Karma

by Barbara Huffert

  “I will. You just won’t know I’m nearby doing it. Frank shared that part of his army experience with me too. That’s part of why Wyatt asked if I wanted to work with him. He knew Frank taught me how to blend in and fade into the background of any environment. I suspect he wanted me doing something where he could keep his eye on me. I agreed because I liked the idea of seeing Wyatt in action. He really does have a legitimate security company. At times, I honestly just install whatever he system he tells me to. But on occasion, I do a little extra. Wyatt has ties with the government. Every now and then, I gather information for them. Frank too, once his time was up, although I wonder sometimes if he’s really out.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Nothing really. It’s just that he disappears with no explanation. I know I’m not supposed to ask where he goes since I doubt that he’d tell me anyway. Shelby avoids the rest of us while he’s gone too. If I drop by, she tries to hide it but she’s tense until he gets back. And when he does show up again, they’re inseparable for a few days.”

  “Why are you telling me this? I shouldn’t know this stuff.”

  “I’m telling you because I want you to know everything about me and those closest to me so you can decide if you want to stay with me. Even if you never want to speak to me again, I still trust you. You wouldn’t deliberately hurt my family. You don’t have it in you.”

  “How are you so sure?”

  “Instinct. It may not make any sense but my heart says you’re someone who will keep all of us safe if we need you to. Even if you won’t let me be part of your life, I don’t think Wyatt will let you shut him out. He’s too fascinated. He might even seek you out instead of waiting for you to come to him.”

  “He must be lonely.”

  “Honestly, I don’t know. He’s never bothered with people other than us. Not even back in school but I told you about that earlier. He seems to like when we include him but I can’t remember an occasion that he sought out one of us unless it was related to the project we were working on with him.”

  “I could be like that. Live in isolation.”

  “I’d rather have you live with me. Let me get this over with, okay?”

  “Jesse, you can wait until tomorrow if you’re tired. I’ll still be here.”

  “How much sleep would you get tonight, thinking that I’m a murderer? How long would you stay in bed after I fell asleep? How relaxed would you be when I wanted to hold you? How long will it take for the tension to build your migraine back to the level it was this morning if not something worse?”

  “Oh. Am I that easy to see through?”

  “Only to me and only because I know what the rest of your day was like.” When she didn’t comment, he continued, “I’ve spent a lot of time over the past two years collecting information on illegal guns and gangs. Who supplies them, where they come from initially, how they distribute them, what happens once a crime is committed with them.

  “A few months ago, I was on my way home. I stopped at a stop sign and I saw a young girl talking to an older man. She obviously knew him and there wasn’t anything unusual but something made me keep watching them. When they drove off together, I followed.” Jesse paused for a deep breath.

  “The man took her to a shabby house where another guy was waiting for them. By then, the girl was scared. I heard her tell the first one that she wanted to go home. She wanted to know where her dad was. It turned out the men worked with her dad and that’s how he convinced her to get in the car with him. I called Wyatt and told him what was going on. He did what he does and got me connected to all sorts of law enforcement agencies. When the first cops came, they brought one of the sniper rifles Frank taught me to use. The feds showed up with one of Wyatt’s sound-enhancing systems and we could hear what was going on inside. The men had the girl trapped in a room on the second floor. Both had guns. They planned on taking turns raping her before they killed her and dumped her body.”

  Jesse’s hands were clenched on the table in front of him. When Abby noticed, she reached out and folded hers over them. “There was a fed sniper on the way but he was twenty minutes out. Frank was fifteen. We held off as long as we could. The fed in charge decided that they were too unstable to attempt talking them out. He was sure they’d kill the girl before anyone could get to her. There was an empty lot next door so they couldn’t get close enough to use teargas without risking being noticed. I was up in a tree which was the only place where I would have a clean shot. I kept staring at the girl’s face. She was only ten.” She gripped his hands tighter. “When they started tearing her clothes, I got the go-ahead to shoot. It was either that or watch them rape her.”

  Abby got out of her chair and leaned over him, wrapping her arms tightly around him. “They were both grabbing at her. When the first guy moved so he was lined up with the second, I shot him. The bullet went right through his neck and into the other guy. I was hoping he would just be hurt enough to stop him and make him drop his gun, but I hit an artery. He bled to death before they got across the yard and into the house. When they fell, the girl was trapped beneath them.” Jesse was sobbing at the memory. “I didn’t have any choice, Abby. I killed them both.”

  She maneuvered herself in front of him, nudging the table out of her way with her bruised hip, not noticing the pain it must have caused. Clutching him to her, she whispered soothing things. “Shh, it’s okay. You did the only thing you could have done. You had to shoot, Jesse. You had to stop them. I understand now. You saved that girl. You protected her from something that would have taken her life, even if they didn’t kill her.”

  He finally gained control. It still hurt almost as much as it had that day. “Frank got there a few minutes later. He took the gun and turned it over to one of the feds. He told them he’d bring me in for debriefing in a few days and arranged for someone to get my car home. He stuffed me in his and took me to his house. I don’t really know how long we were there before he and Shelby put me back in the car. She was driving. Frank and I were in the back. I think I must have been in shock because the next thing I knew they were leading me through the woods to where we camped out when we were kids. They both had sleeping bags. When we reached their clearing, they zipped the bags together and we all crawled in, me in the middle. I was so cold. I kept seeing that girl’s face. First, while she was talking to the guy, then when he dragged her into the house, then when she realized what they were going to do to her, then when they ripped her shirt and when she was covered in their blood with them on top of her.”

  Jesse tightened his arms, pulling Abby to his lap. “If I had gotten out of my car at the stop sign, none of it would have happened.”

  “You don’t know that. He might have waited for another day and done it anyway. One when you weren’t there. Anyone else would have ignored them and kept going. Without your instincts, that little girl wouldn’t have made it.”

  “But I killed two men.”

  “Men who would have killed her.”

  “The first guy planned to kill the second one after he killed the girl. He already planted a suicide note on a counter downstairs. It explained how he was shooting himself because he was sorry for what he’d done to the girl.”

  “So without you, the first guy might have gotten away with it.”

  “Yeah, maybe. Frank and Shelby held me between them. Neither said a word until after it got dark. Then Frank started pointing out the stars to me, like he did when we were kids. Frank was always interested in that and could identify all the constellations. Eventually, he started talking about what happened. When I broke down, they both cried with me. When I talked, they let me. When I started having doubts, they reassured me. In the morning, they took me home and kept me there, never leaving me alone once I started to doze off. Every time I woke up, someone was with me, talking me down from the nightmares I had. The time Frank woke me he told me how I had to focus on the girl’s life and put the rest into perspective. He answered lots of hard questions that d
ay. There were many things I’d never let myself think about before, in terms of his life. And Shelby’s. I was even more amazed by the two of them than I had been. I stayed in their guestroom for a few days, until I was together enough to be alone. Frank refused to leave when I went in for my interview with the feds. Not one official seemed to care that I ended two lives.

  “Abby, even though I know what they were going to do to that girl and what kind of person that made the man who planned it, I still feel guilty. I know it was the last resort. There were no other options. I know I was the best chance that little girl had. I was kept out of all the hype but I agreed to meet her parents when they asked. They both held me and cried. They thanked me for being there and saving her.”

  “Every woman everywhere thanks you too, Jesse. It was different for me because I knew Earl. I knew exactly what he was going to do and how long it would take him to finish. But that girl was innocent and too young to know even if she did have some understanding of sex. I wish someone had been there to save me.”

  “Gods, I wasn’t thinking,” Jesse blurted. “I was so wrapped up in telling you what I’d done that I never considered how that part of it would make you feel.”

  “I’m okay. I understand why you had to tell me.”

  “I still have nightmares sometimes.”

  “Me too.”

  “You’re not horrified by me?”

  “No. Are you horrified by me?”

  “Absolutely not! I told Wyatt I couldn’t do that part of the job anymore. What happened didn’t have anything to do with the things I was snooping around in, but I still can’t do it. I’m just not as tough as Frank is. I’ve been thinking about getting a house near Jordan’s and opening a security supply store. I’d still install things for Wyatt from time to time but I’m done on the street. At least for the foreseeable future. Brett did some market analysis and he thinks I’d be able to make a decent living. Shane said if I move, he wants me to take over a few of his classes because the college approached him to teach self-defense there.

  “I’ve talked to Shane about the whole thing. He understands what I’m feeling. My family listens when I need them. You’re the only other person I’ve wanted to tell.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Will you stay with me tonight?”

  “Yes.”

  “Will you give us a chance?”

  “Only if you marry me like you said you were going to.”

  “Abby?”

  “Today has been so surreal. Not one bit of it makes an ounce of sense. But when I think about not being with you, I feel more lost than I ever have. You said we’re destined to be together. I believe you. So let’s be together.”

  “What about what I asked you earlier?”

  “I thought about it. Honestly yes, I want you with me when I have to confront Earl. But I want you with me before he finds me and after it’s over too. It just feels right. If we do this though, I’d like you to promise me something.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t want to tell anyone. Not until they get to see us together and know that I married you because you asked me to, not just so I would have someone to protect me. Jesse, it’s not that I don’t want them to know. I do. But I want them to give me a chance. That is, if you want me to meet them. Maybe I should have asked that first. I’m sorry.”

  “I’ll agree if I get to add a condition too.”

  “Fair enough. What is it?”

  “That you promise to try to stop apologizing unless you’ve done something that actually requires an apology. I understand it’s going to take time for you to get out of the habits that Earl expected from you.”

  “I’ll try but I don’t really know when I say it anymore. It’s so automatic. But I will try. I don’t remember how I used to act before him.”

  “All I ever want is for you to be yourself. Don’t change any part of you for my sake. Even if we disagree about something. I’d rather have an argument than have you think it’s better if I don’t know something. I’d rather work our way through a fight than have you hide things.”

  “Do you think we’ll fight?”

  “Don’t know. Like I said, as long as it’s not life-threatening, I’m easy to get along with. But I’ve never had a wife before. I might react differently with you.”

  “Oh my God,” Abby muttered as she pushed on her head.

  “You hurting more?”

  “A little.”

  “Maybe we should get some sleep and pick this up again in the morning. You must be exhausted. You might not even want to marry me in the morning.”

  “Or you might not want to marry me.”

  “I will.” Jesse stopped her from getting off his lap. “Abby, thanks for listening.”

  “Thanks for talking. I shouldn’t have judged you before I knew what happened. You took me by surprise when you said you killed people. I know you told me it was important and might change the way I feel but I never considered that.”

  “If I’m ever in a situation like that again, I don’t know if I’d do anything differently.”

  “I wouldn’t want you to. If that was still the only choice, I’d want you to save the child. I hope you never have to go through something like again but, if you do, I’ll have the same reaction.”

  “Abby.” He kissed her gently. “I can’t believe I found you. And that you can accept me.”

  “You’re willing to accept me even though I let someone take over my life, beat me, and convince me it was my fault and that I deserved it. Why wouldn’t I accept you for sensing danger and preventing something that would have been so much worse? You did something for all the right reasons. I let myself be manipulated and destroyed for all the wrong ones.”

  “But you got out. You may have let Earl control you but when it came to the point of you losing your life permanently, you chose to live.”

  “Not really. Trevor made the choice for me.”

  “But you listened to him. You still cared enough about something. You could have just given up entirely instead.”

  “I was ready to.”

  “I believe you. I hate it but I do believe you. I hope someday Earl meets someone who treats him even worse than he treated you.”

  “Gee, I was kind of hoping he’d meet up with someone like Lorena Bobbitt. He’s much too proud of a penis that is kind of puny and not very useful.”

  “Oh man, I wish he’d heard you say that.” Jesse chuckled. “I hope you never say that about me.”

  “Not a chance. I can already tell that yours is better.”

  “I’m afraid to ask but I will anyway. How can you tell?”

  “It’s very simple. Yours seems to like me. That’s more than I can say for his.”

  “Just goes to show that his penis has even less sense than the rest of him. Now let’s get some sleep before this conversation deteriorates any more than it already has.”

  “Okay. I think I’ll take some Excedrin first.” She retrieved it from the dresser as he put their plates in the hall. “Jesse, what are the socks for?”

  “Holly used to tie one around her head when she thought she could sleep. She said it held everything in and kept it from exploding.”

  “Hmm. Will you laugh at me if I give it a try?”

  “No. Want me to show you how she put it on? I’d be happy to rub your neck more first.”

  “No, thanks. I’d rather have you hold me. Would that be okay?”

  “You really think you need to ask? I thought that was a given.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to think that you have to.” Abby frowned. “Oh no. I just apologized again.”

  “Shush. I didn’t mean for you to become self-conscious. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

  “Yes, you should have. If I’m not supposed to hide things from you and am supposed to react naturally then you should too. I may not remember how to act but you do. I don’t want you to change you either.”

  “Deal.” Jesse snagged a soc
k and tied it around her head. “I think that’s how Holly used to do it. How’s that feel?”

  “Really good. And it’s so easy.”

  “Hop in and I’ll get the lights. Unless you want me to leave one on.”

  “I think I’ll be okay. I know I’m with you now.”

  “That you are. Comfy?” He had her wrapped in his arms.

  “Almost. Can I kiss you good night?”

  “As long as you keep it to a kiss. I don’t think I could stop us after what I discovered this afternoon.”

  “I wouldn’t stop us either so we’ll have to behave and keep it innocent.”

  A few minutes later, Jesse groaned. “I don’t think it’s possible to behave with you half-naked, pressed up next to my chest.”

  “I love the way you feel.”

  “Just wait until we get married. Then you can really see how I feel.”

  “Now who’s being a tease? Are you going to make me wait?”

  He thought for a long time. “Yeah, I think so.”

  “Then we better do this tomorrow or we’re going to find out how persistent I can be.”

  “Want to go to Vegas tonight?”

  “Yes, but we won’t. We’ll wait until tomorrow and make sure this still feels right to both of us. Even though we both know it will. You really gonna let me play with you like I said I wanted to?”

  “You’re torturing me. And yes, my body will be at your disposal. As long as I get unlimited access to yours in return.”

  “I’m looking forward to it.”

  “Not any more than I am.” Jesse forced himself to stay awake until he was sure Abby was sleeping. He didn’t want her feel alone and was afraid she might if he went to sleep first. His last thought was how good it was to have her in his arms.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Abby,” Jesse spoke up to avoid startling her as she stood in front of her open suitcase, crying. “Please tell me what’s wrong.” He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her.

  She turned into his embrace. “I can’t marry you. These things all came from Earl. If I wear any of this, it’ll feel like he’s here.”