Unholy Sacrifice

by Robert Scott

  In 1998, Dawn made a fateful decision—she decided to join the Singles Third Ward in Walnut Creek. As chance would have it, that singles ward had a game night, and the game was a murder-mystery dinner. It was somewhat like the game Clue, except actual people took on the roles of characters in the mystery. Dawn was sitting in a room with others of the ward when Taylor, Justin and a male friend walked in. Most of the other people shunned the trio, because of their odd looks. They certainly didn’t fit the clean-cut Mormon stereotype. Both Taylor and Justin wore all-black clothing and Taylor even wore a head scarf. To many, he looked like a nineteenth-century preacher. There was talking and laughter among the other participants, but nobody went over to talk to Taylor, Justin and their friend. No one that is except Dawn Godman.

  She said, “My first impression of Taylor and Justin Helzer was that they looked like what I used to look like in my old life. That’s why people were avoiding them. I made it a point to talk to them.

  “Very quickly I realized that Taylor was very perceptive. He realized that my boy was shunned in the ward. The LDS taught their children to be quiet at meetings. But my son was rambunctious. I had to take him out a lot. That didn’t matter to Taylor. My son was all over Taylor. But Taylor gave him attention. He made a deal with him. If he would be quiet until the break, Taylor would play hide-and-seek with him in the church corridor.

  “I was amazed that someone would take the time to recognize that my son needed attention. I was grateful for Taylor to be willing to spend time with him. I was motivated to know Taylor. His presence was powerful.”

  As for Justin, he introduced himself and spoke not another word to Dawn that evening. He was totally in his older brother’s shadow.

  The next time Dawn met the Helzer brothers was about a week later, at a Sunday meeting at the LDS church. It was a Testimony Sunday service, somewhat akin to the Quaker practice, where anyone in the congregation could get up and speak. Taylor got up in front of the others and began giving his testimony of faith. The story he told concerned being at a card room, the California Grand Casino. He was going to drive to his parents’ house, but instead a voice told him to go the other way so that he could help people. He followed the voice’s directions and spotted a woman and two small children walking down the road. Believing that they might need a ride, he stopped and asked them if this was the case. They said yes, and Taylor revealed, “The Spirit made me turn around for them.” He expounded on the fact that when God put opportunities in your way, you needed to seize them.

  Dawn was impressed by Taylor’s story. She recalled, “He went out of his way to listen to Spirit and took action to accomplish what Spirit told him to do.”

  Taylor spoke about the Spirit a lot that day, and the message was particularly appealing to Dawn. In her own personal life, she received and acted upon revelations in daily life. Dawn began going to church services at the Third Ward on a regular basis. She had very little contact with Justin, but talked extensively with Taylor about scripture, revelations and Spirit.

  Kelly Lord also remembered Taylor that day very well. She said later, “It was Testimony Sunday, where any member could stand up and give their testimony about the faith and religion. People would talk if they were moved by the spirit of God. God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. Most people would get up and say something like, ‘I heard the Spirit as a voice.’ You wouldn’t say, ‘The Spirit just told me such and such.’

  “Not Taylor, though. He got up and spoke in those exact words.”

  It was a mesmerizing, powerful, bravura performance. He had much of the congregation spellbound. One person who was not spellbound by it was Bishop Brett Halversen, who was there. He listened for a while to Taylor’s revelation and he couldn’t make sense of it. It didn’t seem to have anything to do with Mormon theology. Halversen said later, “The things he shared were not cogent for me. After two or three minutes, I asked that he be excused for the next person to testify. I shook hands with him after the meeting. There was no acrimony.”

  After his testimony, some people joined Taylor and Justin in the parking lot for an informal study group. Generally after church services, the members would file off to Bible study or Book of Mormon study classes. There was a tradition of parking-lot meetings, however, for those who wanted to go there and discuss the service in a more informal setting.

  Dawn Kirkland knew of the parking-lot meetings that Taylor began, with Justin at his side. Within weeks, Taylor had twenty or more people out listening to him rather than attending regular classes. It began to become a real danger to the established order of the ward.

  Taylor was dramatic, forceful and in his element. He spoke with great conviction and passion. He was in command of a growing flock, but his messages were not those of the mainline LDS faith. He spoke of how the mainline church had veered off the path from Joseph Smith’s teachings.

  Taylor told Kirkland at one point that he had a revelation from God to speak to the group. He asked her, “Do you know what it is not to commit sin? The only sin I’ve committed in the last month is one time not smiling at a cashier.”

  Taylor claimed to be living a perfect life without sin. He was spotless. He was beloved of God.

  This scared Kirkland. She said, “He was so charismatic, but I saw a great darkness in him and wanted to leave.”

  She even warned Dawn Godman to stay away from Taylor. Kirkland pulled her aside from one of the parking lot meetings and said, “Take care. I’m concerned about the Helzers. They aren’t the right people to be spending time with.”

  To this, Dawn Godman replied, “But they’re my friends.”

  Kirkland gave up trying to convince Godman to beware of the Helzer brothers. She said later, “Everybody has to make their own choices. I wasn’t the boss of her.”

  Kirkland was in a position of leadership in the Third Ward, however, and she was very concerned by Taylor’s messages and his growing flock at the parking-lot meetings. Kirkland finally decided to go see Bishop Halversen and expressed her concern to him. She told him, “I’m worried that people are being led astray.”

  Kirkland later spoke of Taylor’s divergence from doctrine about the nature of Satan. In the Mormon Church, Satan was often referred to as the Adversary. She said, “You can be influenced by the Adversary and his minions.” She likened it to a radio. If you tuned in one station, you could receive messages from God, but if you tuned in a different station, you could receive evil.

  Kirkland also realized that Taylor was veering from other doctrines of the LDS faith. According to Kirkland, one of the Mormon doctrines was about three Nephites who asked Jesus Christ after his resurrection if they could stay alive as well and follow him to the New World (the Americas). This was allowed to them. But somehow Taylor twisted this around to form his own sacred company of three. He said that he needed three core people to be his apostles. He would never come right out and say he was a prophet of God, but he certainly led others to believe that is what he felt.

  Taylor quit the parking-lot meetings, but he wasn’t through influencing young women. He talked Kelly Lord into taking a Harmony class in Sacramento. The lead facilitator at that time was Sherry Matheson, who had split off from Impact in Salt Lake City.

  Lord had a rough time with the first phase of Harmony, as Jeanette Carter had experienced. Lord said later, “It broke down all your defenses. It left you wide open. I felt confused. I didn’t really know how to move forward.”

  She was taunted and mocked by the facilitator there. Everyone was programed not to give any sympathy to another person. They were supposed to speak truthfully, about themselves and others, even if it hurt.

  The second level still confused and upset her as well. She said, “It was more intense.”

  By the third level, however, she changed her tone. She said, “It was more gentle and safer. A place to find your own beliefs.”

  When Kelly Lord passed the third level, Taylor gave her a big hug and said, “You’re starting t
o get it.” Which meant, she was starting to “get him” and the things he said.

  It was around this third-level time that Lord took a trip down to Los Angeles with Justin. Taylor had already warned her not to compare notes with Justin about Impact America. Kelly disobeyed Taylor’s command, and on the way down asked Justin what he knew about Impact America. She said later, “He just gave me a blank stare.”

  Justin was completely loyal to his brother and would not divulge any information that Taylor did not want others to know about.

  Despite his loyalty, Kelly said, Taylor belittled Justin more than once in front of others. One incident particularly stood out in her mind. Justin was in the kitchen when Taylor strode up to him with a dirty plastic cup. He berated Justin for the cup being so dirty. Taylor screamed, “See, this is why roommates don’t like you!”

  Justin was humiliated in front of the others, but he did not say a word to his brother.

  At one point, Lord pulled Justin aside and told him, “You need to get away from Taylor.”

  Justin ignored her.

  Lord said later, “All energy went to Taylor. He was always the center of attention. If any attention went to Justin, Taylor would be angry. He wanted it all for himself.”

  Lord was also starting to get concerned for Dawn Godman. She noticed that Dawn was falling under Taylor’s spell. One night, Taylor had Dawn wear a see-through netting top. Lord was astounded. Godman had never worn anything like that before. It was very non-Mormon attire. Lord noticed that Dawn dressed modestly before this, but not after.

  “Getting it” was very big with Taylor. If you agreed with him, “you got it.” If you didn’t agree, “you didn’t get it.”

  At a certain point, Taylor would quit arguing with the person and become completely silent for ten minutes or more. He would turn off his charm. He would leave the person yearning for the bright Taylor Helzer they knew and loved.

  A test of loyalty became more and more pronounced with Taylor as the 1990s ended. Kelly Lord said that he started asking her unusual questions. One day at a Carl’s Jr. restaurant, Taylor said, “If I asked you to rob this Carl’s Jr. for me, would you be open to that?”

  Lord said later, “I was so taken aback, I didn’t respond. It was like a loyalty test. Also, it was like, ‘Was I at his level of consciousness?’

  “Another time he asked me, ‘What would you do if you read in the papers that I was in jail for something they said I did.? Would you come get me?’”

  “Absolutely,” she answered.

  “Good,” Taylor responded.

  She said of Taylor, “He could overwhelm you. It was intoxicating.”

  Kelly Lord’s world was in chaos around Taylor. “He was condescending,” she said. “Only he could talk to God directly. One time he told me, ‘Do not talk to me. Leave me a message on my message machine. If I find it worthy of a response, I will call you.’

  “I thought, ‘Oh, that’s nice!’”

  Even after this snub, she still phoned him back. She recalled, “I had to call back. I was still intrigued by Taylor. His energy was so powerful. And I was not a pushover.

  “In truth, he never said he was a prophet of God to me. But he had episodes where he talked to God. He said he heard things through revelation.”

  On another occasion, Taylor told her, “I’m very clear. If people aren’t loyal to me, I’ll just kill them.”

  Lord was incensed and told him to leave.

  This test of loyalty was a huge thing with Taylor, and it was making Lord more uneasy and suspicious of his schemes all the time. Once at a seminar in Marin County, at a Hilton Hotel, Lord met Taylor there. Lord was angry with Taylor because she had just found out that he was using and selling drugs. She angrily accused him of this and told him that he was full of crap. Then she said if he didn’t watch himself, he was going to end up like David Koresh at Waco, Texas.

  She said, “Taylor was quiet at first and then made himself very big. He got very close to me and said, ‘If Kelly gets in my way, she’s fucked!’”

  Lord said later, “I took this as a threat.”

  Taylor asked her, “Are you clear about this?”

  She answered yes.

  Kelly had nothing to do with Taylor for a while after that, but it was hard for her to stay away from him. Months after the incident at the Hilton, she invited him over for dinner. Taylor began spouting all sorts of gibberish again. Then, at one point, he walked out into the rain, lifted his arms toward the heavens and started ranting. She just stood quietly in the background, watching this bizarre performance.

  The last straw with Taylor, as far as Kelly Lord was concerned, had to do with a package.

  “One time he phoned me and said, ‘If I asked you to deliver a package, would you do it?’”

  This scared Kelly Lord and she hung up the phone. Later, she called him back and said, “I’m not going to do anything with packages.”

  Then she related, “He was unhappy. He told me, ‘You haven’t reached my level.’”

  Indeed, she had not. Kelly Lord would admit later, “I still had my own mind. I wouldn’t deliver any package that someone just gave me.”

  If Kelly Lord would not come to his level, then Taylor would have to look elsewhere. It remained to be seen if Dawn Godman still had her own mind. Taylor began to tell Godman that she needed to take a course in Harmony. He expounded on the fact that it would make her a better person, one that understood herself and the world more clearly. Dawn was so swayed by Taylor’s exhortations that she went to see the bishop of the area, Bishop Halversen, about monetary support for attending Harmony in Sacramento. Bishop Halversen was very much against this idea. He already knew some of Harmony’s philosophy didn’t jibe with LDS teachings. But Dawn was determined to go. She said later, “I prayed a lot and was inspired to go to Harmony.”

  Bishop Halversen told her, “You should pray some more.”

  Dawn did, and decided that her prayers were guiding her toward Harmony. If someone as charismatic as Taylor said that it would be good for her, then it must be true. She decided to go, and Justin agreed to house-sit her apartment in Martinez while she was gone. Taylor kept her in the dark about what the experience would entail. All he told her was that it would break down people’s walls and make them more open to listening to what he had to say.

  Of her experience at Harmony, Dawn said, “It was a warehouse in Sacramento, totally sealed off. No windows. Music, lights, the thermostat, everything was controlled by the staff. Initially there were thirty people in the group. A person could not just come and go as they pleased. A person had to even ask permission to go to the bathroom, and a staff member would always escort them there and back.

  “A facilitator engaged everyone in conversation. The initial day was one of personal attacks. It put you on edge. I was almost afraid of him. You were constantly, verbally attacked. He’d say things like, ‘Oh, you’re stuck in that.’ You just stand there and take it. You had to stand up all during the attack.

  “Our facilitator was Dion. He was six feet tall, blond-haired, nice-looking. He wore a business suit. He had a presence. He was like Taylor. There was no cursing allowed, but everything else was fair game. In one instance, Dion told everyone that a woman had been molested at a young age by her father and brothers. He made her stand. Dion called her a slut. He asked her how many times it happened and how many partners she had. She told everything. This went on for an hour.

  “Dion didn’t react to anyone’s problems. He was cold. No emotion. It was his job to open her up. Everyone had to be willing to open their self up like her. It was all very intense.

  “At the sessions, you look into another person’s eyes and think of your roles in the past. Get in touch with your inner child. You started judging people and building walls in childhood. With Harmony you got back to being a child. A pure child with no walls. No values. People with walls couldn’t understand Taylor.

  “For example, a spider crossed my leg as a chil
d. It scared me. So all spiders were bad. But that’s not true. Spiders have their place in the world.”

  Dawn completed two levels of Harmony. The first level was called Quest. The second level was called Summit. Quest, she said, was to open the walls. Summit was to give a person new tools. Taylor told her that Summit was very important. He also said that it would get her to the point where there was no right or wrong. Only results. He claimed, “Since right and wrong is a judgment, it can’t be relied on.” Taylor gave her an example. He told her that she could be going to the store to get something and have an accident. The accident would leave her paralyzed. But was it wrong to go to the store in the first place? No, he said, she needed something, so she went there. There was no right or wrong in making a decision to go to the store. It had nothing to do with what occurred later.

  Dawn said of Harmony, “The goal was to get to a place of no fixed values. Taylor insisted that everyone close to him had to go through Harmony.”

  Taylor told Dawn that she would not be required to go through the third level of Harmony. He said she could gain more benefit from listening to him, and reading books that he recommended, than actually being there. The first book that he gave her was The Celestine Prophecy. The second book was Mutant Message Down Under. Dawn read the books and then discussed chapters with Taylor about the works and her life’s experiences.

  Dawn said later, “I was bonded to Taylor by then. He gave me something I never had before. It was safe to be with him. It was safe to tell him my daydreams. He’d sit on the couch and just hold me for a long time. He made me feel special. I felt that my life had a purpose. I was where I was supposed to be. I felt incredibly close to God. Taylor believed everything could be filtered through the Twelve Principles of Magic. Spirit knew everything that was going on around you. It could guide you. It was a way to love your life and be in alignment with God.”

  Dawn also formed her own ideas about the Twelve Principles of Magic. She said later, “I believed we were all perfect and what others saw as defects in us were opportunities for us to grow.” She also added, “I believed that Taylor and Jesus Christ were brothers.”