Drunk in Love

by Anthology

  www.kristenluciani.com

  kristen@kristenluciani.com

  ENTICE

  A.D. Justice

  1

  THE CONFESSION

  Justin

  I have a confession to make.

  I’m not entirely proud of what I’m about to do. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and I’m the most desperate motherfucker who ever lived. What have I planned that’s so terrible, so awful it would earn me such a title? I’ll be glad to share.

  I’m going to trick Lily Sharp into marrying me.

  How? It’s very simple. Our friends are getting married—both voluntarily—and Lily and I are their maid of honor and best man. I have one week to execute my plan with precision so she legally enters into a binding marital union with me.

  Of course, we’ll need to consummate the marriage to fully establish it in the eyes of the law. But I don’t foresee a problem with that. My charm, wit, good looks, and copious amounts of alcohol at a wedding reception will ensure the success of my plan.

  Wish me luck.

  2

  STEP 1: THE WEDDING RINGS

  Technically, step one should be the proposal, but this is the unorthodox method to getting married, so I’m starting with the rings. They’re every bit as important as anything else. The whole “with this ring, I thee wed” part can’t be done without the rings.

  Typically, the maid of honor has a long list of responsibilities to handle for the bride, especially immediately prior to the wedding. To pull off my plan, I’ve volunteered to help my buddy, Scott, with his part. Scott’s fiancée, Deanna, is best friends with Lily, so helping the happy couple is a logical reason for us to work together.

  Lily and I have had a tumultuous relationship. I’ve been in love with her for as long as I can remember—and she’s tried to resist admitting she loves me at every turn. So, in a roundabout way, this whole deception scheme is her fault. Had she not pushed me to extremes, we wouldn’t be at the jewelry store right now picking out our wedding rings while I make her think we’re only here for Scott and Deanna.

  “I thought they already had their rings.” Lily’s furrowed brow and crinkled eyes match the confused tone in her voice.

  “They picked them out but needed them sized. We’re just picking them up. Which set do you think they chose?” I point to the matching bride and groom rings in the showcase, and she leans over, studying them carefully.

  “Deanna’s taste is the opposite of mine. I would’ve picked the set at the very top, but knowing her, she probably chose the set on the very bottom.” She scrunches her face in disgust and laughs. “They’ll be married with the ugliest bands available to mankind.”

  “Here you go,” Marlene, the shop owner, emerges from the back with the newly sized rings in hand. “Tell them I said congratulations.”

  Lily and I walk out to my car, and I open the door for her. She slides in, and I hand her the bag with the rings. “I left my sunglasses in there. I’ll be right back.”

  The bell over the door chimes as I enter, and Marlene holds up my shades. “Forget something, Justin?”

  “Sure did. And I need that set of rings,” I say and point to the ones Lily liked. “Can you have them sized to a six for hers and an eleven for mine by this Friday?”

  “You got it, lover boy.” Marlene takes my money, and I leave the shop, feeling confident because step one of my plan went so smoothly.

  3

  STEP 2: THE MARRIAGE LICENSE

  “Ready to go?” I ask when she answers the door.

  “You’re sure into your best man duties. I’m surprised you’re up so early.”

  “We have a full day—lots to do. Can’t let my friend down.”

  “All right.” She doesn’t sound convinced. “Let’s get this over with, then. What’s on your list today?”

  “Pick up the marriage license, final fitting on my tux, confirm the flowers, pick up Scott’s tux, and get the disposable cameras for the reception candid shots. Yours?”

  “Several are the same, with the addition of picking up her negligees from Serena’s Siren Song shop. She said everything is ready to go, I just need to run in Serena’s and pick it up for her.”

  “Perfect. You have to go with me because I can’t be seen doing some of this shit alone.”

  Lily laughs, the first genuine one I’ve heard from her in a while. “God forbid you’re seen at the florist. That’d be the talk of the town.”

  “You making fun of me, Sharp?” I miss teasing her, in so many ways.

  “Oh, never, Justin. Never.”

  We have been in love for a long time. I’ve asked her to marry me repeatedly—but she’s obviously turned me down every time. Her brother Ace and I are best friends and work together, but that’s not why she resists me. Last week, I caught wind of another man who’s after my Lily. He asked her out, but she turned him down. What if she doesn’t turn him down next time? I can’t take that chance.

  Now, before you go getting all offended by my plan, just hear me out. If you don’t agree with me by the end of my explanation and story…you can read it again until you do.

  “You’re acting weird. What’s on your mind?”

  “Just everything I still have to accomplish. Time isn’t on my side.” My smile must be sincere enough to convince her since she willingly gets into my car.

  We go to the courthouse first. In this small town, there’s no mad rush on marriage licenses, but there’s no sense in taking the chance they’ll run out or anything.

  “So, you’re just picking it up, right? No need for me to come in? I’m helping wordsmith Deanna’s vows, so I thought I’d work on them while you’re inside.”

  The vows. Shit. We’ll need those too.

  “Sure, no problem.” My reply is casual, but the wheels in my head are turning. Once inside, I tell the clerk what I need and ask for help.

  “My girlfriend and I are getting married in a few days. Does she have to be here to get a marriage license, or can I get it for both of us?”

  “Yes, she has to be here in person. I need to see her driver’s license. You can fill these papers out and bring her back by later.”

  Perfect.

  I complete the paperwork since I know every detail about her. When I’ve finished both pages and shown my license, I call Lily on her cell. “Hey, babe, I need you to come up here and bring your driver’s license. It’s required to pick up the marriage license.”

  “They can’t just use yours?” She sounds more irritated with being interrupted than suspicious over my weak-ass story.

  “Afraid not. Rules are rules. Hurry up here, sign your name, show your license, and we’re ready to go.”

  “Fine.”

  Three minutes later, she slaps her ID on the counter, scribbles her name on the line I point out, and the clerk verifies her name and age. “Okay, you’re all set. You must be excited.”

  “Yeah, we are. Just very busy this week,” Lily replies, distracted by the vows she’s still working on. “The word I’m looking for to complete the vows has eluded me, and it’s making me crazy.”

  “I’m sure it’ll be a beautiful ceremony, regardless. Love is the most important part of it all anyway.”

  “You’re right.” Lily smiles at her. “It’ll come to me when I’m not stressing over it.” She turns to me, her smile covering her beautiful face, and grabs my hand. “Let’s go, Justin. We still have a lot to do before the big day.”

  Yes, we do, my love. Thankfully, you just signed our marriage license, so I can check that one off my list.

  4

  STEP 3: THE DRESS

  I may be crazy, but I’m no fool. The flowers are important. The cake must be just right. The stars must be in perfect alignment so there’s no PMS, that-time-of-the-month acne, and no bloating. Check, check, check, check.

  But the most important part is the dress. It has to be more than she ever dreamed it could be. While it has to look magical on the hanger, the reflect
ion in the mirror must confirm that dress was only made for that bride.

  It just so happens the shop where I’m being fitted for my tux has a great selection of beautiful gowns. Now to get her to try them on and pick one she can’t get married without. How I’ll convince her to wear it to our surprise wedding remains to be seen.

  “Come on,” I insist when I turn off the engine. “You have to help me with my tie.”

  “You really need to learn to do that on your own.” She rolls her eyes at me but joins me regardless.

  “Justin, you were supposed to be here ten minutes ago,” Agaitha chides me. “Get back there and get your tux on. Let’s see what adjustments need to be made.” As I walk away, she turns to Lily and continues. “You are as pretty as the day is long. Why don’t you try on some of these new dresses we just got in? I need a model so I can put some pictures up and entice people into buying them.”

  I stop in my tracks and wait just out of sight so I can hear her reply.

  “Oh, I don’t know, Agaitha. Seems like a waste of a perfectly good dress for me to try it on.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that.”

  Thank God for Agaitha’s tenacity. “Dressing room is back there. Take these and try them on. I’ll get my camera.”

  The rustle of fabric alerts me to Lily’s closeness, so I rush into the changing room and pull the curtain shut. Lily uses the one next to me; I take my time changing so I can see the one she tries on first. It’ll be her favorite.

  When the other stall becomes quiet, I know she’s dressed and staring in the mirror. “Lily,” I call to her, stepping out of my changing room. “I need help with this damn tie.”

  “Okay.”

  She pulls the curtain back, and my jaw drops to the floor. She couldn’t have chosen a more perfect dress than the formfitting, strapless masterpiece that hugs her luscious body right now.

  “Wow. You look absolutely stunning. Are you wearing that to the rehearsal, when we stand in for Scott and Deanna?” My suggestion has merit if the hopeful expression on her face means anything.

  “You don’t think it’s too much for the rehearsal?”

  “Not since they’re having a formal dinner, photos, and a full rehearsal with us standing in for them when it comes time to do the vows and stuff.” I’m laying it on thick. She needs that dress. “Plus, the day of the wedding, you’ll be in that hideous bridesmaid dress she picked out. Don’t you want some pictures in a decent gown?”

  “You’re right. This one is perfect. I love it.” She moves in front of me and fixes my tie. More than the dress affects her—being this close to me also does. The intimacy of tying my tie. The closeness of our faces. The feelings for me she tries to deny and repress become evident.

  “You’re so beautiful. The bride will be jealous that she doesn’t look half as good as you do.”

  Pink tinges her cheeks, and her eyes fall to my mouth. I silently will her to reach up and kiss me, like she knows she wants to do.

  “Ah, you are a vision, Lily!”

  Damn you, Agaitha! Thirty more seconds and that kiss would’ve been mine.

  “I’ll take this one. I love everything about it.”

  Agaitha snaps a few pictures and still makes Lily try on the others while she checks my final fit. The other dresses are very nice—but there’s something to the school of thought that says one dress was made for one woman.

  5

  STEP 4: THE CAKE

  How hard can picking out a cake be, you may ask.

  Too fucking hard.

  Here I’d thought I was on a winning spree with everything going my way. Until the fucking cake-testing fiasco. In my defense, it wasn’t my fault, and I had no idea everything would play out the way it did.

  We walked into the only bakery in our small town, and I expected to see Sheila come out of the kitchen to greet us. No such luck. Not for the man trying to trick the love of his life into marrying him. No. Fate couldn’t just lend a hand and fucking help me out.

  It had to be Shannon Molly. She was Lily’s best friend in high school, and they even went to college together. But they had a huge falling-out after they moved back here. Over me. Also not my fault—I had no idea they were so close, or so into me when I started seeing them both. Before you start calling me names, it only took a couple of dates with Lily to know she was the one for me.

  Explaining it that way to Shannon probably wasn’t the best idea. She blamed Lily for everything, and they’ve barely spoken since. Imagine my surprise when I realized Shannon would be the one helping us choose our wedding cake.

  “Well, look who the cat dragged in.” Her displeasure with seeing us was obvious in her expression, tone, and body language. Especially the snarl on her face, like she’d caught a whiff of something terrible. It made me want to sniff myself to double-check my deodorant was still working.

  “We’re here for the cake testing for Scott and Deanna. Sheila’s expecting us,” Lily answered while perusing the cases, ignoring the sour expression on Shannon’s face.

  “She’s busy. I can help you. I know which flavors they’re interested in. Just a minute while I get the sample cakes.”

  Something in her all-too-willing-to-help demeanor should have been a red-flag warning. But I ignored it. Last time I make that stupid mistake.

  “Here we go,” Shannon called when she rejoined us. “We can use this table over here.” She set the cake boxes on the table with several small plates and forks. She opened the first box and began explaining the flavor. “This one is the traditional almond-flavored wedding cake.” She cut a piece of it and slid it onto Lily’s plate.

  “What the hell is this?” Lily challenged, her tone surprised but stern.

  “It’s cake. We have several students learning to bake cakes and decorate them. No sense in wasting a perfectly good cake on a tasting.”

  The “cake” was supposed to be a palm tree, I know that now. But while Shannon was shoving it in Lily’s face, it looked nothing like a palm tree. The palm fronds were green, so I suppose that fit. The top of the tree was furry and bulbous. The trunk of the tree tapered down into an odd point.

  It was basically a penis cake with green palm fronds coming out from above the hairy balls. And Shannon cut a big slice of hairy balls for Lily before giving me what appeared to be the head of the dick. The smirk on her face said more than her words ever could.

  Not to be outdone by Shannon, Lily picked the balls up with her fingers and put them both in her mouth. The groans and moans she made while chewing had nothing to do with the taste of the cake. Even knowing she only did it for Shannon’s benefit didn’t stop my libido from kicking in at the wrong moment. There was no way in hell I could make myself eat one slice of that cock and balls cake.

  Undaunted, Shannon opened the next box. It was taller and slimmer than the cock and balls box, but the contents were no less shocking.

  “This one is the standard butter cake with a special whipped chocolate icing. Try it and let me know which one you’d prefer.” Shannon sliced off a hefty chunk of the shit emoji-shaped cake, complete with eyes and big, goofy grin. The only difference was the shit emoji is uniform on both sides, while that pile of shit cake was lumpy and lopsided as hell. “I’d recommend this one for the groom’s cake and stick to the more traditional flavor for the main cake.”

  “Thanks. We’ll take the butter cake for the main cake,” Lily replied after tasting the lumpy shit cake.

  “You don’t want to wait and try the white cake?” Shannon tsked at her, as if Lily had made the worst faux pas of cake testing.

  “No. White cake is so boring. That’s what women with no taste or creativity choose.” Lily met Shannon’s angry stare head on, and I knew there was another story behind her targeted dig at white cake.

  When Shannon left to put the cakes away, I cut my gaze to Lily. “What was that about?”

  “The white cake comment?”

  “Yeah. Spill it.”

  “She’d planned a w
hite cake for her wedding to you.”

  I nearly choked on my piece of shit cake.

  Apparently, the whole unpleasantness of the encounter brought back bad memories. Lily didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day.

  I dropped her off at her place, feeling unsure of how successful our wedding will be if she refuses to speak to me. My final thought before drifting off to sleep is how that could complicate things.

  6

  STEP 5: THE REHEARSAL

  Tonight’s the big night. It’s finally here. In the short time between the cake-testing fiasco and the rehearsal, I’ve done more good deeds than in all my years combined to try to build up extra points. Don’t laugh—it can’t hurt to have some good karma floating around me while I plot to secretly marry the love of my life.

  Maybe I should explain a little better why the deception is necessary. Hopefully, when the full story is out there, the stars will once again align in my favor from all the positive vibes and well-wishes. I’ll make it brief.

  I fucked up.

  No, I didn’t cheat on her, so get that out of your head. But I wasn’t the man I should’ve been. I wasn’t what she needed me to be. Like I said, her brother is my best friend and my business partner. In the beginning, I’m the one who put that relationship ahead of my feelings for her. I’ve tried to make up for it many times, but she always finds an excuse to withdraw from me.

  I love her. And I’ve told her many times and shown her in many ways. The lover-boy wannabe who asked her out isn’t a real threat to me. The problem is she won’t give me a real chance to love her. So, I have to show her how much she means to me in more creative and innovative ways. Nothing says “I love you” like arranging a secret marriage and springing it on your newlywed spouse after it’s too late to change anything.