Arousal

by Simone Sowood

  “It’s hard working in a nightclub, and being around it all the time.”

  “Yeah, I kind of got that last night. You promised me a story.” I held his gaze but my cheeks reddened and I had to look away. I picked up a handful of blueberries and shoved them in my mouth.

  Collin’s knee jiggled beside me. Would he tell me? He’d promised, after all. If this thing was about more than sex, I required full disclosure. I shoved more blueberries into my mouth and waited.

  I wanted to scream and demand he tell me. But I was sitting on his private jet, being flown down to visit my dying mother, who might not be dying anymore, now that Collin was getting her the best treatment in the world.

  What do I do? I curled my feet underneath me and nuzzled into his body. I looked up to find his eyes, but he was staring off to some far away point.

  “There’s no judgement, you know. I’m mostly curious about how you’ve spent the past seven years away from me. And what went on that kept you away. Not even kept you away. Made you blank me completely.” I took another breath to carry on but decided to control myself and not overload him with my ramblings.

  Collin

  Fuck I’m a scumbag. How do I begin to tell Jenny about how my life spun out of control since I’d left Chicago? Sure, it ended in me floating in a big pile of money, but I wasn’t proud of all the ways I got that money into my pockets.

  And I sure as fuck wasn’t proud of the way I’d fallen into all the trappings of everything that went along with that success.

  Now, having her here in my arms, I wasn’t ready to push her away again just yet. Which is no doubt how her clear-thinking, no-nonsense brain would react. But I owed her something.

  I cleared my throat. “I can’t lie to you baby, things got out of control. Once I could step back from the nitty gritty of the business side, I only needed to show my face and schmooze with the elite VIPs. And that’s when things got out of hand.” She shifted her body into mine, offering something at least.

  “Sounds like things really got out of hand.”

  “Yep.”

  “So how long did that go on for? I mean, you must’ve hit rock bottom. Isn’t that what they say always happens?”

  Fuck I nearly choked on my tongue. How the fuck was Jenny always right, all the fucking time, ever since I’ve fucking known her? And now what? I wondered how much I could tell her without losing her. Because, sure as fuck, I was going to lose her when she realized how messed up my life is.

  “Honolulu.”

  “Isn’t that where you just came from before you ended up back in Chicago?” I rubbed her back, needing to feel the warmth of her body through her straight-talking words.

  “It’s why I came back to Chicago. To clear my head.”

  “Oh.” Her voice was full of surprise. I hoped to fuck my answers weren’t making her heart feel the same way as her voice. She was too good for this shit.

  “Yeah.”

  “So, it went on a whole lot of years before you decided to try and straighten out?”

  “I am straightened out.”

  “For what, two weeks?”

  “Five months actually. And if I’m honest, the drinking wasn’t that out of control.” Her body shifted away from mine. That must’ve been the wrong answer for her. Shit, shit, shit. How was I going to get her past this?

  “And you’re able to go right back into the same mingling every night at a new nightclub?”

  “I’m smarter now. I do it less. I know how to please these fuckers enough to keep them happy while at the same time making them think I’m their best party buddy.”

  “And how do you manage that?” Her voice, I don’t know, was it close to breaking, or was I projecting?

  “I put a drink in their hand and make sure there’s lots of pretty girls around to buy drinks for. Even millionaires get excited about partying with a billionaire.” Jenny pushed her hand against my chest and sat up, her amber eyes penetrating deep into mine.

  “So you’re a professional partier.”

  “One that’s seen the errors of my ways. Thanks.” Her stance relaxed, maybe.

  “So, let me get this straight. You turn up back in your hometown, for, how long? Just enough time to straighten yourself out, or is it more than that?”

  “Baby, I just don’t know. All I know is I needed to change, and home seemed like the best place to make that happen.” She flung her arms up and motioned them around.

  “So is that what this is really about? You’re helping my mom in order to atone for your sins?”

  My face scrunched up. “What? No. This is nothing to do with any of that.”

  Jenny’s stance softened and I leaned forward in the sofa, trying to coax her back to me. She stayed rooted to her spot. Fuck. What a fucking fuck up this was. Why didn’t I keep my mouth shut?

  At that moment, the fight attendant, Steph, appeared. She came striding out of the back with a pot of coffee in her hand but came to a standstill when she saw the awkward situation she’d walked into.

  “I’m so sorry,” she said, turning on her heels.

  “It’s fine Steph, I’ll have more coffee.”

  Steph walked over to my cup and topped it up. I looked up at Jenny but she stayed on her spot.

  “Would you like some?” Steph asked her with a broad smile only a flight attendant could manage in this kind of situation.

  After a moment of silence, Jenny said, “Sure.”

  Jenny moved back around the table and sat on the sofa beside me, while Steph cleared away the remains of breakfast and disappeared again into the back of the plane.

  “Sorry if I was harsh on you,” Jenny said without turning her head to me. She leaned forwards on her elbows, her coffee mug in hand

  “It’s a pretty crazy situation. I kind of wanted to keep you out of it. You know, not pull you into my shitstorm.” I rested my hand on her back, between her shoulder blades and she didn’t shrug me off. I ran it up her back, underneath her dark hair and over her shoulder.

  I took a risk and tugged her back to me, and her body came. The relief blasted through me as she allowed her body to be pulled tight against mine. I put both my arms around her, holding her tight.

  The plane landed. As we walked down the steps, Jenny allowed me to clasp her hand. I clutched it as the driver opened the back door for us, and she climbed in first.

  She didn’t even slide all the way over on the back seat, instead stayed in the middle so when I sat down she was snug up against me.

  I hoped it was from her acceptance of my spilling my shit for her, instead of nerves and apprehension over her mother. Or worse, if she felt she needed to suck up to me to keep the payments for her mother’s treatment coming out of my wallet.

  Fuck she’d better not think that low of me. No matter how little she thought of anything I told her, or didn’t tell her, she couldn’t think that low of me.

  We sat in silence on the ride to into the city, our fingers laced together. Daniel had set Jenny’s parents and nurse up in a serviced apartment next door. I had the address and we were on the way before it dawned on Jenny to text and tell them we were moments away.

  I lifted our interlaced fingers to my lips and kissed over the tops of her knuckles. I didn’t know who I was trying to reassure more, me or her. We hadn’t even figured out where we were staying that night. Or if we were staying together. She’d probably want to stay with her parents, I assumed. But what were my plans?

  “Dad!” Jenny called as she bolted from the car.

  Her father, Paul, had been standing at the entrance to the serviced apartment building. I waited for the driver to open my door and stepped out.

  “Collin.” Her father pulled one arm off of Jenny to shake my hand.

  “Paul, good to see you again.” I took his hand and started to shake, but he pulled me into an embrace, his arms around both Jenny and myself. I could feel Jenny’s heart thumping through her ribcage.

  “Come on, let’s go upstairs. Do you ha
ve luggage?”

  “Don’t worry, he’ll bring it.” I motioned to the driver. We didn’t have much anyway, just an overnight case. One for each of us.

  Paul herded us through the door and into the elevator.

  “How’s mom doing?” Jenny asked.

  “Her spirits are better than ever. Collin,” he said turning to me, “My family doesn’t know how to thank you enough for this.”

  Here we go. I wasn’t there to be thanked or to have people feel indebted to me. I only wanted to help someone I cared about.

  “Paul, I’m going to have to lay down a rule. I don’t want to hear another thank you for this ever again. It is the least I can do. It’s the least Sandra deserves.”

  Paul’s lips pursed, like he was sucking in his cheeks in an attempt to control his emotions.

  “It’s good to see you again,” Paul finally said, clasping my hand and patting my forearm.

  The doors slid open and I followed Paul and Jenny out of the elevator and down the hall. A door opened about halfway down the cream hall and Sandra stepped out.

  “Mom!” Jenny took off running and had her arms around Sandra within an instant. As tiny as Jenny was, her mom looked even more little and frail. I guessed it was the cancer, or the treatment, or both. Whatever it was, I wanted to make her all better for Jenny, and I would do anything in my power to make that happen.

  Paul and I arrived at the door. Sandra let go of Jenny to give me a hug, her ribs and backbone protruded into my hands and I hugged her back. Uneasy, I let her go and urged the four of us into the apartment.

  “How’re the accommodations, is everything okay?”

  “Oh, they are simply perfect Collin, thank you so much,” Sandra said.

  I looked at Paul and grimaced, and he shifted his feet.

  “Would anyone like anything to drink?” the nurse asked, appearing from the kitchen area.

  “Yes please, something cold,” I said and turned to Sandra and Paul, “Have you eaten lunch yet?”

  “I’m just finishing it, it should be ready in a few minutes. Is a health food salad with chicken strips okay with you, sir?”

  “Yes, fine. Please, call me Collin.”

  The nurse dipped her head and disappeared back into the kitchen.

  The four of us sat around the thick, wooden dining table. I don’t know who designed this place, but they’d definitely furnished it with grandmothers in mind.

  I guess they figured old ladies would be the bulk of the customers that came to stay in if for the easy access to the hospital next door. Unfortunately for them I don’t think they realized just how much younger in spirit the old people are today compared to a few decades ago.

  Jenny and her parents chatted but I tuned most of it out, freaked at the situation I found myself in. What was I doing here, playing house with a nice family like Jenny’s when I had my own fucked up thing going on in Hawaii?

  What kind of a shithead was I, sitting here, laughing and chatting like this?

  The nurse sat a jug of iced tea on the table, along with four glasses. I picked up the jug and poured some in each glass.

  “So mom, I can’t wait any longer, have the doctors said anything?”

  “Yes, yes they have. They’re getting test results back and he’s put me on a new cocktail of drugs. One he said is very promising and going to be the future of cancer treatments,” Sandra said.

  “Are they proven?” I asked.

  The three looked at me with disbelief in their eyes.

  Paul cleared his throat and said, “I think we’re at a place where we have to try all the experimental options there are.”

  I nodded to regain my composure. “Good, I knew Jenny would find the best possible place for you, Sandra. I have full confidence in the doctors here.”

  We finished our meal just before two. Every second longer I sat there with them, making chit-chat like I was a part of the family, made me more desperate to get the hell out of there. Finally the nurse cleared the last of the plates and I took my opportunity.

  “If you good people can excuse me, I have some business to attend to while I’m down here,” I said standing.

  “I didn’t know you had a club here,” Jenny said.

  A smirk spread across my face, “Babe, I have a club everywhere. It’s just whether or not I attach my actual face to it. This one’s a tier two. But I still like to keep up to date with them.”

  Jenny stood and followed me to the door, twisting her hands in front of her.

  “You don’t have to go, you’re welcome to stay, you know.”

  “I know,” I said through a forced smile. I bent over and kissed her cheek, inhaling her scent as I did. I wanted nothing more than to taste her fully, after the things I’d told her on the plane ride. Instead, I walked out the door.

  Jenny

  I closed the door behind Collin and flitted back to my parents. Life had not been this good in a very long time. I’d barely been able to get back to Maine since the original diagnosis, and before a couple of weeks ago that diagnosis was nothing but pain and heartache.

  Who would’ve thought a few weeks ago that my mom would soon be getting a second shot at life?

  And all because of Collin, the man who’d vanished out of my life seven years ago and had now inserted himself back in it, as if he’d never left. As if he’d never ripped apart my heart.

  “Oh sweetie, I am just so glad you two are back together. You always were so perfect together.” My mom’s face beamed brighter than her words.

  “And I know he said he doesn’t want any thanks, but we have to do something in return for him,” my father said.

  “So, when do you see the doctor again?” I asked, changing the subject. I couldn’t comment on what was going on between Collin and I, because I didn’t know myself.

  I mean, it was one thing to get his drinking under control. But he was still in that party environment every night, how long before he couldn’t resist any longer? He needed to get out of that environment.

  “…And now you’re thirty, I assume you realize it’s time to settle down. Collin seems to have come back into your life at the perfect moment.” I only caught the end of what my mother said. The bit where she put pressure on me for a grandchild.

  “Now Jenny, you don’t need to go and scrunch your face up like that, your mom’s simply making an observation.”

  I let out a massive sigh, wondering how long this conversation was going to go on for. I hadn’t seen them face to face in months, and this is all they want to talk about?

  “Mom, dad, I hate to break it to you, but Collin and I aren’t back in a relationship. We’re just old friends. Good old friends.” Were we? That’s not what my heart was telling me.

  “Oh sweetie, look at you, your face is flushed just saying that.” My damn inability to lie to my mother again.

  “Fine. I don’t know what’s going on. We’re just taking things slow, figuring us out. I don’t need you two piling more pressure on the situation.”

  “Now honey, there’s no need to snap,” my father said.

  “But you must have some idea what this is like for me. The man that walked out on me just strolled back into my life with an offer to save my mother’s life Think about it!”

  My father pursed his lips but remained quiet, throwing my mother a glare in case she wanted to respond.

  Collin

  It was shitty of me to bail out on Jenny and her family, but I couldn’t sit there any longer, pretending to be the good kid they once knew.

  I figured I’d swing by my third rate nightclub and freak the hell out of the manager with a surprise visit. Even though the club didn’t open for another three hours, and wouldn’t really get swinging until ten. Oh well, it was somewhere to go.

  On the way, we drove past the mall and I had the driver stop. I don’t know what came over me; buying shit wasn’t my thing. I had people for that.

  The driver let me out in front of Sak’s Fifth Avenue. He opened the d
oor for me and I stumbled out, looking up at the huge department store attached to the even bigger mall. What the fuck am I doing here? Was this better than being with Jenny’s family?

  Fuck it. I walked in, like I knew where I was going. I saw a worker and went up to them,

  “Hi, I need a big teddy bear,” I said.

  “I’m sorry sir, this is the cosmetics department. The toys are all upstairs.” I wasn’t in the mood for this shit. I steeled my face and looked at her again. She may have been young but surely she understood that when a customer wanted something, the customer got it.

  “Um, okay, if you’d just like to wait here and I’ll phone somebody for you.”

  Finally. The smell of all the perfumes mingling together made me gag and I kicked myself for not walking deeper into the store. I leaned on a counter, waiting for the woman.

  “Sir, someone’s coming right down. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

  I thought about it for a second. Maybe Jenny would like a present.

  “Yeah, a bottle of Clive Christianson number one.” Her face went blank.

  “I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with that brand. Can I interest you in another? Maybe a Cartier.”

  I closed my eyes and shook my head. Why didn’t they have it? I thought this was a high end store?

  “Sure, fine. Whatever you have that’s the best.”

  A small man appeared carrying a teddy bear as big as he was.

  “That’s perfect. I need you to send it to Honolulu.” Both the man and woman looked at me in a puzzled way.

  “Um, sir, it’s probably better if you order it online and it will ship directly from the local store.”

  “Whatever, go ahead.” Their eyes widened at me. “Look, I have to go now, here’s my card, I’ll wait three minutes for you to make all the arrangements.”

  “Okay, sure sir,” the man said snapping my black Amex out of my hand. I scribbled down the Honolulu address for him. Why had I come in here in the first place?