Jake closed his eyes, wishing he’d had more wisdom at nineteen. Maybe they hadn’t been ready for a commitment, but he should have gone after her. Jake felt guilt creep in. He should have gone after her.
"It’s the way we grew up, Jake. Mom and I have been worried about her for a while. A few years back it seemed like she was on a self-destructive course. This last year she's really straightened up, maybe she grew up. Then the accident ―" Ben looked at Jake. "I have to tell you, I was afraid she'd slip back into her old ways when she lost her leg. I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, if anyone could help Tye, it would be you."
"Your sister's one courageous woman. She's come back full force."
"She told me about her work with the riding program. She really likes working with the kids. It's too bad it had to end."
Jake rubbed a hand across his face. "Well, she’s planning on putting together a rodeo to start up a new program. I think it’s a great idea, but the idea of her bull riding again scares the hell out of me. I can’t be around for that."
"And Tye is still hell bent on doing it," Ben said slowly. "My sister is a rolling stone, just like Dad."
"I don't really believe that, Ben. I think Tye wants to settle down but she's afraid."
"That's a different take on things," Ben said rather doubtfully.
"I have to believe it," Jake said in a low voice.
"Then why the devil are you sitting here talking to me? Go get her."
Jake wanted nothing more than to do just that, but then he shook his head. "I can't. Dammit, Ben, Tye's got to come to the realization herself. It's got to be her call."
"I guess I can see your point, old buddy. I wish I could help."
"This is between Tye and me, or rather, Tye and herself."
#
Jake shifted in the desk chair, leaning back further and resting his booted feet on the desk top. He propped the partially empty whisky bottle against his thigh, ignoring the phone as it rang for the third time. Tye had left three weeks ago, and he hadn’t heard a word in all that time. She'd left him good and proper, just like he planned, but not like he wanted, he knew now. He had tried to be up front with her from the beginning, but he’d been lying to himself. His motives had been in the right place, but he had lied also, this time to himself. He cared about Tye more than he admitted. Maybe he even loved her. He had thought having her around would get her out of his system once and for all, but God knows he was more deeply entrenched than he’d ever been.
Jake frowned, staring at the stucco ceiling with sleep-deprived eyes. Surely it would get better, this empty ache he felt?
The phone stopped ringing. Jake’s head felt better when it was quiet. He had a pretty good grip on things.
This week he had been notified he would have his own exhibit at the gallery. It had been the culmination of eight years of work on his part. His carvings would hold a permanent place in the town’s history. It was a great coup, but at the back of his mind Jake knew he wanted to share this success with Tye. He had had one drink to celebrate, and that had led to another.
Maybe he wasn’t handling this whole thing all that well, but he damned well didn’t care. He was trying to decide how he had screwed things up so badly. That niggling of guilt wouldn’t turn him lose. Should he have gone after Tye all those years ago? Would it have made a difference? He should have tried to talk sense into her, instead of being so angry and pushing her away.
The last few weeks seemed like forever. What would another ten years feel like?
The phone began to ring again. With disgusted mutter, Jake dropped his feet to the floor and picked up the phone.
"What?"
"Hello, Jake," a female voice said, apparently unperturbed by his growl. "This is Lynn, Tye's friend."
Jake pressed a fist against his throbbing temple. "Tye's not here."
"I know that. Listen, I want to make sure you know what’s going on. I have a feeling Tye hasn’t contacted you."
"Why the hell would you think that?" he asked sarcastically.
Jake carefully put the bottle on the desk, rubbing a hand across his eyes and shoving the hair off his forehead.
"Now Jake, I’m calling you to help out."
"Lynn, I don’t think you should be going behind Tye’s back ―"
"I’m not. I’ve told her what I think and now I’m telling you. Tye's been really happy since she's been out there with you. She's almost like a new person, and the gang really wants to see you guys make a go of it. Tye deserves it. If you're the guy to make her happy, then I'm all for it."
"Well, right now Tye and I are on the outs. She walked out on her own."
"She'll come around," Lynn said confidently.
Jake felt a spark flare briefly and he sat upright. "What are you saying?"
"Tye has to think things through. I've known Tye my whole life. She can be hardheaded, but she's not dumb. In fact," Lynn drawled, "I want to issue you an invitation to a rodeo."
"I heard about it on the news. Not interested." No way would he watch her climb on a bull.
"Tye has worked herself crazy to pull this together in this short a time. I think it would mean a lot if you showed up."
News of the rodeo seemed to be everywhere he turned. Even his mother in Florida had called when she’d gotten wind of it, no doubt spurred by his sisters’ curiosity.
"We’re all proud of her, and quite frankly, Jake, kind of amazed. She got some really big names to commit. And get this... all the concessions, the big name sponsors, most of the money that comes in is going toward the new riding program. When Tye sets her mind to something, that girl gets results."
So why couldn’t she settle her sights on him?
"So why are you calling, Lynn?" Jake asked, impatient with this chit chat.
"To invite you to come. Jake! Aren’t you listening? I know Tye, she'd never have let you in her heart in the first place, if she didn't care about you. A lot."
Jake swallowed hard, feeling himself sober instantly. In her heart? What the hell did she mean?
"I know I’m butting in here, but we’re all wondering why you let her go. That night of the accident, everyone could see how much you cared about her. You wouldn’t let anyone else near her, except for the paramedics."
Jake didn’t recall that part, all he remembered was his awful, wrenching fear that Tye wouldn’t make it.
"So, can we count on your being there?"
Jake took a deep breath. The decision had already been made; the place didn’t really matter. He had to see her again, even if it wrenched his gut and turned his insides out.
"I’ll be there."
"Good. Just make Tye happy."
Jake hung up the phone, and then began to pace the room.
Could he do it? Would Tye come back if he told her he didn’t care if she returned to riding bulls? Would she return if he told her he might love her? Jake cuffed himself on the side of his head.
"Wake up Miller. You love her. Admit it, dammit. You love her. How dumb can you be? Tell her you might love her and she’ll kick you in the butt like you deserve."
She'd never have let you in her heart in the first place, if she didn't care about you. A lot.
Jake couldn't let Tye go without a fight this time. He’d made that mistake ten years ago. Not this time.
#
Tye looked around the crowded equine center, emotion clogging her throat. Her friends, colleagues, everyone she had ever met in rodeo and called regarding the new riding clinic had come through. The spectator seats were full, the day was clear and warm, everything was perfect for the rodeo about to begin. Tye scanned the rodeo yard. Almost everything.
She pushed back thoughts of Jake. In time, the pain would ease. She had pushed herself the last few weeks, trying to pull everything together. She hadn’t let herself dwell on the pain of parting from Jake. Right now, she had to take care of the business at hand.
Tye walked through the pens, making last minute checks. Her leg beg
an to bother her a bit, she had been on her feet for almost four hours and it was barely ten a.m. Tye climbed up on a bull pen and sat on the top rail, letting her leg dangle and relax.
"Tye. Tye Jenkins." Tye heard her name called, and she felt a strange sense of déjà vu as she slowly turned her head and looked across the rodeo yard.
Her gaze connected with light blue eyes in a handsome face. The face of the man she loved. Jake. This time he wore jeans and a western cut dark green shirt instead of a suit. His head was bare and he just stood there and stared at her. He wore an assured, assessing look on his face, like that night almost six months ago. Had it only been six months?
Tye felt some of the tension and worry inside ease and uncoil. Jake was here. He had come, if only to say goodbye one last time.
"Tye...Tye, snap out of it."
Tye looked down. Denny was waving her hand at her and snapping her fingers.
"We need you over by the announcer’s booth. The opening ceremonies will begin soon."
"Okay." Tye smiled and began to climb down. When she dropped her feet to the dusty earth, she threw one last glance Jake’s way. Tye looked around, but she didn’t see him in the crowded yard. Had she imagined him standing there?
"Come on Tye, we’re right on schedule. You need to do the opening speech." Denny squinted at her. "Are you okay? You look a little pale."
Tye nodded, frowning as she followed Denny. She was sure she had seen Jake. It hadn’t been wishful thinking, had it? Tye smothered a sigh. She had indulged in a lot of wishful thinking lately, all of it to no avail.
#
Tye stood in the middle of the rodeo arena, a microphone clutched in her hand, feeling strange and unfamiliar as the applause started. Her opening words to the crowd had been simple, hopefully significant. She tried to make them understand the importance of the riding program for the children involved or yet to be involved.
Tye heard pounding hooves and turned as Denny on her black mare cantered toward her, leading Pongo behind her. Denny drew her horse to a sliding halt, stirring up dust with a rodeo performer’s flair.
Tye took Pongo’s reins and felt the sudden hush of the crowd. Her heart pounded in her chest. With a practiced hop, her left foot found the stirrup. She swung her right leg over Pongo’s hindquarters, then reached down to pick up the stirrup for her foot.
Sitting straight in the saddle, Tye waved to her friends, family and fans. She urged Pongo into a canter. She had participated in more rodeos than she could count in this very same arena but never had she heard such an outbreak of cheering and shouting as she did now as she circled the arena.
Tye rode through the gate, ducking her head to wipe her arm across her eyes, thankful for the support and generosity of everyone who had believed in her and shown up today. It would have been perfect, if Jake were here.
#
The arena was empty, the crowds long dispersed with dusk well on its way. Only a few cowboys hung out by the bullpens, waiting to corral the last bull back into the holding area.
Tye stared at the bull, a dirty white Brahma with flecks of gray across his hide, and horns that curved wickedly across the top of a broad, flat head.
"Tye, are you sure this is what you want?" Mama asked as she came to stand beside the stock pen which held the bull.
From her perch on the rail, Tye pulled on her leather gloves, then pulled them off again, fiddling with the fingers. She stared out over the empty arena, her mouth set in a straight line.
"I have to. If I never get on a bull again after today, that's okay, but I have to do this. Tall Chief here is new to the rodeo circuit. What better bull to use?"
Her mama sighed. "I recognize that determined tilt of your head, Tye. I know you want to prove something to yourself, and I can't fault you for that, but this bull has a mean streak a mile wide."
"It's only a six-second ride, Mama," Tye said confidently. The words echoed around inside her head. How many times had she said the same thing to her Mama over the years? Tye shook her head to clear it. She wondered if Mama recognized her fidgeting for what it was. Despite her brave words, Tye recalled all too clearly the nightmare of her last six-second ride. She still didn't know if she could go through with this.
"I know better than to argue with you, Tye. Since you've been little, once you make up your mind there's no swaying you."
"It's a sorry fact, but it is a fact, Mama." Still, Tye made no move to climb over the chute where the bull moved restlessly. He hadn't been still since some of the boys had herded him in there.
Tye felt full of doubt, but one thing was clear; she knew she had to try and ride. She also knew she had a decision to make concerning Jake. The way she had left was wrong, but the panic that had ripped through her had been real and inflammatory. She wasn’t that mixed up seventeen-year old anymore. She was a woman, and she had to face up to her life, not run from it. When had she begun living her life in fear? She was no coward.
Since the day she had ridden away from Jake’s ranch, she carried a constant ache inside, a deep down hurt that wouldn't turn her loose. She missed Jake...missed their times together. A part of her felt incomplete.
"Do you regret leaving?" Mama asked, as if she had read her thoughts.
Tye narrowed her eyes and twisted around to stare at her mama's placid face. "Regret it?"
Mama straightened her lips and put her hands on her hips. "If loving that man puts that look of misery on your face then you're better off without him ―"
"Jake is a good man," Tye told her quickly.
"― especially if he's mistreated you."
Tye ducked her head, staring at the reddish brown dirt below her. "Jake wouldn't harm me. If anything, he cares about me too much. Maybe more than he knows," she added.
"I’ve never heard of a man loving a woman too much."
Tye hunched her shoulders. "I've never felt like this. I’ve always loved Jake, but it seems so much worse now. I’ve lived with the loss for ten years, with time the ache got bearable. But now..." Tye shook her head. "It's like I'm incomplete without Jake in my life. It's worse than after the accident when everything felt like it was in the can. All I could see was a long, dark tunnel with no light in front of me."
"Maybe Jake's more vital to you than anything you've ever experienced."
"I walked away from him a second time, Mama. Jake thought I took off all those years ago because I didn’t love him. He didn’t understand it was the only thing I could do."
"Sometimes, you have to give yourself leeway to change your mind, Tye. Life isn't black and white, right or wrong. If Jake’s half the man I think he is, he’ll want you back, and he’ll understand."
"I guess I keep hoping that, Mama. It's all I've thought about since I've been home. I miss Jake, the times we had, his consideration. He's a good man," she finished quietly. Saying the words made her realize how very true they were. Her love for Jake filled her totally, soothing that emptiness gnawing at her.
"Well, it's your life, Tye. You know I'd never interfere," Mama said placidly.
Tye gave her mother a slow grin, the first real one in days. "At least, not so I'd know it."
"I've never meddled in your life or your brother's." Without missing a beat, her mama tossed back her hair and went on, "Now are you sure you have to ride this devil?"
"Yes."
"No one will think less of you if you don't."
"I'll know."
"If you're determined then do it while I'm here. Your father’s watching from the stock pen over there. I wasn't with you the last time, the least I can do is be here now."
Tye looked warily at her mama, seeing the worry in Mama's dark blue eyes. She climbed down from the fence and stood beside her mother.
"I need to do this, Mama. It's as simple as that."
Mama put her arm around Tye and squeezed her shoulders. "Then you do what you have to do."
Tye exhaled slowly. "I love you, Mama."
"I know, sweetheart."
&
nbsp; "I haven't always made the right decisions. I have a knack for making a mess of things ―"
"You've grown up, Tye, you're learning from your mistakes, that's what's important. You're smart, I raised you smart. You'll make the right choice."
Tye felt moisture on her lids, and quickly swiped a hand across her eyes.
"Jake's a good man. A blind man could see he loves you."
"He wants to take care of me," Tye blurted, snapping her gloves against a jean clad leg. "I don't need anyone doing that."
"A man looking out for you." Mama shook her head. "I know what you mean, Tye. I'd leave too if I had someone caring about me."
Tye let out an exasperated breath. "He's followed my rodeoing, the man's got more articles than I do."
"He's spent a lot of time thinking about you, he's been devoting time to you. He's used to taking care of the females in his life. He seems very straightforward and that's a good trait, but then, I don't know Jake very well."
"Mama!" Tye said in exasperation, "you sound like you're endorsing him."
Her mother laughed. "And you sound like you're trying to hang a man whose only crime I can see is loving you. Is that the part that scares you, Tye? A man that really cares about you? A man you can grow some roots with?"
Tye scuffed the toes of her boots on the dusty ground. "I haven’t been asked yet, but, yeah, it scares me," she whispered, daring to admit it out loud. She felt a sniffle coming over her and she cleared her throat instead.
"Love can be wonderful," Mama said very gently. "Didn’t I ever teach you that?"
Tye threw her head up in disbelief. "How can you say that ― you loved Daddy, and he hurt you."
"We had lots of good times, too. Jake isn't like your Daddy, Tye."
"Jake would never hurt me the way Daddy hurt you." In the silence Tye heard the restless movement of the bull in the chute, and concentrated hard on those sounds. Feet stomping dry dirt, tail swishing at flies, the brush of hide against the metal bars...
Wishing on a Rodeo Moon (Women of Character) Page 21