by Maria Grace
‘That’s messed up, Gram,’ I laughed.
‘It’s true!’ she said. ‘It’s how my mother used to put us to sleep at night. She’d shout up the stairs to us, ‘Now get to sleep, you little bastards!’
I raised my eyebrows.
‘Ahhh, those were the days.’ She smiled nostalgically.
Freya picked up a bauble with a picture of a white rose on it.
‘Here you go, Mum.’ Freya passed the bauble to my mother. ‘Look, it’s a white one for you!’
‘Cheers, my little angel.’ Mum was busy adjusting the lights on the tree, so she took the bauble from Freya without looking at it.
Freya frowned and then stuffed another chocolate into her mouth.
‘Did you know,’ said Grandma Coalman, ‘that the word Angel literally translates to the word Messenger?’
‘Does it?’ Mum shouted from behind the tree.
‘That’s what I am!’ Freya clapped her hands.
‘What? An angel?’ Mum shouted again, with tinsel dangling from her head.
‘No, not an angel!’ Freya laughed. ‘A mess…’
‘Too right, you’re not a flipping angel!’ Grandma Coalman interrupted her. ‘More like a little monster!’ She tickled Freya.
Mum put the last piece of tinsel on the tree. ‘Almost finished! Is everyone ready for the lights?’
We cheered and Mum switched on the Christmas tree lights. They twinkled prettily in the corner of the room.
After Freya put the star on top of the Christmas tree, I went upstairs to finish getting ready. The children’s home was having a Christmas party and I was really looking forward to it.
‘You look lovely, Em!’ Mum smiled as she stumbled into my room with a big pile of clean washing. ‘Will you just help me with these for a few minutes?’
I took the stack of washing and put it on my bed.
‘Well, you might not live at home anymore, but you’d never know it with all this washing that I’m still doing for you,’ said Mum, winking at me.
Mum seemed to really enjoy doing the washing since she’d been home. She enjoyed the routine of it. She thrived on doing the laundry tasks every day and looked for any excuse to get out the fabric freshener. This made me laugh, but Grandma Coalman said that it was an important part of Mum’s progress.
I had stayed over a few times since Mum came home. The care co-ordinator said that it would be best for her to have familiar faces around her. So Grandma Coalman, Freya and I spent a lot of time helping her to settle in again. We played board games and watched Christmas films. I could see how shaky Mum was at first – getting overwhelmed by the tiniest things. But gradually, as the days went by, she started to relax.
Mum sat on my bed, separating the knickers and socks. ‘Are you excited about the Christmas party?’ she asked.
I nodded as I put on some lipgloss.
‘We should have a Christmas party of our own next year,’ she said. ‘Maybe you and Freya could invite some of your friends over. We could play games and pull crackers. Grandma Coalman and I could even make cupcakes!’
I smiled and sat down on the bed to help her with the washing.
‘Do you like staying in the attic room?’ she asked.
‘I love it,’ I answered. ‘At night, I feel like I’m up in the sky. The stars seem so bright and so close. I can hardly tell where I end and where they begin.’
‘That sounds lovely,’ replied Mum.
‘It is,’ I said. ‘And Freya much prefers it in my old room.’
Mum nodded and started folding the socks. She looked a bit sad.
‘I’m sorry, Em.’
‘What for?’ I asked.
‘For everything,’ she replied. ‘I love you and Freya so much. I would never hurt you for the world. But, I know that I messed up … I messed up big time.’
‘Everyone messes up sometimes,’ I said. ‘We mess up, we put things right, and then we learn how to be better people from it.’
She grinned at me. ‘You’re so much like your father. He always knew the right thing to say.’
‘Mum…’ I said cautiously.
She looked up from the socks.
‘I know you don’t like talking about it, but why did you stop using your gift when Dad died?’
‘All my life,’ she said, ‘I tried to be like Nana Rose, helping people who needed us. I never used my gift for selfish reasons; I always treated it with respect. But we were never allowed to tell anyone, because people just don’t understand things like that. Then I met your father. He was differentfrom everyone else. He didn’t judge me in any way. He accepted me for all that I was. He just … let me be. He was such a wonderful man.’
I could see that she was starting to get emotional, so I held her hand.
‘I had always been a bit of a loner,’ she continued, ‘and having these abilities was a pain in the backside, to be honest. I mean, what’s the point in having a gift that you’re not allowed to open? That’s not fair, is it? But when I met your father, I just knew that I could trust him. So I told him everything. Good and bad. Of course, he didn’t always understand it all, but he never rejected it. He never rejected me.’
She got up from the bed, walked to the skylight window and stared outside for a moment, before speaking again. ‘We always promised each other that if something happened to any of us – if one of us passed away without the other – then the one who had passed would come back to visit.’
She took a deep breath and started to cry, her face creased with pain.
‘For months and months, I waited for him,’ she said. ‘I prayed for him to come – just to let me know that he was OK … that I would be OK … that we all would be OK. I just wanted to know that he was with me.’
She wiped the tears from her face. ‘But he never came.’ She shook her head.
I could see that the pain was still raw, even after all this time.
‘Maybe he did come back, but you just couldn’t see him,’ I tried to console her. ‘You said yourself that there were no Channels in our family. I thought you said that only a Channel could speak to people who had passed?’
‘I know.’ She sniffed. ‘I just hoped that I had enough strength to somehow reach him. But I think I knew deep down that it wasn’t in me. Channels are a rare find, Em. They’re like precious jewels – pure and filled with light.’
She sat back down on the bed and started folding socks again.
‘We had a secret.’ She laughed to herself. ‘We made a pact that if one of us was left behind, then the one who had passed away would come back and give the other one a special sign to prove that we were really there.’
I smiled. What a lovely thought.
‘But I’ve never had the sign,’ she said. ‘It doesn’t matter, I suppose. Just knowing that he’s there would be enough. But if it happened, it would mean the world to me. Silly, isn’t it?’
‘Not at all,’ I replied.
She looked so young, with her red nose swollen from crying. I could see how much it had affected her when Dad died. No wonder she had gone so loopy – she had lost the love of her life. And everything she’d been taught, growing up, about her gift, about life, about death … it must have all seemed like a big, fat lie.
The only thing that would restore Mum’s faith again would be if she could have the sign that she had been waiting for. But what was it?
‘Mum, what was the sign that you and Dad had talked about?’
She blushed. ‘Do you mind if I keep it to myself, love? It’s just that it’s our sign. The only way I’ll know that it’s definitely him is if nobody else knows it.’
‘Fair enough,’ I said. ‘I just hope that it comes for you – whatever it is.’
‘Me, too.’ She sighed. ‘Me, too.’
Mel beeped the car horn.
I grabbed my bag to leave for the Christmas party.
‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,’ said Grandma Coalman. ‘But, then again … don’t do anything I would d
o, either.’
‘Gram!’ I cringed. ‘I’m fourteen!’
‘I don’t think it makes any difference these days, does it?’ Grandma Coalman rolled her eyes. ‘I saw this programme on the telly, the other day. There was a girl on there – sixteen years old with ten children.’
‘That doesn’t make any sense, Gram,’ I said. ‘That would mean she had been getting pregnant since she was five.’
‘I know,’ she replied. ‘Disgusting, isn’t it?’
‘But that’s not possible, Gram!’ I shook my head. I could see why Freya got so frustrated with her. ‘There’s no way she could be pregnant all that time. What programme were you watching?’
‘Can’t remember.’ She waved her hand dismissively.
‘Are you making it up?’
Grandma Coalman folded her arms. ‘That’s all you do is moan, moan, moan. Nag, nag, nag. I’m just repeating what they said on the telly, that’s all!’
‘Just go!’ Mum ushered me out of the house. ‘Have a good time and ring me tomorrow!’
I could hear Grandma Coalman and Mum arguing as I walked up the garden path.
‘These kids are winding me up!’ Grandma Coalman shouted.
‘Anna!’ Mum shouted back at her. ‘Nobody can have ten children by the time they’re sixteen!’
Mel started the engine.
I was just about to get into the car, when I saw Stacey Lock coming out of Zoe-two-doors-up’s house.
‘Can I have another couple of minutes?’ I asked Mel.
‘Yeah, of course,’ she said. ‘I’m reading my gossipmagazine, anyway. I need my weekly bitch-fix. Take as long as you need.’
I called to Stacey.
She looked warily at me.
We started walking towards each other, meeting halfway.
‘Alright?’ I greeted her.
She ignored me.
Awks.
‘Listen, Stacey. I know all this business with our families has been going on for years, but don’t you think it’s about time we just … let it go?’
‘That depends,’ she said.
‘On what?’
‘On whether you think it’s OK to be a back-stabbing tart who steals other people’s men?’ She tapped her foot irritably.
‘I’m sorry for what my Nana Rose did to your grandmother,’ I said. ‘It was wrong of her to have an affair with your grandfather. It must have been really difficult for your family.’
Stacey frowned. ‘It was,’ she replied. ‘My grandmother was devastated. Her husband asked for another woman when he was on his deathbed. Not just any other woman – your Nana Rose, my grandmother’s so-called best friend. It makes me sick. If that’s how friends treat each other, then I’m glad I haven’t got many!’
It was horrible to hear somebody speaking about my Nana Rose like that. But I could see why Stacey and her family were so bitter.
‘I understand,’ I said. ‘If someone hurt my Grandma Coalman, I would want to scratch their eyes out. So I can see why you’re so protective of your grandmother. I’m genuinely sorry for what happened.’
‘And what about your mother?’ she snapped at me. ‘She stole my Auntie Zoe’s boyfriend as well. I mean, what is it with the women in your family?’
‘Mum didn’t even know that your Auntie Zoe had a crush on my dad until after Mum had started going out with him,’ I replied. ‘But your Auntie Zoe had never actually been out with him. She just fancied him. So, in fairness, my mother didn’t do anything wrong.’
‘Oh.’ Stacey almost looked embarrassed. ‘Auntie Zoe said that she was his girlfriend when your mother came along.’
‘No.’ I shook my head. ‘He never went out with your Aunty Zoe. He always loved my mum.’
We stood for a moment, struggling to move forward with the conversation.
‘And as for Ollie Hart…’ I said.
‘What are you bringing up Ollie Hart for?’ She instantly got defensive. ‘He’s got nothing to do with this.’
‘Stacey.’ I looked at her. ‘I know that you fancy Ollie.’
‘How do you know?’ Her tone was sarcastic, and then she realised what I meant. ‘Oh. So, it’s true then – about the psychic stuff in your family?’
‘Yes, although you’ve probably heard a more exaggerated version of it all.’
She smiled a little. ‘Auntie Zoe does tell a few fibs.’
‘Anyway,’ I carried on. ‘Just so you know, I have absolutely no interest in Ollie. I’ve known him since I was three years old. I’ve seen him pee in the sandpit. It was … disturbing.’
She laughed.
‘If you want, I can give you his number. Maybe you can text him,’ I said.
She looked surprised. ‘Why would you do that, after everything that’s happened? Is this a joke?’
‘No! I just thought…’ I tried to find the right words. ‘I just thought that if you liked him, then you could let him know.’
Her face softened. ‘Thanks for that,’ she said. ‘But to be honest, I’m not fussed anymore. There’s a new boy that’s just moved into my street – he’s well fit. So Ollie Hart is old news.’
Mel beeped the horn for me to get a move on.
‘I’ve got to go,’ I said. ‘But good luck with the new boy!’
‘Cheers,’ she replied, and waved to me as I walked away.
I was filled with a strange sense of relief.
I wasn’t sure if I had made a big enough difference to heal a grudge that had lasted so long, but at least it was a start. And I didn’t get the ringing noise in my ear when I saw Stacey this time, so surely that was a good sign!
Yes. There was definitely a change in the air. I couldn’t quite tell what it was or what it meant, but it moved like a whisper in the wind.
And for the first time in ages, I felt free.
THIRTY-FIVE
‘Alright, Posh?’ Beano passed me a drink. ‘Have you tried my special fruit-cocktail punch?’
‘It’s lush,’ said Karra, and she took a sip out of her plastic cup.
‘What’s in it?’ I asked.
Auntie Sue wobbled over to us. ‘Fruit juice and berries,’ she slurred. ‘Beano was very helpful with the preparation for the Christmas party, weren’t you, Beano?’
‘Cheers, Auntie Sue,’ said Beano, and he winked at me and Karra. He took out a small bottle of vodka from his jeans pocket and waved it around behind Auntie Sue’s back to show that he’d snuck it into the punch.
‘It’sdelicious, Emmeline!’ Auntie Sue smiled. ‘Gladys Friday and I can’t get enough of the stuff! It’s just so yummy.’
Gladys Friday sauntered over to us and started dancing with Auntie Sue.
‘Can I sneak a cheeky kiss under the mistletoe with you two lovely ladies?’ Beano held a piece of mistletoe over their heads and puckered up his lips, playfully.
‘Oh! You little devil!’ Gladys Friday blushed. ‘You’re a charmer, you are! Isn’t he a charmer, Auntie Sue?’
Auntie Sue hiccupped. ‘Could charm the robins from their nests,’ she slurred, and gave Beano a big sloppy kiss on the cheek. ‘But as we all know, Gladys Friday, Beano only has eyes for our Karra.’
‘Shut up, Auntie Sue! In her dreams, maybe!’ Beano laughed and his face flushed beetroot red.
‘Now, come on, Beano!’ Gladys Friday joined in. ‘Tell Karra what you told us earlier. What did you say she looked like tonight?’
‘I can’t remember,’ Beano said. ‘Let’s get you another drink, ladies. Your glasses are nearly empty.’
‘He said you looked STONKING!’ Gladys Friday pointed at Karra. ‘Didn’t he, Auntie Sue? Didn’t he say that Karra looked stonking?’
Auntie Sue nodded her head enthusiastically. ‘He did, indeed! He said that you looked stonking. Didn’t he, Gladys Friday?’
Gladys Friday nodded back and they both stood there, grinning tipsily at Beano and Karra.
Beano looked like he was going to pass out.
‘Oh, well,’ said Auntie Sue. ‘
Come on, Gladys Friday. Let’s get some more of that lovely punch and leave these two luuurve birds alone.’
‘What love birds?’ Big Jim danced behind the women. He was wearing a paper Christmas hat.
Aunty Sue and Gladys Friday both winked theatrically in Beano and Karra’s direction.
‘WHO?’ Big Jim shouted. ‘BEANO AND KARRA?’
The two women smiled.
Big Jim grabbed Beano and Karra. He pulled them both close and wrapped his arms around them. ‘BUUURIFUL!’ He kissed their foreheads. ‘That’s just buuuriful, that is! You two kids make a buuuriful couple!’
Aunty Sue and Gladys Friday looked at me and moved their eyebrows up and down in a way that they thought was inconspicuous.
‘Emmeline.’ Auntie Sue nodded her head towards the exit. ‘Go and refill the ice bucket, will you, love?’
‘We haven’t got an ice bucket,’ I said.
‘Noooo!’ She rolled her eyes at me. ‘GO … and FILL … the ICE BUCKET.’
‘HAHAHAAAA!’ Big Jim threw his head back and laughed joyfully. ‘She’s trying to tell you to go away and give Beano and Karra some space! Young Love is a buuuriful thing, isn’t it?’
The three members of staff grinned merrily at their matchmaking skills, then linked arms with each other and walked over to the cocktail jugs, dancing from side to side as they wandered through the room.
‘Stonking, eh?’ Karra winked at Beano.
‘They’re steaming, ain’t they?’ Beano blushed. ‘They don’t know what they’re talking about!’
‘Worrevs,’ said Karra. ‘I think I’m going to grab another one of them cocktails before they’re all gone. Do you want one?’
‘Yeah, I think I need one,’ replied Beano.
‘Are you coming to get a cocktail, Em?’ asked Karra.
‘In a minute,’ I said. ‘I’m just going to get my cardigan. I’m a bit cold. I won’t be long.’
I got my lucky cardigan from my bedroom, and as I walked back through the hallway to rejoin the party, I heard the familiar thunder of running footsteps in the corridor.
‘COMING THROUGH!’ Bett shouted at the top of her voice as she skidded past me. She was wearing her new Christmas tracksuit and a hairband with reindeer antlers sticking out of the top.