***
I find myself entering the hospital with terrible fear as I follow Mom to Dad’s room. All of my emotions are on high. How can this be happening? I was only gone a few hours and in those few hours our lives have been turned upside down. Walking into Dad’s room, I clearly see that he is not doing well at all. He is hooked up to every machine possible and isn’t even breathing on his own. This is so scary.
I take a break from my own emotions to see Mom sitting next to Dad and she looks as pale as he is. She is holding his hand and stroking it lightly with a very frightened look on her face. She is touching him as if he were fragile while I remember him being so strong and full of life. I walk to her and stand behind her putting my hands on her shoulders. As I do I feel her body quiver as she cries.
“What will we do without him Karlie? He can’t leave me yet.” She says through sobs and tears. “This just can’t be happening.”
“Mom, we just have to pray that he will pull through this. We know how tough he is.” I lean down and hug her from behind. I’m not sure who I am trying to convince, her or me. I wish Jonathan were here. My brother is in Iraq and hasn’t been able to come home since last Christmas. He would know what to say and do to help.
I decide I have to call him but don’t want to say the words. I walk outside the room and pull my cell out of my pocket. I dial the number given for emergency contact with him; I realize that I have to be the one to break the news to him. I can’t let Mom do it. It has to be me.
I leave a message for them to relay to him as soon as possible. Of course they can’t guarantee when that will be. I just pray it’s soon.
Hanging up and putting my phone back in my pocket and I just can’t find the strength to go back in the room. I then hear someone calling my name from down the hall. Turning my head I can see it’s Amelia and AJ Blake which are Aiden’s parents. They must have just gotten off the elevators. By the looks on their faces they are as upset as we are.
Amelia opens her arms and wraps me in one of the hugs that melt your worries away. Stepping into her embrace feels right and for the most part comforting. Even if I am not with Aiden she will always mean the world to me.
“What do we know honey?” Asks AJ from behind us.
I untangle myself from Amelia’s hug and look at AJ. I can’t seem to get a word out so he just pulls me into an embrace also. And as I relax against his strong chest I feel the tears begin to surface. Before I know it I am sobbing uncontrollably.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. Let it out. We are all so scared for your father.”
I don’t realize it at first but Amelia has gone into Dad’s room. She will be a great comfort to Mom. AJ and I head in to see them standing on each side of Dad’s bed. They seem to be saying a prayer for him and when they finish Mom seems a little bit more in control.
“Aiden and the rest of the ranch send their love your way.” Amelia says as she helps Mom sit back down next to Dad’s bed. She looks at me and smiles.
“Thank you guys for coming. It means the world to all of us.” Mom says between sobs and squeezes Dad’s hand. “If you don’t mind I would like to be alone with Gene for a little while.”
“Sure Mom. Call me if you need anything or if there are any changes. I’ll be back with dinner. Love you.” I say and kiss her forehead. It just breaks my heart more to see her so upset.
Amelia, AJ and I walk quietly to the elevator and once outside the hospital I stop and take a deep breath. This is going to be the most horrific night of my life. Dad could very well never wake up. Amelia and AJ both grab one of my hands and walk me to my car.
As I climb in behind the wheel, it hits me that I am going home to an empty house. My parents' empty house. The weight of the situation hits. What will we do if Dad doesn’t pull through? What will Mom do without the love of her life? Now tears are flowing from my eyes and I barely remember driving home.
Opening the front door I start to feel defeated and exhausted. This house may never be the same. I can see Dad everywhere. I should have come home more often. All of this time away from them was wasted on my career and fears of being a nobody. And now I am standing here alone. Completely alone.
I pull my cell phone out of my pocket again and dial Jeremy’s number. Voice mail. Imagine that. I really could use strong arms to hold me right now. Aiden comes to mind but he’s holding Tracey right now. Knowing that things are beyond my control, I can’t help but throw myself on my bed and cry uncontrollably like I used to when I was a child.
***
“Aiden it’s really bad. They are not sure Gene will make it. He had a massive stroke this time.” Mom says as she walks into the barn. “You need to go see him and Ella Mae before it’s too late. And Karlie.”
“Mom are you sure that’s appropriate? I’m with Tracey and not a part of their family.” I say clearly being torn in two by this decision.
“Aiden my son, you have known the Doone’s almost your entire life. Regardless how your relationship with Karlie has been, you two were inseparable until she left for LA. You are like Gene and Ella Mae’s other son. It would be a comfort to her to know you came by. And Karlie isn’t there right now. She told her Mom she would come back with dinner.” Mom says standing in front of the stall I am in to ensure that she has my full attention.
“It breaks my heart to know there isn’t anything I can do for Karlie, Mom. What do I say to her? But I will go as soon as I’m done in here. Thanks for letting me know.” I say genuinely grateful for such a wonderful mother.
“I will talk to you later, son. I love you.” And with that she walks out of the barn. Leaving me alone to ponder my thoughts. This all seems so unreal.
Now I need to go see Gene. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if he passed away without seeing him at least one more time. Hopefully I can be in and out of there before Karlie gets back.
***
“Aiden, thank you so much for coming. Gene will be so happy to know you are here. He always has thought of you as another son.” Ella Mae says as she stands and hugs me when I enter Gene’s room. “We always hoped that you and Karlie Mae would fall in love, get married, and give us lots of grandkids.”
“You two mean the world to me too. I’m sorry she and I weren’t able to do that for you.” I say tying to be comforting and not make her feel worse. She has no idea how much I wanted all of that too.
I sit with her for a few minutes and we reminisce about growing up on the 6AB. Some of her memories I had forgotten. They all seem to involve Karlie though.
“Would you mind sitting with Gene for a few minutes while I go talk to the doctor? I don’t want to leave him alone.”
“Of course not, go ahead. Anything you need. For as long as you need.” I say helping her to the door. I can’t help but see the fragile state that she is in and the amount of worry that is resting on her. My heart just breaks for Ella Mae.
After shutting the door, I walk over to Gene’s bedside and grab his hand. It is so hard to see such a strong man be so still and look so fragile. This is the exact opposite of the man I have known my whole life.
“I’m not sure if you can hear me or not, but I wanted to tell you that I am so sorry this has happened. You need to come back to your wife and kids. They need you now more than ever. Karlie will be there for Ella Mae, but I am afraid no one will be there for Karlie. It’s going to kill her to lose you and we both know she is too stubborn to ask for help. I know you always aimed to get us together but she just didn’t feel the same as I did. As I do? I’m not really sure anymore. Just please come back to us Gene.” Saying what I needed to say brings tears to my own eyes. I put my head down on the bed and recite a prayer. It just so happens to be the one that Gene taught me as a child. The one that we would say before every cow or horse passed away.
***
Opening the door to Dad’s room I am surprised to see Aiden there with his head down on Dad’s bed. He looks so handsome and sad all in one. It makes my heart jerk but I wond
er what he is doing here.
“Aiden? What are you doing here? Where is my mother?”
“Oh! Hi, Karlie. I just came to check on your Mom and Dad and she asked me to sit with him while she talked to his doctor.” Aiden says while standing up quickly and wiping tears away. “I’ll go now that you are here.”
As I see him heading towards the door I feel as if another part of me is being torn out. Seeing this man shed tears for my father tugs at my heart.
“Please stay Aiden.” I say and smile as best I can at him. “There is another chair over there.”
“Are you sure Karlie?” he asks making sure I know what I am doing. “I can go if you want to be alone.”
“I don’t really want to be alone right now.” We both know that there won’t be any speaking, just the comfort of him being here with me helps to ease a bit of the pain inside.
After a few minutes of us sitting in the quiet, Mom walks back in the door. Aiden stands up and says he has to go. He gives Mom a hug and I walk into his arms after. It seems like instinct to do such a thing with him.
“Call if you need anything.” He says and quickly rushes off. As if touching me was repulsive.
I will never understand that man. He acted excited to see me downtown but now he couldn’t get away from me fast enough. He didn’t have to be that rude!
“Oh Karlie, I didn’t expect to see you back here this soon. Why did Aiden leave so quickly?” Mom asks as she heads to Dad’s bedside again.
“I’m not sure what his deal was, Mom. So, what did the doctor say? And the attorney was here? Why?”
“No changes. They say there isn’t anything more they can do for him Karlie. They don’t think he will make it another day.” Mom says starting to cry whole heartedly again.
“Oh Mom! I’m so sorry this is happening to you! It isn’t fair. This can’t be happening! I just talked to him this morning before I left for my walk. How can he not be coming out of this?” I say losing my control and crying too.
***
“Karlie, you let us know if you need anything. Day or night. You two are not alone.” Mom says as she hangs up the phone. I can see by her expression and posture that something is wrong.
“What is it Mom?” I ask alarmed by the words I heard and the tears she was shedding.
“Gene isn’t going to get any better. There is nothing the doctors can do. They don’t think he will make it another day.” Mom says clearly shaken up by this news. “I need to go find your father and tell him the terrible news.”
I give my Mom a big hug and hope it conveys my feelings for her. I just stand here in the kitchen stunned by the news about Gene. This can’t be happening.
“Baby, are you ready to leave for Tulsa? It’s the romantic weekend we have been planning.” I hear Tracey say as she comes up behind me into the kitchen too. “What’s wrong?”
“Gene Doone is being taken off of life support in the morning.” I say feeling as if I am talking to a stranger about this.
“He was a good foreman here wasn’t he? Sad to know you’ll have to replace him yes, but why are you ready to fall apart over it?” Tracey asks clearly unsure of the depth of this situation. “I know you were friends with his daughter growing up but were you close to him also?”
“Yes, Tracey. I am. Was. Whatever. He has been the foreman here for longer than I have been alive. He’s going to be greatly missed. Such a good man.” I say getting annoyed. “I’ve got to go. Cancel our weekend or take Audrey with you since it’s all paid for. I just can’t leave right now.”
I see her stick her bottom lip out to pout but thinks better of it when I turn to look at her still standing in my Mom’s kitchen.
“I need to be here if Kar- Ella Mae or anyone needs me.” And with that I walk out of the house and to my pickup. I have to drive somewhere, anywhere to be alone. Alone to think. Alone to grieve.
***
“Jeremy, it’s me. I know you are busy but I really need you right now. Dad had a stroke and won’t make it. I really need you. Please call me back or get on a plane and come here in person. I need you. Bye.” That has to be the 100th voicemail I have left that man.
Mom stayed at the hospital with Dad so I’m here in this house alone. I just can’t believe he will never be back in it. He will be gone soon. We have a funeral to plan now. Thankfully Mom and Dad already did most of the arrangements ahead of time. I used to think that was very odd but now I have to say I understand why. Mom and I couldn’t make those decisions right now. As I sigh I decide that a glass of wine and a hot bath would be great and might help ease some of this pain.
Finding my iPod and ear buds, I put them in and push play on my favorite playlist. I undress and sink slowly into the hot sudsy bathwater. Losing myself in the music, wine and emotions. Letting the outside world slip away even if it is only for a short time.
5
I find myself in front of Karlie’s parents’ house. There is an unfamiliar car in the driveway that must be her rental. It just breaks my heart to know she is in there alone and grieving. I want so badly to wrap her in my arms and kiss her hurt away.
Before I know it, I am walking up to the front door and knocking. No answer. I knock again. This is strange she isn’t answering when all the lights are on inside. I hope she is ok. I try the knob and it turns. Not locked. She hasn’t learned a thing from living in the big city all these years. I call out her name but she still doesn’t answer. Knowing where her room is I walk towards it seeing the light on inside. But before I can get there, I am distracted by the bathroom door being open an inch and seeing Karlie in the bathtub full of bubbles, earphones in, and wine in hand. She is singing to herself and relaxing. What I wouldn’t give to be in there sitting behind her with my arms around her and kissing her neck. Telling her how much I love her, telling her everything will be ok.
I hear water splash around and am drawn out of my daydream. She is starting to get out so I had better get out of here before she sees me. I don’t want to upset her anymore. I am not really sure how she would react seeing me here tonight. Especially knowing she isn’t wearing anything but bubbles.
As I walk back down the hallway towards the front door I can’t help but look around and memories start to flood me as I do. I can see Ella Mae sitting Karlie on the counter in the kitchen cleaning up her scraped knees after we crashed our bikes in 5th grade. Or when we went to Homecoming together that first year of high school. Karlie looked so pretty in her yellow knee length dress and hair all curled up. I think I knew at that Moment she was the one for me. I can even remember prom that last year before Karlie left me. We were so nervous because we both knew it was the last prom we would have. And we both knew she would be leaving in a couple of months for LA. I even spent so many Moments in this house after she left. This place will never be the same without Gene. Ella Mae and Karlie won’t either. Letting myself out the front door, I make sure and turn off all the lights. I also turn the lock on the door knob because I know that Karlie won’t think to check that.
Climbing into my pickup I sit and stare at the bedroom light that’s on which I know is Karlie’s. I can see shadows on the window and see that she is getting dressed. I imagine that she is wearing one of those long t-shirts of her Dad’s that she loved to wear. How do I leave her here alone?
After a few minutes I see her bedroom light go dark. I picture her lying in her bed crying and alone. That just breaks my heart. I will just sit out here until she surely has to be asleep.
***
That bath felt wonderful or maybe it was all the wine. Or maybe both. Toweling off and dressing in one of Dad’s t-shirts I continue to think of what lies ahead of us.
When I am all ready for bed I walk into the kitchen and living rooms to turn off the lights. They are already off. That’s strange; I thought I left them on. Walking back into my bedroom and shutting off the light, I can’t help but let my mind wander to Aiden. How did he take the news about Dad? Maybe I should call him. Why am I thinking
about him? When aren’t I?
As I lay here in the dark I can’t help but let the memories flood in. Dad, Jonathan, and of course Aiden is a part of all of them. Most of them are at the creek or 6AB. I will no longer have ties to them after tomorrow. I will no longer have my father. I wish Aiden were here to hold me like he always did when we were kids. He always knew how to make me feel better no matter what it was I was upset about. What I wouldn’t do to be in his arms right now.
But instead, he is holding her. Loving her. Going to marry her. Not me. Not me.
***
Knock knock. Knock knock.
I awake with a jump. I feel disoriented and confused. My whole body hurts and I don’t understand where I am. I sit up and realize Austin is knocking on my pickup window. I am still parked in front of Karlie’s. It’s still so dark outside. I must not have been asleep very long.
“What’s up Austin?” I say trying to sound natural as I roll the window down. Like it’s not strange that I am sleeping in my pickup in front of Karlie’s house.
“What are you doing man? Mom is frantic because you didn’t come home or go to your house. And here I find you asleep in your pickup in front of the Doone’s house.” Austin says clearly getting too much enjoyment out of this situation.
“I just came to check on Ella Mae and Karlie and must have fallen asleep. What time is it anyway?”
“Aiden, it’s four in the morning and Ella Mae stayed at the hospital with Gene. How long have you been here? Did you go in and see Karlie at all?”
“I came by right after dark. I was kinda tired but I didn’t expect to stay long or fall asleep. You can go home now. I am. Thanks brother for looking for me. Tell Mom I am fine but not where I was, ok?”
“10-4. Be safe. Couple crazy days ahead.”
I roll up my window and start my pickup. I can’t help but take one more look towards Karlie’s window. Still dark. Good, she will need the rest. Putting the pickup in drive and pressing on the accelerator just feels wrong. But I know it’s all I can do. She isn’t my girl. Not my responsibility. Not that she would allow me to be around if I tried.
Down to the Creek- Book 1 of the Colvin Series Page 4