“You want to see my stomach?” Confusion flashed and I could tell from the way her hands stayed close to the blanket that she was nervous.
I nodded, trying to stop my breathing from deepening. Something about the whole situation sent my blood racing. For the smallest moment, I could almost forget about her betrayal.
“It’s kind of hard to believe that we’re going to have a baby.” My hand dipped under the blanket and I moved down the length of her gown, easing it up, brushing her upper thigh by accident. The way her lids lowered and her breathing deepened, my cock instantly got hard. The moment was so intimate. Just us. Two people who had amazing sexual chemistry, sharing a moment concerning our baby…
The urge to touch her even more, to trace my fingertips up to her hip and over to her pussy, was unbearable. How many days and nights had I envisioned having her again? Too many. Instead of giving in to my fantasies, I lowered my palm over the middle of her stomach as gently as I could.
“You’re too high,” she said, huskily. The baby won’t be up there for another couple of months.”
God, she wanted me lower? I moved down an inch and she shook her head, her eyes closing completely. I licked my lips, feeling heat pour from her skin as I headed toward the one place I yearned to go. Again, she shook her head. My heart was hammering so hard by the time that I got to the top of her shaved pussy that I almost moaned at the smoothness.
“Am I hurting you? I mean, with the pressure of my hand?”
Slowly, she shook her head. Her legs moved under the blanket and the biggest internal battle of the century began to play out in my brain. If I moved lower, I knew she wouldn’t stop me. I was almost betting she was soaking wet and swollen from what we were sharing. Yet, I knew where I stood with what she’d done. There was no way I was going to jump right back to where I’d been before. So, where did that leave me? Still wanting a woman you can’t have, fool.
My jaw clenched and I pushed everything sexual away. My child was somewhere under my hand and that was what I needed to be focusing on.
“What are you hoping for?” I asked, looking up at her. “Have you even thought about it?”
Her eyes opened and she smiled. “A boy would be nice, but either way. As long as it’s healthy, that’s all I care about.”
I nodded. “I agree. A boy…” I laughed. “Wow. That would amazing. Another girl would be great too.” I swallowed past the emotion. “I really am looking forward to this, Victoria. I’m very happy you’re the one. Even if…” I stopped it at that, not able to continue.
This was not how I envisioned my life playing out. My dream of love was all but gone. Yet, I’d gotten the children part. For now, that would work. I’d embrace the miracle I had been given and be the best father I could.
The gown hindered my view as I glanced down and I pulled it up, going back to rest my hand on her stomach.
“When is Ava’s birthday? What’s her middle name?”
“July ninth, and her name is Ava Devlin Farris.”
My hand paused from the caressing it had begun to do on its own. “You named her after me?”
“Of course,” she said, smiling. “Despite my fears, I never forgot or regretted what happened, Devlin. I always planned on telling you, my timing was just…wrong, to say the least.”
I got quiet as I looked back down at where my baby was. Damn, I felt like someone had beaten me with a bag of bricks after they’d ran me over with a bus. Sleep was really starting to sound good. There were still a few hours before I’d typically go to bed, but with what I’d been through, it warranted a lot more than sleeping at around five in the evening. Like Scotch. Or Vodka. That wasn’t going to happen, though. Not now and maybe never again.
“Devlin?” Victoria turned toward me, her head leaning toward my chest. My hand had stopped on her hip and for the life of me I didn’t want to remove it.
“Yes?”
She yawned. “If you leave the room, can you stop by the nursery and ask for Lorraine? She’s my boss. Can you let her know I’m here and I’d like to talk to her about my schedule?”
“Sure.” I moved my arm out from under me and settled my head on the extra pillow that rested on her bed. As her eyes fluttered open, we held eye contract. Still, my hand was on her hip.
“It’s nice to have you here this time.” Her eyes lowered to what looked to be my lips, only to raise back to my stare. “Thank you. It really does mean a lot.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to talk. I would have been there for her before, if she had only let me know. God, I would have changed; taken to the situation with opened arms and asked… no, convinced her to marry me. She wouldn’t have wanted to then any more than she did now, but I wouldn’t have stopped. I would have wooed her and shown her she could trust me.
“Get some sleep.” My fingers twitched on her hip and I brought my arm up to brush the hair back from her face. Touching her was something I found impossible not to do. I needed to distance myself. Yes. Once we left here, I’d have to back off. Try to move on.
Her eyes shut and I closed mine. It didn’t take long for slumber to pull me under. Sleep came in vivid dreams of Victoria pinned underneath me as I held onto that same hip, thrusting my cock into her deep and slow. My other hand held her wrists and her moans increased as I felt her pussy tightened around me.
“Not yet, kitten. I want you to come when I do.”
“Sir,” she purred, just the she always did when I had her like this.
“Sir.” Shaking had me blinking and I fought to make out what I was seeing. A woman I didn’t know. Hell, this was familiar. The scrubs registered and I turned to see Victoria huddled over away from me. She was sick again and I couldn’t believe I’d slept through it. “Sir, I need you to get up while I tend to Ms. Farris.”
I stood, walking around the bed as the nurse took the basin from her.
“You should have woken me up.” I tucked the hair behind her ear and cursed myself immediately. “Are you okay?”
She nodded, taking a drink of water from a Styrofoam cup the nurse gave her.
“Toothbrush?” Her voice was raw as she spoke to the woman.
“There’s one in the restroom. If you’re okay to walk, you can wheel the IV back there with you.”
I helped her stand while she fixed her gown. As I helped her over, I could feel how shaky she was. Even holding on to me and the IV machine.
“I’ll be okay,” she assured.
Breaking my hand from her was hard. Fear of her falling or somehow hurting herself and losing the baby suddenly became my biggest fear. I wouldn’t be able to bear it. Not with how much I wanted this; how long I’d dreamed it. Suddenly, I realized just how vast that need had seeded itself inside of me. I’d seen our baby. It was there. Living. Growing by the second. Reluctantly, I let go, walking back over to the new nurse as Victoria shut the door.
“Is she going to be okay?”
The woman glanced up from the computer in the room. “Yeah, she’s doing better. The fluids are helping. She should be good enough to go home in the morning.”
The clock on the wall read ten and I yawned, my stomach growling. Damn. The cafeteria was probably closed and I needed food, but there was no way I was leaving. “Is there a vending machine around here?”
She peered over at me again. “Out the door and to the left. Pass the nursery and the elevators and keep going down. It’s on the right, by the waiting rooms.”
“Thanks.”
A few minutes went by and Victoria walked out. I helped her back into bed, making sure she was comfortable before I left. As I headed in the direction, I stopped, staring through the glass of the nursery. I was a father…and would be again in a few months. A smile came to my face at the thought. A boy. I’d like that.
“She’s not working, you know.”
I turned to face a tall woman who I’d seen not long ago with Victoria. I looked down at her nametag.
“Lorraine. You’re Victoria’s boss.”
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“And best friend,” she said, turning to look into the nursery too.
“Ah.” That would describe the over-protective looks she’d given me. “She wanted me to tell you that she needed to talk to you about her schedule. She’s down in room three-ten.”
The woman’s head spun in my direction. “I hadn’t checked the board. I just got here to cover a shift. Is she okay?”
“Food poisoning, but she’s better than she was.”
She went back to looking through the window. For some reason, I felt compelled to keep talking. “I met my daughter. I take it you knew.”
Slowly, she nodded. “And I take it with her being down the hall, you got her pregnant again.”
“You’d be correct.”
A sigh left her lips. “She loves you, you know. Has from the beginning.” Her eyes narrowed as she looked over. “I watched her pick herself up off the floor so many times during that first year that it took everything I had not to find you and knock some sense into you myself. But I couldn’t blame you entirely. You had no idea. Now,” she said, facing me, “don’t let me see her like that again.”
With that, she turned and headed toward Victoria’s room.
“Lorraine.” I met her stare with one of my own. And it wasn’t a nice one. “I respect you for looking out for her, but don’t presume to know me. Yes, I wasn’t a good person. But had she of told me, I would have taken responsibility for her and made her mine. What she did crosses the line. I’ll take care of the babies, but she and I…we’re not together. Not now and probably never. She doesn’t want it and I don’t trust her not to lie to me again.”
“You’re both so stubborn. She loves you. I know you love her. Someday you’re going to realize that although forgiveness is hard to do, living without love is even harder.”
I let her words sink in as she disappeared through the double doors. I’d been hungry before, but it had all but vanished at her words. I wanted love. But it wasn’t a question of forgiveness, more a question of if I could forget. The answer was obvious.
Chapter 4
Victoria
Being back home was heaven. I’d been advised to stay in bed for a few days, which I cleared with Lorraine. She didn’t have a problem with it in the least. It had been awkward at first, having both her and Devlin in the room at the same time, but after a few minutes, the uncomfortable feeling subsided and Lorraine headed back to the nursery.
Devlin’s friend had picked him up and took him to retrieve his car before he came back to get me. We rode in silence the entire way home. Ava had been excited when we walked through the door, running up to me so I could pick her up. It didn’t take long for her weight to take its toll, though. I still felt weak and it wasn’t missed. Devlin hovered worse than my mother, asking if she was too heavy or if I wanted him to hold her because of her squirming. He kept nervously looking at my stomach and I couldn’t stop the softening of my heart that he cared so much. I half expected him to come to his senses this morning and go home, but he hadn’t. He came to the hospital with his car crammed to the max with clothes, shoes, and lord only knew what else.
“Here, let me fix the pillow.” I looked up as he leaned down, adjusting it under my head. “I got you water,” he said, pointing to the nightstand. “Uh,” he looked around, walking to the dresser. “Remote,” he said, placing it down. “In case you want to watch TV. Do you want me to get you anything to eat? You still haven’t had a bite since yesterday morning.”
I shook my head, feeling my stomach roll with nausea. “No, I’m fine. Thank you, though. I think I’ll just rest. I’m still kind of worn out.”
“Okay. I’ll just be out there playing with Ava. I have to go to the office later to overlook some papers, but it shouldn’t take me long. I’ll let you know before I leave. Just call out if you need me.”
I yawned. “Thanks.”
He stepped back, only to pause. “I have a date tonight. I…” His confusion was written all over his creased forehead. Another waved rolled, leaving me shaking, and I turned more on my back. “I think I’ll just cancel. At least until you’re better.”
“No, really. I’m okay now. You can go. You live here now. Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean you have to disrupt your life. I can take care of myself. I know you don’t want that, to an extent, but I’ve been doing it for so long, any disruption to my routine is only going to make things complicated.”
He paused, nodded, and left the room.
Dates. Wow, this was going to get interesting. I stared straight ahead, my thoughts consuming me. Had I thought he’d stop looking for someone else to settle down with just because I carried his child…again? It hurt that a small spark of hope had appeared. Who was I kidding? I’d pushed him away for too long. He’d said he’d never forgive me.
A tear escaped and I wiped it away furiously. Why was I allowing this to bother me? Didn’t I want to be alone, even with my feelings? It was safer. I’d have my children and no risks of being cheated on or lied to. I could live with that.
The door opened and Devlin walked in, carrying Ava.
“Yeah, I’m just gonna wait a few days. There’s no rush.” He came over, grabbed the remote, and hit the button. A cooking show registered on the screen and he climbed onto the other side of the mattress, placing our daughter in his lap. I couldn’t stop staring at him.
“Did you want us to leave?” He glanced down, but continued to flip through until he stopped on cartoons.
“No, it’s fine. I’m just resting. I doubt I’ll actually fall asleep. You can both stay.”
To have him in my bed, playing with Ava, felt surreal. I adjusted the pillow, studying how the television was the least of his focus. Ava stood on his lap, jumping up and down while he played with her. The queasiness came back, but I couldn’t dare stop them. His smile as he looked at her left me in a state of awe. And her! She’d never been comfortable around strangers, but she’d taken to him immediately.
“Does she have any books?”
He looked down at me, his smile softening.
“In her room.”
“Good, I’ll read to her tonight before I put her to bed. Every night,” he said, turning his attention back to her. “Isn’t that right, sweetie?” A giggle came from her mouth as she continued to jump.
“Where’s my mom?” I pushed up to my elbow, realizing that she’d barely said two words to me since I’d gotten home.
Devlin glanced toward the door. “She’s in her room, packing.”
“Packing?” I shot up to a sitting position, forcing myself to stand. Lightheadedness hit briefly, but I headed for the door. As I made my way in the living room, she walked out, carrying her suitcase. “Mom?” My head shook. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to Peggy’s for a while. You know how lonely she’s been with her husband passing a few months ago. Well, I talked it over with Devlin and he said he could take care of Ava while you worked. So I’m not really needed. Plus, I think I need a little time to myself.”
“But…” I pulled at the bottom of the large T-shirt I was wearing.
“Everything will be fine,” she said, coming over and hugging me. “You all need to bond anyway. This is a good thing.” She pulled back. “I’ll only be a few hours away if you need me.”
I couldn’t help but nod past my uncertainty of being left alone with Devlin. How would it be, just the two of us? How would it be without her? My mom and I had been inseparable since I’d gotten pregnant.
“I have to go. I’m taking my car. Devlin said you both had his if you need to go anywhere. Is that okay? I can leave it if you think you might have to use it. I don’t mind taking the bus.”
“No.” I shook my head, not wanting her to worry about us. “We’ll be fine.”
She kissed my cheek, throwing me that heartwarming smile I loved. She really was an amazing mother. I counted my blessings for having someone so supportive. She’d kept my secret from Devlin for years, even though she cou
ldn’t stand it. She also didn’t mind voicing her opinion on the matter, which I respected. “Good. I’ll call and check on you when I get there.”
“Drive safe,” I said, lowly.
As I watched my mother walk out of the door, I nearly broke down completely. Something told me she wouldn’t be back. Not to live, anyway. God, this was too much. How had the last two days turned out this way? I headed back to the room. Did I really need to ask? It was all because of me. I did this.
“Is she gone?” Devlin glanced up, but went back to fixing the pink bow Ava had in her hair. My feet faltered for the briefest moment. His finger wrapped around one of her curls and the love on his face was clear. My heart soared and ached at the same time. Guilt for what I had done sank deep into my bones.
“Yeah.” I sat on the edge of the bed, my back to them. Could I do this? Live here with him now that my mother was gone? That made our situation a lot different. There’d be no buffer. Nothing stopping either of us…nothing restraining us. My mom was my rock. She kept me sure-footed and gave me the mentality that I could take on the world all by myself. She had. Now, I’d be put to the ultimate test. I loved Devlin. Loved seeing the way he was with Ava. It made me melt and the feelings were growing with every adored look he gave her. But…
“You okay?”
The bed bounced at Ava’s jumps and I nodded, not trusting myself to look at him.
“What time does she usually eat? Is there anything in particular I should feed her?”
I looked over at the clock on the nightstand. It was close to eleven. Lunch time. “She could probably eat now. I’m sure she’s getting hungry. We usually lay her down around noon for a nap, but my mom said she woke up pretty early so she might already be getting tired.” I stood, walked to the dresser, grabbed pajama bottoms, and slid them on.
“You can stay in bed. I can take care of it. Just let me know what to feed her.”
Hell, I had no idea what was even in my refrigerator. My mom had taken care of the shopping for so long. She usually did the cooking since I worked so much. Wow, had I thought I’d been taking care of things? She took care of the house, most of the laundry, dishes, shopping, and Ava…I’d been in the role of the breadwinner. The supporter.
Dom Fever (Devlin Black #2) Page 3