Emperor and Clown

by Dave Duncan

  She paused to catch her breath at her parlor door, then tapped discreetly and went in. Pink light shone through the lace curtains, candles had been lit already, but there was no one there.

  Tutting quietly to herself, she went over to inspect the flowers. The roses were well past their best now, but Kinvale's chrysanthemums had a well-deserved fame in the district. Then a rush of smoke from the fireplace warned her, and she turned around as the magic portal swung open, admitting an icy blast from Krasnegar.

  A short man stood framed in the entrance, his leathery, weatherbeaten face a mask of shock. Cutaway coat and tights, a rapier at his belt and a tricorn hat clutched nervously in front of him ... for a moment Kadolan did not recognize him in such finery. Then her eyes misted again. Oh, well done, Master Rap! How very appropriate!

  The best man spun around and attempted to return to Krasnegar. He was obviously blocked. "Good preserve me!" he shouted. "You told me there was to be no Evil-begotten sorcery!"

  Rap laughed from the darkness beyond him. "I did warn you about this bit! No more, I promise! Go on with you! Oh, your Highness! You know Krasnegar's Master of Horse, I'm sure?"

  "Certainly I know Master Hononin!" Kadolan advanced with her hands out. "You are a sight for sore eyes, you old rascal!"

  A sight for weepy, sentimental old eyes, too.

  Hononin glanced around to make sure there was no one else present. "I'd never have agreed to this nonsense if I'd known I was going to be decked out like a one-man carnival!"

  "Then Rap was right not to tell you!" She kissed his cheek.

  He grunted. Then he chuckled softly. "How are you, Kade?"

  "Wonderful! And you?"

  "Not bad."

  "The years are kind to you, old man. Better than you deserve, I'm sure!"

  "Well, now, that takes royal impudence! I'm three months younger than you are, as I recall."

  "I see you two know each other quite well!" Rap commented, coming in and closing the door.

  "First boy who ever kissed me!" Kadolan said archly, just to see if she could still make Honi blush. She could.

  "As I remember, it was you who kissed me! And if your mother hadn't come looking for you, you'd have —"

  "Well, it was a long time ago," Kadolan said quickly. She dabbed her eyes again with her lace handkerchief and turned to inspect the bridegroom. "Your Maj — Oh, no!"

  Rap bowed, managing his rapier quite skillfully. But then he kept his face down and fumbled with the hat he was holding.

  "Let me see!" Kadolan said, in a voice much sharper than her normal tone for addressing kings.

  He raised his head ashamedly. His lower lip was puffed and cut, and he had two very generous black eyes. He could not have looked worse had his goblin tattoos been restored.

  For a moment no one said anything.

  Then Hononin cackled. "Told you you'd be in trouble, King!"

  "Don't call me that!" Rap said angrily. "Sorry, your Highness," he added humbly. "You think Inos will be upset?"

  "Upset?" Oh, dear! Kadolan sighed. "Well, I suppose she will just have to be upset, won't she?" Old fears stirred momentarily. This was what happened when royalty married beneath them ... Then she chided herself for unseemly pride. The Gods had approved this match, and the boy had excellent qualities, as she well knew. Even if he was no longer a sorcerer, he was a good man.

  He would just have to learn that a king should not go brawling.

  He had done his best, she supposed, but there was lint on his collar, his cravat looked like a collapsed soufflé, and whatever he had used to plaster his hair had left it in plates and spikes. And Inos was looking so radiant!

  Anxious not to show her disappointment, Kadolan turned to the sideboard where the best crystal waited. "Inos is almost ready," she said bravely, "and the chaplain has arrived. Will you join me in a glass of wine, gentlemen?"

  Without waiting for a reply, she unstoppered the decanter. A royal bridegroom with black eyes! "Do be seated. Wine, your Majesty?"

  Rap winced. "Please, ma'am! I keep telling Inos — I really don't want to be called that! She's the queen. I'm just her husband." He blushed scarlet, all around his bruises, and said quickly, "Am about to become her husband, that is. Everyone in Krasnegar remembers me as a stableboy. I feel such a fool when they bow and call me 'king' and 'sire'! I'm sure they're laughing at me. There must be some better title I could have."

  That was something else he would have to get used to, Kadolan decided. There was no other title, and Inos wouldn't agree to it if there was.

  Rap made another appeal for sympathy. "You know what she's planning next? A coronation!" He shuddered. "But I'm not supposed to know, so please don't mention I mentioned it."

  "I promise. I did know, and I'm looking forward to it!"

  He sat down with a groan.

  Winning a brief struggle with his sword, the hostler perched on the lip of a chair. He sipped the wine and raised his grizzled eyebrows approvingly. Kadolan settled on the pink brocade sofa opposite.

  "I trust that no one will notice your absence this evening, Honi?"

  "Of course not. Except the horses, and they don't talk to no one but Rap." He leered. "And no one will intrude on their Majesties, either! Not with that wolf on guard!"

  Kadolan almost spilled her wine. "Wolf?"

  "You remember Fleabag!" Rap said, beaming happily. "He introduced you to Darad, remember?"

  "And to Sultan Azak!"

  "Well, then! I thought I'd lost him in the forest, but he came trotting across the causeway this morning, wagging his tail." Rap hesitated and added vaguely, "Lucky I happened to be down at the docks."

  Kadolan wondered why anyone would be down at the docks in Krasnegar now that they were all snowed in. Still, Master Rap was the king now, so she wouldn't ask. Obviously Hononin was wondering the same thing, for he was scowling. As a boy, Honi had been fearfully shy, but he'd concluded that people didn't notice that if he scowled. He'd been scowling ever since.

  There was an awkward pause.

  "Talking of Master Darad," she said brightly, "I must remember to show you the letter I received last week from Doctor Sagorn and his friends."

  "Yes?" Rap said politely, sipping wine. "I didn't know Darad could write."

  "I'm sure he can't. Doctor Sagorn passed on his regards, and he made his mark. Doctor Sagorn's own part was rather dry, I admit, but Sir Andor added some very witty comments, and Jalon sent a beautiful sonnet."

  "And Thinal?"

  "He made his mark, also. He is thinking of going into business, apparently. He feels he is getting too old for climbing walls, the doctor says." For a moment Kadolan reflected on all the curious friends she had made on her adventures — Sultan Azak, Mage Elkarath, little Prince Shandie, the lionslayers and their wives, and the wardens, although of course they were never friends ...

  "What sort of business?" Rap asked.

  "Jewelry, of course."

  He chuckled. "Of course. May the Gods defend his customers!"

  Again an awkward pause ... Rap caught Kadolan studying his face, and he colored again.

  "It was Krath, you see," he muttered.

  "Krath?"

  "Inos did mention him, I think ... When she was telling you how I, er ... rescued her? I struck a jotunn. I know that's a stupid thing to do, but I didn't have any choice."

  "Oh! Of course! She did tell me." Kadolan felt a little better — not a vulgar brawl, but a royal rescue. "No ordinary jotunn, either. A blacksmith! Yes, that was very brave of you."

  "It was very dumb of me! Of course he's been hunting me ever since. And yesterday he brought some friends to help, and then I couldn't avoid him, even with farsight."

  Kadolan sighed and finished her wine. "Well, I see that under the circumstances you had no choice. And I thank the Gods that you're well enough to come to the wedding at all."

  Rap stiffened, and Hononin uttered one of his raucous chuckles.

  "You don't know the half of it!" he said. "It
was a fabulous match! If Krath had laid a fist on him, he'd have been a human pancake, but Rap used some sorcery or other —"

  "That was not sorcery!" Rap said crossly. "Little Chicken taught me some throws." He pouted lopsidedly around his swollen lip. "I was doing all right, too, but then —"

  "You were wrecking the castle!" Hononin said. "Slam a jotunn into a stone wall often enough and the wall must break eventually. Krath wasn't ever going to give up! But then the queen arrived." He chortled. "With the guard! Furious! Royal tantrum! She ordered Sergeant Oopari to arrest the smith for treason!"

  "It took all six of them to do it," Rap said, with obvious satisfaction.

  "Well, he'd lost his temper by then," Hononin observed solemnly.

  "You see, ma'am ..." Rap hesitated, and then drained his glass. "As soon as she left this afternoon, to come here, I went down to the cells and issued a royal pardon. Ma'am, I had to! I mean, I can't hide behind Inos's skirts all the time! Not if she really wants me to be ..." he scowled, and said, "king!" as if it were an obscenity.

  "So where did your, er, injuries come from?"

  Rap shrugged. "Krath and I went off to the Beached Whale to celebrate, of course."

  Hononin cackled. "They're renaming it the Sunken Whale. Some sailor made a joke about fauns, so Krath put his head through a plank table. His shipmates didn't approve, but Krath's three uncles were there. Soon everyone joined in, and things began to get violent ... Haven't seen such a free-for-all in years!" Surreptitiously he winked at Kadolan.

  For a moment she was startled, then she understood and carefully suppressed a smile. This was Krasnegar they were discussing, not Hub. If Master Rap was ever to be more than the queen's husband, he would have to establish his credentials, and the hostler was implying that he had made a good start.

  "Then I am sure that Inos will understand," she said. "But don't expect instant forgiveness! Perhaps we should go now ..."

  Rap fidgeted and stared down at his hands. "She's going to be upset?"

  "I'm afraid so."

  "Very upset?"

  "Extremely upset."

  He looked up with dismay. "I don't want to upset her."

  She felt puzzled. "Then you should have waited until after the wedding."

  He nodded miserably. "Then ... Will you promise not to tell her ... both of you?"

  Quite perplexed now, Kadolan said, "She can see for herself."

  Rap groaned. "I mean this."

  Black eyes and split lip disappeared.

  Kadolan jumped. "Oh!"

  Hononin uttered a low growl. "You told me you weren't a sorcerer anymore!"

  Rap nodded, looking completely dejected. "That was true when I said it. Ma'am ... can you remember your word of power?"

  "No ... no, I can't!" Kadolan had sensed something inexplicable when Inos was destroying the words. She'd attributed the feeling to mild dyspepsia until Rap and Inos had come bursting through the magic portal that evening to tell her that the magic was destroyed and they wanted a quick wedding and everything was wonderful. And now she could not even remember what her word had been.

  Rap glanced at the hostler. "They're great long, gibberish things, you see. The only reason people can remember them at all, when they've only heard them once, is that they're magic in themselves. They're magically memorable."

  Now Kadolan began to understand and was hard put to hide a sudden excitement. "So when Inos destroyed them ..."

  "She just stunned them!" Rap said crossly. "Or some of them. All those hundreds of people who heard them three days ago ... now they're starting to forget what they heard."

  "The words are coming back, you mean?"

  He nodded glumly. "Seems so. Some. And because I have this natural talent for sorcery ... I think that's what it is. I seem to be the one they're coming back to."

  "Well, I don't see why you're so miserable! I still don't understand why Inos tried to destroy them in the first place."

  "Because the G-G-Gods ..." He stuttered, and gave up. "It's hard to explain. But it doesn't matter now. I asked Inos if she could remember what the words were, and she said no. So, as long as she doesn't remember, we're all right. I don't think I'm going to get all my power back, anyway." He waved a hand to indicate his eyes. "This ... it's just an illusion. I'll need to show my face tomorrow, back in Krasnegar ... You won't tell Inos, though?"

  Nor had Kadolan ever understood why he didn't like being a sorcerer, but that was not her business. A little magic had always come in handy for ruling Krasnegar.

  She rose, and Rap sprang up also.

  "I shan't tell her — if you do something about the lint on your collar!"

  This obvious blackmail made him scowl as ferociously as Hononin ever had. Then the lint vanished, as did the wrinkles in his coat. The lace of his cravat stiffened and began to shine like fresh snow. The buckle of his belt sparkled and his hair settled into shiny waves.

  "Much better!" she said. "Oh, much!" Suddenly he was an astonishingly handsome royal bridegroom. How romantic! "Inos will be delighted!" Impulsively she kissed him. He looked startled, and then grinned bashfully. She was astonished to discover that he was shaking. Rap, nervous? Rap who had faced down pirates and sultans ...

  "Thank you," she said. "And you do promise to behave yourself this time, don't you?"

  "Behave myself?"

  Rap, who had overcome goblins and dragons ...

  "Not disrupt the ceremony by brandishing swords?"

  "Of course not!"

  Rap, who had challenged warlocks and — she suspected — even the Gods Themselves ...

  "Or coming in on a horse ... backward?"

  "Certainly not backward."

  "Or running away?"

  "Ah!" Rap said darkly. "Now that is beginning to seem like a good idea."

  "Don't worry, Kade," Hononin said cheerfully. "I'll keep him there if I have to run him through with my sword."

  Rap, who would be a faithful, loving husband and a solid, honorable king ...

  Suddenly Kadolan's eyes started to do what they always did at weddings. She turned away quickly and headed for the door. Rap strode by her and threw it open.

  She curtseyed. "After you, your Majesty!"

  "No! Please, ma'am! I don't want to be called that!"

  "Surely that is for the queen to decide? Or do you intend to overrule her all the time?"

  Rap turned scarlet. "Overrule her? Of course not! Never! Inos is the queen! I'm just ... just ... Oh, God of Fools! ..." With a muffled noise that sounded vaguely nautical, he strode out into the corridor, where he continued to mutter angrily.

  Hononin leered like a gargoyle and offered Kadolan his arm.

  "Sorcerer or not," he whispered, "any man who falls in love that deep hasn't got much hope, has he?"

  "None whatsoever!" she agreed quietly.

  They chuckled in unison and followed Rap out.

  And the door closed behind them.

  Irksome words:

  The play is done; the curtain drops, Slow falling to the prompter's bell:

  A moment yet the actor stops,

  And looks around, to say farewell.

  It is an irksome word and task...

  Thackeray, The End of the Play

  All rights reserved, including without limitation the right to reproduce this ebook or any portion thereof in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright © 1991 by Dave Duncan

  Cover design by Open Road Integrated Media

  ISBN 978-1-4976-0636-4

  This edition published in 2014 by Open Road Integrated Media, Inc.

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