by Archer, Kiki
“Exactly, I can’t remember all the details because all I could think of was you. Standing there, looking so sweet and innocent, yet intriguingly alluring.”
“I’m not alluring.”
“You are. You were. That’s why I fell for you. I wanted you from day one.”
“Then you had me and dumped me.”
“No.”
“What then?”
Maria reached out and took hold of Connie’s hands. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. I want everything with you. I want the dream. I want the house, the home, the children at the same school.”
“The private one? As if I could afford that.”
“I don’t care. I can. I want it. I want us. I want you. I want Noah. I want the dream. I love you, Connie Parker.”
Connie felt the emotion swelling in her chest. “You can’t do this to me.”
“I know, I’m so sorry, but there’s a reason.”
“What reason?”
Maria wiped a small tear from her own cheek. “I need to know that you want me. I need to know that you’re sure.”
Connie leaned towards Maria and kissed her on the lips. “I’m sure,” she said, overcome with affection, not caring what Maria had to say, not wanting to hear the full story, just content she was there, open and honest with the truth.
Maria moaned in satisfaction, an eruption of longing overtaking her, forcing Connie back into the cushions as she straddled her, kissing her deeply, unable to stop her hands from stealing under the t-shirt, frantically making up for lost time.
The bang of the door and shrill voice echoed through the lounge. “You didn’t secure the lid on his beaker! He’s covered in juice! We had to turn back.”
Connie pushed Maria off her, wiping her mouth and trying to jump up, but it was too late. The scream was ear-splitting. “Get him out, get him out, get him out!” Evelyn was fanning Noah back out of the door. “She’s with a woman!”
Karl looked towards the sofa. “Oh Connie, you lied!”
“You knew about this?” yelled Evelyn. “That’s why you split up!?”
“Stop shouting, Mum, you’re scaring him.” Karl picked up his son. “I’ll change you in the car, mate.”
“Mummy!” cried Noah, throwing his hands out over Karl’s shoulder.
“You’ve lost him now,” shouted Evelyn. “I’ll make sure he files for custody. I’m not having a homosexual raising my grandson!”
Connie ran past the venomous accusations, chasing Karl out of the house. “Wait!” she shouted. “I didn’t lie. I…” Her attention was snapped away by the roar of the motorcycle. “Karl! There’s a bike! Don’t cross!”
Karl paused on the pavement. “I hear it, Connie. Go back inside.”
Connie raced towards the edge of the road and rows of parked cars, stopping next to the van where Karl was currently shielding her son. “Please Karl, let me explain.”
Karl waited for the motorcycle to pass. “No,” he said, stepping out onto the road.
Connie couldn’t remember what she saw first. Was it the wheels of the second motorcycle? Or the sight of her son, thrown from the arms, sent crashing into the windshield of the parked car on the left?
Chapter Thirty-Eight
The hospital room was light and airy, but the horrible feeling in the pit of Connie’s stomach was one of total anguish and sorrow. The doctors had said Noah was fine: a couple of cuts and bruises but nothing that needed more than a dressing. Still, it was her fault. She had chased them out. She had forced Karl into the road. Her actions had sent him straight into the path of the motorcycle. She was the one responsible for the vision in front of her.
“He’s just sleeping.” Maria spoke softly from the chair next to Connie’s. “I know what you’re thinking, but he’s fine.”
Connie looked at the huge hospital bed and her little boy tucked under the covers. “He’s here because of me, because of us.”
“No, he’s here so the doctors can keep an eye on him while he naps. They said he’d probably be home later today. And the same goes for Karl. Please, Connie, don’t blame yourself.”
“So who do I blame? Evelyn for threatening the custody card? Karl for bringing him back? You for kissing me on the sofa?”
“You’re answering your own question. A change in any of those things might have stopped it from happening. But it was just an unfortunate chain of events where no one person’s to blame.”
“How come I feel so guilty?”
“Because you’re his mother.” Maria smiled and rubbed Connie’s back. “He’s fine. Karl’s fine. That ghastly ex mother-in-law might never be fine though.”
Connie managed a small laugh. “The look on her face when she saw us.”
“She’s got quite the shriek, hasn’t she?”
“What if she’s serious?”
“You’re his mother. You’d never lose custody.”
“Karl could take the house. I have no income, no security.”
“You have me.” Maria smiled. “And a soon to be best-selling novel.”
“Why? Why do you want me?”
Maria gently stroked Connie’s cheek. “Because you’re perfect and these past few weeks without you reminded me of how my life was.” She shrugged. “I was just living, and it was okay. I was fine. I was seeing each day through to the next, having fun with Alice, spending time with Maddalena and my fair weather friends, popping in and out of the shops and just doing what I usually do, letting the weeks run their course into months and waiting for the months to turn into years. I’ve been okay, good even, but when I met you, Connie, I was whole. From that very first moment I knew you were special.” The brown eyes smiled. “And I know it sounds stupid but you turned my ‘just fines’ into fantastics and my ‘just living’ into loving life. Loving love. True love. Real love. The kind of love that rips you apart when you’re not with it. You have an energy, Connie, and I want it, I want to be part of it. You’re my missing piece and when I’m with you my picture’s complete. It’s beautiful. You give me hope, and I’m happy. I’m just so happy whenever I’m with you.”
Connie turned to the window and looked at the metal jug sitting on a folded square of white paper. “I think I need a drink. That jug’s filled with water but it could be for flowers.”
“Let me go and get you a coffee.”
“And then can you tell me what happened? Can you tell me what I did wrong?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Your story then. Whatever it was you were going to say before Evelyn came back.”
Maria shook her head. “I don’t think now’s the right time.”
“Today’s taught me that now’s always the right time. Every moment counts. I need to know, Maria.”
Maria rose from her seat. “Milk and two sugars?”
“Thank you,” she said, watching the beautiful woman leaving the room. The softly sprung door clicked closed and Connie turned her attention back to her son. “I love you, Noah,” she whispered. “I love you so much, and I’m sorry for causing this, but I want to be happy. I want us all to be happy.” She wiped a tear from her cheek. “I’ve never been happy before.”
Ryan lurched her out of her distress as he came crashing into the room, racing up to her chair and dramatically throwing his arms around her shoulders. “I’m so sorry, Connie!”
“Shush. He’s sleeping. He’s fine.”
Ryan glanced at the bed before kneeling down in front of her. “Your text said he’d been hit by a bike.”
“No, it said not to worry because he was fine. Karl was hit. He was carrying Noah. It was just outside our house. We’re lucky it’s a thirty.”
“Is Karl okay?”
“He’s fine. They’re both fine. It was an accident. The biker didn’t even come to hospital.”
Ryan lifted himself up and sat down next to his friend. “God, Connie, this just shows.”
“I know. I was saying the same to Maria.”
“She’s
here? Was she there when it happened? I didn’t think she’d get to yours until later.”
Connie frowned. “What do you mean? When did you speak to Maria?”
The door swung open once more. This time it was Evelyn who marched into the room waving a chart about and looking flustered. “Oh no, no, no, no, no, this can’t be right.”
“Shush, Evelyn, he’s sleeping. Why can’t people walk in quietly?” She paused. “Is everything okay? Is Karl okay?”
“They’re letting him out, but I’ve said there must be a mistake. Nursing knowledge never leaves you, despite what that foreign doctor just told me.” She lifted the chart on the end of Noah’s bed, carefully comparing it to the one she was holding. “Yes, a mistake, definitely a mistake.”
“If the doctors say he’s fine then I’d trust them.”
“Just like Karl trusted you?” She sneered. “They’re running the test again. This makes no sense at all.”
“What doesn’t?”
“These charts! It’s just mind boggling. Unless…” She looked at Connie. “What’s your blood group?”
Connie shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Ryan tapped her on the knee and nodded. “It’ll be on your card. From when we donated blood together.”
“Your type can’t donate blood,” Evelyn said to Ryan with venomous disdain.
“Actually my type, who haven’t seen any action in twelve months, can. And the last boyfriend I had was over two years ago.” Ryan pulled the card from his wallet. “See, some good does come out of my inability to find a date. Really, the outright ban is so irrational and—”
Evelyn interrupted Ryan’s speech. “It says Noah’s an O. Karl’s an AB. This is just preposterous.” She looked up from the charts. “What are you, Connie? Wait, no that doesn’t matter. A male with blood type AB can never produce a child with blood type O. That’s what they taught us.” Her eyes burnt into Connie. “Noah can’t be Karl’s son!”
“Evelyn, I assure you that Noah is Karl’s son. Will you please stop talking so loudly?”
Karl’s head appeared in the doorway. “Mum, are you okay to drop me home?” He whispered quietly. “I won’t come in and wake Noah.”
Evelyn lifted her nose. “You might as well. All we need now is for Connie’s floozy to turn up so we can have a real little get together.”
Connie couldn’t help herself. “She’s getting a coffee.”
The sneer was back. “I’ll prove it. I’ll prove you philandered.”
“Why are you talking so loudly, Mum? Think about Noah.”
“Connie wasn’t thinking about Noah when she impregnated herself with someone else’s child.”
Karl frowned. “You’re pregnant, Connie?”
“No! Of course not. And Evelyn, I’ve only ever slept with your son, so if you’d please stop analysing my sexual activity and leave Noah in peace.”
Evelyn dropped the charts on the end of the bed. “Incorrect information. That’s what you get with these foreigners running the place. Come on, Karl. I’ll insist they test you again.”
“I’d rather you just took me home,” he said, pushing the door wider for his mother. “Kiss Noah for me, would you,” he asked Connie, “and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have judged. If I hadn’t raced out none of this would have happened. I understand if you hate me. Maria came in earlier to check I was okay. She seems so lovely, she really does.”
“No she doesn’t and yes you should judge!” snapped Evelyn, waltzing out of the room.
Karl let his mother go ahead before mouthing an apology. “I’m so sorry,” he said, leaving the room and closing the door quietly.
Ryan stared down at the card he was clutching. “I’m an O.”
Connie looked at her son, pleased that he was still sleeping. “So?”
The voice was low. “That night.”
“Oh don’t be so ridiculous. You sound worse than Evelyn.”
“Think about it, Connie.”
“Why? We haven’t thought about it before. In fact it was you who said we should never think about it again. Let alone ever discuss it.”
“What if…”
Connie turned towards the pale face. “Oh come on, you can’t be serious?”
“We did enough.”
“No we didn’t.”
Ryan moved his seat even closer. “Connie, you were upset. You’d just seen Karl kissing Louise at the Christmas party. I raced into the office, had my rant at them. How dare he be unfaithful to the woman who’d given up her virginity for him?”
“Stop saying it like it was a gift. I just got fed up of waiting.”
“Yes, but I took you back to mine. You were drunk. We both were. You told me how crap the sex was with him. How you’d saved yourself for so long and couldn’t understand why. I think you described it as the biggest anti-climax you’d ever experienced. You asked me if it was like that with all men.”
“Ryan, I’m cringing already. Can we just stop this?”
“No! Look at Noah’s hair! Look at my hair.”
“You haven’t got any hair!”
“I was blond. You remember me blond! Karl’s got black hair. You’re a muddy brown.”
“Stop it, Ryan. I’d be more convinced by Evelyn’s blood group conspiracy than this. You know how blonde my mum is.”
“What if it’s not a conspiracy? What if an O can make an O?”
“It can. I was good at science, remember? But Ryan, nothing happened. I’ve only ever slept with one man.”
“Yes, and you said it was crap and we were drunk and I offered my services.”
“You did not.”
“I did. I was in such a strange place that it made sense at the time.”
“It didn’t make sense at all. It was the most excruciatingly embarrassing drunken fumble that two best friends should ever wish on the other.”
“It was more than that.”
“It was nothing. It was barely a grope and I’m so ashamed that I encouraged you. It’s just too embarrassing to talk about. What gay man would ever want to get it on with his best girl friend? I must have looked so needy.”
“Connie, I wanted it. I was driving it more than you were.”
“Oh as if! Can we please stop talking about it?”
“I was confused.”
“No you weren’t!”
“I was.” He hushed his words. “I’d just found out that my donation had resulted in a pregnancy.”
“What donation?”
“The sperm bank.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I was a donor, for a really short time. I thought I could use the expenses payment as a way of making a bit of extra cash. I’d just got my flat, remember? I was too embarrassed to tell you, or anyone else for that matter. But they phoned me to tell me they’d had news of a pregnancy and I just freaked out. I never wanted to be a father, and I know it’s stupid thinking like that because donors aren’t fathers and they have nothing to do with the kid, but it felt so strange thinking there’d be part of me running around somewhere, and all this when I’d never even slept with a woman.”
“So you decided you’d try and sleep with me?”
“We did whatever it was that we did. I guess we kind of gave each other what we needed in that moment.”
“It was less than a moment, Ryan.”
Ryan looked up at the little boy sleeping soundly in the bed. “It was more than enough.”
Connie rolled her eyes. “You’re not Noah’s father. We’d have questioned it before and the fact that this hasn’t even been a passing thought for either of us tells me the truth.”
“I agree, why would we consider it? But that’s because he looks like you, Connie, and like you said, what we did stopped as soon as it started. Remember? One pathetic thrust and we both just looked at each other laughing in embarrassment. As if I’d give you the great male sex that Karl couldn’t, and as if you’d make me a man by being my first female fuck.”
�
��Ryan!”
“What? It was stupid at the time and we both knew it. Hence why we’ve never spoken about it before, but I’m O. Noah’s an O.”
“And Evelyn’s right, they’ve probably got Karl’s blood group wrong – or Noah’s even – and you know how these doctors are with their writing, it’s always illegible.”
“It’s obvious! He’s mine! Oh god, Connie, I can’t be a father. I said the same to Maria this morning. I might have donated sperm, but that’s all it was. I’m Ry Ry. I’ll always be Ry Ry. I don’t want to be anything other than Ry Ry.”
“What do you mean, Maria?” Connie’s eyes widened as realisation finally dawned on her. “The baby photos… In your flat… That’s when she walked out.” She stood up and started to pace. “The woman got pregnant with your donation just before I got pregnant.” She shook her head. “Alice is a few weeks older than Noah… No, it can’t be. Maria said her donor was a physiotherapist.”
Ryan shrugged apologetically. “A masseur likes to embellish. She was coming to tell you. I assumed you knew?”
“She… She…” Connie put her hand to her mouth. “They’re brother and sister.”
“If the blood groups are right.”
“Oh Ryan, look at them! They’re practically twins!”
“A real rainbow family.”
“Don’t, it’s…. It’s… No it can’t be. This is just ridiculous. I was with Karl for two months. The sex was constant. Crap, but constant.”
“All it takes is one swimmer.”
Maria pushed opened the door, entering the room with two coffees. She looked from one stunned face to the other. “Oh sorry, should I wait outside? I didn’t know you were here, Ryan.” She glanced at the bed. “Is everything okay? I can come back later if you like?”
Ryan stood up, taking the cups to the safety of the windowsill before returning to Maria’s side. “She knows,” he said with a whisper.
Maria turned towards Connie, hands outstretched. “I was coming to tell you. Please understand I was shocked. I saw Ryan’s baby photo and freaked out. It was the same one the clinic gave me and I never wanted Alice’s donor to play any part in her life yet there I was suddenly faced with him in the flesh. Someone I’d have to see every day because of you.” She shook her head. “I made the wrong choice. I ran away. I threw myself into other things, other people. I even hung out with Phoebe like she was my best friend.”