R/T/M

by Douglas, Sean

  I wasn’t ever interested in setting up house with any of them.

  Some of the girls I dated would hint at it, but I always managed to redirect the conversation.

  I guess that’s the next logical step in a relationship, but after the one that I loved, the one that broke my fucking heart, I really couldn’t see myself spending my life with any of the others.

  After that one was done with me, I went back to the MySpace and started up another one.

  I found a cute little Eastern European girl I hooked up with a little in college.

  In college she was one of the many that showed interest when I got my flirt on.

  The in with her was music, and we made plans for me to go over to her dorm room with some CDs for her to check out.

  I picked some discs out. I put some thought into it because I knew that the success of the night would depend on the selections. I grabbed the self-titled Mary Lou Lord CD off Kill Rock Stars, and the first Elliott Smith CD, and John Coltrane’s ‘Giant Steps’, and Tom Waits ‘Early years’ Volume One and Two. I figured that would do.

  I used the call box at the front door to call up to her suite. She answered and came down to get me. She was smiley and in a good mood but that’s just her disposition.

  Her dorm room was simple. Nothing really on the walls.

  She checked out the discs, but since she hadn’t heard any of them she didn’t have anything to say.

  Backrubs were my big ice-breaker back then.

  She had the first hundred disc changer I had ever seen and she loaded all of the discs I brought over into the changer.

  Somehow I worked the conversation around to massage and backrubs and I sat behind her on the bed.

  The secret was that it wasn’t about the backrub. It was about the neck play.

  I’d slide my fingers up the back and sides of her neck and then claw back down.

  It always worked.

  Then when you were doing the shoulders, I’d work in wider and wider circles, tracing the boundaries of their bra further and further and when they leaned forward so I could get their lower back I would slide my fingers across the sliver of flesh exposed and get my fingertips under the bottom seam of their shirt. Slide the fingers forward over their sides across their ribcage and up to the tits and either they cut me off or we started making out.

  This one was different.

  Usually when I slid into second base the girls would turn around and face me.

  This one just craned her neck around and started kissing me.

  So there I was squeezing her big fluffy Eastern European tits and pinching her nipples through the soft smooth fabric of the cups of her bra.

  After a bit of that I slid my hands back and got my fingers around the strap on either side of her bra hooks.

  She said, “Uh…”

  I said, “What?”

  She leaned forward and pulled her shirt down and said, “I barely know you.”

  I said, “And?”

  She looked at me incredulously.

  I said, “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’d better go.”.

  She got up and went to the CD changer and started pulling out my CDs and putting them back in their cases.

  I sighed and reached into my pants and adjusted my dick.

  I wanted her to see my fucking dickprint. See what she was missing out on.

  She had my CDs in a stack and she stepped over and held them out to me.

  I took them and grabbed my jacket.

  She walked me out and at the door I said, “I had a nice time tonight. We should do this again sometime.” She smiled and I leaned in and kissed her.

  It was closed. Like shaking hands.

  When I got back to my dorm, my friend Kyle was there and he asked me how my night was. I told him who I was with and what happened and he started chuckling.

  I asked what was so fucking funny.

  He said that she did the same damn thing to him, like, a month ago.

  Guess that was her m. o.

  This time around things were different.

  I drove down to her area. I found her place pretty easy. She had a cute little apartment which had a fair amount of open space, but every surface was cluttered with books or records.

  We went to the liquor store and we stocked up. I’m not much of a drinker, but she knew what she liked. We got a pint of Southern Comfort for her, a couple cans of Sparks for us to share and I got a sixer of Green Apple Woodchuck Cider. I like drinking, but most beer just tastes terrible. Fuck acquired taste. I’d bet you could develop a taste for diarrhea if you drank it often enough.

  We go back to her place and we settle in.

  The only places to go were her bed or the little loveseat that served as her couch.

  We set up on the loveseat with the booze on a TV table in front of us.

  She had a little TV/VCR. Her computer monitor had a larger screen so we used that.

  I had brought down a few DVDs and I put ‘Videodrome’ into her DVD drive.

  We watched the movie and drank. Sipping away.

  The movie ended and I threw in ‘Wild at Heart’.

  The Sparks didn’t make it through the first flick and I had killed three ciders and she had killed almost the whole bottle of SoCo by the end of the second.

  The movie ended and we just turned towards each other and smiled and started kissing. After a bit of that she got up and I followed her lead. She took my hand and led me over to where her bed was.

  The sex wasn’t really anything interesting. It was good, but not the best I’ve ever had.

  It was great to finally get my hands on those tits but time had not been kind and they kind of fell over to the sides of her chest when she was laying on her back. They were better when she sat on top and we’d take turns playing with them. Most chicks I hooked up with didn’t play with their tits during sex, but she knew she had great tits and they were a big part of her sex life, pardon the pun.

  She didn’t ride on top much though and when she laid on her back I’d kneel in front of her and drill her and watch her boobs bobble about and she’d giggle like a lunatic. It was a lot of fun but like I said, it wasn’t the best sex I’ve ever had.

  Plus the outer lips of her vagina were all scrunched up and looked like chewed bubble gum or a wrinkly wad of silly putty.

  It didn’t last long. She was always so perky and optimistic.

  She was always saying that she was sure that everything would work out alright.

  I got sick of that shit and one day I said, “Really? Are you really sure? And what if it doesn’t?”

  That was pretty much that.

  We had plans and I called her the day before and she didn’t answer so I left her a message.

  I called her the day of and she didn’t answer. I didn’t bother leaving a message.

  Just like the last one. I guess that’s how chicks break up with people these days.

  The next one I looked up I had to think a little further back to find.

  I had looked for her before and she didn’t have a MySpace profile.

  This time around she had one.

  I sent her a message and we set up a date.

  We went to a Mexican restaurant that had great enchiladas and a good selection of beers.

  She was sharp. That was what I had admired about her back then and the years had not blunted her wit.

  We had dinner and a few beers and then the time came to check out.

  We went out and sat in my car and talked.

  She asked if I would hold her and I complied.

  She said it was so good to be held.

  She told me she has trouble being physical with people because her grandfather used to take her out on camping trips. She didn’t have to tell me the details of what he got up to with her on the camping trips. I’m a smart guy and I could figure it out. I’ve got a good imagination.

  Crying and talking about child molestation didn’t seem like anything to follow up on so I dropp
ed her off and we made plans to hang out at my place the next week.

  The next week I picked her up and we went to the liquor store and got more of the same beer we drank at the Mexican restaurant. A sixer of Negro Modelas and a twelve pack of Corona Lights.

  We get to my place and I show her the upper part of the house which is practically empty then we go down into my basement.

  I don’t have a couch. I just have my TV set up on a couple foot-locker stacked on top of each other with all of my DVDs stacked in front.

  I put in ‘In My Skin’ this freaky French movie about a woman that gradually comes to regard her body as a foreign object and starts to disassemble herself. It’s really unsettling.

  While we’re watching it we have a couple beers and I stroke her face and play with her ears. She has big ears that kind of stick out and wide eyes and big pouty lips.

  The movie ends and I turn the TV off and we put our half-empty beers on the nightstand and get to making out. Her kisses are gentle and sweet and I can feel and taste her need.

  I slyly, subtly undo the buttons of her blouse so that when we break for a second and she looks down she looks surprised that her shirt is open. She has on a plain white bra and her nipples are little bumps showing through the material of the cups.

  I roll her on top of me and I push the shoulder of her shirt back and she shrugs out of it.

  I reach back and pinch the back of her bra open and it slouches and she shrugs it off.

  Her breasts are perfect. Even though she’s a year older than me they don’t droop at all.

  I take off my shirt and she humps me. I can tell she’s getting really hot.

  I roll her off of me onto her back and I go for the buttons on her shorts.

  She puts her hands over mine and looks at me and says, “Wait!”

  We’re frozen for a moment and I say, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

  She takes her hands off of mine and she closes her eyes.

  I undo the buttons and pull just her shorts off. She’s wearing plain white cotton panties that match her bra.

  I kneel in front of her, between her calves and I claw my fingers up and down her body and she writhes in response to my touch.

  After half a dozen passes I put my left hand over her vagina over her panties. It’s warm and damp.

  I switch my left for my right and I press against her with my thumb and she moans.

  I get up off the bed and take off my pants and boxers and she opens her eyes to slits to look at me.

  I get on my knees in front of her and put my fingers into the top of the waistband of her panties and she opens her eyes and looks at me with a kind of scared look in her eyes.

  I pull her panties down over her legs and drop them onto the floor.

  She asks, “Do you have any condoms?”, in a quavering voice.

  I take one off of the shelf of the nightstand and tear it open and roll it down.

  I’m rock hard and I lean over on top of her.

  I clutch my rod in my right hand and slip it between her pussy lips and find the entrance to her vaginal passage.

  I try to push it into her but I can’t.

  Either I’m too big or she’s too small.

  It feels like her cunt is clenched like a fist.

  I try and try and she winces and sucks in air through her clenched teeth.

  It’s just not fucking happening.

  Try clenching your fist. Then try pushing your dick into it if you have one.

  Not too fucking easy is it?

  I start going rubbery, which just doesn’t help the situation.

  She asks me, “What’s the matter?”.

  I tell her, “I don’t think it’s gonna happen, babe.”.

  She looks disappointed and says, “I’m really results oriented.”.

  Who says something like that at a time like that?

  I take off the condom and I put my right hand on her pubic mound and slip my thumb into her.

  She fucks my thumb breathing hard and gasping and moaning like she’s having sex.

  And she clenches my thumb so hard when she cums I couldn’t pull my thumb out at that moment if I wanted to.

  My thumb now knows what a dog’s dick feels like.

  I figured maybe we could try again but she rolls over on her side and curls into the fetal position and starts sobbing.

  I start go into the bathroom and take a leak and when I get back she’s composed herself and she’s looking around for her clothes.

  I get dressed while she gets dressed and then we leave and I drop her off at home.

  At her place she opens the car door and steps out then leans in and kisses me on the cheek and says, “Thank you.”.

  I say, “See you.” and looked out the windshield.

  She closed the door and I drove away into the night.

  Now that the rules have changed I should really give her a call.

  I bet she’d be a lot of fun after I put a couple of shish-kabob skewers into her eyeballs.

  But maybe I should just leave her be.

  She’s had enough of a rough time in this lifetime.

  I ran out of girls that I had already dated or known from high school or college.

  Some didn’t have MySpace profiles and some were in relationships and some were just not interested.

  It happens.

  I jazzed up my profile and started to try to talk up some new girls.

  And by jazzed up, I mean streamlined.

  You’ve got to look at your profile objectively.

  Think about the best way to lay it out to make it look cool and kind of detached.

  Like you don’t even care about MySpace but you just happen to accidentally have an awesome profile anyway.

  One of the secrets is not accepting people’s stupid fucking comments.

  Just keep the really fucking cool ones.

  I found this girl that lived about a half hour away.

  She had some nice profile pictures and she looked like a doll.

  Short black hair that framed her face, big blue eyes, wide cheekbones and a tiny mouth.

  I checked out her profile and I saw that she was into David Lynch films so I sent her a message like, “Hey. Found you by accident. We should hang out and watch Blue Velvet. Maybe make some napalm. Later.”

  She bit and we made plans.

  I drove out to get her and when I pulled up in front of her house I called her cell phone she came out.

  She looked like she was sixteen and had a Hello Kitty shirt on.

  Don’t worry. She was twenty-two. She just looked sixteen.

  Normally dressing yourself up to look younger than you are freaks me out and I’m not into ironic panties with cartoon characters printed on them or girls that dress up like Strawberry Shortcake or Alice in Wonderland on Halloween, but this girl was cute and she pulled it off.

  We make small talk on the ride back.

  When we get back to my place I showed her down into the basement and she dropped her bag off.

  I asked her if she wanted a drink and she said sure, and I went upstairs to the kitchen where the big refrigerator was. She followed me up and I laughed and said hey. She said, “I always watch when people make my drinks.” I shrugged, I didn’t care.

  I made us both these awesome drinks I designed. Amaretto sours with freeze pops as ice-cubes.

  I let her pick which one she wanted and we went back downstairs.

  We settled in on the bed like it was a futon and I put in ‘Suspiria’.

  We both kind of drink our drinks and watch the movie just laying there, each with our own stack of pillows behind us. The movie ends and I we’d finished our drinks. I looked over at her and said, “Another?”. She dove on me and starts kissing me hard. She climbs up and straddles me and she’s kissing me hard and humping me and making gaspy noises.

  I grab the bottom of her shirt and she puts her arms up and I rip it over her head. She’s got pale skin and a sm
ooth black bra on and it looks really hot. She grabs my shirt and rips it off of me and we make out hard some more. I push her back and I grab the top of her jeans and fumble with the buttons, ripping them open. She grabs the front of my jeans and pops the button and zips it down and my bulge bulges out.

  She pulls my underwear down to the base of my cock and starts jerking me off with her right hand and panting, watching her hand jerking me off.

  The waistband of my underwear is strangling my balls, so I lift my but and slip my jeans down to my thighs.

  The turns and makes out with me hard while jerking me off.

  I slide my right hand around to the back of her head and clench my fist full of her hair.

  She gasps and dives down on my dick with her mouth and immediately deep throats it, getting as much of its length into her mouth as she can until it hits the back of her throat and obstructs her windpipe.

  There were still a couple inches of shaft between her lips and my body.

  Oh well. “A” for effort.

  I keep my fist clenched in her hair and she bobs her head up and down quickly and passionately.

  If she didn’t know how to keep my cock away from her teeth it would have been excruciating but she obviously had some skills and it was pretty good. Not the best but better than most.

  I let her go for a while and then I push her off me and she lands on her back to the left of me.

  I grab the waist of her pants to pull them off her and she says, “Wait! I’m all fuzzy.”

  I look at her like she’s retarded and I yell, “I don’t care!” and she lifts her butt so I can whip her pants off. She’s not wearing any underpants which is wicked hot.

  I roll of the bed and let my pants drop onto the floor and step out of them.

  She says, “Do you have any condoms?”, and I reach over and grab one, tear it open and roll it on.

  While I’m putting it on she masturbates and sighs and moans.

  I get on the bed on my knees and I pull her arms up and reach around and unclasp her bra. She slips out of it and her tits are nice, but smaller than I thought they would be. Fucking padded bras.

  I push her down onto the pillows and I got on top of her.