“Nobody,” Kendra said quickly. When her mom looked to be about to question her again she elaborated with a rueful smile, “At least nobody that truly existed.”
That comment plunged them into silence, and Kendra ignored the looks on her parents’ faces as she tightened her arms around herself. It still hurt. All these weeks later and Nick’s betrayal still hurt. Unfortunately, coupled with that hurt was a softening, and she didn’t want to feel that.
She didn’t want to open herself up to the possibility that the man had had his reasons. She didn’t want to see things from his viewpoint. She wanted to wrap herself in anger when it came to him and his actions. She didn’t want to leave her heart vulnerable to thoughts of him again.
But Betsy was right. A part of her wanted to give him a chance. A part of her wanted to hear him out, give him a chance to explain his actions. A part of her was left thinking of Notaku’s words, wondering whether or not the man she’d fallen in love with had all been an act. Part of her was still holding onto that bloody hope which she’d already decided was damaging to her.
Looking up at the other people in the room, Kendra at least had the satisfaction of knowing that part of her life was on course, even if another part was in tatters.
“So,” her dad said as he cleared his throat. “Christmas. Let’s see how Christmas goes, then we can think of how to go from there.”
Chapter Twenty-two
A smile spread over Kendra’s face as she looked around herself. The past week had been good for her and her parents. Things had settled down some since that first night, and emotion wasn’t clouding everything anymore.
There was still a slight tension in the air between them all, but it was due to everyone being wary about undoing all of the progress that they’d made with each other instead. Kendra had been watching her mom and dad together and even she could see that there was something still there. It may have been twenty-three years after the fact, but the couple still had feelings for each other.
On top of those feelings though, a deeper connection seemed to be developing between them. One borne from experience. They were older now, not inclined to rely on hormones and lust for that initial connection between the two of them. Though undeniably they were both good looking people, it was something more between them. This wasn’t the first blush of love that young people experience, this time around Marilyn and Howard seemed to be falling in love with the people they were now, not who they had been.
They’d changed. There was no way for them not to have after all that they’d experienced in their lives. And Kendra could see the connection growing between the people who they were now, instead of the memories of who they had been before.
Her mom hadn’t said anything though, and neither had Howard, but Kendra could see it nonetheless. She imagined that they were being cagey about it considering their turbulent past and tentative bond. She could put herself in their shoes and she knew that she’d be wondering if it was going to work out this time, or if it was all one-sided. Adding in a daughter? Well, she imagined that they most likely didn’t want to do anything to the growing relationships all around by even mentioning a new direction and change of things.
As it was, Kendra was enjoying watching everyone grow closer. The only thing that did concern her was how slowly the pair were moving with regards to their relationship with each other. Marilyn was still relatively young. She was only thirty-nine, still young enough to have more children if she found a man who she loved. She and Howard could still have the family that they’d missed out on all those years ago. It was still a possibility. If the pair of them didn’t drag their feet on the matter.
She didn’t want either of them to miss out on the opportunity to have what they’d lost before, she wanted them to be able to enjoy their life together and have everything that they’d dreamed of when they’d been young. It might be over two decades late in coming, but it could still be theirs. If they let themselves take a chance and grab it.
For the moment, however, everything was still so new and fragile that she didn’t want to push things along, inadvertently messing it all up for the both of them. They had a certain amount of time ahead of them, and she imagined that they were battling with their own desires and thoughts on the matter individually.
If in a couple of months they still hadn’t taken any steps towards a deeper relationship, then Kendra would start to interfere and help the both of them out. Right now though, she was just going to enjoy the fact that it was Christmas and she was spending it with both of her parents.
She’d phoned Betsy earlier in the day and had updated her on everything on her end. Betsy had passed on the town’s love and then told Kendra to enjoy her day as she had plenty to do herself. The comment had taken Kendra by surprise. She hadn’t thought that Betsy would do anything except put her feet up and enjoy the solitude and the fact that she wouldn’t be having to cater to anyone at the diner, but it had almost sounded like the woman had someone coming around to hers for Christmas dinner.
If Kendra had been back home, she knew that Betsy would spend the day with her, but she wasn’t. Everyone else had family to spend the day with. Kendra had felt badly that Betsy would be on her own and had even dropped hints about the woman coming to stay with Howard for a few days, but Betsy had put a stop to all of that. She wanted to be at home for the holidays and also didn’t want to feel like an intruder, which is how she’d claimed she’d feel if she intruded on their very first Christmas as a complete family unit together.
Kendra had accepted the woman’s words but still felt as though something else was at play on Betsy’s end of things. Something more was going on behind the scenes. It was just like she’d thought a week ago when she’d gotten off the phone with Betsy then. Something was going on in Granville that had Kendra suspicious.
If it weren’t for the burgeoning relationship between her parents, she’d have gone back home to see what it all meant. As it was though, it could wait, the mystery would have to be solved later. Right now her parents were what she needed to focus on.
And besides which, she was reluctant to head back to the town and the plethora of memories it held for her. Memories of Nick and everything that had happened between them. No, it was a much better idea for her to stick around here for the time being. Until after New Year. That would make it two months that she’d spent with her father, getting to know him. It was a good amount of time to develop their relationship, but it also wouldn’t be too long to have been away from home.
It would also give her parents more of a chance to spend time together. If Kendra left, her mom would no doubt follow suit and take the chances of something developing with her dad with her. But waiting until after New Year gave the couple more time to spend with each other, more time for them to get to know one another again and either give in to their desires or decide that it wasn’t what they wanted.
Though judging by the twinkle in the pair of their eyes as they locked gazes with each other once more she was almost positive that she knew which direction they’d head in.
“Thank you, Howie,” her mom said as she stared down at the simple gift in her hands, and Kendra was surprised to see the tears that the woman quickly stifled. “Thank you,” she added more tearfully, and Kendra strained her neck to see what her mom held in her hands.
“It was nothing,” he replied as he shifted uncomfortably, putting his hands in his pockets, and Kendra was even more surprised at his actions. The man who everyone saw as super confident was so unsure around both her and her mom.
“Not to me,” her mom whispered as she wiped her face with the back of her hands and tried to clear her throat.
“What is it?” Kendra finally prodded and smiled in encouragement at her mom who showed her what she had in her hands. When she did Kendra found herself studying a small brooch. It was shaped like a flower and had a cluster of diamond chips in the middle of it which added a sparkle to it, making the whole thing enchanting. Smiling at the qua
int vintage looking piece, she looked over at her father and smiled her approval at him.
“It’s lovely,” she proclaimed then turned as her mom sniffled again, still unsure as to why the woman was so moved by such a simple present.
“How did you find it?” her mom asked quietly, and Kendra focused on the man in the room with them, noticing him shrug in reply. “It’s the same one, isn’t it?” her mom continued, and Howard nodded before looking around briefly while clearing his throat uncomfortably. “How did you find it, Howie? After all these years.”
“I didn’t need to look very hard, Marilyn,” he confessed quietly, and Kendra noticed her mom’s eyebrows shoot up at the softly spoken words.
“You had it? All this time?” she asked with a furrowed brow.
“It was going to be your wedding gift,” he explained, and Kendra could feel herself getting wrapped up in the emotion coursing through the room.
“You kept it,” her mom surmised quietly, almost to herself. “All these years, Howie. Why?”
“I never stopped, Marilyn. Never stopped loving you. I tried. Hell, did I try, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t stop wanting you. Only you. There was never anybody else and for years I hated you because of that. Hated you because nobody could compare. Hated that you had such a hold over me.
“I channeled all that hate into becoming the most successful person in the world. I wanted to show you, show you what you’d missed out on by turning me down. Then it changed,” he added, and Kendra chanced a look at her mom to see how she was handling the man’s confession. “One day I stopped hating you. Stopped feeling so angry at you for your actions and I just felt so much regret. Regret and sorrow at all that we’d lost, all that I’d never had.
“Then I accepted it, accepted it all and just cherished the memories. I dug everything out that I’d packed away. I got it all out and pored over it, absorbing all of the details and memories, content to know that I’d had you at least for a little while. The good times that we’d shared were suddenly enough.
“Some people only have one true love in their lives, and for me that was you. Some people only have them for a short time for any number of reasons, and I treated the whole situation just like that. I’d had you, and then I’d lost you, but I still had the memories, still had the experiences. I knew that you’d loved me at the time, nothing could convince me otherwise. I knew that at one point it had been perfect. It might have ended badly, but it had been so good once.
“Of course everything changed again when I found out about Kendra, but the years of loving you are still there, Marilyn. I’ve been processing what you said when you arrived, been analyzing it all, and I realized that there’s no point in being angry about it all again. Just like the first time, there’s no reason to hang onto the anger. And this is my way of showing you that,” he added as he nodded to the brooch that was being squeezed so tightly in her mom’s hand that Kendra could see her knuckles turning white.
“I … I’m not sure what to say, Howie,” her mom finally said, and Kendra watched as her dad shifted before her mom continued. “I’m trying not to hope here. I’m trying not to read things into your words and actions, but it’s getting difficult,” she confessed, and Kendra looked between the pair.
“You’re not the only one afraid to hope, Marilyn,” her dad said, and Kendra found herself stuck. She felt as though the pair needed their privacy, but at the same time was reluctant to leave and disturb the current scene.
“And the thing is, I don’t really want to waste any more time either,” Howard continued. “Either on false hope or on beating around the bush here. So I was kind of hoping that maybe this would spur things along,” he added, and Kendra found herself unable to sit there and intrude any longer, regardless of what her moving would do to the pair of them.
Quietly getting up, she slowly moved towards the door, hoping that they were too focused on each other to be interrupted by her leaving.
“Kendra?” her dad said tentatively, and she turned to face him with the doorway behind her back.
“Yeah?” she asked as he continued to study her.
“Are you … well, are you okay with this?” he asked nervously, and she smiled warmly and widely at him.
“If you two are happy, then of course I am. Just so long as you’re doing this for yourselves and not because of me,” she explained and watched as he shook his head.
“No. No, this is most definitely about your mom and me individually,” he said with his own warm smile. “I just didn’t want you to think that I’d used you, tracked you down so that I could have another chance with your mother.”
“I didn’t even consider it,” she said in slight surprise. “After all, if you were using me to get to my mom, you were doing a pretty poor job of it,” she reassured and watched as he looked at her in anticipation of her explanation. “It was me, after all, who invited her here. It’s not like you made any move to even reconnect with her.”
“I honestly never thought I’d get another chance with her, never even crossed my mind that the opportunity would arise, but I’m not going to let the moment pass me by,” he said with conviction, and Kendra found herself studying him closely as he uttered the words.
“Even though she lied to you?” she asked in genuine interest. “Even after everything that passed between the pair of you, you’re willing to have another go at it? You’re willing to put everything behind you?” she inquired and studied him to judge the sincerity of whatever answer he gave.
“You said it yourself, Kendra,” he replied softly. “She had her reasons. I may not agree with them, but in her mind she was doing what was best. She was doing what was best for the people who she loved. I’m not saying that it’s not an issue that we’ll have to overcome, but yes, yes I’m willing to move past it and try for the life that I’ve always wanted,” he said as his gaze returned to her mom’s, and Kendra thought over that.
“I wasn’t perfect either. We both made mistakes,” he added. Before she could interrupt him, he continued, “But I think that enough time has passed, and we’ve matured enough to be able to put it all behind us, to start fresh, and learn from our mistakes. Don’t you?” he asked Marilyn, and Kendra’s mom nodded at him.
“I do. And I’d really like to, Howie,” she added, and Kendra smiled widely at the pair of them.
When her mom looked at her again, Kendra said, “I really am happy for you, you know? You both deserve to be happy, and to stop paying for mistakes from the past.”
“You deserve to be happy too, sweetie,” her mom added softly, and Kendra forced a wider smile in return.
“I am happy,” she declared but her mom’s brow furrowed in concern, and Kendra found herself wrapping her arms tightly around herself at the woman’s probing gaze. The woman who knew her as well as she knew herself.
“No,” her mom declared while slowly shaking her head. “No, you’re not. And I think it’s about time I started being your mom again and found out what’s happened to hurt my little girl,” she added, and Kendra felt those same bloody tears welling in her eyes at her mom’s tender and caring expression. “I think you and I are in need of a long overdue heart to heart,” she added, and Kendra could only nod once before she swiped her hand over her face.
As her gaze darted about she could even see the concern on her dad’s face and attempted to clear her throat of the lump there before venturing to speak again.
“Later,” she managed to get out. “You two enjoy yourselves now, and I’ll speak to you later, Mom,” she added before she sent the pair a quick reassuring smile. “You and Dad deserve to have some private time together. Our talk can wait,” she added with another quick smile before hugging herself more tightly.
“Alright,” her mom agreed, though Kendra knew it was reluctant. “But we will talk, Kendra. I’m not going to be on the sidelines of your life anymore,” she reprimanded gently, and Kendra nodded before turning to leave.
“Thank you, Kendra,” Howard
’s voice said, and she turned to look at the man, surprised to note the tears in his eyes. With her brow furrowing in confusion over the emotion on display in him, she waited for more and found herself surprised when he said, “Thank you for the best Christmas gift I could have gotten.”
“I … what are you talking about?” she asked in confusion.
“Dad. You called me ‘Dad’,” he added as his voice grew gruff, and Kendra found herself surprised at the words. She hadn’t even realized that she’d done it, but she had. She knew what it meant as well, she’d accepted him in her life as not just the man who’d fathered her, but as her dad. And he knew the significance of the term as well.
Not knowing how to respond, she just shrugged at him with a soft smile.
“Thank you,” he added as he stood and neared her, obviously unsure but determined. When his arms came around her, Kendra resisted the embrace for a moment before relaxing into the hold of her father, her dad.
Sniffling into his shoulder, she hugged him back just as tightly before she cleared her throat, shook her head, and pushed herself backwards. She could feel his resistance to let her go, but he allowed her her retreat. It had been a big step for them. Big and important.
Feeling overwhelmed with all of the emotional upheaval, Kendra found herself struggling to cope and knew that she had to get away from the suffocating emotional atmosphere that surrounded them all at the moment. She was already finding herself fighting those same urges that had her itching for an escape from it all, and she knew that she just needed some space and time to herself to process everything. Process it all and calm down to a place where she could handle everything.
With another quick smile at the other two people in the room, Kendra headed out of the door and straight up to her room to think things through. Unfortunately, she found her mind buzzing with thoughts of Nick. Her dad had forgiven her mom for something so utterly monumental as keeping his child secret from him, her mom had forgiven him for never coming back to her, they’d gotten through it, put mistakes and pasts behind them. Nick had asked for a chance to explain, and she hadn’t let him. What would he say? What did he want to explain? Would it be anything that she might want to hear? Would it change things between them?
Masks and Lies Page 21