Scarred

by Amber Lynn Natusch

  Leading the way up to the studio, I felt his gaze on me the whole way. My back practically burned from the intensity of it. I needed some space, so I ducked into the bathroom for some breathing room; getting undressed in front of him seemed like a bad idea at the time. He was gone when I emerged, having already entered the studio to warm up with the others. We were auditioning that night, and everyone wanted to be at their best.

  I was far too distracted to deliver that.

  Pam let us run through the piece twice as a collective before she started pulling couples to audition for her and the two guest instructors who often contributed choreography to the company. The rest of us lined the back wall, watching the first duo perform from behind and in the mirrors beyond. I often found myself closing my eyes to feel the rhythm of their footfall, letting the vibrations tell the story rather than their movements. The piece was fierce, primal, and I loved how I could feel the dancers’ intensity reverberating through me as well as flowing over me. So much of dance was acting, and you had to have real emotion behind you or you couldn't sell it. The first couple was selling it, big time.

  “You know it's a lot easier to see what you're up against if you actually watch them,” Matty whispered in my ear. The music stopped and applause broke out around us. I opened my eyes to see Pam motioning for Matty and me to go next.

  “You two...let's go,” she said, walking over to cue the music. “Let's see if you still have that electric chemistry.”

  I shied away from her comment, staring at my feet as I walked to my opening position. When I was finally ready, I looked up to see Matty staring at me like he was starving―and I was lunch. A flash of adrenaline hit me as the music blared through the speakers. Those first three notes seemed to draw out forever, freezing us in place, each one eying the other. Three more notes passed and the tension built. When the drums slowly crescendoed, I ran at him, hurling my body at his as was choreographed. He caught me, our faces only inches apart.

  Eye to eye.

  Nose to nose.

  And that's when I saw it, or more accurately, I felt it. His beast called to mine. Scarlet growled low—a warning—but to whom I wasn't sure.

  I froze, completely forgetting that I was supposed to be dancing. Matty wasn't doing any better. We stood there, me hanging from him like a koala bear, for at least an eight-count or two. Finally Pam cut the music, saying something about chemistry being an understatement. When I brought my attention to her, she was asking if we wanted to try it again, or did we need ten minutes in the bathroom together first. If I'd been embarrassed by her statement a few days earlier, I was mortified by that one. Matty seemed to weather it far better than I.

  “I prefer the second option, but either works for me,” he said, begrudgingly putting me down.

  “Ruby?” she asked, looking mildly annoyed.

  “I'm fine...I just blanked for a second. Can we just run it again, please?”

  She nodded and went back to the stereo. I wanted to run out of there and get a grip on myself, but that would have only made things worse, so I put on my big girl panties and did it again. I avoided looking at Matty when we lined up to start over.

  We sold the shit out of that dance with grace, athleticism, and an unbridled ferocity, attacking each other like angry lovers going in for a make-up quickie. We ran, leapt, flew, crashed, and entangled our bodies to the driving beat. I forgot there was anybody else in the room. All I cared about were the happenings between us.

  Dancing with Matty had always felt right; we just fit, like two pieces of a puzzle—a true pairing. That night was different, though. It went beyond the comfort and confidence we'd had in each other as both partners and dancers. That night was a purging, a confession of emotions told only through the movement of our bodies and the expressions on our faces. I shared my guilt, my sorrow. I felt his lust, his power.

  Finally, the music stopped.

  I hovered over Matty's body on all fours as he lay on his back, his head turned towards the front of the room. My mouth hung open, teeth grazing his neck. It was frightening to look up and see myself in the mirror―it hit too close to home. Inelegantly, I fought my way off of him, coming to stand a few feet away, giving him room to move. I didn't offer a hand up.

  “That was intense, to say the least,” Pam called from the far corner of the room. “But I'm not sure you had the emotion quite right, Ruby. You looked sad and frightened throughout most of it...not animalistic enough.” She smiled devilishly at me as she approached. “I needed to see more hunger, though you seemed to nail that at the end. Maybe you're not inspired unless you get to tear somebody's throat out.”

  Sweat dripped down my back. It wasn't from the dancing.

  “She just takes a while to get going,” Matty said, pushing himself to his feet.

  “Well,” Pam said, biting her bottom lip, “I like you two for it, but we'll see. I want to see everyone before we decide.”

  “Awesome,” I said, heading for the lobby. “I'll be back in a minute...forgot something in my car.”

  Space—I needed it in the worst way imaginable. In my urgency to escape, I nearly went ass-over-tea-kettle down the last flight of stairs. I just couldn’t get out fast enough. I had no idea what had just occurred in that room, but I didn't like it. Or maybe I did like it and that was the problem.

  Throwing the door open, I stumbled outside, continuing down the concrete steps as I tried to regain my footing. I plowed into my car, grabbing the passenger side door to try and steady myself.

  “I'm glad you didn't do that five minutes ago,” Matty called from the doorway behind me, “cause we sure as hell wouldn't be getting the part then.”

  “Matty,” I said, breathing harder than I should have been, “I need a minute. I'll be right back.”

  He ignored me, slowly descending the stairs with dramatically loud footfalls.

  “You're bailing,” he said, eying me with a disturbing glare. “Why?”

  “Um...I don't know if you were paying any attention to what just happened, but those lyrics hit a little too close to home for me,” I said, sounding a touch unstable. “And let's not go into the more than embarrassing ball-drop we had while we just stood there, eye-fucking each other. That'll be easy to live down.”

  “I thought that was more of a highlight of sorts,” he replied with a devilish grin. “It was for me, anyway.”

  “Yeah, well...I feel like an idiot right now. I'm not going back up there until I have to.”

  “Suit yourself,” he said with a shrug. “I'm staying down here with you. I can't risk trouble finding you. Remember last time?”

  I cringed at his words. I remembered all too well the near-miss we’d had with some local thugs who thought they'd get a little too fresh with me. Matty had nearly gotten a beat-down, and Cooper nearly killed someone. Maybe a few someones. I didn't need a repeat of that with Matty in the throes of Changing; I didn't need him in jail come full moon time.

  “Kinda hard to forget it, Matty,” I said, kicking a rock off the sidewalk. “I thought bodies were going to drop for sure.”

  “They would have,” he said, boring holes in me with his eyes. A devilish smile played across his face, and it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “Wouldn't have been the first time.”

  He kept his eyes leveled on me, but they were distant, giving away that his mind was in the past. We all have demons and dark sides, he'd told me once, and, after his comment, I was pretty certain I needed to know exactly how dark those sides were.

  “First time?” I asked delicately, my mind reeling.

  He looked at me and grinned, like he thought I'd never ask. “I was fourteen. I spent some time in juvie because of it.”

  “And what exactly was it that you spent time in juvie for?” I asked as my adrenaline surged. Scarlet stirred as though the conversation had taken an exciting enough turn to warrant her attention.

  “I stabbed someone,” he started, expression unchanged. “He died a week later in
the hospital from complications. I did two years and a bit, but I was let out early for good behavior, then put on parole.”

  Interesting... The Boy Scout isn't all he appears to be.

  “Holy shit, Matty!” I yelled, clapping my hand over my mouth after my words escaped. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

  “It was self-defense, Ruby. I was attacked in the city. He pulled a knife on me and I got it away from him. It all happened so quickly.”

  “If it was self-defense, then why did you get sent away?”

  “The psychologist suggested there was evidence to support that I didn't need to actually kill him to get away, that there was something more to my intent than that. Seems the judge agreed.”

  “Something more like what?” I asked, moving a step away from him on feet unaware of their retreat.

  “Like maybe I enjoyed it in the slightest.” His smile made my blood run cold. “That fucker deserved what he got.”

  “Matty...,” I whispered, my disbelief plain.

  “But everything changed when my brother Sammy turned to drugs. Ma couldn't handle it, and I got my shit together to try and help her. When he died, I was her last hope. I wanted to be the son she'd always wanted me to be.”

  “I don't even know what to say,” I replied softly, still internally freaking out. Scarlet seem far less fazed than I did.

  I do... I'm glad I kept this one alive.

  “What can you say?” he said, throwing his arms up. “Somehow I think you of all people can hardly cast judgment on me. I'm betting you have a body count all your own, don't you?” My lack of response spoke volumes. His hellfire eyes did too. “We have more in common than I could have imagined. Seems it's not just your boys who are rockin' the bad boy status, huh?”

  I gulped hard. All I could think about was Matty's Change. Would it bring this nasty side of him back to the surface? I was loathe to even entertain the idea.

  “Maybe we should head back up,” I said, making my way back to the entrance. Embarrassment beat the shit out of what I was feeling in that moment.

  “You always run from any conversation that casts a nasty light on those two, don’t you?” he snarled. “I'm trying to figure out how you can be so closed off about them. Are they holding something over you?”

  “Not now, Matty” I said, trying to sneak past him. He stopped me, grabbing me by my shoulder and spinning me to face him.

  “I could fix your problem,” he said menacingly, pushing his face much too close to mine. “Say the word and I'll take care of it for you.”

  “Matty, what the fuck? Are you crazy? Jesus...listen to yourself. I don't need your help, okay? My 'boys' are fine, and whatever issues I have with them are mine and I plan on keeping them that way.”

  I grabbed the door handle and pulled myself, leveraging out of his grip to make my way up to the studio. My heart raced as a direct result of what he'd said. I needed to get home and ask Cooper if the Change made you act bizarre and aggressive, both sexually and physically. I needed to be better apprised of what I was in for, and better equipped to deflect Matty's overly helpful and unwanted tendencies. He was kidding himself if he thought he was a threat to either of the boys, but I didn't want him finding that out the hard way. They wouldn't be as forgiving as I.

  He followed me up, a flight or two behind me. We arrived just in time for the announcement of who nabbed the parts. Much to my surprise (and delight), it wasn't us. Maybe the universe didn't have the twisted sense of humor I thought it did.

  I all but ran out to my car afterward, stopping just long enough to strip my shirt off and throw on a white tunic I had packed. I wiggled my shorts off, leaving my semi-opaque black tights on for some level of public decency. During my brief wardrobe change, I studiously avoided the mocking glances and occasional comment implying that Matty and I did much more than get some air in our absence. My skin flushed, but I had bigger fish to fry at that moment. I needed answers from Cooper and I wasn't sure I could wait the hour it was going to take me to drive home to get them.

  Making my way into the street, I pulled my phone from my purse, dialing Cooper while I unlocked the car. I pretended not to hear Matty as I fired the TT up and peeled out, narrowly missing an oncoming dump truck. My last second swerve saved me from a trip to the hospital and the new Audi from the scrapyard. State Farm wouldn't have been too fond of footing the bill for yet another car.

  His phone went to voicemail, so I tried texting while weaving my way through the city, trying to get to I-95 ASAP. Frustrated, I threw the phone into the passenger seat and cranked the stereo. It was the best feature on my new car; the system far surpassed the previous model's. Bose made a great system, but the new one was primo for sure. With the bass on full, I flipped through the iPod until I landed on anything angry with a driving beat. I needed rap in the worst way. With Method Man barking about sawed-off shotguns, I could finally think clearly.

  I was in a real fucking mess—the kind that required a hazmat team. If Cooper couldn't shed some light on how to better deal with what was happening to Matty, I was screwed. He'd killed as a human, and that didn't bode well for what he'd be capable of with superhuman strength and a whole mouthful of sharp teeth. Somebody had told me that the wolf amplified your human predilections. Combined with the fact that you became what made you, Matty was straight-up fucked.

  And I was fucked too.

  12

  Practically launching myself out of the car after parking it in front of my house, I darted for the entrance. As I yanked on the door, I jarred my arm and nearly fell on my ass.

  “Fucking door lock!” I said to myself, fumbling through my stash of keys for the right one. Finally, the deadbolt relented and I sprinted up to the second floor. I was more cautious with the apartment door, tugging it gingerly until it gave way, then I threw it open.

  “Cooper!” I shouted, barging into the living room. I looked around and saw him nowhere. Taking off down the hall, shouting his name, I ran square into him as he emerged from his bedroom.

  “Ruby, what the—”

  “It's Matty. He's—”

  I cut off my own words when I saw a body move in behind Cooper. Her black hair whipped around his side and her chocolate brown eyes followed. She stared at me, her face peeking out from behind him. Her eyes weren't especially friendly.

  “Ruby,” he said, sounding mournful and placating, “I thought—”

  “My fault,” I said, backing away from him. “I'll go. I didn't know you had...company. It can wait.”

  Turning on my heels, I ran back out the door as fast as I could; I needed to get air quickly for the second time that evening. Once outside, I kept running, weaving my way through the streets down to the docks. I needed to sit, and think, and be alone. The docks provided the perfect environment for that. During the weeknights, there was little to no traffic there, and it was late. It allowed me privacy so I could just stare blankly out into the sea and let the darkness settle in around me.

  I came to a screeching halt as I reached the very end of the wooden plank, teetering slightly. My heart pounded, and not solely from the run. Seeing Cooper with that girl had me riled up. He'd been serious; he wasn't going to allow things to go on as they had been. He had finally put his foot down, and hard―right on top of mine. Had he done it intentionally just to hurt me? To make his point? To force my hand? His bizarre behavior smacked of months earlier, when he had turned to narcotics to cope with life. I prayed he wasn't using again.

  When I slowed my brain down to process the whole mess, I realized that I was becoming “that girl”, the one who led men on, blurring the lines between friendship and more, just to fulfill my own needs.

  Thoroughly disgusted with myself, I sat on the edge of the dock and removed my boots, allowing my feet to dangle just beneath the water's surface. My pale skin shone with the light of the moon above, contrasted by the black abyss below. I leaned forward to see my skewed reflection looking back at me. It didn't show what I was feeling,
but it didn't need to. My jealousy was plain. Cooper had been mine since I met him. It had been him and me against every obstacle ever thrown our way. He died for me once, and risked his life just being a party to me several other times. He never abandoned me, no matter the circumstances, the risks, or the certainty of death. He was the constant I'd never had in my life. Ever. Was I jealous because I actually wanted to be with him, or because I didn't want him to be without me? I knew the answer, but was loathe to admit it, fearing that I'd lose Cooper in the process. Unfortunately, that was out of my control, and I needed to wrap my head around the possibility that ‘just being friends’ may not be enough for him now, or ever.

  Having somewhat resolved that problem, the universe—abhorring a vacuum—decided to give me a new dilemma. I felt the brush of something light against my feet; I assumed they were making the fish curious. Leaning forward, I tried to see them, but it was still too dark. I bent forward further and further, until my chest was resting in my lap. Not wanting to take an unplanned dip, I gripped onto the lip of the dock for balance as I peered down into the water below.

  A flash of something long and pale emerged from the darkness. It played with me, showing itself remotely, only to then withdraw into the murkiness below just before I could determine what it was. A knot in my stomach formed, leaving me with an uneasiness that I couldn't escape. I tried to dismiss it, thinking it was all due to my fight with Cooper and the crazy warnings of Gavin, the elderly superhero, but it was too familiar to ignore. I looked down at the dark water around me, and, like a child with a monster under her bed, I ached to pull my feet up to safer ground. I chided myself as I started to remove my right foot first, thinking my imagination was getting the best of me.

  That foot never made it to safety.

  Before it withdrew completely, an arm lurched forward from the black depths below me—and I froze.

  He uncurled his fingers in slow motion, reaching up towards his love. He gripped her limp ankle fiercely, yanking her off her perch above. She collapsed into the water and sank like an ethereal ragdoll. Her seemingly lifeless arms and legs floated upward, a silent plea for help from above as her body plunged deeper. His ghostly figure cradled her in his arms as he drifted under the cover of the dock. In the shallows, he smiled as he approached the provisions he had placed there for the evening. He knew the time would eventually come; his devilish grin said so.