Recovered Love

by Chrissy Snyder

  I grab the first file, when Deacon pokes his head in the door. “Hey man, I gotta run. There’s a problem with one of the guys at the gym. Connor wants me to come down and help calm the situation down. A lot of the guys are getting fired up so he needs all hands on deck,” he says while rubbing his hand over his face. He looks pretty beat too, and while we could use all hands on deck to tackle the stack in front of me, this is equally as important. I nod at him and say, “Give me a call and keep me posted. If you need us, Carter and I can be there in a few minutes.” I know he appreciates it as he nods and heads out.

  I’m worried about Deacon, something has been off with him for a while now. Deacon’s always been the closed off one out of the three of us, but he changed even more after his beating. I don’t know what’s going on, and I’ve tried to approach him about it a few times, but with no luck. He pretty much told me to fuck off. He knows where to find me, if he needs me. Guys don’t do the whole “share your every feeling” bullshit that women seem to thrive on, so I need to respect his privacy. What I really need is to get my mind back on work, and the stack in front of me.

  I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and pull it out and see the following:

  Savannah: Who is this?

  I smile and put the phone on the desk. She responded….now I’ve just got to keep her talking. So I respond and tell her who I am. Then before I regret it, I find a funny picture of a cat passed out on a lounge chair and send it to her. Women like that shit. Right? Fuck I’m growing a fucking pussy now. I snort in derision.

  I can’t shake this feeling that change is in the air, and I can’t tell if it’s good or bad. I hate that unsettled feeling.

  I think I’m going to be sick, and I’m angry with myself. I can’t even apply my damn mascara, my hands are shaking so badly. My eyes meet Lacey’s in the mirror and she sees me shaking my head. I look at her and say, “I can’t do this Lacey, I’ve made a mistake.” I’m pacing at this point, and waving my hands everywhere. “I should just cancel, he’ll understand I’m sure.” I look to Lacey for some reassurance, but I don’t think I’m going to get any, at least not the reassurance I want.

  “Stop it.” Lacey barks out at me. “You can do this cupcake. It’s a fucking coffee date for shit’s sake.” She sits me down in the chair in front of the mirror and grabs the mascara wand from my hand. “Here, let me. If I leave it to you, you’ll end up looking like you have two black eyes.”

  I can’t help it, I burst out laughing. Saucy and crass, but she’s my best friend. She’s no “yes man”, and doesn’t tell you what you want to hear, but rather, she tells you what you need to hear, the truth. Sometimes, I just want to slap “truth”. I can’t believe I talked myself into accepting an invite for a date. What was I thinking?

  “I don’t even know what to do on a date, Lace. I’m going to make a fool of myself”, I say, whining.

  “You’re not going to make a fool of yourself,” she says firmly. “You just be yourself, talk and get to know them”, she explains while I listen avidly. “Most people like to talk about themselves, and open up more when you show an interest in their life”, she says patting my hand. “You’re a natural sweet cheeks, and you’ll do just fine,” she says while nodding her head.

  I look at myself in the mirror, not sure If I’m hoping or waiting on some answers to miraculously come out at me; from the image staring back at me, but I just see me. Tiny at 5’1” with jet black hair and eyes the color of whiskey, I’m quite striking. I need to get out of this funk, and just suck this up. I’m imagining all types of terrible things, and it will likely be fine.

  I see Lacey take a deep breath and say, “besides, this isn’t an evening date, or even dinner. Expectations are much lower for afternoon dates”.

  I’m confused now, so I look at her and ask “Expectations? What the hell are you talking about Lace?” I’m sweating, my palms wet. I anxiously rub them on my jeans, waiting on her to answer me.

  “I’m talking about putting out Van,” she say saucily. Oh God, I hadn’t even thought of that. I look to her and she laughs.

  “Don’t worry so much”, she says patting my hand. “He’ll give you a kiss at the end of the date, and either ask you out again or he’ll walk away. He’s not going to throw you across the table and fuck you right there over your damn latte. Geez, sometimes I wonder how we’re friends,” she says laughing. I know she’s teasing me, because we always say that line to one another. We are opposites, in every way, but I love her to pieces. She’s my rock, my sounding board. I don’t know what I would do without her in my life.

  I’ve had my hair in hot rollers for the last hour or so, and I’m now pulling every last one out of my hair, allowing it to tumble down my back reaching my hips. I run my fingers through it, so it looks wavy and admire my makeup. As per usual, Lacey has applied it with artistic flair. My lips are a light pink gloss, but she’s done my eyes in a cat-eye, and I love how it turned out. I’m dressed casually in a comfortable pair of dark skinny jeans, light pink sweater and my converse.

  I look at Lace and take a deep breath, “Thanks for everything Babe. Wish me luck.” She gives me a huge hug and pats my ass as I go to leave, she’ll either hang out here and lock up when she leaves or leave shortly after me. Whichever she decides I’m easy, she’s got a set of keys for that very reason.

  I head out to my car, putting the keys into the ignition and turning the radio on. I pull out of my drive and try to breathe deep during the short drive. I’m singing under my breath as I pull into the parking lot behind the shop, locking the car up behind me.

  I’m still trembling, as I walk into the coffee shop. I’m supposed to look for a tall, thin guy with a blue shirt. I see someone, who fits that description and approach slowly while I smile and say, “Hi, I’m Savannah, are you Andrew?” He’s a good looking guy with brown hair and eyes, and he’s dressed nicely. I smile in relief, this date might not be so bad after all. He looks like an average guy, but then I’m sure the smile slides right off my face as I watch him eye me up and down, licking his lips in the process as he grabs his crotch and grips it as if to say “check this out.” Oh ick. This guy is a creeper. Lucky me, I think to myself. He hasn’t even stood up to greet me, or anything. He’s still doing his perusal, and then has the nerve to actually say the words out loud while cupping his crotch, “Check out what I’ve got to offer you.” What a total dick. I need to get out of here, and fast. The longer I’m around him, the more nauseated I am and I have to fight the urge to vomit and my hands are shaking again, but not from nerves, this time from fear. I really want to get away from him, he’s rubbing me the wrong way in every way. I’m sure I have a sick half smile, half “WTF” look on my face right now.

  I excuse myself and say I’m going to grab my coffee, and while in line I pretend to receive an emergency phone call, my hands shaking with the lie. I’m an honest person, but I don’t know any other way out of this situation having never experienced it. As I’m standing there, hoping I can fake this guy out, I see the guy from the club, Reid. We’ve been texting back and forth and he sends me the odd picture of cute cats and stuff. I’m not sure why he’s doing it, but every time I see a text from him I smile. He’s in line for his coffee and he looks concerned as he watches me. I give him what I hope is a confident smile, not wanting to get him involved in my little drama when my phone vibrates.

  Reid: You ok?

  Me: Yeah. Date drama. Andrew Randall = douche

  I watch him read my text as he initially smiles and then his brows furrow. I see a muscle in his cheek clench but I’m not sure if it’s because he’s angry with me. My phone buzzes again.

  Reid: Do you need my help?

  I smile as I read his response. He’s so sweet to be concerned about me. I chew on my bottom lip as I think that maybe he can make sure I get out of there safely without the douche following me.

  Me: I’m going to tell him I got an emergency phone call and then leave. Can you make sure I get out ok w
ithout him bothering me or following me?”

  He turns around in line and nods at me. I release a sigh of relief.

  I really hope I can get this man off my back and pull this off but I’m not much of an actress. I walk back to our table, and hope I have a concerned frown on my face. I hate being dishonest, but I have this terrible feeling about this guy, he’s leaving a crawling sensation on my skin and I just need to get away. I’m about to give him my excuse, when he beats me to the punch and says, “You’re leaving, right? I can see it all over your face.” He sighs dramatically then pouts, but I need to stand firm and not give in. This guy has been a total jerk, and creepy too. Maybe gentlemen are only found in my social circles, the ones I was raised in. Those men would have stood up to greet me, offered to buy my coffee and held my chair out for me to sit down. Not this guy.

  “I’m terribly sorry, but I have a family emergency that I need to tend to,” I say breathlessly. “Enjoy your coffee.” I can’t lie and say it was nice meeting him, and I most certainly won’t say, “We’ll have to do it again sometime.” Pffft, not going to happen, I think while smiling to myself. I turn to head out and hear him say “cunt”, under his breath. I’m proud of myself for not flinching or reacting in any way. I don’t bother giving him another moment of my time and keep going with my head held high. There is still a piece of me that feels like a total and utter failure. I knew me and dating was a huge mistake. Who am I kidding? I’m just a fool. I hurry out of there, confident that Reid will make sure I get out of there. I don’t even second guess that he’ll make sure I’m safe, there is something about him that is big and intimidating, yet I feel so safe in his presence.

  I call Lacey when I get to my car, tears streaming down my face. “It was a total bust Lace,” I cry, “I’m hopeless and I’ll never meet anyone,” I say quietly pulling down the visor so I can see if my mascara is running. I can hear Lacey on the other end of line, and can tell she is thinking of what she wants to say to me.

  “Nonsense,” she scoffs, “It’s one stupid coffee date, and if the guy was a creeper, then he’s a creeper,” she says firmly. “I’m on my way over,” she says, “So bring out the wine, so we can whine,” she says while laughing at me. I end the call and I’m about to put my phone in my purse when I’m startled by a knock on my window. I turn my head and see Reid watching me with a little frown on his face as he makes a motion with his hand signaling I should lower the window. I sigh and turn the key so I can lower the window.

  “Oh Sorry,” I say breathlessly while wiping the tears from my face, “I didn’t say thank you.” He’s shaking his head back and forth at me.

  “Don’t apologize,” he says in that gravelly voice, “I just wanted to make sure you’re ok, you seem pretty upset.” His eyes don’t leave mine, his gaze intense. I watch hesitantly as his hand reaches out and cups my face, running his thumb back and forth. My body shivers, and then I send him a shaky smile and start the car. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I’ve been having so many symptoms, I just don’t have time to get sick. Not now. I sigh and look to Reid, still patiently waiting beside the car.

  “I’m ok,” I say while dropping my gaze in embarrassment, “I appreciate your help.” I give him a little wave and close the window in his surprised face and head home, ready for some girl time with Lacey. I see him in my rearview mirror, standing where I left him, a frown marring his beautiful face as he watches me leave.

  I head home and grab the glasses and my wine and don’t have to wait more than ten minutes for Lacey to arrive. It isn’t long before she has me out of my head and laughing. I know she’s hoping that this incident doesn’t stop me from meeting new people, and I assure her it won’t. It was one date that didn’t turn out, so I’ll just need to go on another and see how that goes. Things are bound to get better.

  Several hours and two bottles of wine later and I’ve parked Lacey into my guest bedroom, snoring softly. I smile softly as I watch her sleep. She’s so peaceful. I turn to walk to my bedroom when my phone buzzes in my hand, reminding me that I have texts waiting. I’m already smiling and I don’t even know if it’s from him for sure.

  Reid: You doing better Peanut?

  Me: Yes

  Then I send him a picture.

  Of a praying mantis. Oh my God, Lacey’s right I’m such a dork.

  Reid: Is that a praying mantis?

  Crap. What do I say?

  Me: Don’t have sex with it, it will eat you after

  Reid: Good call, it was looking at me all seductive like

  Me: That’s how they get you

  There. I stayed factual, covering up my faux pas of sending a picture of a damn bug. Sheesh.

  I brush my teeth and wash my face, stepping into my sleep shorts and tank and then pulling a brush through my hair. I fall into bed, exhausted and spinning a bit from all the wine I consumed. I think back to my disastrous date and flinch as I remember every word and gesture.

  I guess I am naïve, I didn’t think people behaved like that. Thank goodness I’ll never have to see his smug face again. I’m about to fall asleep when my phone buzzes again and I cannot stop the smile that follows.

  Reid: Tell me really, how are you? I worry about you.

  Gah, he’s so sweet, but I do not understand why he’s so concerned for me.

  Me: Why?

  Reid: You’re just a tiny peanut and I’m worried about you. You were so upset when you drove off.

  There’s those symptoms again. What is wrong with me? I text back the only thing I can think of and drift off to sleep with a smile on my face.

  I watch her drive away, concerned about her. She looked truly out of sorts and acted as if she didn’t know what to do. Surely she’s had shitty dates before? I sigh and run my hand over my shaved head feeling the bristles on my callused hand.

  I don’t know what it is about that woman, but the more I see her, talk to her or even text her the more I want to be with her. I’m sure it’s sexual chemistry that is pulling me, what else could it be? I just want her underneath me, and once I get her there I’ll lose all interest. She’s just giving me one hell of a chase. I pull out my phone to send her a text. I know I just saw her and just talked to her, but I’m worried about her. She’s just a tiny little thing and the fact that she looked upset and terrified really worried me.

  Me: You doing better peanut?

  I smile when my phone buzzes almost immediately.

  Savannah: Yes

  Followed by a picture of a praying mantis. What the fuck?

  Me: Is that a praying mantis?

  Savannah: Don’t have sex with it, it will eat you after

  I bust out laughing. She’s fucking hilarious! I feel pressure to come up with something funny, before finally tapping out my response

  Me: Good call, it was looking at me all seductive like

  Savannah: That’s how they get you

  This girl is going to be the death of me, I can’t stop smiling. Damn I’m turning into a pussy.

  Me: Tell me really, how are you? I worry about you

  My eyebrows shoot up into my hairline with her question.

  Savannah: Why?

  Doesn’t she know how she impacts me? She must know and just be playing, or is she still trying to be funny? Women play all sorts of games that must be it. I decide to go for honesty, to halt any and all games from here forward.

  Me: You’re just a tiny peanut and I’m worried about you. You were so upset when you drove off

  I wait a few minutes and I’m about to put my phone away, she’s given up on me my statement must have halted whatever game she’s playing. Suddenly my phone buzzes and I smile without even knowing if it’s from her, but sure that it is.

  Savannah: Thank you

  That’s it? No games? No nothing?

  I put my phone away, not knowing how to respond to her statement.

  Lacey and I have a busy day ahead of us, I’m at Lacey’s now to pick her up. I knock on her door, tapping my fee
t against her porch, humming a tune under my breath.

  “Hey girl, get your ass in here,” crows Lacey.

  Immediately my face splits into a huge smile.

  “Are you just about ready to go?”

  I look over to see the huge pile of resumes. We’re helping out a friend Lacey recently met by the name of Kalina. Kalina is desperately seeking employment of any kind and has been submitting applications online and/or in person whenever she can. Obviously she can’t be in more than one place at a time, so that’s where we come in. We’ve got twenty applications along with her resume to drop off at various places in the city.

  “Yeah,” she sighs, “I think I’ve got everything organized. I’ll take these ten applications, and these are yours. As you go into one, I’ll go into the other and hopefully this will only take a few hours.”

  I nod my head, eager to get going.

  “Sure, no problem. How’s Kalina doing?”

  Lacey looks at me and opens her mouth about to say something then closes her mouth and does it one more time before she’s ready to talk.

  “She’s doing ok. She’s running from a bad situation,” she says shaking her head.

  “I told you that she is a mail order bride?” I nod my head, flabbergasted that things like that still happen in this day and age.

  “She thought she was coming here to marry the man of her dreams,” Lacey sighs, “Instead of a prince she got a frog.” Lacey shakes her head side to side, clucking her tongue.

  “I feel so bad for her, she’s a good, kind person and doesn’t deserve to be going through this.”

  “Yeah,” I say clearing my throat, “I feel bad too. She seemed really nice when I met her the other day.”

  “She had a good job in Poland as a nurse, but she has to retake a significant portion of her studies in order to be a nurse here.” It annoys me when I hear things like that, considering we need all the health care workers we can get. Whatever, it’s not for me to worry about.