Too Late... I Love You

by Archer, Kiki

  “Non capisco.” Maddalena continued her descent. “You make me some supper.”

  ****

  “Mummy!” squealed Noah, racing into the house and jumping into her outstretched arms.

  “Hello big man, I missed you! Have you had a nice time?”

  Noah shook his head. “No.”

  “Yes we did,” said Karl, shutting the front door and following him in. “We went to the zoo and the park, and last night we stayed up late to watch The Turtles.”

  “Grandma not like Turtles.”

  Karl leaned in and whispered into his son’s ear. “Next time we’ll make sure Grandma’s not there.”

  “Yay! Turtles!”

  Connie laughed. “Thank you. It’s nice to see you boys getting along.”

  “It’s been lovely. Let me change him and pop him into bed for you.”

  Connie smiled. “Why didn’t we do this years ago?”

  “We were living a lie. You know that better than I do.” He took Noah out of her arms. “Put the kettle on. I’ll stay for a chat.”

  ****

  From her low down position on the wooden bench, Maddalena reached up to the farmhouse style table and dipped her focaccia bread into the olive oil. “So Connie like racy racy then?” she asked.

  Maria swallowed quickly. “What?”

  “Fifty Shades?”

  “No, she just texted something funny about the author.”

  “That woman not care what people say. She got millions.”

  “Connie’s written a book. She was joking that hers might be as popular.”

  “Good! Everybody like racy racy. You read it? What’s it about?”

  Maria placed her bread on the table, moving her plate out of the way. “Oh, Aunt Maddalena, I think it’s all about me.”

  ****

  Connie smiled as Karl crept down the stairs. “Noah the turtle who closes his eyes at bedtime to strengthen his super powers?” She handed over the mug of tea. “Nice story. You’ve got hidden talents, Karl.”

  “And what have you got hidden, Connie?”

  Connie frowned.

  “In the kitchen.”

  “What?”

  “Get in the kitchen.”

  “I need to check him first.”

  The voice was raised. “Get. In. The. Kitchen.”

  Connie followed him quickly, not wanting to wake her sleeping son. “What?” she asked, closing the door as Karl took a seat at the table.

  “It finally all makes sense. The perfect little virgin. Every man’s dream.” He looked up at her with loathing. “Saving yourself for someone special then blaming your son for your lack of sex drive.”

  “What are you talking about? What’s happened? You came in so nicely. You’ve been so great with Noah.”

  “Don’t turn this round on me. He’s my son. I’ll always be civil.”

  “But only when he’s around?”

  “You’re a lesbian. What do you expect?”

  “What?”

  “Don’t deny it, Connie. Louise has told me everything.”

  “Louise from work who’s actually a lesbian herself?”

  Karl stood up from his seat. “Louise isn’t a lesbian.” He smiled. “Trust me. I can vouch for that”

  “Oh Karl, you’re such a cock. Louise is a lesbian and she’s clearly been spouting rubbish about me because I’m friends with the woman she wanted.”

  “Oh bollocks, Connie. You can’t talk your way out of this one. I spoke to that old lady at the coffee shop. Your girlfriend’s aunty. She told me the truth.”

  “Maddalena?”

  “You took my son to Brighton with your lesbian lover. You’ve spent this whole weekend alone with your lesbian lover.”

  “She’s not my lesbian lover.”

  “Isn’t she? Isn’t that why you never fucked a man before me? Why you waited for the right person? But you didn’t realise that person was a woman so you settled for me instead?” He paused. “Or maybe you knew it all along? Maybe you just used me to get pregnant?”

  “Stop it, Karl.”

  “Why? I’m not wrong.”

  “Yes you are.”

  “So there’s nothing between you and this Maria?”

  Connie looked down at her feet. “We’re friends.”

  “Oh god, it’s true. You’ve been fucking her haven’t you? That woman you were slagging me off to? That brunette at Bounce-a-rama? That’s Maria.”

  “No, I…”

  “She’s so out of your league.”

  “No she’s not.”

  Karl shook his head, turning his back on the kitchen. “What a fucking waste of four fucking years.”

  ****

  Connie typed quickly. Karl knows. Is there any chance I can call you?

  This time the reply was instantaneous.

  I’ll be round in an hour.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Connie heard the gentle tapping and opened the door, greeting Maria with a huge silent hug. “Thank you for coming,” she whispered, deliberately brushing her cheek against Maria’s neck as she inhaled the soft scent of her perfume. “How’s Alice?” she asked, noticing Maria’s hesitant gaze over her shoulder and up the stairs. “It’s fine. He’s out for the count. Karl settled him nicely.”

  “Karl’s still here?”

  “No. Relax, it’s fine.” She closed the door and took hold of Maria’s hand, leading them both towards the sofa. “He dropped Noah back earlier and everything was going really well. He was polite and chatty. Crikey, he even put Noah to bed.” She paused. “But then all hell broke loose.”

  “Are you okay?”

  Connie smiled. “I am now. Sit down. I’ve poured us some wine.”

  “I’ve got the car and Maddalena’s with Alice so I can’t be long.” She glanced around. “Wouldn’t we be better off talking in the kitchen?”

  “It’s only one glass, and no, we can snuggle up here.” She patted the sofa, lifting her own glass from the coffee table. “As long as you don’t make those erotic howling noises from last night.”

  “Connie.”

  “What?”

  Maria left the wine where it was and perched down on the edge of the cushions. “I should have replied to your texts.”

  “It’s fine. I know what it’s like when you’re distracted by children.”

  “It’s not that.”

  “What’s wrong?” She looked at Maria but couldn’t catch her eye. “Is Alice okay?”

  “I’m fine. Alice is fine.”

  Connie waited patiently, studying Maria’s beautiful profile, hoping for a tilt of the head or a flicker of a smile, but when they failed to come she moved closer and reached out for her thigh. “Talk to me.”

  “Don’t.”

  “Don’t what?”

  Maria crossed her legs, sending the hand back to its owner.

  “What? What’s going on?”

  The brown eyes were suddenly present. “We need to talk.”

  “You’re joking? Please tell me you’re joking?” Connie threw herself backwards, plunging her head into the cushions. “You’re joking.” She peeped back up. “Aren’t you?”

  The layers of brown hair shook slowly.

  “What are you doing?” Connie watched as Maria removed herself from the sofa. “Why are you standing up? Sit down, talk to me.”

  “I can’t.”

  “You have to,” she said, jumping up to hold her tightly around the waist. “Don’t try and wiggle away from me. This time yesterday we were having the time of our lives, eating, drinking, mingling with Bobby Davro.” Connie felt the slightest shudder of laughter and continued. “We were! It was great! And he definitely looked at me.”

  Maria finally smiled. “Because you kept staring.”

  “This is better. I didn’t. He was checking me out. Come on, sit down. Whatever this is we can sort it.”

  “We can’t.”

  “Maria, I’ve spent my whole life looking for something, for anything,
that made sense.” She dared to release one hand so she could reach up and stroke the soft cheek. “When I’m with you everything makes sense. This morning was the most special morning ever.”

  Maria shook her head. “Please.”

  “Please what? I’m not letting you brush me aside because of something I’ve done. Whatever it is I can change. I’m a fast learner.”

  The brown eyes came to life properly for the first time that evening. “Oh Connie, you’ve not done anything wrong. It’s me. I’m the one with the issues.”

  “No problem. Hit me with them. I’m sure I’ve handled worse shit before.”

  Maria laughed. “Stop making this difficult.”

  “Making what difficult? You’ve not come here to dump me, have you? One date in and I’m getting the boot?”

  “No, it’s…”

  “Oh my goodness, you have. You are.”

  “No, I’m…” Maria shook her head. “We should sit down.”

  Connie did as instructed, waiting on the cushions with wide eyes. Nodding as Maria finally took her place next to her. “This is nice.”

  “No it’s not. You need to stop being so bouncy.”

  “I’m just being me.”

  Maria turned towards Connie. “Maybe I’m not being me.” She sighed. “I haven’t been honest.”

  “You faked it, didn’t you? The sex, the orgasms. I was crap.”

  Maria shivered. “No way, you were...”

  “Really?”

  The stare was intense. “You know what I felt. You know how hard I...”

  “So what is this? Everything seemed great until Ryan’s.”

  Maria took a deep breath. “I lied to you. Can you remember when I told you about my past relationships? I blamed the other women for not wanting to commit.” She shrugged. “It wasn’t them. It was me. I get scared whenever anything gets serious.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “It’s true, and you were so open with Ryan. You were talking like you wanted the world to know. I heard you.”

  “So?”

  “And then you messaged me telling me Karl knows.”

  “He suspects.”

  “You didn’t confirm it?”

  “Not directly, but he’ll find out eventually. I don’t want to lie, Maria. Meeting you has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I know it sounds strange but I have to think of you as if you were male. Karl will just have to get over it. People will see I’ve moved on. I’m not going to stay single forever, and the fact you’re a woman should play no part in it.”

  “That’s easy to say, but people won’t get it.”

  “So all your chatter to Earth Mother and Crusty? That was rubbish too, was it? I don’t believe you, Maria. There’s something else. What is it?”

  “There isn’t.”

  “So what do you want?”

  “I don’t want this.”

  Connie stood up, shaking her head. “What? You spend however long wooing me and coaxing me into bed, then you end it the minute we’ve fucked?”

  “It’s not like that. I’m just not ready.”

  “Since when?”

  “Since now. I’m sorry, Connie, but the thoughts in my head couldn’t be clearer. We rushed into this. You’ve barely been separated a week.”

  Connie talked down to the sofa. “People have affairs. Time scale means nothing when you meet the right person.”

  “You’re not my right person.”

  “Since when?”

  Maria stood up. “Since now.”

  “Oh god, I’ve never heard so much crap in all my life. What happened to the jigsaw? What happened to seeing where this went? So what? I told Ryan. So what? I didn’t deny it to Karl. I’ll calm it down on both counts if that’s what you want.”

  “No.”

  “What then?” Connie ran her fingers though her hair, exasperated by the confusion.

  “You’re younger than me. You’ve not figured out who you really are.”

  Connie took hold of Maria’s waist once more. “I want to be the person I am when I’m with you.”

  “Oh Connie.”

  “What?”

  “I need to go.”

  “Don’t you dare, you’ve only just got here.”

  “We’ll keep going round in circles.”

  “Circles? I’m on a zig-zag. Look at me, Maria. I’ve no clue what’s going on.”

  Maria broke away. “This is just too much too soon. We need to step away from each other so we can figure out what we both truly want.”

  Connie shook her head. “Too late… I love you.”

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  “She just kissed me and left.”

  “What do you mean she just kissed you and left?”

  Connie shrugged. “Exactly that. She just kissed me and left.”

  “What a total bitch! You tell her you love her and she walks away?”

  “It wasn’t like that, Ryan.”

  “You feel sorry for her, don’t you? You’re dumped yet somehow you’re the one left feeling guilty.”

  Connie sat unmoving on the plastic chair and stared around at play stations bustling with young children eager to explore life and have fun, but still she was left feeling empty. Usually the vision of little people completing their first paintings or clambering up the apparatus to the triumphant pinnacle of the small slide brought smiles and warmth to her being, but today she knew she was lifeless. “I must have done something wrong,” she managed to say.

  “Like what? Her behaviour’s inexcusable.”

  “She got upset.”

  “When she kissed you? Yeah right, crocodile tears for her final goodbye. And you need to stop looking at the door. She’s not replying to your texts or calls so she’s hardly going to rock up at playgroup.” He shook his head. “You’ve been played, darling.”

  She spoke slowly. “So have you.”

  “I didn’t fuck her!”

  “No, but you thought she was perfect, and shush, there are children about.”

  “Top Dog and her gang spout worse shit than that, and I’m angry; I’ve got every right to vent.”

  “Not in the community centre, you haven’t,” said Connie, drawn back into her surroundings.

  “It’s where you first met her. It’s the perfect place to kick off. Get angry, she used you. She made you look like a fool.”

  “There’s something more, there has to be.”

  “Connie dearest, she couldn’t have been clearer. It’s over. She’s ended it.”

  “What if she just needs time?”

  “For what? She was the one driving this thing. She clearly had one destination in mind and when she arrived she saw the sights and drove home.” He shook his head. “Maybe if you’d bought all that kit from Ann Summers like I told you to she’d still be there, appreciating the view.”

  Connie hushed her voice. “The sex was amazing.”

  “Yes for you, a woman who’s only slept with two people. She’s clearly a player. She’ll have high standards and expectations. You had to set yourself apart.”

  “Stop making me feel worse. Honestly, Ryan, you’re not helping.”

  “The truth and tough love are always best in the long run. It’s been three days and you’ve heard nothing. How many texts have you sent her?”

  Connie hid her face behind her hair. “Maybe five.”

  “And calls?”

  “Maybe the same.” She spun back around. “But I’ve not left any warbling voicemails. I’ve just checked in, asked if she was okay and said I’m here for her whenever she needs me.”

  “Don’t do that. You’ll become her booty call.”

  “I love her, Ryan. I’d take anything.”

  “Oh darling, you don’t! You can’t. It’s too soon, and she’s clearly a player.”

  “Stop saying clearly. Nothing’s clear. All I know is how I feel, and I feel lost without her.”

  “You should be angry.”

  “I’m
not angry, I’m hurting.”

  Ryan nodded. “Well get ready for more pain. Phoebe and exorcist girl have just arrived.”

  Connie looked to the entrance at Tabitha who was bucking against the straps of her pushchair because Phoebe hadn’t let her run free. “Do you think she’s heard from Maria? They exchanged numbers last week. Maybe she knows something.”

  “Maria might be a sex-crazed player bitch, but she’d never choose that nut job over you. Hi there,” he said, suddenly changing his pitch. “Good to see you again. How’s things?”

  Phoebe brought the pushchair and thrashing feet to a halt in front of their seats. “Tabitha, stop kicking.”

  Both Connie and Ryan eased their legs back out of striking distance. “Isn’t she playing?” asked Connie, squeaking in pain as a toe managed to make contact.

  “Tabitha, will you just sit still! I should have left her in the car really but she’d no doubt find her way out and start causing havoc on the street.”

  Connie frowned. “You’re not staying?”

  “No, but I had to pop in. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You helped me with Tabitha. You got me back in touch with a good friend. Through you I saw the light. Alice is a wonderful little girl and I should never have been so judgemental. Anyway, four years on and we’ve patched things up. Life couldn’t be better.”

  Connie straightened her back. “You’ve seen her?”

  “Who?”

  “Maria.”

  “Oh yes. She called me on Sunday. We did Dizzy Kids on Monday, the park yesterday and we’re off to Sealife today, but I was passing through and thought I’d pop in. You really were so kind to me. Without you guys I’d never have reconnected with such a wonderful woman.”

  Connie yelped out in pain as a small foot made contact with her shin.

  “Tabitha! Right, I’d better be off.” She drew the pushchair back. “I’m in charge of the picnic and you know how fussy Maria is with her food. Only the best from the M&S express. I want to get there before the shelves clear.”