Driving towards the ranch I notice that I have a few missed calls on my cell. Most of them my mother of course but one of them from Tracey. What would she think if she knew where I have been? I have got to get Karlie out of my head. This isn’t fair to Tracey at all. But, how do I do that?
6
“Aiden, Gene is nearing the end. We will meet you at the hospital in a while. Karlie hasn’t made it to the hospital yet, but Ella Mae said she should be there anytime. Love you son.” I barely hear Mom say on the phone before hanging up.
Wow, this is it. He is going to die. I need to find Karlie. She is going to be a mess.
“Aiden, where are you?” I hear Tracey call out from the hallway right after I get off the phone.
“I’m in my bedroom getting ready to go to the hospital. Meeting my parents there.” I say full of sadness and finish pulling on my boots. “What are you doing here? I thought you and Audrey left last night?”
“We changed it to this morning. I actually came to tell you good-bye. I had a certain good-bye in mind but I see from your mood that won’t be happening.” She says and sits next to me on the bed with a pout once again.
“No, sorry. I have to get going. You go and have fun with my sister. I’ll see you when you get back.”
“I was hoping after I get back that we could start moving my stuff onto the ranch.” She says almost bashfully.
Here we go again. It never stops. “Tracey, I can’t think about that right now. We will discuss it after your trip, yes. But no promises. You know how I feel.”
“You promise?” she squeals and jumps up. “Oh Aiden, I love you!”
“Bye, Tracey. Be safe. Love you.” That is getting harder and harder to say with a straight face to her. I have got to figure out what to do when it comes to her and our relationship.
But first I have to find Karlie. She is going to be a mess. She will be trying to be strong for Ella Mae and not let anyone be there for her. I will take my chance any way I can get it.
***
Today is going to be the toughest day of my life. Mom’s too. I can’t even begin to know how she is getting through all of this. Driving to the hospital after the worst night’s sleep I feel like I’m moving in slow motion and in a thick fog. I don’t really remember getting dressed or even driving across town to the hospital. I just can’t seem to move my legs to get out of this car. How is someone supposed to do this? Maybe I should have stayed here last night with Mom. No, she said she needed the last night alone with Dad. But now I have to walk in there and say good-bye to the best father in the world. Good-bye. How do I do that?
Unable to hold my head up any longer, I rest it against the steering wheel knowing that I am merely stalling the inevitable. I feel the emotion overtaking me again and let go. I can be stronger for Mom if I get this all out now. Right? So here I sit slumped over in my rental car sobbing like a child.
Tap Tap
I barely hear the taps on the window over my sobbing. But as I do I look into the most gorgeous and kind eyes I have ever seen. Aiden. I frantically wipe the tears off my face and roll the window down.
“What are you doing here?” I ask still wiping tears and attempting to pull myself together. I must look like a disaster.
“Karlie, can I sit with you for a bit?” he asks and gestures towards the passenger seat. “Just for a minute?”
I just shake my head and unlock the doors. I wonder what he is doing here and why he wants to sit in my car with me. He must know I am a mess. He has to know it’s not going to be easy for me. I suddenly realize how thankful I am that he is here as he slides into the seat next to me and just looks at me with that Aiden look on his face.
“Karlie, I can’t even imagine how hard this is for you. I am so sorry.” And with that he takes my hand and pulls me towards him and wraps his arms around me. As he does I just let go completely of all the emotion that has been eating away under the surface. I know that with Aiden I don’t have to hide anything. He can simply look at me and know what I need.
“Just let it out. You don’t have to be strong all the time. No one will see you now.” He says and tightens his hug and kisses the top of my head. Oh how good this feels. I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t have come here today.
After a few minutes, I pull myself away and wipe the tears away taking big breaths and ask, “What are you doing here anyway?”
“Truth? I knew you would be upset and I wanted to be here in case you needed someone to lean on Karlie.” Flashing me the smile that I have loved since I was five, it seemed to right a little bit of the world that was so far upside down.
“Aiden, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that. I don’t know how to walk in there. How do I do that?” I ask and start to cry again. As I do I can feel his arms wrapping around me again.
“You just have to take it one step at a time. I will go with you if you want. I am here for you for anything.” I know he means every word.
“I can’t expect that of you, Aiden. You have your own life and a girlfriend that I am sure doesn’t approve. Does she even know where you are?” I say trying to convince myself that I don’t need his presence. Except I know that I might actually be able to get through this if he were by my side.
“She isn’t the issue right now. You have to walk in there and say good-bye to your father; you need to focus on that. I am here for you, Karlie, regardless of whether you want me there today or not.” He says opening his door and walks around the car to open mine.
I take one last deep breath and let it out slowly. Feeling so much better inside, I look up at Aiden as he opens my door and extends his hand to me. I put my hand in his knowing I honestly couldn’t do this without him. I will worry about the consequences later.
“Remember, I’m here for you, Karlie. No matter what.” And with that we walk towards the doors to the hospital with him holding my hand tight.
As we enter the ICU portion we can see the attorney, doctors and Reverend Lowell. They all have that pity look on their faces. That is the worst. The look of so much pity makes my stomach turn and my hands start to shake.
Aiden, knowing what I was thinking again, put his arm around my waist and pulls me close beside him. That seems like the most natural thing to have done to me at this painful time. I start to feel like I am actually strong enough to do this. All because of Aiden.
I walk into Dad’s room and see that Mom has his hand in hers and she is praying. She actually looks at peace. How can that be? She is his wife and they are the love of each other’s lives. How can I be such a mess and she isn’t?
“Hi baby. How are you?” she asks walking over to give me a quick hug and kiss on my cheek. She does the same with Aiden. “Aiden, thank you so much for being here for Karlie and me.”
“Don’t mention it. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” He says and smiles while wrapping his arm back around my waist.
She smiles and winks at me. “Karlie, do you want a few minutes alone with your Daddy?”
“Yes, please.” I say and walk towards Dad feeling all the emotion and pain once again. But I feel arms wrap around me from behind as I start to get overwhelmed. Aiden has come up behind me and kisses the top of my head assuring me that he is here and that I can do this. “I’m ok, I need to do this. Thank you.”
He and Mom walk out of the room leaving me alone with my father for the last time. I sit down on his bedside and take his pale hand in mine.
“Daddy, I don’t know how to say good-bye to you. I wish things were so much different. Mom is being so strong and I worry that I can’t do this or be strong for her. Well, maybe she doesn’t need me to be strong, but I feel like I do. You were always that strength in our family. With you not here, someone has to. We can’t get ahold of Jonathan either. He isn’t going to be able to say good-bye Dad. I love you so much. I hope you know that. I am so sorry for not coming home these past eight years. I was so selfish. I’m going to miss you so much. How do I leave Mom no
w and go back to LA? Should I just move KAB here and work from Colvin? Dad you know how much that scares me but I feel like maybe that is what I am supposed to do. You were my biggest fan and I will continue to make you proud Dad. I promise. I love you Dad. Always will. Good-bye Daddy.” I say a short prayer and feel my heart start to feel a bit lighter. Walking out of the room and seeing Aiden standing in the hallway with his arms around my mother makes me realize that life is so different. He is the other reason I should relocate to Colvin. Aiden is still a part of me. How have I done this without him so long? But then I also realize that he isn’t mine. He is Tracey’s. With that realization, my heart sinks but Mom is walking towards me and I know this is not the time.
***
What was that about? Why did Karlie change her demeanor towards me that quickly? I told her I was here for her no matter what. But she just dismissed me like I was nobody to her. Once again nobody to her.
I shake my head and walk to the elevators just in time to see my parents, siblings and Tracey getting off of one. They are looking just as glum as I feel.
“He’s gone. I’m going back to the ranch, have things to take care of.” Not even trying to hide the emotion in my voice. I get into an elevator and push the button I need and look to see Tracey trying to follow. I lift up my hand as a sign to stop her and shake my head. Thankfully she got the hint and Audrey took ahold of her arm to stop her too. I just can’t deal with her and our issues right now. What is she even doing here with my family? I didn’t tell her I was coming here.
You ok bro? Need company or alone time?
Text from Austin. I should have known they would let me go but he would be the one to try to help.
Alone time.
I wouldn’t be much company and I want to sort out things with no one else there to make me talk about it.
While driving back to the ranch, I realize that the only place I feel like going to is the creek. I don’t know what makes me want to go there after Karlie dismissed me so quickly, but that’s where I feel closest to her. And now the only place to talk to Gene. Will she ever come back here to the creek now?
7
Dad’s funeral is today. Mom and I have tried to get ahold of Jonathan with no luck and haven’t heard back from him either. We don’t even know if he has even about Dad. Knows that Dad is gone.
Helping Mom into the car is difficult. She is exhausted and beyond devastated. We both are but I know it’s up to me to be strong for her. She has been strong for me my whole life and now it’s time to return the favor. The funeral home limo came for us so that neither of us had to drive today. Not sure if that’s the rule or if someone arranged it for u but I am just so thankful for not having to drive a car myself.
Pulling up to the funeral home I feel like I am in a movie. Or a dream. Seeing someone else go through this. Aiden and his brother Austin are there to open our doors for us. Austin on my side and Aiden on Mom’s. It’s a good thing he has a tight grip on me because I feel like I could pass out. The world is spinning and I can’t get my footing.
***
Today is the day Karlie and Ella Mae have to say goodbye to Gene. We all have to say our goodbyes. It still doesn’t seem real. We stand in front of the funeral home watching the limo pull up that is carrying Karlie and her mother. I take a deep breath and walk to the right side of the car hoping Karlie is on this side. Wrong, it’s Ella Mae. Opening her door I peer in the car and see how pale both women are. They look like porcelain dolls that could easily be broken if handled too rough. I stretch my arm out for Ella Mae to grab onto and help her lift out of the car’s backseat. I turn slightly to see if Austin is getting Karlie out ok. I have a slight case of jealousy because my brother gets to touch her and I don’t. Even just a light touch of her hand on my arm for stability would mean the world to me. It would be more than I could hope for. But, I need to concentrate on keeping Ella Mae safe and getting her to the front of the service area.
I open the front door for Ella Mae and my own Mom and Dad rush over to us and relieve me of my duty. As I let them have Ella Mae’s arm, I turn to see that Austin and Karlie are having trouble. She seems to be staggering as if she were tipsy. I run to her side just in time to catch her by the waist as she passes out.
“Karlie! Are you okay? Can you hear me? Karlie?” I exclaim with desperation filling my voice as I lower her to the ground. “Please Karlie, answer me. Karlie?”
I cradle her head in my lap and continue to rub her cheek and talk to her. She is still breathing so she must have just passed out. If she doesn’t wake up in a few seconds I am going to call for an ambulance. I know she will be mad, but oh well if that’s what I have to do to keep her safe.
“Karlie are you ok?” I can feel her breath on my cheek as I listen to make sure she is indeed still with us.
***
“Karlie, are you ok?” I hear Aiden asking me. He sounds like we are in a tunnel and far away from each other. What is going on? I open my eyes to realize I am in his arms lying on the ground in front of the funeral home. I must have actually passed out. Thankfully no one is around to witness my embarrassing situation. No one but Aiden.
“What happened? Where is everyone?” I ask trying to stand up on my own and get out of his arms but I am still a little woozy.
“Austin was helping you walk to the door and you started to pass out. He caught you and I ushered your Mom inside and ran back to help you. I was so worried about you
“I’m fine, thank you. And thanks for sparing Mom more worry. Can we go inside now? Tracey is probably worried. And I want to get this over with.” I say walking away as fast as I can hoping to leave him a distance back.
“She’s in Tulsa with Audrey. I’m here for as long as you need me. Your Mom too” He says rushing to catch up to my side and opens the door for me.
“Let’s get this over with, please.” I walk towards Mom and pray I am able to hold it all together a little bit longer. I can’t help but look over at Aiden sitting there with his family. Why wouldn’t she be here with him? Very strange. But then again, Jeremy isn’t here either.
I pull myself out of my fog and try to concentrate on the words Reverend Lowell is saying about my Dad. The picture of him up there beside the casket shows him smiling with a horse. I know that picture well. It’s a horse from the 6AB and Aiden and I are on the back of it. Of course we have been cropped out of it but I know. I wonder if Aiden knows too.
***
I wonder if Karlie recognizes that photo they used of her Dad. That’s the day her Dad took us riding out onto the far north side of the ranch with him. She and I rode on one horse and Gene on another. That was a great day even though we both ended up sunburned to a crisp. Gene had told us to take hats with us but we didn’t think we needed them. Karlie thought they were too boyish for a girl to wear and I didn’t want to do anything she didn’t want to do of course. I was hooked even at the age of eight.
As I hear everyone’s kind words they are saying about Gene I can’t help but keep a close eye on Karlie. She really scared me earlier when she passed out. I wonder when the last time was that she ate or slept.
***
The last words have been spoken and we are ready for the ride to the cemetery. This all still doesn’t feel real. Walking out of the funeral home I see that our guests have all assembled into a group around our limo doors. Burial will be private so no one else will go with us from here. I see Aiden and Austin standing on the farthest side of the limo. They are clearly deep in conversation and I wonder to myself what they could be discussing.
Amelia and AJ are the first ones to come to Mom and me to offer their condolences. I melt into AJ’s arms and feel lost. I once again feel as if I am watching a movie and not my life. They are saying something but I honestly don’t hear them. I can only see Aiden in this haze and long to be comforted by him.
Once he finally comes over to us I am close to the edge and ready to fall apart. I must have it all written on my face because he comes di
rectly to me and wraps me tightly into his arms. As he does I lose all control I had and sob into his chest. He holds me tight and kisses the top of my head. My heart is so full of hurt but I can still see that this is the man that I love more than life. I probably will always love him. I just can’t have him.
I try to pull away but Aiden won’t let me. He whispers no and turns us away from the crowd. We walk around the side of the building where no one will be able to see or hear me crying. He backs me up to the wall and puts distance between us so that he can look into my eyes. I can see so much hurt and pain in his eyes too and I sink back into his embrace.
“I am here Karlie, just remember that. You don’t have to do this alone.” He kisses my forehead one more time and walks us back to the limo and opens a door for me. As I climb in I turn to look at him one more time knowing it might be the last time.
“Thank you Aiden. For everything.” I sit down on the limo seat and he shuts the door. Shuts out the world. Shuts me into this dark and dreary world I now live in.
Mom gets into the car next to me. She has stopped crying and looks almost at peace. How can she be so strong? She grabs my hand and we head to the cemetery to bury my father, her husband.
***
It kills me to know that I have to let Karlie go alone with her mother to the burial. After her fainting spell I really worry that she will do it again. Ella Mae isn’t strong enough to catch her or help. I think I will just follow behind in my pickup but stay behind so they don’t see me unless I am needed. Austin tried talking me out of it, but didn’t do any good.
Approaching the gates of the cemetery I see that the driver is helping both women out of the limo. Good, glad to see that. I long to be the one helping Karlie through this very difficult time. Allowing her to fall apart in my arms at the funeral home was as close as I will ever get.
Down to the Creek- Book 1 of the Colvin Series Page 5