli will tug on your hair, Amelia, if it’s not the other way around.” The backs of Ben’s eyes prickled at the thought of the two wee ones in his arms having discord in their lives that couldn’t be repaired. The possibility broke his heart.
“But you’ll love each other. You’ll learn and understand the other’s strengths and weaknesses. We all have weaknesses.” Ben bit his lip as he gazed at his children, who studied him solemnly in return. “You need to stand up for each other. You’re family.”
Their little faces grew blurry as Ben blinked back tears. He couldn’t leave things this way with Aaron. Pride and fear shouldn’t get between family. Closing his eyes, he grimaced as his awful words this afternoon echoed in his head. If he had driven Aaron away, Ben didn’t know how he’d forgive himself.
When he opened his eyes, he found the babies regarding him with concern. Their mirrored expressions raised a misty smile. “Being silent in this case would be more than appearing a fool. It would mean being one. I need to go talk to him, don’t I? Apologize. For a lot of things. Should I tell him I always l—” Ben had to clear his throat to get the word out. “Always loved your mamm? I suppose that’s something a child wants to hear. Or at least know that their daed loves their mamm. It’s something she probably wants to know, as well. But I don’t know if I can tell her, now that the man she really loves is back. See, we can’t change things, but I don’t want to rush her, like I feel I did to...” Ben smiled “...have the surprise of your arrival. I want to give her time. I wouldn’t feel right to be a couple when she’s thinking of someone else.”
Amelia’s little brows furrowed as she sucked at the bottle harder.
“Ach, please don’t think me a coward for not telling her. It’s enough that you two know now. By the time you can tell her, maybe we’ll have worked something out. In the meantime, just know that I’m here for you and her, and I cherish all three of you more than you can ever imagine.”
Eli’s eyelids were getting heavy. Ben jiggled him gently to wake him enough to eat a bit more. “Anyway, regarding Aaron, I feel I cheated my bruder. Always wanted and then had a chance to take something that was his. I can see why he feels upset and betrayed. This life with your mamm should’ve been his. You should’ve been his.” Ben’s arms tightened around the babes. “But I thank Gott every day that you’re mine. Already I can’t imagine living without you.”
Removing the finished bottles and shifting Eli to his lap, he lifted Amelia to his shoulder to gently coax a burp. “But I can’t imagine existing with this discord between Aaron and me. I must apologize. I hope he’ll forgive me.” Achieving success with Amelia, he switched the babes’ positions. “Even if he doesn’t, at least I’ll know I’ve tried to set things right.”
Balancing both boppeli on his lap, he watched their eyes drift shut as he carefully swaddled them. “Thanks for the talk. You’re both gut listeners. I’ll talk to Aaron as soon as possible. With your mamm, we’ll give her some more time. I’m trusting you two to keep what I said a secret.” He rose from his chair. Bending first one arm, then the other, he kissed both their brows and quietly slipped into his sleeping wife’s bedroom to return his children to their cradles.
* * *
Ben left the farm following chores early the next morning, glad it was a Saturday and he could put the onerous task behind him. With a parting glance at the house, his lips twitched, knowing the babes wouldn’t tell Rachel that it was he, and not Miriam, who’d gotten up with them in the middle of the night. Knowing they wouldn’t share his other admissions either. His smile faded as he turned Sojy at the end of the lane. Now he had to keep his vow. He was guessing Aaron, if he hadn’t already departed again, would be staying at their folks’ farm. If not, maybe his daed would know where to find him. Even though he dreaded doing so.
Several pensive miles later, Ben sighed in relief at the sight of yesterday’s car parked in front of his family farm’s big white barn. His chest tightened when Aaron came to the barn door, a pitchfork in his hand, as Ben drew Sojy to a stop next to the vehicle. The two brothers watched each other warily as Ben set the brake and stepped down from the buggy.
When his feet hit the ground, Ben remained rooted for a moment. “Where’s Daed?” It seemed a safe place to start. He hadn’t decided if he wanted a witness to what he needed to say.
“He and Mamm went into town.” Aaron gave a studiously negligent shrug. “They said they had errands, but I imagine they wanted to share the news about the prodigal son returning.”
Glancing over at the car, Ben shifted his feet. “And has he?”
The admission was slow in coming. “Probably.”
“Where’s the rest of the family?” Ben tried to peer into the quiet depths of the barn. “Our two younger brieder aren’t helping you?”
“I told them I had it. After being stared at, tiptoed around and asked how I was doing for the past sixteen hours, I was ready for a little alone time.”
“I guess that’s something I didn’t ask yesterday.” Needing something to do with his hands, Ben scratched the back of his neck. “How are you doing?”
“I’ve been better.”
Ben nodded toward the shadowy barn behind Aaron’s stiff figure. “You still want alone time, or do you want some help?”
“I remember how to muck a stall, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I learned how to muck out one pretty well
too, because someone did a gut job of teaching me.”
For the first time, a shadow of a smile touched Aaron’s face. “He should’ve taught you to respect your elders.”
Ben was surprised he didn’t collapse to the ground in a heap with the relief that swept through him. “You’re not that much older.”
“Old enough that you’re still an irritating little bruder.” Aaron gestured with his head. “Come on. There’s work enough for two. Or maybe I’ll just let you take over. You seem to be gut at that.”
Already moving toward the barn door, Ben hesitated at his words. Aaron’s face was now in the barn’s shadows. He couldn’t see his bruder’s expression. With a heavy thickness in his throat, he stepped into the barn. Following Aaron to the wooden wall where various tools hung by hooks and nails, he removed a pitchfork.
“About...that.” Resting the pitchfork on the ground, tines down, Ben curled his hands around the wooden handle. “I’m sorry for what I said yesterday. I’m sorry for a lot of things. I can’t imagine what you must have felt coming back to find...the situation you did.” Ben blew out a breath through pursed lips. When Aaron didn’t respond, only met his eyes with a steady gaze and set expression, Ben continued, “I want you to know that none of this was Rachel’s fault. We didn’t mean for what happened...to happen. We were both upset when you left. I let things go too far. Then when she told me—” he swallowed hard “—about the boppeli, and we didn’t know if or when you were coming back, we had to do something.”
Still no reaction from his bruder. Looking away from the man’s obviously clenched jaw, Ben shifted his attention to the line of stalls on the far side of the barn, where the brown heads of his daed’s Standardbreds were watching them curiously. “It wouldn’t have mattered, but for a while I wondered if it was...”