The Girl Who Wasn't

by Heather Hildenbrand

  He smiles crookedly. “I like a girl who’s partial to rooftops.”

  “I’m more partial to your motorcycle.”

  “It doesn’t scare you?”

  “No. Well, not in a bad way.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It was a little scary at first but after the initial rush of fear, it was just … a rush. That first night I rode with you, I—” I hesitate because admitting this feels like handing him a weakness. Something I was trained not to do, but it’s Linc and I want to share everything with him, not just facts. I want him to know how I feel. About everything. Or everything I’m capable of feeling. So I finish by whispering, “I climaxed.”

  He stills. There is a small smile on his lips as he watches me. “You never told me that.”

  I wrinkle my nose. “I didn’t want to sound like an idiot.”

  “Why would you sound like an idiot?”

  “Because. Riding your motorcycle has been one of my favorite parts of this new life. Every time I ride or even think of riding, it makes me think things that…well, if I said them aloud they’d sound silly and poetic. And with the other thing,” I shrug, unsure how to finish.

  “You mean the fact that sitting close to me on a revving engine got you off,” he whispers and I know he’s enjoying this.

  I scowl at my own uncertainty over saying the words—and I remember how flippantly Taylor talked of sex. “I sound like some easily impressed upon … child,” I say. “Some innocent, naïve—”

  “I like your innocence,” he cuts in softly.

  I sigh as I gather my words carefully. “Good, because … I think, for me, riding a motorcycle is like running from something and toward it all at the same time. Does that sound ridiculous?”

  He uses the backs of his fingers to trace a trail down my cheek. “No. It sounds exactly right. I feel that way too. It’s actually the only time I feel free of all of this.” He gestures to the building we are standing on but I know he means so much more than a fashion show at Grundy’s.

  “I get it. Riding with you, I feel … bigger than I am. Like I could maybe matter. Like the universe notices me.”

  “Angel, you do matter.”

  I shake my head. “Not yet. But I will.”

  We leave just before the show ends. Linc is subdued after our rooftop conversation. He seems distracted by his own thoughts and I am too wrapped up in mine to pursue it. I rub absently at the mark on my neck, the inked numbers raised slightly higher than the rest of my tattoos.

  I catch Linc watching and quickly drop my hand to my lap. We ride the rest of the way in silence.

  Inside the elevator at Rogen Tower, Linc hits the button that will take us upstairs and then picks at his tie until it loosens and he pulls it free. He tilts his neck side to side and sighs.

  “Better?” I ask, amused.

  “Much,” he agrees.

  The elevator opens and I step out. A single security guard is stationed nearby. He nods at us and we make our way down the hall and to my room. The hallways are empty of sentries. Most of them have been moved downstairs or doubled up on the exits and rooftop. Daniel as a prisoner trumps me as a prisoner, I suppose.

  Linc stops outside my bedroom. “I’m going to find Titus and give my report. I’ll come see you before I go.”

  We both know where he’ll go when he leaves and I am already impatient at the thought. “No, just talk to Titus and get going as soon as you can.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I just need to know.”

  “I’ll see you in the morning, angel.”

  “See you.”

  He hesitates a second longer and I wonder if he’s going to kiss me right here in the hallway. I can’t help glancing at his mouth as I think it. Instead, he lets out a quiet groan and then turns and walks away.

  Chapter Seventeen

  That night, I am woken by the sound of my name. “Ven … Ven.”

  And in my half-awake, half-dreaming state, my first thought is how nice it is to hear those three letters spoken together out loud.

  “Ven.”

  The voice comes again, loud enough to chase away the fog and then I’m awake and breathing heavily while somehow not breathing at all because someone is in my room in the middle of the night, calling me by my real name.

  “Linc?”

  “It’s me,” he says and the words are rushed. “I need you to come outside.”

  “Why?”

  “She’s here.”

  Those two words are all I need to get moving. I know without being told exactly who he means. Instantly, I am on my feet and pulling on pants without a thought as to what Linc can see in the moonlit room.

  “She came willingly?” I ask, pulling a sweater on over my camisole nightshirt.

  “Yes. But she won’t come in until she talks to you.”

  I nod and push my feet into the closest pair of shoes. “Where?”

  “Outside.” There is the briefest pause and then he adds, “In the alley.”

  I still. For three beats I don’t say a word. That’s how long it takes me to shake the images of the last time Melanie and I were in the alley together. “Do you think it’s a trap?”

  He crosses to me and takes me gently by the shoulders. “For what it’s worth, no, I don’t. I think there’s a reason she’s allowing herself to be captured, but I don’t think you are it.”

  I let that sink in a moment. Still, I don’t move. The pressure of his hands on my shoulders is just enough to be reassuring.

  “And I’ll be right next to you the entire time,” he adds.

  That, combined with my curiosity propels me onward. “Let’s go.”

  The hallways are deserted. There is no guard in the foyer and I want to ask how Linc managed it but I know better than to make any noise. Linc doesn’t press the button for the elevator. Instead, he leads me through a side door and down a flight of stairs. We are careful to keep our steps silent.

  At the next landing, we take the door leading into a darkened hallway and Linc calls the elevator. It dings so loudly, I feel they’ve heard it all the way through the building. We step inside and the door closes. Beside me, Linc is rigid. I am wound just as tight. There is nothing to say but I slip my hand into his and he squeezes.

  When we step into the lobby, Linc veers left. We take a back exit that opens directly into the alley. The door shuts behind us, sealing us and any noise out.

  “Melanie,” Linc calls softly.

  Silence.

  “You left her out here alone?” I ask him incredulously.

  “Relax,” I hear as a mane of red hair materializes from around the far side of the Dumpster. “If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t have come.”

  “Melanie.” Everything in me wants to take a giant step backward at the sight of her piercing gray eyes and glowing hair. I squeeze Linc’s hand and stand my ground. “What do you want?”

  “I want to talk,” she says, shrugging as if it’s all that simple.

  “To talk,” I repeat, letting the skepticism show in my voice. “We can do that once you’ve come inside.”

  “I’d rather this story be for your ears only,” she says pointedly.

  “Linc stays.”

  She shrugs. “It’s cool, I figured as much. When I say alone, I mean without your daddy. Or fake Daddy. Or he’s real but you’re … whatever. You know what I mean.”

  I bristle with irritation. It gives me more confidence, diminishes the fear. “You have five minutes. I don’t owe you anything.”

  “Actually, that’s the thing. You sort of do owe me.”

  She takes a step forward. I tense and Linc steps between us, blocking me. “Stay where you are,” he tells her.

  She holds up her hands in front of her. I look away because even though she meant the gesture to be one of acquiescence, all I see are the weapons she used to try to kill me. She’s so much stronger than she looks. Again, I am reminded of Lonnie, her wiry strength and unswerving
determination when she sets a goal. I realize their chins jut in the same way.

  “I won’t move,” she says, her tone full of innocence. I can’t tell if she’s lying.

  “Talk,” I say.

  “Here’s the thing. I know who you are: Ven from Twig City. And I know what you are: Imitation. I also know there is an entire underground city full of you. Well, not you, exactly, but other products.” She pauses, possibly to let the full weight of her words settle around us.

  Other than Linc, Daniel, and Titus, she is now the only other human I’ve met this side of Twig City who knows the truth. It feels … ominous.

  “How do you know so much?” I ask.

  “I found out some of it by accident thanks to parents who argue a lot. Daniel told me everything else,” she explains.

  I don’t doubt it, though I have no idea why he shared so much when he so obviously doesn’t care about her. I put all of the condescension and uncaring that is Authentic Raven into my voice when I say, “You brought me all the way out here to rub it in that you know my secret?”

  “No. I brought you out here to tell you I know where there are many more like you. In this city. Including your friend Anna.”

  I look at Linc. “They weren’t at the address Obadiah gave us?”

  He shakes his head. “It was empty. She moved them before I got there.”

  I glare at Melanie. “You’re holding them hostage?”

  She snorts. “Wrong. I’m hiding them.”

  “From who?”

  “Titus. Twig City. The world.”

  I let that sink in. “They are there … willingly?”

  Pieces are falling into place, even before she answers with a definitive, “Yes.”

  “You saved Anna from the carjacking,” I say.

  “I was the hijacker,” she corrects.

  I nod because even though I can’t explain it and even though this girl did in fact try to repeatedly kill me, I know she has saved and protected Anna. And maybe others.

  “Why?” I ask.

  “My personal reasons? Because they don’t deserve to be used this way. Neither do you, though I’m sure you’ll find that sort of maddening coming from me. Still, I’m sure you’ve realized by now that Titus is a different sort of bad guy than I am.” I can’t argue with that.

  “That’s not what Daniel says,” I tell her.

  “Daniel just wants revenge. Pure and simple. Titus took the one thing he loved. Now he’s going to do the same.”

  “That’s why he’s filtering them away,” I say.

  She nods. “And that’s why he’ll free them even though he doesn’t give two shits about them. He’s still convinced you’re not real. I don’t agree with that part. They call you products but you are people,” she adds.

  Nothing she could’ve said surprises me more. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “No, you don’t. The science it takes to create you … you might not have been born from a human womb, Ven, but you’re human in every sense of the term. Making you believe otherwise is part of the lie.”

  Her words—so contradictory to what I know as truth—make me angry. I drop Linc’s hand so I can ball it into a fist. “How do you know all of this?” I demand.

  “Daniel. Anna … and I’ve seen it.”

  “Seen what?”

  “The data. The conclusive evidence of testing that proves you have just as much emotion and ability to feel and experience as we do. Isn’t that what you think separates you? Isn’t that what they tell you? Humans are superior—intellectually and emotionally?”

  “You’ve …” I don’t realize I’ve taken a step forward until Linc’s hand on my arm gently pulls me back. “How is that possible?”

  She folds her arms and her lids lower. “I can’t tell you that. I’ve already sold Daniel out by telling you this much.” Her voice drops to a mumble when she says, “I won’t do it to anyone else.”

  I wonder vaguely who else there is left to betray, but then the thought is gone and I shake my head in frustration. “How can you still care what Daniel thinks of you? He was gathering those Imitations to use them as an army.”

  “Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said? The army’s purpose is the same as yours.”

  “Which is?” Linc asks.

  “Freedom from the Creator,” she says, looking at me. I say nothing, though my stomach flips at the thought, and she continues. “Despite what he’s done, Daniel’s intentions are good. Or at least they started out that way. The grief of losing his mother hit him hard. Knowing she could’ve been saved …”

  “An Imitation,” I say, the story coming together as I remember the little bit Daniel mentioned just before he wrapped his hands around my throat. “He wanted an Imitation to save her.”

  “Titus refused to grow a product for her, even though harvesting organs probably would’ve worked. When she died, Daniel vowed to change things. Make the concept of owning a product more public, accessible.” Her words are no more than a whisper. “Somewhere along the way …”

  She doesn’t finish. She doesn’t have to. We all know that at some point, his mission became motive and he crossed a line. I refuse to acknowledge the compassion in her expression as she speaks of him. I will not feel sorry for him.

  “And him wanting me?” I ask. “Was it just to add me to your army?”

  “Yes and no. You were different.” There is something in her voice … guilt.

  Beside me, Linc makes a noise that is a growl and a curse all at once.

  “How?” I ask.

  Her expression is full of something I don’t understand when she says, “You make him crazy.”

  Linc snorts his agreement. “Don’t exclude yourself from that description,” he says.

  She glares at him for a moment and then turns to me. Her expression softens. It is the nicest look she’s ever given me. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t see past … When I look at you, all I see is her. And he loves her, the other you. And I love him so much more than she does and…it makes me hate her.”

  I blink at that—and decide to be honest. “We have that in common,” I say. We share a look.

  I can feel Linc watching me, questioning. He doesn’t understand what’s not being said. That for a split second, Melanie and I are enemies on common ground. “What is the point of telling me all this?” I say finally.

  “Bottom line? I’m offering you the one thing you want.”

  “You have no idea what I want.”

  She crosses her arms. “In a word? Freedom. But that’s complicated.” She nods toward my arm. “You can’t just walk out. Not with that thing still in you. I’m offering step one.”

  “Which is?”

  “The location of your friend Anna—and all of the others like her.”

  I’ve suspected that’s where this was going, but I am leery. “What do you want in return?”

  “Kill me.”

  I thought nothing she said could’ve surprised me more than when she’d called me human. I was wrong.

  “What?” Linc and I say in unison.

  “I’ve heard enough of Titus Rogen to know what waits for me in there,” she says, nodding up at Rogen Tower behind us. “Interrogation, torture, starvation. But he won’t let me die. He’ll just make me want to. Before that happens, I want one of you to stage my death so I can escape. With Daniel.”

  “No.” Linc’s answer is immediate and final. Melanie doesn’t look surprised. Nor does she argue. “You can’t expect me to risk something like th—” Linc begins.

  “We’ll do it,” I interrupt.

  Linc gapes at me. “Ven, it’s imposs—”

  “It’s worth the trade. Save everyone, or save no one,” I say. I don’t mention that I’m beginning to understand what Melanie’s saying: I can’t save myself unless I save them too.

  Melanie presses her lips together and nods appreciatively. Linc shakes his head but doesn’t argue anymore.

  “Thank you,” Melanie sa
ys.

  I ignore that and ask the question I can’t shake. “Why go in at all?”

  She cocks her head sideways, cutting from Linc to me in a knowing look. “Love is reckless.”

  ***

  I know the moment Linc places the call to inform the house that he is bringing Melanie in. Feet thunder past my room and radios squawk with grainy, digitized voices telling each other to hurry to the lobby. The alarm sounds.

  I am supposed to be in bed, appearing asleep should anyone check, but I cannot still my bare feet from their pacing.

  I have an address.

  I don’t know if Melanie was telling the truth or if it’s a trap. I am choosing to believe the former since she’s allowing herself to be captured and from this moment on, her life is essentially in our hands. Before leaving me alone, Linc assured me we will go together in the morning to the address she’s given. I don’t want to wait even that long, but we have no choice. There won’t be a chance before then, not with all of the excitement unfolding as a result of her capture.

  I have no idea what I will tell Titus to get away long enough to check it out, but I can’t focus to think of anything. I am too distracted by what Melanie said—and everything it could mean.

  My thoughts are disjointed, incomplete. I am human. Somewhere in the city, she has a warehouse full of Imitations. All of them have found a way to disable or remove their kill switch. I am human. She was helping Anna. And others like us. If she is telling the truth, there is scientific data suggesting I am just as much human as someone womb-born. I am human.

  Someone knocks and I jump and then freeze in place. A security guard sticks his head in. “Miss Rogen.” He looks surprised I am awake.

  “I heard noises,” I explain. “Is everything all right?”

  “Everything’s fine. I need you to stay in your room until I come back.”

  I assure him I will—not that my assurance is needed when the door locks from the outside—and he leaves without another word. I resume pacing. A few minutes later, the alarm ceases and the house is silent.

  I am human.

  An hour later, Linc returns. “Where is she?” I whisper as he closes the door behind him.