Scarred

by Amber Lynn Natusch

“Yes.”

  “I haven't spoken to Alan yet,” I said, beating him to what I assumed was the punch.

  “I'm not calling about that. I know you haven't,” he said, sounding incredibly certain of himself.

  “And how do you know that exactly?”

  “You said you'd let me know. I haven't heard from you, therefore you haven't spoken to him.”

  “And this isn't a friendly reminder call?”

  “No,” he said, “it's an asking you out for dinner call.”

  I hadn't expected him to say that, and I almost launched into my prepared response that I'd been working up quickly in my mind. I stumbled over my words for a minute trying to collect them.

  “Oh...you're...you're asking me out?” I said, before muttering to myself. “Didn't see that coming.”

  He laughed. Really laughed.

  “You're relatively easy to derail, Ruby. It's quite endearing,” he said, collecting himself. “So what do you say?”

  “Um...yeah. Sounds good,” I said, hesitating slightly. “But no bullshit, Sean. You pull any stunts like the other night and I'm bolting, understand?”

  “No bullshit,” he repeated. “Got it.”

  “Are you mocking me?” I asked, voice rising.

  “Only a little,” he replied, no apology in his voice. “It's so hard not to sometimes.” He broke into another laugh. Two in one phone call was beyond uncharacteristic. “I'll pick you up at six then?”

  “You're picking me up?” I asked, scratching my arm nervously. “This all seems so official, Sean. It's...it's weird. Can't I just come over or something? Grab some takeout?”

  “If that's what you want.”

  I thought for a moment before responding. Up until the other night, things with Sean had been steadily improving, and we were just to a point where I could see some sort of future for us. An official date seemed too much like a milestone—a tipping point—however benign or mundane it may have actually been. With our regression the last time I saw him, I wasn't sure we needed that. What I did need to know was that things could go back to what they'd been, before I could move forward. I loved Sean, and I knew it, but love alone wasn't enough. If there was no stable foundation beneath us, we were destined to crumble, no matter how many times we rebuilt.

  “That's what I want. I'll see you at six.” I hung up before he responded and walked back out to the storefront. Jay looked at me intently while Peyta yammered on about some new documentary that was going to blow the lid off of Big Pharma and their hold on the U.S. government.

  “What did he want?” Jay asked.

  “Why do you need to know?” I countered defensively.

  “After the conversation we had the other night, I'd say you owe me.”

  “Fine,” I snapped. “He wanted to go on a date. Happy now?”

  “Extremely,” he replied, a smile growing broad across his face.

  “Why do you care so much?” I asked, stepping closer to him.

  “Because he needs you,” he said, unfazed by my approach. “He's never said as much, but I can see it. You save him from becoming what he fears most.”

  “Sean doesn't need anyone,” I scoffed. “He's the very definition of self-sufficient.”

  “In some ways, yes, but in others he's completely lost, Ruby. He doesn't let you see that. He doesn't let anyone see it at all, actually, but I know it’s true. You don’t put up walls as thick as he has for any other reason.”

  “I'm with Ruby on this one, Jay. Sean's one serious hardass,” Peyta added.

  “Say what you like, ladies, but there's more to him than meets the eye. You'd both be wise to remember that,” he said, his tone cautionary.

  I shrugged him off and returned to the back, not wanting to think any more deeply on the subject at hand, or on the future date that was looming. Determined to do something productive, I pulled out a necklace I had been working on, piecing together sea glass and driftwood into an intricately woven pattern. I stared at it for the longest time trying to read the piece, wanting to see where I should go with it next. The task seemed to become more futile as I stared at it. The harder I focused, the less I could see.

  I rummaged through the container of glass, picking up pieces to see what looked right—what fit—but nothing did. Too entrenched in figuring it out, I lost all perspective and flow of the piece, no longer allowing it to just happen, but trying to force the steps. I sighed and threw it down on the table before pushing my stool away and heading over to the wall of materials. I needed to do something else, change gears for a while.

  Staring at the shelves of plastic containers, I finally grabbed a few boxes of random scraps and gems, hoping inspiration would strike elsewhere. When I plopped myself back down at the workbench, I caught a glimpse of the necklace in my peripheral vision. I begrudgingly turned my attention back to it, and that's when I saw it. Through the side of a plastic container, I saw a round, vibrant green piece of sea glass. Excited, I dug it out of the pile and strung it onto the silk cording. It was exactly what I'd needed.

  Four hours later, I finished the necklace and made a gorgeous pair of earrings to accompany it in the showroom. I took it out to show Peyta, who insisted on staying and working on the reorders for the month. She applauded as I modeled the set for her before placing it on display.

  “That one bead is fantastic...it makes the whole piece,” she said, fingering the green piece of glass.

  “I guess it just needed that final piece to make it whole,” I replied.

  “We all need that,” Jay said, standing across the room from us. His words were heavy, and I couldn't help but wonder to whom that comment was directed. Was he reiterating his earlier point about Sean, or was he telling Peyta that she was his final piece, that which would make him whole? I felt the tears stinging the back of my eyes and needed to escape before they had a chance to.

  “I should go get ready,” I said, ducking my head. “Thanks for staying today, P. You too, Jay.” I snatched my purse and managed to get out of the building before my right eye betrayed me, a single tear rolling down my face. I wiped it quickly away, swallowing hard. “He was talking to Peyta,” I whispered to myself, unlocking the door to the second floor.

  Cooper had returned while I was gone, and I walked into the delicious aroma of his lasagna cooking. He usually made three at a time, and there were never any leftovers.

  “Were you in the shop?” he asked, poking his head into the hallway.

  “Yeah...I needed to do some work. I haven't been there much lately.”

  “You got plans tonight?”

  “Mmhmm,” I said, wishing for a clever way out of telling him where I was headed. I never came up with one. “I'm heading over to Sean's. Gonna grab some takeout on the way.”

  I heard his rhythmic chopping come to an abrupt end. He was silent, tucked away in the kitchen where I couldn't see him. I didn't want to face him, but I needed to. Whatever was going on between us was growing too large to ignore any longer. We had things to figure out.

  “So you have a date?” he asked, still not moving.

  “Yes,” I said, quietly. “That's what he called it.”

  “And what do you call it?” he asked, voice eerily calm.

  “A date, I guess,” I said, turning the corner to face him. He stood gripping the countertop as though he'd fall without it. “It's a date.”

  He picked up the knife and continued chopping feverishly.

  “Coop, maybe you should slow down a bit,” I said, wincing as I watched his fingers narrowly escape a few of the slices.

  “Maybe you should go and get ready,” he said, biting off his words. “Wouldn't want to make Captain Personality wait.”

  “Cooper, I—”

  “It's fine, Ruby.”

  “It's not fine, Cooper. Things aren't fine and I don't know how to make them fine again. How can we fix this? I hate it... I hate feeling like you're slipping away,” I said, reaching for his arm. “There has to be a way to make things like
they used to be.”

  “But there isn't,” he snapped, stabbing the knife into the cutting board. “I told you that something changed in me that night when I killed Gregory. I haven't looked at you the same since then. I can't explain it.”

  “Well try!” I yelled. “If this is about the full moon—”

  “It's not about fucking, Ruby. I've done more of that in my life than you could wrap your tiny little head around. You needed help—I wasn't going to leave you to drop your pants for some random just so Scarlet could satiate her need.” He stormed out of the room, trying to escape me, but I was hot on his heels, not letting him run away from the battle.

  “Cooper,” I said, following him into his room, “I know you love me...I love you too, but—”

  “Don't you dare say it,” he said, slamming his dresser against the wall. “There's no 'but' to be had. I feel something for you that I've never felt for anyone. Ever. It makes me crazy to know you're in danger. I lose sleep when you're not around. I feel more protective of you than any other person in this world.”

  “Except Peyta,” I whispered, pointing out what I thought was obvious.

  “No, Ruby. Even more than Peyta.”

  “But that doesn't make any sense—”

  “I know it doesn't make any sense, Ruby, but it's how I feel. I'm connected to you in a way that's beyond comprehension. It's making me fucking crazy.”

  “I'm sorry, Cooper...”

  “Sorry is not going to help this time, Rubes,” he said, collapsing onto the bed.

  “Then tell me what will,” I begged, trying to mask my quivering voice.

  “I don't know. But I know I can't go on like this. You have to decide what you can and can't live without,” he said, draping his arm over his eyes. “I'm going to have to do the same.”

  “What do you mean,” I whispered, my voice giving way to the sadness that bubbled over. “What does that mean, Cooper?”

  “I mean that I need to figure out how best to make myself happy, no matter what that takes. You'll have to do the same.”

  “Okay,” I managed to choke out before moping my way out of his room to my own. There was a finality to what he'd said that was most unsettling. Any way I read between the lines, I didn't enjoy the subtext.

  I looked at the clock to see that I had thirty-seven minutes to get cleaned up, pick up food, and show up on Sean's doorstep with a smile on my face—or at least not crying. I rinsed off quickly in the shower, and tried to reassemble my hair so it was more presentable. It took five minutes to apply makeup, and the rest of the time I'd allotted for getting dressed. I felt like shit after talking to Cooper; it didn't exactly get me jazzed up for my dinner date. Still, I wanted to look like I'd put a little effort into the occasion. Sean was trying to make amends. It wasn't fair to take my night's events out on him.

  We were on make or break ground as it was.

  Once I was ready, I took a deep breath before exiting my room. I wanted to say goodbye to Cooper, give him something that could leave us on a good note. His door was shut, and he wouldn't answer me when I knocked.

  “Cooper,” I called out, leaning my face against the door. “Cooper...no matter what happens, I love you. Please don't ever forget that. You're my best friend, and so much more. You're my family, Coop.” I heard him turn over on the bed, but he still didn't respond. “I'll see you later.”

  I left not knowing if things were going to be okay when I got home, and it did nothing to help the mounting pressure I felt as I walked over to Sean's, Chinese food in hand. The weight on my chest increased with every step I took up to his apartment. I wondered if my ribs would eventually collapse, getting me out of the whole thing. Maybe a trip to the hospital was exactly what I needed―a mini vacation.

  He answered shortly after I knocked. When the door swung wide, I tried to put on a happy face, but, like Cooper had pointed out before, I was a terrible liar, and Sean had been able to read me from day one. It took only seconds for him to see that I wasn't excited to be there.

  “What's wrong?” he asked, stepping aside to let me in.

  “It's not great date-night conversation material,” I said, hoping that would make him drop it.

  “I like inappropriate conversation,” he said, with a tight smile. “Why don't you tell me anyway. I'm a big boy, Ruby. I'm sure I can take it.”

  I dropped the bags onto the counter and scooted myself into a barstool by the island.

  “Why is everything always a mess, Sean?”

  “Because anything else is a fairytale,” he said softly, coming to stand behind me.

  “So my options are either the unattainable or the unbearable?” I asked, dropping my head to my crossed arms. “Isn't there a door number three?”

  “Not that I've ever known,” he said gently. He laid his broad hand on my back, rubbing tiny circles up and down my spine in an attempt to soothe me.

  “So in how ever many hundreds of years that you've lived, that's all you've ever known?” I said disbelievingly.

  “Unbearable has been the gold standard,” he said, sitting down beside me. “Unattainable is new.”I went to ask him to clarify what he'd meant, but the look in his eyes said it all. “I've never wanted something I couldn't have before, Ruby. It's worse than any torture I've ever endured,” he said, moving closer. “I'm hoping to know what door number three looks like soon.”

  “Oh,” I said, my face flushing.

  “So what is this all about?” he asked, pretending not to notice my obvious embarrassment.

  “I really don't think you want—”

  “I'd rather know than not,” he sighed. “Besides, if you're just going to mope around all night anyway, it won't exactly ruin anything for me.”

  “True,” I said with a laugh. “Just remember you asked for this.” I took a deep breath to gather myself before starting to explain. “It's Cooper,” I said, looking away from him. “Our relationship has gotten...complicated.”

  “Complicated?” he asked. I could practically hear his eyebrow raising, and I didn't bother looking for confirmation.

  “He loves me.”

  “Of course he does,” he said, acting like that was obvious.

  “No, not like that, Sean. He loves me, loves me,” I said, over-emphasizing the words.

  “And that's surprising to you?”

  “Yes,” I said, turning to face him. “It shocked the shit out of me the first time he told me. I'd hoped it was a phase or something, but it doesn't seem to be. We dance around it, having moments of things being like they used to be, but then something will happen and it gets all weird again.”

  “That sounds oddly familiar,” he said, the corner of his mouth turning up ever so slightly.

  “I'm being serious!” I yelled. “I don't know what to do...I can't lose him.”

  Sean looked unfazed by what I'd said, but I could feel the faintest level of dissonance coming from him.

  “Cooper will never abandon you, Ruby. He can't.”

  “Really? Because the last thing he said to me was something about finding out what we both can and can't live without,” I said, starting to sound mildly hysterical. “I can't live without him, Sean. It's not an option.”

  “Living without you won't be an option for him either, Ruby. I think, perhaps, he's a bit confused.”

  “He didn't sound very confused. I'd say he sounded pretty clear and concise. He was more serious than I'd ever heard him.”

  “Tell me exactly what he said he felt for you,” Sean demanded, locking his gaze on mine.

  “He said he worried about me all the time when I wasn't around...that he felt protective of me, even more so than Peyta, which makes no sense at all,” I explained, “and then something about being connected to him in a way that was beyond his comprehension...it made him crazy.”

  “I can relate to that,” he muttered under his breath. I shot him my death glare and he moved quickly to change the subject. “Ruby, Cooper is confused. Didn't you say that he had
a pretty sketchy past? Family life?”

  “Yes, but I don't see what that has to do with it.”

  “Cooper has probably never known much love in his life, so it would make sense that while he grows into his power he'd feel this way. He has to love you like that, you're—”

  I never heard Sean’s explanation. His words were abruptly cut off while I crashed to the floor gripping my head. The Rev was back in action.

  10

  She stood in the second story window, smiling down to something at her feet. The light from inside framed her in a golden glow, accentuating her curves. He growled low, his pulse quickening, pounding visibly in his throat. He watched from across the street, parked in the darkness for cover. She would be his favorite kill to date—they both would; he mumbled it over and over again.

  She disappeared from sight for a moment, bending forward to the floor, quickly returning with a child in her arms. The toddler laughed and played with her hair, while she tickled his neck, burying her face into it repeatedly. The rest of the house was shrouded in darkness. They were alone.

  He approached slowly; he wasn't in the city and he swept his eyes carefully through the neighborhood, over and over again. As he crept up the walkway, his hands flexed furiously. I watched helplessly as he reached for the brass doorknocker, tapping it firmly three times.

  “Coming,” she called. He heard her quickened steps down the stairs, across the hardwood, to the entrance. Before she reached the door, he looked over his shoulder and smiled.

  “You will come to me,” he said menacingly. “I will make you love me.”

  “Kristy!” I screamed, latching onto Sean's arms. Without another word, he scooped me up. He had us out of the apartment and into the car before I'd gotten my bearings, driving furiously out of town. “We won't make it,” I said, tears streaming down my face. “The baby...,” I whispered, staring blankly out of the car. “She was holding the baby.”

  “Fuck!” he rumbled, as he wove through traffic at a speed that would have frightened me had I been present enough for it to register. “We'll get there. It's what he's planning on. Sick bastard.”