Wishing on a Rodeo Moon (Women of Character)

by Brannigan, Grace

  Jake stopped just short of the house. Tye stood in the doorway. She let go of the door and it closed with a soft thud behind her.

  "Hello, Jake."

  "Tye." He swallowed hard, gazing at her, his insides tightening as he watched her. She stood still for a moment, her jeans hugging slim hips, her tee-shirt lovingly following the curves of her breasts. She looked dusty and tired, but she looked so good to him, a tentative smile curving her lips. Jake’s entire body felt as tense as a bow. He knew what had to be said.

  "We need to talk."

  "Yes, we do, Jake."

  Jake retraced his steps and took up a position against the deck railing. Tye pulled a chair close by and sat down.

  "How are things at the riding clinic?" Jake figured he might as well jump in.

  Tye grimaced and shook her head. "They’ve dropped the program. I was warned but it’s hard to believe."

  "I’m sorry to hear that. I know how much you enjoyed working there."

  "It might not be all bad news."

  Jack sensed Tye’s excitement. Her eyes sparkled and she moved her hands expressively, as if she couldn’t keep still.

  "I’ve got an idea to start up a new program. I’ve been talking with Lynn and Denny about planning a rodeo."

  "You’re going to plan a rodeo?" Dread began to pool in Jake. He’d known the day would arrive, he just hadn’t thought it would be so soon that Tye would leave.

  "I want to plan and sponsor a rodeo."

  "Why?" Jake asked flatly.

  "Denny knows some people willing to donate good, sound horses if we get the program underway. I was thinking if the competitors know this is a good cause, maybe they’ll donate their winnings to a riding foundation for the kids. It will start the program off right. We could even, conceivably, have a yearly rodeo to fuel the funding."

  Jake could see the sound logic in the idea. "You’ve apparently thought this out, I’m impressed. When did you come up with this idea?"

  "I’ve been kicking it around for a few days. Yesterday I realized I have to do more than think about taking action. Do you remember Emily, the young girl I met at the doctor's office? Her mom came to see me. She wanted to enroll Emily for riding lessons when the doctor gave her the go-ahead."

  The sheen of tears in Tye’s eyes reinforced to Jake how much she loved working with the kids.

  "You were meant for this, Tye. I've never seen you happier."

  "I do enjoy it," Tye said softly. "It surprises me, I guess, how much." Tye shook her hair back and took a deep breath. "I've got something else to tell you, Jake." Her smile slipped a little. "It looks like I’ve found another place. Now you can get on with your renovation plans."

  Jake clenched his fists against his thighs. "I don’t think you should leave," he said flatly, surprising both of them.

  "I have to," she said softly. "We both know it."

  "We talked about this. There’s no reason you can’t stay on here."

  Tye reached out her hand and touched his arm. Jake felt the heat of her fingers clean to his toes. "It’s no good for either of us, Jake. I really appreciate you giving up the apartment. It made things easier for me, but now it’s time to move on."

  Jake felt as if his world were slipping away, just as it had ten years before. "I don’t give a damn about the renovations," he said harshly. "It’s something I can work around. We agreed to take this relationship where it would go." He turned his hand and gripped her fingers. "We care about each other. Life hasn’t been the same since you arrived, and I’m glad. Amy told me I was in a rut and she was right. When I came across your picture that day of the accident, the years rolled back. I had this notion I needed to see you one last time, then I could get on with my life. I’m getting older, Tye. I want a family ―"

  Tye stared at him wide-eyed. "You came that night to say goodbye? Then you were going to get on with your life, heart whole and fancy free?"

  Jake’s mouth felt dry. He didn’t deny it.

  Tye stood up and moved away from him. "But it didn’t turn out that way, did it, Jake? You got sucked into the mess of my life."

  "I saw you and I couldn’t leave," he told her quietly. "I had to stay. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t gotten hurt."

  Tye looked away from him. A slight breeze blew around them, lifting Tye’s hair away from her face. His blood stirred. Tye had that instantaneous affect on him. He wanted to cherish her and rip their clothes off at the same time.

  "You came to the rodeo to see me. You made me want you in my life again. It wasn’t fair." Tye’s voice came to him low and pained. "It’s still not fair. Despite all we’ve come to mean to each other again, we still want different things. I know you don’t want me to return to rodeo. I have to," she added fiercely. "It’s who I am."

  Jake felt his ire rise. "I remember the night you got hurt in minute detail, Tye. I saw what happened, I watched them extricate you from under that bull, your face as white as death, lips blue with a trickle of blood. It’s a night I’ll never forget. How can you forget what happened?"

  "This isn’t all about rodeo, Jake. It’s about you getting what you want. I moved in here. I trusted you." She ignored his words as if he hadn’t said them. Her words came in a rush. "I stayed when I wanted to leave, that first night. You pushed all the right buttons."

  Jake wanted to reach out to her, to ease the pain he heard in her voice. He clenched his fists and kept his hands by his side.

  "We made love," she said. "I trusted you."

  "I haven’t done anything to violate your trust. I guess nothing has changed in all these years. We still want different things. You haven’t changed, you’re still intent on running away."

  "Maybe it’s time we stopped using each other. You knew all along I intended to return to rodeo. I have to wonder if you’ve been hoping all along I would change my mind."

  "I knew you’d leave," Jake said harshly. It had never been out of his mind. He had hoped she would change her mind.

  "I feel as if I’ve been manipulated. You provided a place for me to live, convinced my brother to bring my horse here. I even met your friends and got reacquainted with your family. You made it very comfortable and convenient."

  "You could have left any time."

  "I guess I’m too weak," Tye said bitterly. "I cared too much about you. I’ve never stopped caring."

  Jake felt tired. "The night you got hurt I felt fascinated by you all over again. All these years I’ve locked you out, but a part of me kept your memory close. You’re not an easy person to get over, Tye. You always had so much grit and determination, you were a ball of fire. I felt that way when I played football, but I had it all yanked out from under me. I felt cheated when you left. I loved you, we both know that. I’m not pretending otherwise to make it easier on either of us." Jake felt a hard lump in his throat. He had to push the rest of the words out. "I don’t think I ever stopped being angry at you. I buried it for a long time.

  "I’m not like the rodeo cowboys you hang out with. I know there’s probably any number of guys lined up. I’m an ordinary guy, the same man I’ve always been. No frills, my fireworks. You might see my life as boring as the boxes I manufacture. But guess what, Tye, I’ve worked hard these last few years and made a success of the business. I like my life and who I’ve become. I wouldn’t change it."

  "Jake..."

  "Ten years ago we were young, but we both know you’ve got a background that shies away from commitment. That was your out then. I got too close and that scared the hell out of you. You admitted it yourself. It didn’t matter that I loved you, that I wanted to marry you." Jake laughed, and the sound grated in his ears.

  "Why can’t things go on as they were! We were doing okay."

  "Relationships progress and change. You want it to stay the same. Easy in, easy out. You’re so busy covering any emotional tracks, you won’t let me in."

  Tye’s voice was low and full of pain. "Ten years ago we learned love doesn’t alwa
ys mean forever and it doesn’t conquer all problems. When I think of that night ten years ago I feel the hurt again, leaving you, but I still think it was the best thing to do."

  Jake wanted to smash something.

  "I’ve always been responsible for myself, Jake. If I screwed up, I was the only one who got hurt by the mistakes. Marriage is so much more. Others get hurt. I’ve seen it too many times with my parents. I was too frightened to take that risk."

  "Life is a risk, Tye, not just marriage and relationships. Dammit, we’re not like your parents."

  Tye turned away, but not before Jake had seen the closed expression on her face. "We’re too different Jake. I thought I could do this, but I think you’re right, there’s too much garbage in my past. I-I guess I’m too afraid to step past it."

  Tye moved away from him, her movement jerky. She started down the deck stairs to the back field.

  Jake went after her and grabbed her arms, swinging her around. "Tye! Are you just going to throw it away again?"

  "I can’t bear to go on being civilly polite, knowing what we had, and I can’t go forward and hope we won’t tear each other apart."

  Tears spilled down her cheeks, and Jake felt himself ripping apart inside.

  "I cannot do it, Jake. Don’t ask it of me."

  Jake watched his world crumble with each step Tye took away from him. He wanted to call her back, beg her to stay, but he kept his mouth shut. Anger boiled inside, but at the root of it was bone-deep despair.

  #

  Tye didn’t realize she was running until she reached the barn door and stopped, feeling the wetness on her face. Silence hung all around her, broken only by the rasp of her own breathing. She had done it, hurt Jake for the last time.

  Tye swung open the barn door and wandered aimlessly inside. How could she and Jake have a normal relationship when her childhood memories reflected anything but normalcy and caring between two people?

  She wanted to hide, but she knew the pain wouldn’t lessen. She opened the door to Jake’s office and stumbled inside, her foot hitting something. She heard a small crash. Flicking on the light switch Tye saw she’d kicked over a box. More evidence of the disruption she had caused in Jake’s life. His possessions were in boxes stored in the barn. Papers now lay strewn across the concrete floor.

  Tye bent down to pick up the papers and noticed her name in bold black print. Curiously, she picked up a rubber-banded bundle of newspaper clippings. Each article detailed her rodeo wins; dates, times, places. Some of the articles were glossy and looked like they'd been pulled from magazines. Articles about her after-rodeo hours, the honky-tonks and dance bars she and her friends had frequented. The wild time in her life she had put behind her.

  Tye rifled through the papers. The oldest date was about a year after she and Jake had split. Jake had been tracking her all this time.

  Tye sat down with a thump on the floor, the box cradled in her arms. Jake had shown her nothing but support from the beginning. He had managed to keep her here that first night when she wanted to run. Tye knew she loved him, she didn’t doubt it, but she didn’t feel worthy of that love or the trust it implied. And Jake didn’t love her in return. He wanted her physically, but it wasn’t enough. Tye felt the weeping inside. It wasn’t enough. She wanted, needed Jake to love her back.

  Tye put the sheaf of papers down and pushed aside the newspaper clippings. Beneath the pile was a large four by five inch newspaper photo. It was a version of the same picture she had seen before. Jake knelt beside a fallen bull. There was no doubt in her mind the bull was old Hit Man, and she lay under the dead animal. The memories of that day flashed like wildfire through her brain, each memory clear and detailed, memories she had pushed away since that night.

  She recalled Hit Man stumbling, then feeling as if she were flying through the air. The heavy, suffocating weight of the bull on top of her. Jake's voice. She had thought he was an angel calming her, soothing her, until they pulled her out. She remembered his blue eyes, and that was all. The rest was a blank until she woke up in the hospital with her leg gone. When Mama told her they hadn’t been able to save the crushed leg, she had screamed at her Mama, accusing her of never wanting her to ride the bulls, blaming the loss of her leg on her Mama.

  Tye felt the sobs that wracked her, but she couldn’t stop them. They filled the barn, harsh, deep sobs that seemed to come from her very depths. What was she doing? Throwing Jake’s caring away again, tossing it back at him as if this were a tennis game?

  Tye began to quiet. She rubbed her forehead, wiped the wetness from her face with her arm. A terrible emptiness shifted through her.

  That night of the accident Jake had been there the entire time she was under that bull. Jake was a man, not an angel. He didn’t want her to return to the rodeo. Tye knew she was fooling herself if she thought they had a future. Real life wasn’t that easy. Tye knew that, why didn’t he? The thought of leaving Jake was almost more than Tye could bear. Once in a lifetime was devastating. Twice, too much to bear.

  She needed to think. She needed to straighten out the confusion in her mind. Tye put the box back on the pile and walked outside, closing the door behind her.

  She moved to stand by the pasture gate. Tye knew with sudden clarity she needed to go home, to the place where she grew up. Start at the beginning and work from there. She whistled and it was a pathetic attempt at best, but Pongo came trotting to her. She saw him through a blur.

  "Come on, Pongo, we're going home."

  Grabbing his halter and lead line, Tye slipped it on his head and jumped on his bare back. She rode across the pasture, not letting herself look back. For the second time in her life Tye walked away from Jake. This time, however, the ache was so deep she knew she’d never recover. Her only solace was knowing at least Jake didn’t love her this time.

  § Chapter Seventeen §

  Jake was past worried. Tye hadn't returned and it was almost dusk. He had seen her ride out across the flats on Pongo hours before. If she had gotten hurt, chances are the horse would return to the barn. He doubted she had fallen, but worry made the thoughts run like wildfire through his head.

  Trying to remain calm, Jake paced the floor of his living room. Should he go out looking for her again? He had ridden out about an hour after she'd left. Jake had taken the same direction he’d seen Tye go and he had found Pongo's track. He knew it was Pongo's because the horse had a peculiar shoe on his right front hoof, a long trailer to keep the hoof positioned correctly.

  After a while Jake turned toward home. He thought Tye would return after she cooled off, but inside he had a feeling she wouldn’t. She must have kept riding. Her vehicle was parked out front, but her apartment remained dark. Jake turned the lights on in her apartment but he knew she wasn’t coming back. Deep down inside his gut told him it was the end. She hadn't trusted him, and she had cut him out of her heart just like that. It was worse than ten years ago. Jake wondered how that could be so? Back then he had loved her. He didn’t love her anymore. Loving and caring were different than lust.

  Jake heard the sound of a car out front. He half-ran to the front window. He’d give her what-for, for scaring him like that. Jake was surprised and disappointed to see Ben coming up the walk. Jake threw open the front door. "Do you know where Tye is?" he asked without preamble.

  Ben walked into the house and dropped into a kitchen chair. "My sister rode over to Mom's ranch."

  "She rode all the way to your mother's? That's twenty miles away."

  Ben grimaced. "Less across the flats, the way she came. Something's going on with her but Mom couldn't get anything out of her, so Mom called me." Ben looked expectantly at Jake.

  "We had an argument," Jake said shortly. "I've been worried out of my mind, it's almost dark."

  "Tye asked me to get her vehicle. Mom dropped me off. Tye's kind of grim, not saying much of anything."

  "Damn!" Jake put a hand up to his neck and rubbed at the ache there. He could feel a headache coming on,
his muscles were as tense as could be. He dropped down onto a big chair, throwing his head back and staring up at the ceiling. "This is all my fault."

  "Knowing Tye," Ben said dryly, "I doubt it. She can stir up more trouble than a hornet's nest, if she has a mind to."

  Jake shook his head. "No, I'm the one to blame." He looked squarely at his friend, the brother of the woman he cared about. "I blew it big time."

  "Want to talk about it?"

  "Tye's dumped me for good."

  "I don't know, Jake, she's acting different than I've ever seen her. She seemed so happy here, almost settled. I thought maybe you two, you know, maybe things would work out..." Ben let his words trail off.

  "Me, too," Jake said grimly. "Tye warned me, but I guess I was kidding myself. I thought we had a good thing, starting over, getting along fine. At the first hint of doubt, she bolts before we can get it straightened out."

  Jake slumped even further in the chair. Making a steeple out of his fingers, he looked at Ben. "I went to the rodeo that night Tye got hurt. I thought I could put her out of my life once and for all."

  Ben groaned. "That’s why you showed up there? Did you tell her that?"

  Jake nodded grimly.

  "Then the accident happened," Ben said slowly. "You were there. The rest is history." Ben put his head in his hands. "I’m really sorry. Part of this is my fault for asking you to let her use the apartment. This must have been hell for you."

  "It was in the beginning, but how could I turn her away when she needed help? Your sister is some lady, Ben."

  "What happened?"

  "Tye is a hard act to follow. I found myself drawn to her again," Jake admitted in a low voice. "I guess I’ve buried my feelings all these years even though I’ve made a new life for myself. I know it all sounds crazy." The pain inside wouldn't go away.

  "I think Tye's pretty confused right now, Jake. She's just coming out of an emotional and physical trauma, and unfortunately, we're both carrying a lot of baggage. Now, with my Dad's condition..."

  "I didn't know you knew."

  "I had it out with my old man. I guess the resentment just built up to a firing point and exploded. I didn't know he was dying until he told me, and he thought Tye had spilled it. Anyway, Tye's always taken to the rodeo like my father. After you two split up, it’s like she was driven. I sure as hell know she wasn’t happy."