She shook her head earnestly. “No, Julian. That’s where you’re wrong. I’ll admit I acted horribly. I was calculated in who I pursued, but you should know…I was the aggressor, not them. Every one of them—and how horrible am I that I can’t even remember names?—they all sort of caved because I was relentless. At the time, I wanted attention from you. I did those things because you were so involved with the band that I felt neglected and I chose a very childish way to get even. But all those guys hated me. I meant nothing to them, and believe me when I tell you that each of them told me how much they regretted what we’d done. Why? Because you’re this amazing person—a real leader in the music industry, and I was just…I was just this whore you couldn’t get rid of.”
Wow. That was…totally not what he was expecting.
“So, you can hate me,” she said, a tear rolling down her face. “I deserve it. I more than deserve it. But after the wedding, so many people—everyone, really—they all took your side. It was all ‘good riddance, Dena’ after you left. You’re not a joke, Julian. And you’re not a fool. And I’m so sorry I messed up your life so badly. I really am.”
Here was his opportunity to rant, rave, and really go off on her and tell her what her actions had cost him, but…he didn’t. What would be the point? She already knew what she’d done and had apologized for it.
“I don’t expect us ever to be friends,” she said, interrupting his thoughts. “But I hope you don’t look at our time together and have it ruin the rest of your life.”
He looked at her quizzically. “Why would you even say that?”
She let out a small snort. “Please. I may be a pretty self-absorbed person, but I spent enough time with you that I know how you think and react. The fact that there has been no announcement of Shaughnessy getting back together tells me you’re the one holding out. So what’s going on?”
“It’s not that simple to explain,” he said gruffly.
“Then make it that simple,” she retorted. “We both know how much you love music. You played, you wrote, you sang nonstop for all the years we were together, Julian! And you are so gifted and talented, and the thought of you not making music again makes me sad. Don’t do it to punish me.”
“It wasn’t to punish you.”
Leaning forward, she boldly placed her hand on his forearm. “Then don’t do it to punish yourself. Playing for the fans always gave you the greatest joy. I used to hate that. I was jealous of the masses and there was a time when I would have done anything to distract you from getting up on stage for them, and I did. The only one holding you back now, Jules, is you.”
And then they talked.
For hours.
They talked about where he went for those three months and where he hoped to see himself in the future. And for the first time, he was excited to think about it. Dena told him she was living back in Arizona with the guy from the wedding video.
Go figure.
She was working in a salon and happy and truly in love. She was looking forward to having a life outside of Hollywood. And the thing was, he believed her. She looked happy. Honestly, she really did resemble the girl he’d met and fallen in love with, but he was no longer the same man—and while she resembled that girl, he knew she wasn’t her anymore, either.
They had grown and grown apart.
And that was okay.
Actually, it was more than okay.
Conversation was dying down and she looked at her hands, which were folded in her lap. “So, who’s the girl?” she asked shyly.
“What girl?”
The look she gave him told him how much she hated when he played dumb. “The girl you were with at the restaurant. We’ve been sitting here talking for what seems like forever and not once have you mentioned her.”
And just the thought of Charlotte was enough to make his heart ache. Mindlessly, he rubbed at his chest. “Nothing to tell. It’s over.”
“Oh,” she said softly, her expression going serious, contemplative. “I’m sorry, Julian.”
“Really?”
She nodded and then looked thoroughly pained. “I’m not trying to sound egotistical or anything…”
“But…?” he prompted.
“But…don’t let what happened between us affect your relationships.” She sighed. “Trust me when I say that what we had was dysfunctional, but it is possible to have a good and healthy relationship.”
This time he did snort with disbelief. “Dena, you can’t sit here and tell me that the things you did don’t affect your current relationship. Hell, you cheated on me with him! He clearly knows your history. You don’t think he’s watching you like a hawk to make sure you don’t do to him what you did to me?”
Yeah, okay. The words were said with more heat than he wanted, but they still needed to be said.
She grimaced. “Stephen and I are in counseling. We started almost as soon as I moved. At first I thought it would be a joke—like, how could anyone possibly try to make sense out of the crap I’d done when I still didn’t want to own up to half of it.” She looked at him sadly. “People spit on me,” she admitted quietly. “I tried to defy Mick and stay in town. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I thought the media attention would sway in my favor a bit—don’t ask me why I thought that, but I did. I was walking down Rodeo Drive and people spit on me and called me horrible names. That’s when I knew I’d hit rock bottom. I had to change.”
For a minute, he almost felt bad for her. His stunt at the wedding had been to humiliate her, but no one deserved to be spit on, for crying out loud.
“Whose idea was it to see a counselor?”
“Stephen’s,” she admitted. “I left town without him—convinced that what we had was just like what I’d had with all the other…well, you know. But he followed me. He swore he was in love with me, and I didn’t believe him. He refused to leave, and when he suggested therapy, I thought he was crazy. Now I’m glad I went. I think it’s helped so much. It’s the reason I came to see you. I needed to see you and talk to you and look you in the eye and tell you how sorry I am. For everything.”
Wow.
“So, this is part of your therapy? Sort of like a twelve-step program?”
Shaking her head, she gave him a small smile. “Not exactly. It was suggested that I do this, and at first I said I’d never do it. I knew you’d be so angry and how much you hated me, and I didn’t want to put either of us through it.”
“What changed your mind?” He was genuinely curious, because if the tables had been turned, he would have refused.
The tables had turned.
And he did refuse.
“I know this sounds corny, but if I’m ever going to move forward and have a life with Stephen, then I had to put this—this whole situation between you and me—behind me. I couldn’t do that without us trying to find some closure that wasn’t so hurtful or hateful.”
Now he felt like crap. Scrubbing a weary hand over his face, he sighed. “Dena, look. Maybe I went about everything the wrong way—”
“No!” she immediately cut him off. “I know why you did it, Julian. Don’t get me wrong, I hate it. I still have nightmares about it. But you did it because I wasn’t getting it. I know I bulldozed you into a wedding, into a life you didn’t want…so many things. The only way this express train to hell was ever going to end was if one of us did something drastic.” Tears filled her eyes again. “I’m just sorry it had to be like that.”
“I am too.” And he meant it. He was a private man and doing what he did with that video meant he was letting the whole world know how messed up his life was. It had humiliated them both—only he hadn’t realized just how much damage he’d done to himself until much later.
And all of it was hitting home right now.
They sat in silence for several moments, when Dena reached for her purse. “There is one mo
re thing I need to do, Julian,” she said. Slowly, she pulled out an envelope and slid it across the table toward him.
Without moving, he looked at it and then at her. “What’s this?”
“This is a check,” she said, her voice a little stronger than it had been a minute ago. She seemed to straighten, like she was building up to something. “Mick showed up in my dressing room in the hotel after all the chaos had died down that day and handed me a check.” She shook her head. “I always knew he never liked me, but it had never been clearer than on that day. He told me to take the money and go away—that I could take whatever I wanted from the house but I had twenty-four hours to do it before the locks would be changed.”
Julian knew the terms Mick had presented. He had written them himself.
With a small, humorless laugh, she went on. “I remember scurrying around the house in the middle of the night collecting my things. Looking back, I’m so ashamed, because I was no better than a common thief. I took things I had no right to take.”
“Everything in that house was yours, Dena. I never wanted most of it.”
The look she gave him showed she was grateful he wasn’t berating her any further than she had already berated herself. “I can’t possibly have the life I need to have, knowing you’ve financed it. That’s not fair to you. Or Stephen,” she added bashfully. “So, this is a check for the exact amount Mick gave me. And I promise to pay you back for all the rest—the furniture, the jewelry, the car—”
He held up a hand to stop her. “Those were all gifts,” he said evenly. “And I don’t want them back or the money for them.” With a brief pause, he gave her a weak smile of his own. “Not everything was bad between us, right?”
She started crying again as she ducked her head. “No. It wasn’t.”
“If you don’t want the stuff, then give it to charity. Donate it to a good cause.” Then he laughed softly. “I even happen to know of a couple of organizations you can contact if you want.”
“You’re being far too generous, Julian,” she said, wiping away the tears.
He shrugged. “I have my moments.”
Her phone beeped with an incoming text and she looked at it before meeting Julian’s gaze. “I need to go. We have a flight back to Phoenix in the morning and I still have to pack.”
He nodded and rose from his seat.
When Dena stood, she studied him for a long moment before she picked up the envelope and handed it to him. “I’m sorry I ever took this, but I’m not sorry for knowing you. Thank you for being willing to talk with me today.”
“I think it was good for both of us,” he admitted gruffly.
This time she nodded. “I wish you only the best, Julian. Be happy. No one deserves it more than you.” Then she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek before walking away.
Chapter 10
“Wait, let me get this straight. You were dating a rock star—for like a month!—and I’m just finding out about it now after you’ve broken up. Do I have that right?”
Charlotte dunked her hundredth tortilla chip of the night into a fresh bowl of guacamole and nodded before stuffing it in her mouth to avoid speaking.
“Unbelievable!” Tami cried and then immediately lowered her voice. They were out at a local Mexican restaurant and clearly decided inside voices were a better choice for this conversation. “So…how are you doing? I mean…now.”
When she went to reach for another chip, Tami smacked her hand, setting both bowls out of reach.
“Now? Right now, I’m a little annoyed our girls’ night turned into just the two of us, and that after you promised me all the chips and guac I could eat, you take them away!”
Rolling her eyes, Tami slowly slid the bowls back toward the center of the table. “Just know this—I don’t care if you talk with your mouth full of food, but I want to know all the details and I’ve got all night. I already texted Jimmy while you were in the ladies’ room and told him this could be an all-nighter.”
Great.
While she had originally given her friend the Reader’s Digest version of her relationship with Julian when they first sat down, it was obvious that now she had to relive it all and give her the extended version.
Which she did.
Thirty minutes and way too many chips later, Charlotte leaned back in her seat and sighed. “So, that’s it. That’s my tale of woe.”
“Holy. Crap,” Tami stated. “That’s just… Wow. I don’t know where to begin. Part of me is so freaking impressed that you put yourself out there and not only found a great guy, but a famous one to boot.”
“I didn’t know he was famous.”
Tami laughed. “I know. That’s what makes it even greater. You certainly know how not to boost a guy’s ego.”
She made a face and waved the waitress over to refresh their drinks. “Lucky for me I happened to find the one guy who didn’t want to be known for his fame, so there was that.”
“Lot of good it did. Sounds to me like he needs a shrink. And extended therapy.”
Charlotte wanted to take offense to that on Julian’s behalf, but her friend was right. “Yeah, well… Never going to happen. It’s like he knows he has a problem, but he doesn’t know. You know?”
Another laugh. “I think you should switch to water. The sangria is making you talk weird.”
“Anyway…”
“Oh, right. So yes, part of me is happy you put yourself out there, but the other part is happy you knew when to walk away. It seems to me he had way too many issues and it wasn’t going to get any better.”
“I know, but—”
“Nuh-uh,” Tami cut her off. “No way. No.”
“What?” Charlotte asked with confusion. “You don’t even know what I was going to say!”
“You were going to say that maybe he just needed time and how you could help him and blah, blah, blah!” She sighed dramatically. “Seriously, Charlotte, you have a tendency to try to fix everyone and you don’t realize that sometimes people have to fix themselves!”
“Well, drat. That does sound like me and what I do.” She eyed Tami for a minute. “Are you sure you didn’t get the psychology degree and not me?”
“Trust me,” Tami replied. “I barely got my high school diploma. I’ve known you since we were twelve and I think I’ve picked up on a thing or two about you.”
That made sense too.
Dammit.
“Here’s something else I know about you,” Tami continued. “You give everything and everyone your full heart. I know this breakup is fairly new, but I’ve never seen you like this. Ever.”
Charlotte shrugged. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this. I keep waiting to wake up and feel better and I do, but…there’s an emptiness that wasn’t there before.” With her hand over her heart, she went on. “It’s like a constant ache. I can distract myself all day long with work, but it will just take one thing—a flash of something we did together or something Julian said—and then I feel like I’m dying.”
And now she felt exactly like that.
“Oh, sweetie,” Tami said as she reached over and took one of Charlotte’s hands in hers. “I’m so sorry. I hate that you’re going through this and I hate that you’re trying to handle it alone.”
“I really thought he’d realize he needed help—that it wasn’t healthy to keep repeating the same patterns of behavior he had with his ex. But he would get so angry whenever I tried to talk to him about it.” She felt her frustration building. “What was it about her that she still has such a hold on him?”
Holding up a finger, Tami took out her phone and began typing and scrolling. Charlotte had no idea what she was looking for, but she waited silently.
Tami gasped and murmured something under her breath, then quickly put her phone away.
“What?” Charlotte demanded. “W
hat was that all about? What were you looking up?”
“It’s nothing,” she said quickly. “Seriously, nothing. How about we order some dessert? They have great fried ice cream here!”
Not wanting to be deterred, Charlotte almost crawled across the table to reach for Tami’s phone. “Come on! You can’t go and get all dramatic and then act like you didn’t!”
“Fine,” Tami said defiantly. “But this wasn’t what I thought I was going to find.” Pulling her phone back out, she went back to her search and turned the phone toward Charlotte.
It was a picture of Julian and Dena.
From yesterday.
“Oh no,” she spat out, her stomach roiling. “How? Why…?” And then anger set in as she cursed under her breath.
REUNITED! DRUMMER JULIAN GRAYSON AND FIANCÉE HE LEFT AT THE ALTAR BACK TOGETHER!
Sun, moon, and stars, my ass. One week of her being out of his life and he ran right back to the woman who completely messed him up! Well, good riddance!
“Char, you okay?” Tami asked cautiously. “You look a little green.”
Her stomach pitched as she pushed Tami’s phone away, unable to look at the picture anymore.
Although it was probably burned into her brain.
“Seriously, Charlotte, are you okay?”
One minute she was and then the next—
“I’m going to be sick,” she hissed as she slid from the booth and made a mad dash for the ladies’ room—cursing Julian the entire way.
When she walked out of the restroom fifteen minutes later, she felt better and worse at the same time. Chips and guac may be good going down, not so much coming up.
“Ugh,” she moaned as she slid back into her seat and immediately reached for her purse to find a piece of gum.
“Better?”
Charlotte shook her head. Nope. Not better. She’d probably never be better again.
“I paid the check,” Tami said, her voice soft and cautious. “We should probably go.”
She agreed, so they gathered their things and made their way to the door. Once they were outside, the fresh air helped a lot. She breathed deeply several times until her head felt a little clearer.
One More Moment Page 24