Kendra took him in slowly herself and found herself analyzing his appearance. He looked as good as she remembered, maybe even more so. The last two times she’d encountered him she’d been taken off-guard, unable to really study him, but now that she’d been waiting for him she was prepared to take the time looking.
In a way she’d expected not to recognize Mitchell, as though he was a completely different man to ‘Nick’. He wasn’t though. He looked the same. Well, almost, she thought with a slight pucker to her brow. Physically he was identical of course, but there was something about him that was different, something about his person.
Yeah, so he was dressed more casually than she’d ever seen him, with the exception of their first date, but that wasn’t what was making a difference to him. Nick had always been confident and self-assured, almost arrogant at times. Mitchell, however, was different. He looked wary, nervous, uncertain, and … scared. Yeah, he looked afraid. Which was something she’d never expected of the man.
Not only that but there was something else different about him. As Kendra studied him closely she suddenly realized what else was different with the man. He looked open, open and less reserved. She’d never noticed it before, but now that she was seeing Mitchell in front of her she could tell that with Nick there’d always been something held back by him, a sort of reserve that was now missing.
Of course, knowing that he’d been keeping things from her made the reason for the change obvious. Nick had been holding things back from her, and to an extent had been holding a part of himself back as well, but Mitchell was standing there looking vulnerable. Everything was on display for her and she found herself feeling more confident in the face of his insecurity. She wasn’t alone in this. It wasn’t just her that was unsure, it was him too.
Realizing that for once she was going to have to be the strong one out of the pair of them, she smiled shyly at him and saw a timid answering smile spread on his face. Then she waited. She’d taken the first step, now it was up to him to finish that journey.
Mitchell watched on as Kendra’s smile slowly faded and her arms gripped herself more tightly, and knew that there was no more putting off the inevitable. He needed to talk, he needed to start the ball rolling between them.
As eager as he was though, he wasn’t sure how to do that. He didn’t want to mess this up. He already recognized how lucky he was that she was even here to listen to him, and hated to think that her trust in him would be misplaced by saying the wrong thing.
When Kendra shifted on her feet once more, Mitchell found himself spurred into action. If he didn’t hurry up and say something, there was a good chance that she’d leave and he’d blow it all anyway.
“Hi,” he ended up blurting out and then almost slapped himself in the head at such a ridiculous start to what was more than likely going to end up being the most important conversation he’d ever have in his life.
“Hi,” Kendra said softly, and he almost sighed at the word. It was amazing how much he’d missed hearing her voice.
Taking a tentative step forward, he continued to watch her as he did so, not wanting to make her feel crowded by him at all. As much as he was aching to hold her again, and, in fact, wanted to do a heck of a lot more, he knew that a heavy discussion needed to take place before that occurred.
He could feel the draw to her like always, but resisted it to instead deal with the pressing issues at hand. After they were all cleared up though he’d eagerly grab her up in his embrace. Though perhaps not right here. Perhaps somewhere more comfortable. Though, that might not be a good idea either judging by how out of control they usually ended up with each other.
Mitchell couldn’t forget the last embrace he’d had with the woman across from him, and almost winced at the recollection. As much as she’d been angry at him the fact was that they’d been losing control, or at least he had, and he wasn’t sure how much more he had with regards to her, especially after being away from her for so long.
Shaking off his highly inappropriate thoughts, Mitchell instead noticed that Kendra was still staring at him with those amazing eyes of hers. The blue twinkled with a mixture of hope, uncertainty, and amusement, and he tried to remember what he’d planned on saying to her.
“Thanks for coming,” he finally settled on and watched as she shrugged.
“It’s not every day that a girl gets a handwritten formal invite to meet at Walter’s fishing dock,” she said, and Mitchell came to a stop, trying to figure out what she meant by that. Had he messed up? Wasn’t it good enough? He was so unsure about everything right now, so afraid that he’d do something wrong, that he didn’t know how to take her comment.
Kendra must have noticed his doubts because she quickly added, “It was nice, Mitchell. Unexpected, but sweet,” she added with a smile, and Mitchell relaxed slightly at her comment.
“I thought that we should probably start at the beginning again,” he said tentatively and watched her studying him, obviously waiting for a further explanation. “I know that everything started over two years ago, but I mean with us specifically. I thought that we should go back to square one as it were and maybe this time I could do things right,” he added.
“I know,” he continued as he finally found his voice, “that we first met at the diner again, but I thought maybe some privacy was in order and thought that the site of our first date would be a better choice.
“I want another chance, Kendra, a chance to prove to you that you really can trust me this time. A chance to see if you can let me in once more. But this time I want to do things the way I should have the first time around,” he continued to explain and watched as she hugged herself more tightly as his words poured forth.
“So,” he said as he cleared his throat and stood up more confidently. “I think maybe I should start by introducing myself. Hi, my name’s Mitchell Astley, I’m twenty-eight, used to work for your father, used to live in the city, but have recently been fired and relocated to your small town of Granville to enjoy the slower paced lifestyle here. I currently work for Betsy in the diner as a waitress and I have an appalling track record with regards to treating the woman I love right,” he added and watched as her eyes fixed on him intently while she remained silent.
“I’m really hoping that said woman is willing to forgive me for my absolutely appalling and crappy behavior towards her though,” he added more softly. “I started out thinking I was doing the right thing, but not really considering her in all of it,” he admitted and watched as she tensed, but he’d said no lies and he meant it. “I thought of my job, I thought of my boss, and I thought of myself, but I didn’t think of her. Until I started falling for her,” he confessed quietly.
“By then it was too late to start telling the truth,” he continued. “By then I’d already messed up and couldn’t undo that. I knew she’d be angry, I knew she’d be furious, but I never thought I’d break her heart. I thought that the only heart on the line was mine, I didn’t realize that I would hurt her as much as I did. My motivations were selfish to start with, I admit that, but I honestly believed that the best thing would be for me to succeed in my task. I honestly believed that a father and daughter deserved to have each other in their lives.
“I never meant to fall for you, Kendra,” he said sincerely. “I never wanted to. And I never wanted you to fall for me. I needed a way into your life, to get you to trust me, to open up to me and be willing to listen to my advice on it all. I know you think it was sneaky, deceitful, devious, but you were so reserved, so distant from everybody that I knew I’d need to endear myself to you to get you to listen, to consider.
“And then it all started to change. We went out together and you started opening up to me, and instead of feeling joyous that I was getting somewhere with you I was left feeling guilty that I was lying to you. And I was reluctant to do what I was supposed to. I tried to keep my heart separate from it all, but it was useless.
“I tried to keep it all friendly, nothing romantic, b
ut the more I got to know you the less I was thinking about my job. And then we kissed and everything changed. From that moment on it was about us, about you. Howard wasn’t a consideration. I still wanted to succeed, but not for me, and not for him. For you. Because you deserved a loving father in your life.
“And every moment we spent together after that I was reluctant to do what I’d been sent to do because I knew that it would mean an end for us. I knew that once you found out, we’d be over. So I dragged my feet, I ignored Howard’s requests to hurry up, and enjoyed the time I had with you. I didn’t want it to end. Which was selfish of me, but by then I was utterly in love with you and knew that you’d never want me back.
“You were so reluctant to let your mom back into your life because she’d lied, and I knew that if you couldn’t forgive her, then there’d be no way that you’d have forgiven me. Not a casual boyfriend. You would be out of my life for good. I honestly didn’t think you loved me, Kendra. I honestly didn’t think you cared that much. You were so insistent that I’d be moving on, so insistent that it was all temporary that I didn’t consider that your heart was involved.
“I’m sorry, Kendra. I’m so sorry for lying to you and deceiving you. I’m sorry for pretending to be somebody else. And I’m the most sorry for hurting you, for breaking your heart. I never meant to, and I hate the fact that I did. But I also can’t help but feel a little hopeful that I did,” he confessed and watched on as she looked almost aghast at his proclamation.
“You –,” she tried before he cut her off.
“I figure,” he interrupted, “that if I managed to hurt you, then maybe it’s because you loved me too, and if you loved me, then maybe I have a chance to win you back,” he explained. “I want that chance, Kendra. I want a chance to do it all over. I want a chance to have you love me again. To love me, forgive me, and trust me. I want to prove to you that I am the man you fell in love with, that I can be who you want,” he said and watched as she seemed to consider his words as she wrapped her arms tightly around her waist again.
“Do you think I can have that chance?” he asked and waited for her reply. He wasn’t entirely sure what he’d do if she said no, but he wasn’t going to give up. He’d hurt her. A lot. And almost sent her back on a destructive path according to her father. He didn’t think that she’d be able to get over that so easily, but he was going to ask anyway.
If she said no, he wouldn’t give up, he’d just ask again. He’d find out what he needed to do to get that chance, do it, then see if she’d be amenable the next time he asked. There wasn’t a quick fix for this. Kendra had had enough people in her life hurt her with their lies that she was bound to need some time, but he’d stick it out. He wasn’t going anywhere.
“When you were pretending to be Nick, I loved you so much, you know,” she finally responded with such sincerity that Mitchell felt his breath catch in his throat. “I loved the man that you were and would have given you anything, would have done almost anything for you. I trusted you, him, however you want to look at it. I trusted Nick. I wanted to keep ahold of him for as long as I could. I started to dream of maybe a future, started to think that maybe I could hope for a life together,” she continued, and he stood there stunned at the honesty and bluntness of her words.
“But Nick lied to me. He never existed. He deceived me. He hurt me. He almost destroyed me,” she said in a choked voice, from a combination of tears and anger, he suspected, and Mitchell felt his heart ache for everything that he’d put her through. “He took that trust and broke that. He took my heart and crushed it. He used me,” she said with such hurt in her words. “He was a figment of my imagination, a figment of your imagination, Mitchell.”
“I’m still that man, Kendra. Underneath it all, I’m still the same man you fell for,” he almost pleaded.
“Nick’s gone, Mitchell. Disappeared when the truth came out.”
“He’s right here in front of you,” he tried with wide open arms. “He’s me.”
“Mitchell,” she said with a sigh as she looked at him with such pitying eyes that he tried again to convince her that not everything was a lie.
“Kendra, please. I’m still the same man. I’m still here. I’m still who you fell in love with. I’m still Nick.”
“Don’t you get it?” she asked with a mixture of anger and confusion. “I don’t want Nick. He was a liar, a deceiver. He manipulated me, he didn’t care about me. He –”
“That’s not true, Kendra. I loved you, I still do,” he interrupted.
Throwing her hands in the air, she turned to him with frustration stamped across her face and declared, “No. Nick never loved me. You don’t do what he did to me if you love that person. I don’t want Nick! I’m glad he’s gone. I hope he never comes back! Can you not see that I would never let him back in my life?!” she asked angrily. “Nick was a terrible person to me. Nick was a lie. Nick was a mask,” she gritted out. “No,” she added with a shake of her head, “I don’t want Nick. Not ever again,” she said softly and with such resolution that Mitchell found himself stumbling with what to do next.
“No,” she said quietly again with a deep sigh. “I don’t want Nick. But,” she started and raised her blue eyes to his, and Mitchell felt his breath catch again at the look there. There was a vulnerability in them that he found himself surprised at. “But maybe, … maybe I want Mitchell,” she said softly as she wrapped her arms around herself tightly, and Mitchell took in her words and felt his eyes widen in surprise.
“Maybe,” she added as she stared at his confused face, “I’d quite like to get to know the man who did fall in love with me. Maybe I’d quite like to get to know the man standing in front of me who hasn’t lied, who hasn’t deceived, who hasn’t tried to manipulate me. Maybe I’d quite like to have that man in my life. Maybe, just maybe I’m willing to take a chance on Mitchell,” she said in an almost whisper, and Mitchell just stared at her in utter amazement and awe.
“That is,” she added after he continued to stare at her in shock, “if he wants me too.”
“Of course I want you,” he managed to get out of his tight throat. “Of course,” he repeated, and watched as she smiled tentatively again.
“I …,” she tried before stumbling, and Mitchell decided to try to get them past this awkward stage.
“Would you go out on a date with me, Kendra?” he asked and saw her smile lightly at him before just nodding. “I know it’s going to take some time. But I’m fine with that. I’m in no rush, I’m not going anywhere,” he stated and saw her smile more fully at him.
“No. Apparently not. I don’t think the town would let you anyway,” she said in amusement. “And I don’t think they’d forgive me if I drove you away, would they?” she teased, and he smiled himself at her words. In a way, his plan of endearing himself to the town seemed to have been crucial for him winning back Kendra; Notaku had been right.
“When would work for you?” he asked, wanting to make sure that she didn’t back out now that he’d gotten her agreement to another chance.
“Tomorrow night?” she suggested, and he found himself surprised at the answer. He’d expected her to make him wait longer than that. “Is that okay?” she asked with a furrowed brow as she saw his hesitance.
“That’s perfect,” he blurted out. “Absolutely perfect,” he reassured with a smile and watched as she smiled back. He was so tempted to grab her up in his arms, but he knew that they needed to take their time again. He’d have to go slowly with Kendra, win her trust back, win her love back.
His thoughts were interrupted when he noticed her smile fade before she shifted on her feet and gripped herself more tightly again.
“There is something,” she started uncertainly and cleared her throat before looking up at him briefly. “Uh, there is something that I think you need to know though,” she said, and he looked at her in confusion at what she seemed to want to confess to him.
“Do I?” he asked and suddenly thought that maybe wh
atever it was that she was so worried about telling him might be something that he didn’t want to know.
“There’s something,” she said and cleared her throat again. “Something about my time travelling around the states that you need to –”
“Kendra, you don’t have to tell me anything. The past is just that. We can leave everything behind us and start fresh. Whatever happened then doesn’t matter now,” he affirmed and watched as she shifted slightly before shaking her head.
“No. You need to know, because … well, because it’s not really in the past,” she said with a worried brow.
Mitchell stood there breathing in deeply, wondering what she had to tell him that would scare her so much and seem so bad. He knew enough about her travels through Howard that he had all sorts of scenarios running through his head. Had she been with different men? Had she done something illegal? Had she picked up some sort of disease? What was it? Whatever it was it wouldn’t stop him wanting her of course, she’d been under the influence of alcohol for almost the entire time, she wasn’t responsible for the decisions she’d made. And even if she hadn’t been, he’d still want her. He still loved her regardless of what she’d done.
With that thought cutting through the rest of the clatter in his brain, he relaxed. It wouldn’t matter. Whatever she said he’d cope with it, brush it aside, and move forward with her.
“I … Mitchell, you need to know that I’m an alcoholic,” she stated bluntly and looked up at him with wary eyes even as her body straightened proudly. She was such an amazing woman, and Mitchell smiled at that while looking at her with every ounce of love he had in his eyes. “You … you’re not saying anything,” she finally said in confusion, and he shrugged.
“What did you want me to say?”
“Did you know already?”
“Your dad told me when he fired me,” he confessed.
Masks and Lies Page 27