Chasing Paradise
Page 9
“About what, honey?”
“About me. Ethan. Everything’s just so confusing and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or feel.” Gwen paused to gather her thoughts. “Before, when I thought he didn’t love me, at least things were clear, focused. I had a plan. Hold myself back, live my life separate from him and make my own happiness. But now, I’m having a hard time holding myself back--and the things he does and says. It’s downright painful. The way he looks at me. It makes me think things, long for things I’m scared I won’t ever have.”
Samantha grabbed Gwen’s hand and forced her eyes to meet hers. “Gwen, I know we don’t know each other well, but I already feel like we’re sisters.”
“I do too.” It was true, Gwen realized with a start. Within weeks Samantha had become one of her favorite people. A person she’d come to count on.
“When I first came to town and met Jason, I didn’t think he could possibly want me. Sometimes I still don’t know what he sees in me. Besides being a wolf, he has everything, the pack, his family, his career, and then I look at myself and I don’t have anything to offer him. But every time I have those dark thoughts, all I have to do is look at Jason, at the way he gazes at me, and I know what I bring him. I love him. I love him more than anyone else ever will. I loved him before I thought he loved me.”
“Didn’t it hurt? Loving him, but not knowing if he felt the same way?”
“Sometimes. Sometimes it hurt a lot. At least it did until I came to a realization. It didn’t matter if he loved me or not. My heart was already sunk, and no matter how he felt about me, I would still love him. So I guess the question is, do you love Ethan?”
“Yes,” Gwen whispered. “It terrifies me.”
“Do you think Ethan loves you?”
That was harder to answer. So many things to consider. She thought about the overheard conversation. Then she thought about everything that had since transpired.
“I don’t know.” The whine reeked of desperation. “After the things he said, I was so certain he couldn’t. But now, every time he looks at me and the little things he does for me…it makes me wonder. I don’t like questioning myself.”
Samantha didn’t answer immediately, but when she did, her voice was quiet. “Now for the really important question. It shouldn’t be too hard to answer. You either know the answer or you don’t. Does it matter if he doesn’t? Does it change the way you feel about him?”
Gwen thought about everything he did for her. She thought about the way his arms surrounded her from behind as she washed dishes, and the way he held her as they watched television on their couch. She thought of the way his hand stroked her leg under the table as they ate dinner, as if he wasn’t even fully aware he was doing it. How his hand always reached for hers when they walked down the street.
Whether he loved her or not, it didn’t change the person he was. And it didn’t change how he made her feel. It didn’t negate the thoughtful things he did for her with the sole intention of making her smile. Looking up, she saw the truth reflected in her friends’ eyes.
“Why don’t you go surprise your man and take him out to lunch?” Alyssa suggested.
“You guys don’t mind?” The three of them had made plans.
“Not at all.”
Gwen kissed Alyssa on the cheek and did the same for Samantha without thinking about it. It was a standard form of showing gratitude in the romp, but Gwen froze as she realized she’d done it to Samantha, unsure how she would take the affection. Before she had time to worry, Samantha leaned up and kissed her cheek in return.
The open affection brought a smile to Gwen’s face as she ran out the door. She never thought she’d fit into this pack as well as she had her romp. Plenty of packs had stayed at the resort throughout the years. She’d seen the way shifters of all kinds treated outsiders. Their pack rules varied, some going so far as to not socialize with other species entirely. She’d seen enough to know that without Jason’s unique leadership, she and Alyssa would have never been accepted as easily.
Unlike the other Premiers she’d seen, Jason didn’t use intimidation and fear to keep his rule. Instead he thought out every decision he made, looking at it from all sides. And lucky for her, he accepted non-wolf pack mates, treating them as one and the same. Besides his fox mate and Gwen and Alyssa, most of the town, including the humans, were considered pack. No one was excluded because of who or what animal they had been born. It was the perfect environment to raise little wolf-otters.
Little wolf-otters… Just thinking about it gave her the giggles. She’d need to talk to Ethan about starting a family right away. Too much time had been wasted already.
* * * *
Walking into Ethan’s office, Gwen wasn’t surprised when he immediately got up from his computer to greet her. Instead of giving her a simple peck, he skimmed his lips across her cheekbone. The caress had her closing her eyes as a wave of desire rushed through her body. He made her feel so special.
“Hi, pet. What are you doing here?” There was such unadulterated affection in his gaze and tone of voice. How had she ever hoped to resist him?
“I was hoping to take you out for lunch. If you’re not busy.”
“Give me a few minutes to wrap up. When do you have to be back?”
“Whenever. Nothing major is happening today.” Ethan smiled and kissed her cheek, making her whole body sigh. Would she ever become immune to his charm? She stared at his butt as he walked over to his brothers.
She watched him surreptitiously from across the room. After a moment, he caught her gaze and winked. Warmth flooded her. “All right. I have the rest of the afternoon off,” he said, coming up and embracing her from behind.
“How’d you manage that?”
“Jason owes me a favor. What do you think about picking up some take-out and taking it back to the house?” Gwen knew where this was going. There was no way they wouldn’t end up naked long before they got to their food. Still, how many people could say they had such an amazing sex life? She’d wager the number was fairly small.
As Gwen threaded her fingers through his, she knew with absolute certainty that she was making the right decision. Everything would turn out all right.
* * * *
As anticipated, Ethan barely got her inside the house before ambushing her and trying to, once again, tear her clothes from her body.
“Stop.” Gwen had no idea where her sultry voice came from, but Ethan did bring out the shameless hussy in her. “Upstairs,” she all but purred.
Ethan looked like he wanted to protest being ordered around. The alpha wolf in him needed to have control, and she knew that. But today, she needed control. His face scrunched up and she could practically see the wheels turning in his head, but he obviously didn’t want to squash her confidence. Just as she sensed his inner struggle, the moment he decided to let her have things her way was displayed on his face.
For now. She heard the words as clear as if he uttered them out loud.
Meeting Ethan’s stare, Gwen saw more than just heat and desire. She saw devotion. Why had she held herself back from this, from him? Since moving to town, he had been nothing but considerate, showing her with more than words he wanted to try to have a real relationship with her.
He had already opened up his heart to her. Every day it was there in his touch, look, and voice. Why hadn’t she seen it before?
“Gwen?” Ethan asked softly. “Where did you go?”
She looked into his eyes and melted. There was such openness in his gaze, such caring and kindness and…love? It was time she put the past and that stupid morning behind her. Behind them. It was time to move on with their lives together.
Gwen smiled and shook her head, then pointed toward their bedroom, her sultry gaze back in place. Ethan grinned wolfishly and hurried to do her bidding as she followed him up the stairs and into their bedroom.
“What now, pet?” Ethan asked, looking like he wanted to grab her and have his wicked way.
The past few weeks had been an eye opener. Ethan was more than just the man she was destined to spend the rest of her life with. He was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
“Am I the only one getting naked tonight?” Resting on his elbows, Ethan watched her with lazy satisfaction. She loved his voice when it got all growly.
Instead of answering, Gwen sauntered to the foot of the bed and unbuttoned her top, never taking her eyes off him. As he stared into her eyes, they shifted to the golden hue of his wolf.
“I love seeing your eyes change.”
Ethan smiled a large toothy grin, his canines already down. But she couldn’t let him bite her tonight. Tonight it was her turn.
Removing the last of her clothing, Gwen crawled up the bed until her mouth was even with Ethan’s jutting erection. Her breath caressed him as she paused, raising her gaze to his.
* * * *
Ethan groaned as Gwen’s hot mouth closed over him. Never in his life had he been more turned on than he was with this woman. She drove him wild, her tongue stroking the vein running along the underside of his cock as she took him deeper. He felt himself hit the back of her throat but instead of pulling back, Gwen swallowed against him and almost brought him off the bed as he arched up.
Was this actually happening? Many nights he’d dreamed exactly of this but he hadn’t wanted to rush her. Gwen had been opening little by little over the past weeks, but even this morning he’d seen the distrust in her eyes. The walls had still been up, solid as ever, preventing him from connecting fully with her.
Something had changed between this morning and now. He sensed the transformation the moment she’d entered his office this afternoon. Although thrilled, he wanted to find out what had caused this transformation. There had been something new in her eyes this afternoon. The distrust was gone, replaced by something he couldn’t quite define but that made his heart soar. The wall between them was starting to crumble.
Ethan grunted, fisting his hands in the sheets as Gwen swallowed his length once again. The woman was doing wicked things with her tongue. Absolutely amazing.
He caught her gaze as she took him deep into her mouth again. The fire in her eyes drove him crazy. Knowing going down on him gave her pleasure was the biggest turn on of all.
Releasing his shaft, Gwen straddled Ethan and slowly guiding him inside her. He almost lost it when her heat encased him. She arched her back, thrusting her breasts toward him, but when he tried to sit up to suck on one of her nipples, she pushed him back down. He growled, but followed her lead. The little tease.
Thinking back to the woman he’d first seen on the beach, her hair tightly coiled in a bun and her curves hidden behind austere clothing, he was amazed at the transformation. Her long hair fell around them, tickling his skin as she rode him. Her lips were swollen from swallowing him, and her eyes held such passion and heat they practically scorched.
He wasn’t going to last long, especially not if she kept clenching around him like that. Panting, he raced toward the cliff edge, ready to tumble with her into oblivion. But before he could explode, her hips stopped their movement. A whine escaped before he could stop it. She couldn’t be this cruel. Ethan’s eyes popped open and regarded Gwen quizzically. What game was she playing?
“Ethan…I want…”
“What do you want? Anything, I swear I’ll give it to you.” It was the truth. Anything within his power would be hers.
Gwen looked deeply into his eyes as if puzzling something out. After a moment, she leaned against him, nuzzling his chest. Ethan started to protest. Really, what kind of person would leave a man hanging like this? But as he drew in a breath, a sharp sting pinched his chest.
Without warning, his world exploded in a flood of ecstasy. His whole body convulsed as he emptied himself inside her. He felt her jerky release but his brain was slow to process what had happened. Neither of them had moved, yet he’d had one of the most amazing orgasms of his life.
It took Ethan a moment to get his bearings. Gwen cuddled against him making the sweetest cooing sounds as she rubbed her nose on his chest. Suddenly the stinging pain made sense. Glancing down, Ethan’s suspicions were confirmed. There, just above his right nipple, were two small puncture wounds. Bite marks.
Happiness flooded him. Gwen had bitten him. She had marked him as hers. Finally, she wasn’t merely accepting their mating, she had chosen to actively mate with him as well. Searching within, Ethan felt his bond with Gwen thrumming stronger than ever. There was a give-and-take now, an exchange in the connection.
Ethan’s arms curled around her, and he buried his nose in her hair as she continued to coo. He loved hearing the sound of her pleasure. He hadn’t heard it since their first night together and hadn’t realized he missed it until right now. If he had his way he would keep her making that noise every night for the rest of their lives.
* * * *
Gwen awoke, utterly sated, surrounded by the arms of her wolf. She burrowed her nose against his side and a small sound of contentment escaped her.
“Mmmm, I love that sound.” Ethan’s husky voice ran over her like a warm blanket as he pulled her closer. His lips hovered above hers and Gwen closed her eyes in anticipation of the kiss she knew would melt her soul.
A deep rumbling interrupted them moments before Ethan’s lips would’ve crashed down on hers. She looked up at Ethan in wide-eyed embarrassment. “Sorry, I haven’t eaten much today.”
His rich laugh filled the room. “Guess I’ll have to give you sustenance before I ravage you again.” Ethan began to crawl from the bed but stopped Gwen when she started to move as well. “You stay here. I’ll warm it up. Besides, I like the thought of you waiting for me in bed.”
Gwen smiled as Ethan strode out of the room. The stairs squeaked and Gwen heard the microwave being turned on in the kitchen.
Accepting her love for Ethan was like a weight lifting off her shoulders. It didn’t matter if he loved her or not, she knew her life with him would be everything she dreamed of and more.
Grabbing his dress shirt off the floor, Gwen swung it on as she made her way to the bathroom. The shirt arms engulfed her hands and the waist fell around her hips, landing mid-thigh. Looking at her reflection in the mirror as she washed her hands, Gwen thought she looked delightfully tumbled.
Ethan was already setting the food up on the bed as Gwen made her way out of the bathroom but he paused to stare at her. The wicked smile he threw her warmed her heart.
* * * *
Abandoning his chore, Ethan grabbed Gwen around the waist and pulled her tight against him.
“I do love you in my shirts.” As he leaned down for a kiss, her growling stomach interrupted them once again. “Come eat before your stomach starts scaring my wolf with its ferociousness.”
Gwen blushed again and looked away. “Sorry. I haven’t eaten since breakfast this morning.”
“Why are you apologizing?” Ethan saw Gwen pull at the hem of his shirt self-consciously, and her words of their first night together echoed through his mind. I’ve got a few more curves than your average woman. He thought they’d gotten over this. Where was the woman who had just boldly ordered him to strip?
Pulling her in close, Ethan whispered reassurances against her temple. “Gwen, you are the perfect woman for me in every way. I love gripping your curves in my hands as I plunge inside you. Besides, you’re going to need the energy because your curves are so enticing, I plan to keep you up and occupied all night long.” Ethan placed a love bite on the side of her throat.
Her arms snaked around him, and he felt her lips gently brush his jaw. “Thank you.” Keeping his arms around her, he pulled back so that he could look into her eyes. After what she’d given him tonight, he needed to make sure she knew how he felt about her.
The trust in her gaze mesmerized him.
“I love you, Gwen.”
Shock reflected back at him, but as he watched, belief and acceptance slowly crept into her eyes.
“You do?”
“I love everything about you. The strength you exude with your business, the vulnerability you show only to me. Just being in your presence sets my wolf at ease, as if everything is right when you’re with me. I love you for everything you are, Gwen, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you in my arms.”
Tears pooled in her eyes, but a large smile curled her lips, reassuring him. “Oh Ethan! I love you, too! I never thought you’d love me back.”
“I’m so sorry for the things I said before. They were stupid and selfish and I didn’t mean a word of them. Even as I uttered them, I knew they were wrong.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. None of it matters.”
Holding Gwen at arm’s length, Ethan stared into her eyes.
“It does matter, Gwen.” He reached up and cupped her cheek. “I hurt you. That matters to me. I swear to you, you’ll never have a reason to doubt me again.”
“You’ve already made it up to me and more.”
“I’ll never stop.”
She started to say something, but Ethan cut her off, claiming her lips in a scorching kiss. He’d known Gwen loved him from the moment she’d sunk her teeth into his chest, claiming him as hers. The words hadn’t been necessary. Still, it was nice to hear them. It had been the last piece missing from their union, the last thing holding her back from him. Her mark was now forever on his chest, proof for all to see.
Dragging her to the bed, he pulled her down and placed a plate full of steaming seafood alfredo on her lap. She waited until he got situated before digging in, her enthusiasm for the meal making him smile. Everything about her made him smile. She caught him staring and gently set down her fork. But he was having none of that. Picking up her fork, he fed her a bite of his pasta. The next bite, he deliberately missed her mouth, leaving a large smudge of sauce at the corner. He leaned over and sucked the pasta off, moving his lips across hers and capturing her lower lip between his teeth.