Music from Home

by Geraldine O'Neill

  She was just about to move when she heard Tony call out: “Stella!” Then she heard a loud thud which cut through all her previous thoughts. She turned to look over to where Tony and Stella were standing and her eyes widened in shock when she saw Stella collapsed on the floor, Tony and Paul kneeling beside her.

  Then she saw Stella’s mother rush across the floor and push Tony to the side. “Get your hands off her! Don’t touch her!” She lifted her skirt a few inches to allow herself to kneel down at her daughter’s side.

  “I was only trying to help,” Tony said as he got to his feet. “I didn’t do anything wrong. She just suddenly fainted.”

  “Get away!” Jane Maxwell hissed, patting both sides of Stella’s face in an attempt to rouse her. “It has nothing whatsoever to do with you. She has nothing to do with you! Her father and I will look after her.”

  Maria, somehow unable to move, felt sorry as she saw Tony’s face flush with discomfort and embarrassment. He took a few steps back and, for something to do, stuck both hands deep into his jacket pockets. He then stood watching, shifting anxiously from one foot to another as though ready for a quick getaway.

  Paul moved closer to Mrs Maxwell. “She was fine one minute – chatting away – and the next minute she just seemed to go into a dead faint.”

  “Thank you, Paul,” she said graciously. “I’m sure it’s just a little faint. Lots of girls get them. I’m quite sure she will be fine.”

  Maria watched as Stella’s father appeared now with a glass of water. “Stella?” he said quietly, crouching down beside his wife. “Sit up now like a good girl and have a sip of water and you’ll feel better.”

  Stella stirred a little as though she had heard him but moved no further.

  “Come on now, Stella,” her mother said. “You need to move. It’s time for us to go home.”

  The door opened behind Maria and she had to move to the side to allow it to open fully. Diana and Bernice came in, followed by Jennifer Cox from next door and her mother and father.

  Diana looked over to where a small group were gathered around the Maxwells then she looked at Maria. “What’s happened?”

  “Stella fainted,” Maria said in a low voice, surprised to feel fairly normal again. “She seemed fine one minute and the next she fell to the floor.”

  “Oh, my goodness,” Diana said. “I hope she’s okay.”

  Jennifer Cox looked back at her mother and said, “I think we’ve come at a bad time. It might be best if we come back tomorrow.”

  Maria looked over and could see Stella sitting up now. “It’s okay,” she said. “I think my friend is recovering. Come in and have a cup of tea.” The Coxes then in turn shook Maria’s hand and had a few quiet words of sympathy with her, while she stood pale-faced and quiet.

  A short while later Stella was helped up into a chair and then she drank some water, looking as if she was gradually coming back to herself. While her father was checking if she was fit to stand, Jane Maxwell came over to Maria. The Coxes excused themselves politely and left them to talk.

  “I’m terribly sorry about what happened, Maria,” Jane said, her face strained and pinched. “I know that things are hard enough for you without this happening. I think we need to get Stella straight home and into bed.”

  “I hope she’s okay,” Maria said quietly. She looked over and could see that Stella was on her feet now, and her father had his arm around her protectively.

  “We must get her to a doctor and get her checked out. As you probably know, she has had a few fainting episodes over the years when her periods are due.”

  “That’s probably what it is.” Maria hesitated. “She’s also lost a lot of weight recently . . .”

  “Yes, a lot of people have noticed that. I hope it’s not the ballet taking too much out of her. She’s been doing more practice lately than usual – she’s never out of the studio.” She raised her eyebrows. “It’s a change – a few months ago she was the opposite – we couldn’t get her to do anything. But that’s Stella all over; you can’t tell her to do anything.” She gave a loud sigh. “Oh, hopefully we’ll get it all sorted.”

  Maria looked over to the corner where the two boys were and could see Paul talking to Tony, who was still moving from side to side and looking more uncomfortable than ever.

  Jane followed her gaze and then pursed her lips and shook her head. “Dear God! She’d be an awful lot better if she kept away from that boy. I don’t know what she’s doing with him, and I hope she didn’t arrange to meet him here.”

  “Tony being here had nothing to do with Stella,” Maria said. “He came with Paul. He knows me and my father from the stables, and he’s always been nice to us, and I think it was kind of him to come.”

  Jane looked back at Maria, her eyes filled with doubt. “Well . . . I’m so sorry it happened today. You have enough on your mind without this. We’re so sorry about your father.” Then, her eyes started to fill up. “Dear, dear Leo . . . How very unfair life can be.”

  Chapter 27

  Maria found it strange when she woke up the following morning and realised she had slept through the whole night. She lay for a while just staring across the room at the window, getting herself prepared to face another of the endless days she would have to learn to live without her father. This day, she knew, would be harder than yesterday because her father was coming back to their house and, when he returned this time, she would no longer be able to believe that something miraculous might still happen that would change things back to the way they were.

  At certain times – the foggy, weird times – the idea of Leo being dead was still like a dream to her. But, on wakening this morning, something at the back of her mind helped her prepare for what was coming. Today, she knew, the undeniable truth would be in this house along with her.

  Nothing was going to change that now. No tears, no prayers, no hysterical breakdowns – not one single thing she could do was going to change what had happened.

  Today, she realised, was the day when she would have to become a full adult.

  The morning went by quicker than the previous day as a routine had begun to establish itself.

  After discussions with Maria the previous night, it had been decided that this morning Franco and two of her father’s Italian cousins who had travelled over would go to the funeral director’s to register the death, and then they would choose the coffin. Although she was given the choice, the thought of looking at row upon row of polished wooden boxes that held the dead only served to terrify and upset her again.

  But, after she had recovered enough, Maria took time to think about how Leo should look when he was in his final repose, and she decided that he should be buried in his black tuxedo. She knew he had been very proud of the handmade tailored suit and he had always looked at his best when he wore it on special occasions.

  Diana ordered flowers from the local shop to be delivered to the house and two tall brass candlesticks, and one of the Italian men brought a full-size Italian flag which would stand in the corner until the day of the funeral and then it would be draped around the coffin.

  Around lunchtime Maria phoned Stella’s house to see how she was and her mother told her that she wasn’t very well and was still in bed.

  “I do apologise, Maria, for Stella fainting last night,” she said “but I’m afraid her constitution seems to be very low at the moment. She has little or no appetite, and her father and I think that she was also probably overwhelmed by the sad occasion, as indeed we all were. Stella was very, very fond of your father, you know, dear, and she has no experience of that kind of thing at all.”

  Maria did not know what to say to that, so she said nothing for a few moments, then she said, “I hope Stella feels better soon.”

  “Oh, you’re very kind, Maria, thinking of her at a time like this. I think bed is the best place for her until she’s fully recovered, so she won’t be going to school or ballet classes this week. I’ve made an appointment for Stella with ou
r doctor so hopefully we’ll get to the bottom of it and she’ll be soon sorted out. She won’t be over to you today and probably not tomorrow, but we are thinking of you, dear.”

  Maria was not surprised that no mention had been made of Tony or the way Mrs Maxwell had treated him last night.

  Paul phoned during his lunch break to check how she was, and ask if he could do anything to help. He said his mother had suggested that maybe a run out in the car somewhere quiet might help, and that the car was there for him any evening to come over to the house. Maria thanked him but said she didn’t feel she was very good company, and that she would ring him if she felt better.

  People came and went to the house as before, and then the time moved on to mid-afternoon when the shiny black hearse turned off Heaton Moor Road and came slowly up the avenue to stop at the house.

  Diana had kept herself busy with phone calls to the florist’s and to La Femme, and then she had taken the time to cut and prune the white lilies and the roses and the gypsophila and then display them in the two tall crystal vases that Maria had found for her. She had taken another call in the privacy of the hallway from the shop about a dress a lady had ordered for her daughter’s wedding and was worried might not arrive in time. She told Pippa to reassure the lady that the dress would arrive at least a week before the wedding, and then asked her for the number of the supplier and said she would straight away double-check. Five minutes later she rang the shop back and told her manageress that it was due to arrive the following day. While her own life was in disarray and she felt she would never care about a trivial issue like having a dress on time again, she knew other peoples’ lives and routines still had to carry on.

  She had just heaved a small sigh of relief that the shop issue was sorted when she turned around and saw the large dark shadow on the glass in the door. When she came into the sitting room to join the others to watch the hearse slow to a halt outside, she realised she was not at all prepared to see it or to see Leo’s coffin. A tightness clutched at her throat and chest and her first instincts were to run upstairs and bury her face in a pillow somewhere and cry her heart out, but when she saw the pale frozen look on Maria’s face she knew that she did not have that option.

  A silence descended on the house and then Bernice went to open the door while Mrs Lowry shepherded Maria and Diana into the kitchen to wait until the funeral directors had the coffin settled in its place. Mrs Lowry took to her refuge of washing up the few cups and saucers that had gathered and Diana automatically picked up a tea towel and started to dry.

  Then, when she heard Maria quietly crying, the housekeeper dried her hands and then went over and put her arms around her. “I’ve been to many funerals and lost a lot of people I loved. And I’ve learned that when we get over this part, Maria – the coming home – things will get a small bit easier. I don’t know why, but I think we all find it harder without the person there. You’ll feel better when you know he is here beside us all.”

  Maria closed her eyes and leaned her head on Mrs Lowry’s shoulder.

  “Do you think,” Diana said in a low voice, “that I should go out there to help? I wouldn’t like Bernice to think we’re leaving her on her own.”

  “No, there is nothing we need to do,” Mrs Lowry said. “Bernice is good doing the things we find hard. She is able to be out there with the men because she didn’t have the same close feelings for Leo that we all have as she didn’t know him so well. It’s Franco who feels it much harder because he was with him in the restaurant every single day. She’ll come for us when it’s time to go in.”

  There was the sound of footsteps moving around and low talking, and then at one point there was the sound of metal falling against something.

  There was a silence as they wondered what it was, then Mrs Lowry said, “It’s the flag, it’s only the flag.”

  A few minutes later Bernice quietly opened the door. “It’s all sorted,” she said. “You can come in as soon as you’re ready.”

  The three figures in the kitchen froze and then, after straightening her back and clasping her hands in prayer, Mrs Lowry, who had faced this same challenge when she lost her own daughter, was the first to go in. Diana felt her heart beating so fast that she could hardly breathe. She glanced at Maria and thought perhaps she should go ahead and leave her to follow, but then thought better of it and she forced herself to put her arm around the still and shocked girl’s waist and guide her step by step until they were at the side of the dark mahogany casket.

  And there they all stood, each locked in her own individual loss, staring down at the dark-haired handsome Leo, as he lay in the deepest, most peaceful sleep amongst the delicate folds of cream satin and lace.

  Chapter 28

  About six o’clock that evening, Diana took some time off to go back to her own place to check on things and make a few phone calls. She only had an hour and a half or so, as Father O’Donnell was due back down to say the Rosary and prayers. The weather had kept dry and she was grateful to be out of the Conti house and in the fresh air for a while, and not have to think and constantly talk to people. As she walked along, it dawned on her just how bone-weary she felt, and she wondered how she could keep this up for the rest of the week.

  After a few minutes the worst of the tension in her body eased off and her mind drifted back to the incident with Stella and her mother. She wondered whether there was actually anything wrong with the girl or whether it was all emotional upset due to her mother’s disapproval over the boy she was seeing. Diana thought that Tony had looked and dressed appropriately for the occasion, and he had been every bit as polite and respectful as any of the other mourners. But, without even talking to him, she could tell that it was small things like his modern hairstyle and way of moving that stamped him as an ordinary working-class boy in the Maxwells’ eyes and therefore not good enough for Stella.

  Diana thought that if anyone had been inappropriate it had been Jane Maxwell when she snapped at Tony in front of everyone else when he tried to help. And even though her husband had obviously been trying to calm things down after Stella had fainted, Jane had still been quietly arguing with Stella about saying goodbye to Tony as they left the house.

  Diana also felt sorry for Maria, caught in the middle of all this – being pulled between Stella and her mother was the last thing she needed at the moment. She worried now what was going to become of Maria when the funeral was over. She wasn’t old enough to live on her own and, from what Diana understood of Leo’s financial situation, the house might well have to be sold. He had explained that he had extended the mortgage on the house to pay for the restaurant and, from what he told her, she suspected that he owed money from some of his old gambling debts. After any insurance was sorted out and everything owed was cleared, it might not leave enough to hang onto the big house. It was something that Franco might be able to help sort out with Leo’s solicitor.

  She unlocked the door and saw several envelopes lying on the floor. She picked them up, then kicked off her shoes and went into the sitting room. She sat with her stocking-feet up on the sofa and opened the mail, quickly checking through it, glancing at bills and a letter from her solicitor about a legal issue some of the shop-owners in Didsbury had about the commercial rates. There was nothing of any importance. She threw the envelopes across to the coffee-table, some landed on top of it and some fluttered down to the floor where she left them. She wondered if she would ever find anything important again after all this with Leo was over.

  She remembered feeling like this after her parents died within two years of each other. Her father had died suddenly of a heart attack, and Diana and her older brother, David, had to take turns at living with their mother week about, as she couldn’t bear to be in the house on her own. David, a divorced vet living in Liverpool, did his best, but there were times when work demands got in the way and he rang Diana at the last minute to cover for him.

  Then, exactly a year later, her mother had been diagnosed with an unusu
al and aggressive form of liver cancer. She had received various treatments, but it became clear that none of it was working and her mother refused to have any more. She went downhill quite quickly and, just a month off her father’s second anniversary, they were back in the church for her mother’s burial.

  Although she had got on very well with both her parents, her mother’s death seemed to hit her much harder. Later, when she had to go to her doctor because she couldn’t sleep and was constantly exhausted, he told her that she was probably suffering from delayed grieving over her father because she had been so involved with caring for her mother after he died. It was common, he said, and she needed to look after herself and give herself time to get over it all. He had given her a prescription for some sleeping tablets for a month, as he said getting back into a proper sleep routine would make the biggest difference.

  After a few weeks she had begun to feel better and within a month she had been almost back to her old self. She realised then that she had run herself down with looking after her mother and not giving any real time to herself. She had a holiday with her sister that year and then later met Brian and everything suddenly changed.

  Diana wondered now how she was going to put her life back together after losing Leo. After losing the person she believed she had been destined to meet all her life. She’d had enough experience to know that she would have to do it somehow, but at this very moment she just couldn’t see how she was supposed to do it.As she felt tears coming into her eyes, she made herself move to her feet.

  She went upstairs and turned on the bath and while it was running she made quick phone calls to the two women in charge of her shops. They both reassured her that all was fine and to take as much time as she needed. They gave her quick updates on sales and any deliveries and then told her to forget about work and look after herself.

  She felt a little better after her bath and then, wearing her dressing-gown and with a towel wrapped around her hair, she phoned her cousin Nigel and his wife Clarissa in Newcastle and allowed herself to cry as she told them all that had happened.