Leave it to Jessi to just blurt out whatever she was thinking. Mark put down his fork and took a deep breath to give him some time to think. What was she saying “if we get back together”? Mark walked around the table to the open chair closest to Jessi. He took her fork from her and set it on the table; then he took both her hands in his. “Jess, what are you saying to me? I mean the ‘us’ part.”
Jessi looked from the table to Mark. Then she lifted up her left hand so he could see the ring she had put back on her own finger. She never knew why she had kept it. For some reason she couldn’t bring herself to throw it away, and after seeing Mark wearing his old ring, she found hers in the bottom of her jewelry box. It was a plain band. They didn’t have the money for a diamond engagement ring when they’d first gotten married. She knew it would send the message she didn’t trust herself to deliver by voice—that she too wanted her family back.
“Do you really mean it, Jess?”
She couldn’t trust herself to speak, so she just nodded her head yes.
He had to answer her questions before going any further. “Jessi, I am going to trust God in bringing you to him. If you are willing to keep doing as you are doing, I believe we will still be honoring God in being together. It’s how we started. I won’t expect any more of you until you are ready to give it. Does that answer your questions about faith?”
“I can accept that. I don’t know that I’ll feel differently, but I will still go to church each Sunday with you and Olivia. I just don’t know how much more I have to give right now. I’m trying to see God in everything. It’s just hard for me to accept him being so powerful yet unwilling to intervene.”
Mark got down on his knee before her. “Jessi, I have to do things right this time.” He pulled a box from his pocket, one that he’d been carrying around for the past six months, hoping and praying that the right time would come to use it. “Jessi, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife? I promise that I will love you and honor you for the rest of my days.” He opened the box, and Jessi gasped. Inside was the most beautiful ring she’d ever seen.
Tears sprang to Jessi’s eyes when she looked at the ring and thought of all that it meant. “Yes, Mark! I’ve been happier these past months than I’ve ever been, even more than when Ethan was here, and I’m not sure I like the sound of that, but I can’t help it. I’m happy, Mark, and I want to be happy forever. I like being happy. You and Aunt Merry and Olivia have been right all along. Forgiveness brings a freedom that I’d never expected. I forgive you, Mark, and I love you. I think I forgave you some time ago. I just felt if I let go of those hard feelings, I’d be letting Ethan down somehow. I didn’t realize until I talked with Aunt Merry that Ethan would want me to forgive you. It’s what he would do if he were here today.”
Mark took the ring out of the box and slipped it on her finger. They would have to take it in and have it resized. Her fingers were smaller than the original bearer of the ring, so the ring was a little loose. “This ring belonged to my grandmother, Jessi. I was very close to her up until she died, and I wasn’t made aware that she’d left this ring for me until we moved here. When Julia was going through her things, unpacking, she came across it and the letter from our mother. I believe it’s God’s perfect timing in her finding the ring now. I want to grow old with you, Jessi. I want to hear children’s laughter in our home for as long as we live.”
Jessi noticed the smoke first. It was rolling out of the oven door. She jumped up and threw the oven door open. When she pulled the pan out of the oven, they both knew this would be a story to pass down for generations to come. The pork chops were completely black and rolling with smoke. She turned off the oven and looked at the mess sitting on top of her stove. Jessi looked at Mark and couldn’t help but laugh. “So much for a nice homemade supper.”
Mark couldn’t agree more. “Put your coat on. I’m taking you out to celebrate. We’ll stop by the mall and have the jewelry store resize the ring for us.”
The rest of the weekend flew by in a blur. Plans were made for an early June wedding and a family honeymoon to Oklahoma City. Aunt Merry and Julia cried when they heard the news, and Olivia jumped up and down screaming. Finally, she was going to have a real family.
Chapter 37
On Wednesday the unpredictable March weather brought in a snowstorm. Jessi had spent most of the winter worrying about Olivia going to and from school on the bus, especially when the weather turned nasty, but nothing had ever happened, so she rarely thought of the road conditions anymore. She’d pretty much gotten used to the weather and the roads, like most native Wisconsinites.
Stan tried to keep his eyes on the road ahead. Looking around and thinking about the poor conditions were not going to do him any good. He had to keep his concentration on climbing the hill in front of him. The hill he was climbing was the steepest hill in the county, and it was part of his normal route. Usually it wasn’t a problem, but with today’s surprise snowstorm, the road had become a problem. The snow had blown over onto the road, and while he could gauge where the road was, he wasn’t able to see if there was ice on the pavement. He still had fourteen kids on the bus who were heading home. Why did they send him out in this? He yelled back to the kids. “Everyone sit down and be real quiet, okay?” He was starting to lose momentum. The bus was slowing down. If the bus came to a stop on this road, he would never get it going forward again, and being halfway up the hill, he was sure to slip backward. He was scared to death. He tried to accelerate, making the tires spin. The bus started rolling backward, picking up speed as it went. He tried to use the brake, hoping he would hit a dry patch in the road and at least keep the bus from falling off the side of the road. The road must be a solid sheet of ice. The bus started to slide sideways. He could feel it. Braking wasn’t doing anything.
Stan looked at the direction they were heading. “Oh, Lord, help us!” He cried for the kids to brace themselves, not that they knew what that meant. The bus slid to the side of the road where there was a decline in the terrain. Stan felt the bus begin to tip over. The bus did a half roll and ended up on its top, wheels still rolling in the air. Stan never knew what hit him. When the bus rolled a young tree trunk pierced his driver side window, killing him instantly. The small children were thrown about in the bus. Some were still conscious but didn’t know what to do, while others were knocked unconscious.
A driver heading down the hill was the first person on the scene. He dialed 911 as soon as he saw the bus. He ran to the bus, still talking to emergency, trying to get a grasp on how much help was needed. “Oh no! We need ambulances now. Children are laying everywhere. The bus driver is hanging upside down, bleeding.” Whimpering was coming from the back of the bus. He kicked the door as hard as he could and tried to get to the children who were crying. “Some of the children are crying in the back. I’m trying to get to them. Hurry!”
He shut his phone off so he could use both hands. Another car pulled up behind his, and the driver got out to help. Together they were able to get the door to give. Not wanting to move the kids, in case they would injure them more than they already were, they tried to calm them down by talking in quiet tones to them, all the while praying that help would get here quickly. The sirens coming from a distance were welcome sounds. It took eight ambulances to get everyone to the hospital.
Mrs. Richards was the first person to call for Jessi. “Hi, Jessi, I’m sorry to bother you at work, but I’ve been waiting for the bus to drop off Olivia and it hasn’t come yet. I’m beginning to get a little bit worried.”
Jessi looked at her watch. The bus should have dropped her off almost a half hour ago. “I’ll check into it and call you back. If you hear something first, will you call me and let me know?”
“Of course I will.”
Jessi hung up the phone and dialed Olivia’s school’s number. The secretary answered the phone. “Hi, this Jessi Jensen, Olivia Jensen’s mother. Olivia hasn’t arrived at home yet, and I’m just wondering if anything has ha
ppened?”
“The bus driver did call and say that the roads were pretty bad and they were running late. I’m sure it’s just the snow keeping them from being on time.”
Jessi was persistent. “I would feel better if you tried to radio your bus driver to make sure that things are okay.”
“I’ll have to call the bus company and have them contact him. If you don’t hear from me, assume they are just running late from the snow.”
The secretary hung up before Jessi could say anything else. She walked down to the office of her own school. Susan, the assistant principal, was walking out of the office as Jessi was nearing the door. “Jessi, the bus Olivia takes home from school was involved in an accident. She’s been taken to Mercy Hospital in Janesville with the other children.”
Jessi began to shake. Susan, not knowing what Jessi had been through with Ethan, tried to calm her down. “Jessi, sometimes these things happen. Most of the time the children are just taken to the hospital as a precaution and they are released as soon as their parents arrive. I’m sure they slid into a ditch or something and they are all fine. I will go down and take over your class so you can get to the hospital. I’m sure Olivia is scared and needs her mom.” She smiled at Jessi and patted her shoulder as she left her standing in the hallway.
Jessi ran back to her room and gathered her coat and her purse. She left her classroom to the assistant principal and her aide. When Jessi saw the conditions of the roads, she became dizzy and had to hold on to the side of the building. She called Mark from her cell phone to let him know what was going on and where they would be. “Mark, I’m so scared. I can’t do this again. I just can’t.”
After hearing what little she knew, Mark tried to comfort her while making his way to his own car. He’d have to hurry if he was going to arrive at the hospital anywhere close to when she did. Thank God he was working fairly close to the hospital. “Listen, sweetheart. The principal is probably right. Those buses are so big, the odds of the kids getting hurt in an accident are very low. Let’s wait till we get there to see what we’re dealing with. We’ll probably give her a big hug and be able to take her home right away.”
Jessi pulled into the hospital parking lot and saw one of Olivia’s classmates leaving the building with his mother. He was still obviously upset and crying but seemed to be more scared than anything. His mother smiled at Jessi as she ran past them toward the hospital emergency entrance.
Mark saw Jessi running and yelled to her, “Jessi, wait up!”
She heard him and watched him run to catch up with her. They both hurried into the emergency room. There were parents and grandparents everywhere. One woman was sobbing, while others looked like they were waiting to see what their fate was. Mark approached the check-in desk. “Hi, we received a phone call that our daughter was in a bus accident. Our daughter’s name is Olivia Jensen.” He pointed to Jessi. “This is Jessi Jensen, her mother, and I am Mark Jensen, her father. Can we see her please?”
The receptionist wrote down their names. “Do you happen to have a picture of your daughter, Mr. Jensen?”
Mark pulled Olivia’s picture out of his wallet and handed it over.
She glanced at the picture and left to show it to a doctor who was just coming out of a room. After looking at the picture, the doctor followed the woman to where Mark and Jessi were standing. He extended his hand in greeting. “Mr. and Mrs. Jensen, I’m Doctor Carlson. We have been waiting for you to arrive. I will take you to see Olivia. She has been asking for you, but first I need to talk with you about the injuries she has sustained. Olivia has a damaged spinal cord. The CAT scan shows she has fractured the fifth, sixth, and seventh vertebrae in the thoracic section of her spinal cord. We will have to see what her limitations are. While she seems to breathing just fine on her own, we are still watching her in ICU to make sure there are no respiratory problems. It is important that you are both positive. Her attitude in rehabilitation is going to be key in how much progress you see in her ability to overcome her injuries. She will feed off your attitudes. If she sees you being negative and worrying, she will be negative and worry. If you are positive and see her getting well in your attitude, then she will think that getting better is the only option. Come on. She’s been asking for you.”
Mark took Jessi’s hand and led her behind the doctor through an open room with only curtains separating the patients. Dr. Carlson looked back at them. “Don’t be surprised when she doesn’t reach for you. Presently she has no ability to move her arms and hands. She is scared. Try to be calm.” He continued walking and pulled back the curtain where a nurse was sitting with Olivia.
The nurse looked at Jessi and smiled. “This must be your mom and dad now. I told you they were on their way. I’ll just leave so they can fit in here. It’s kind of small in here, isn’t it?”
Olivia looked from the nurse to her mother. Tears filled her eyes and the corners of her mouth made a downward turn. Jessi rushed to her side, desperately trying to keep herself from crying. “Hi, sweetheart. I heard you had a bad accident. Your daddy and I got here as quick as we could. I hope you weren’t waiting too long on us.”
Olivia looked at her mother. “Momma, can I have a hug?”
Jessi reached down and held her daughter close, resting her cheek on her daughter’s.
Mark and Jessi spent as much time as they could keeping Olivia company, reading to her, telling her stories, and doing their best to bring laughter to her lips. The reminder of days in intensive care with Ethan were always close at hand, and for Mark, the guilt at not having been there to support Jessi during the stress of those days was sometimes overwhelming. He just thanked God that he was here now.
They both took breaks to call and inform everyone of Olivia’s injuries. Jessi called Aunt Merry. The answering machine that Jessi insisted Merry buy when she was there activated instead. “Aunt Merry, this is Jessi. Olivia’s been involved in a bus accident. I really need you to pray, and get everyone else praying too. They say her spinal cord is damaged and she may never walk again. Call me on my cell phone when you get a chance. Love you.”
Mark called the church where he and Olivia attended. It wasn’t long before people all over were praying for Olivia.
When Jessi and Mark sat down in the waiting room while Olivia was being taken to have an MRI, Jessi about lost it. “I am not going to make it through this, Mark, if something happens to her. I won’t make it. I just know I won’t. I can’t do this again.”
“Jessi, nothing is going to happen to Olivia. I have a peace about all this. I trust that God knows what he is doing, even though we don’t understand why this could happen, not again, not after everything that happened with Ethan. God is God. I know you haven’t come to accept that yet. But you are going to have to make some decisions, Jessi. You say you cannot handle this, and you are right. But you won’t lean on the One who will help you get through it and trust in him no matter what the outcome is.”
Jessi’s eyes betrayed a deep-seated fear as she spoke. Her words already sounded defeated and without the strength he was used to hearing in her voice. “What if she doesn’t make it, Mark? What if she never walks again? Am I supposed to just accept that is God’s will and be happy about it?”
“If ultimately it is God’s will, then we will have to accept it. But I don’t believe for one minute that this is God’s will. I have a peace, Jessi, that our little girl is going to walk again, and soon. I believe she is going to astound the doctors and nurses and all the naysayers. But until that happens, we have to let God be our strength.”
Jessi looked like she had retreated into a place where Mark couldn’t reach her. Her facial expression alarmed him, and he began to take hold of her. She almost whispered. “I shouldn’t have let her ride the bus. It’s all my fault. I knew better. I didn’t listen to the voice in my head. How could you even think of loving me, Mark? I am such a horrible mother. I don’t deserve to be a mother.”
“Jessi, you have to stop taking the weigh
t of the world upon your shoulders.” Mark grabbed her by the upper arms and shook her slightly. “Jessi, look at me. Someone with much bigger shoulders has already done that.” Jessi still looked away with that look that proclaimed her failure at trying to be perfect once again. Mark shook her once again. He practically shouted to get her attention. “Jessi, look at me!” Jessi turned her face toward him, he who had begun to mean something in her life once again. What was he saying to her?
“Listen to me, Jessi. You have to let go of blaming God and blaming yourself. You have transferred the blame from me to yourself and God a long time ago. He isn’t the taker of life, Jessi. He’s the giver of life. He’s the one who gave you Ethan to love and take care of. Yes, he ultimately is in control, and yes, technically he could have put his hand forth and stopped everything that happened. But think about it, Jessi, that would be no life for us. We’d never know pain and sorrow and choose—and yes, I mean choose—to love our God, because we need a Savior who has chosen to love us first, through it all. He loves you Jessi, and he wants to carry all your pain on his shoulders. It’s time for you to give it up. Give it to him, Jessi.”
Jessi felt the sobs erupt from deep within her soul. She couldn’t do this again. She couldn’t square her shoulders and make it through another tragedy. She needed God to give her the strength she so desperately yearned for . She cried out to him. “Oh God, help me. Be my strength, oh Lord.”
Everything she ever knew about him came pouring over her. His love, his strength, his patience, his loving-kindness, and especially his forgiveness filled a void in her that started in her toes and washed up through her to the top of her head. A refreshing river of life completely filled her being. Jessi wept in Mark’s arms. Together they prayed for their daughter and all the other children who were in the bus accident. Together they prayed for a miracle for their little girl.
Until Forever (Women of Prayer) Page 23