Love, Honor, and Betray

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “Honey, let’s go sit down,” Janine said and then she went into the powder room. Charlotte took a seat on the family room sofa. When Janine returned with a few pieces of tissue, she sat down next to her.

  “Thanks, girl,” Charlotte said. “And I’m so sorry for coming over here like this.”

  “No need to apologize at all. I’m glad you called me.”

  “I hate burdening you with my problems, but I really needed to talk to someone. I really have to figure out what to do about this.”

  “Well, what is it exactly?”

  Charlotte wiped more tears and sniffled. “It’s Curtina.”

  “Is she okay?”

  “Huh!” Charlotte said, suddenly no longer feeling quite as sad or like she wanted to cry. “That little brat couldn’t be better.”

  Janine looked at Charlotte, and Charlotte could tell how taken aback she was. She was astonished to hear Charlotte speaking so negatively about her stepdaughter.

  “J, I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend like I love that child when I hate the ground she walks on. I hate the fact that she was ever born, I hate that ugly name her mother gave her, I hate everything about her.”

  Janine looked baffled.

  “I know this all comes as a surprise, but, J, I have felt like this from day one. And it’s never gotten better.”

  “Gosh, girl. I guess I don’t even know what to say.”

  “I’m sure. Especially since I led you and everyone else around me to believe that I was fine with Curtina. But the only reason I did that was because I knew if I didn’t pretend to be okay with her, it would cause serious problems between Curtis and me. And I didn’t want that.”

  “I’m so sorry” was all Janine said.

  “Not more than I am. And what I can’t get over is the fact that Curtis is choosing that child over me. He told me she’s not going anywhere, and I’m so disappointed in him.”

  “Maybe you just need more time.”

  “No, I’ve had all the time I need. She’s been around for a little over two years now, and if anything, I dislike her more than ever. So what I need Curtis to do is wake up. What I need is for him to realize that we will never be happy again until this issue is resolved.”

  Janine sighed.

  “And I’ll tell you something else, J. I’m so tired of having all these problems with Curtis. I mean, every time we try and work past one thing, there’s always the next thing staring us straight in our faces. And I just don’t want to keep living like that. We’ve now been together for ten years, but very few of those years have been completely happy and peaceful. I know I’ve caused some of our problems, too, but this thing with Curtina is the worst because Curtis has basically told me to take it or leave it. And he’s not backing down.”

  “Regardless, I still believe you guys can work this out. Especially since I know how much Curtis really loves you and how much you really love him. And that’s what’s important.”

  “That’s what used to be important, but now I’m not so sure.”

  “Maybe as more time passes, you won’t feel so betrayed and upset about this.”

  “No, I’ll never be okay with having that child around me. And while there was a time when I thought maybe I had forgiven Curtis, now I know for sure that I haven’t. I can’t forgive him because Curtina is a constant, daily reminder of Tabitha and the affair Curtis had with her.”

  Janine rested both her hands on top of Charlotte’s. “I just hate hearing this, girl. I hate seeing you so upset.”

  “I hate it, too, but it is what it is.” Charlotte took a deep breath. “But enough about me and my craziness. What’s going on with you? And where’s my precious little Bethany?” Bethany was Charlotte and Curtis’s baby goddaughter, who was now approaching her first birthday.

  “She’s fine and sleeping away. You wanna look in on her?”

  “Yes, definitely,” she said, and they both started toward the stairway.

  Janine and Carl’s home was breathtaking. Very few people knew how to put together furniture and accessories the way Janine did. The dining room was elegant and spacious, and the living room was just as lovely. Charlotte had always admired how beautifully decorated all four bedrooms were, too, which they were now passing on the upper level. When they arrived in front of Bethany’s nursery, Janine eased open the door and they tiptoed in.

  Charlotte smiled at how gorgeous and innocent her goddaughter looked. Bethany was a pure doll, and with all that Charlotte was going through and with as much as she missed her little Marissa, she wanted to scoop Bethany up and take her home with her. She wanted to keep her for days, weeks, and possibly even months, just so some of her pain would go away. She wanted her own little girl to love, nurture, and care for. So, actually, maybe that was it. Maybe it was time she considered the idea of getting pregnant again.

  After Charlotte leaned into the crib and kissed Bethany on the cheek, she and Janine went back downstairs.

  “Can I get you something?” Janine asked.

  “No, I’m fine. We ate over at Aunt Emma’s,” Charlotte said, sitting back down.

  “We went out because Carl is sort of on this new trip about me doing too much around the house and not taking out enough time for myself.”

  “You are so lucky to have a man like Carl. Someone who loves and respects you and who always seems to put your needs before his.”

  “Carl really is wonderful, and I thank God for him all the time, but so is Curtis. I know the two of you have been through a lot, but you do mean the world to Curtis. That much I’m sure of.”

  “I used to think that, too, but now I really don’t know.”

  “What you guys need is a nice long weekend away at some resort. Some time with just the two of you.”

  “Maybe.”

  “You do.”

  “We’ll see,” Charlotte said, feeling somewhat better than she had earlier, although it was mostly because she hadn’t stopped thinking about Bethany and how having her own baby might be the answer to saving her marriage. She was only in her thirties and certainly still young enough to conceive and bear a child, so her mind was made up. She would tell Curtis what she wanted, he would quickly agree, and life would soon be better for them. She wouldn’t give up on the idea of trying to get rid of Curtina. No sirree. But at least she’d have something happy to think about in the meantime. She’d be able to focus on something good and positive, and she could pretend Curtina didn’t even exist. She’d be able to ignore her even more than she had been.

  Chapter 5

  So much for big ideas, Charlotte thought as she sat at the kitchen island, watching Agnes serve breakfast to the entire family. She’d hurried back home yesterday evening and told Curtis how much she wanted to have another child but all he’d said was, “Baby, I don’t think this would be good for us, because you know you wouldn’t be doing this for the right reasons.” He’d allowed her to say her piece but had basically dismissed her and went on with the rest of his evening. He’d acted as though this conversation about her possibly getting pregnant hadn’t even come up. Which was the reason she hadn’t said a word to him since, and as she’d promised herself, she was officially through when it came to doing anything for Curtina. She hadn’t gotten her dressed this morning and had barely glanced at her.

  “Mommy, Mommy, look,” she heard Curtina say but ignored her. “Mommy, Mommy, look.”

  Charlotte picked up the Sun-Times, opened the front section as widely as possible, and Curtis and Matthew continued their small talk.

  “So, Dad, you know the Saints are going to be the new Super Bowl champs, right?”

  “As Mister said in The Color Purple, ‘Could be, could be not.’”

  “Yeah, right. You know they’re gonna win. Easily.”

  “We’ll see. And it’s not like I have anything against New Orleans anyway, but since the Indy coach is from Beloit, Wisconsin, barely a half hour from here, I gotta go with the Colts. I gotta root for my homeboy.”
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  “Please,” Matthew said, cracking up. “You don’t even know that man.”

  “Still, he’s from the area, and I believe in supporting all homeboys. Whether I know them or not.”

  “How sad. And pitiful, too, when you know they’re gonna lose.”

  “Like I said, we’ll see.”

  “We sure will. We’ll see those Saints go marching home with that trophy.”

  Charlotte set down the paper she was reading, but as soon as she did, Curtina started up again. “Mommy, look.”

  Charlotte still paid her no attention and had no idea what she was trying to show her. To be honest, she didn’t care what it was.

  “Mom, what’s wrong?” Matthew asked, catching Charlotte off guard.

  “Nothing, sweetie. I’m fine.”

  “Then why are you so quiet?”

  “No reason. No reason at all.”

  She could tell Matthew didn’t believe her because the next thing he did was look at his sister, who was sitting next to him, and then he said, “Let me see, Curtina.” Then he pulled her arm closer to him. “Wow, that’s a pretty little bracelet you have on. Now, that’s what’s up, little girl.”

  Curtina giggled, and Matthew ran his finger down her nose. Curtina giggled more, and Charlotte sat there, stone-faced.

  “Oh, well, I guess I better get out of here,” Matthew said, glancing at the clock on the microwave and picking up Curtina. He kissed her good-bye, kissed Charlotte, and then did his usual fist bumping with his dad.

  As he gathered his book bag and keys and headed out to his car, Charlotte yelled, “Be careful, Matt.”

  When he was gone, Curtis put down the sports section of the newspaper and turned to their housekeeper. “Agnes, if you don’t mind, would you please take Curtina upstairs to get her ready? I’m taking her shopping today.”

  “Of course, Mr. Curtis.”

  Mondays had always been Curtis’s day off, so Charlotte had wondered why he’d gotten dressed so early. This upcoming father-daughter excursion he’d just spoken about explained it.

  “So, you wanna go with us?” Curtis asked.

  Charlotte looked at him like he was nuts. He must have been out of his ever-loving mind if he thought she was going anywhere with the two of them.

  She didn’t say anything, though. But seconds later, Curtis got up and walked over to where she was sitting. He smoothed the side of her face with his hand and lifted her chin upward. “I’m sorry that I don’t agree with you about having another baby, but no matter what, I do love you. And who knows? Maybe if we can work through our current situation and come to terms with that, we can talk about this again. It’s not that I don’t want another child. It’s just that if we have a baby, I want it to be conceived with love and no heartache.”

  Charlotte wasn’t sure what it was, maybe her hormones, but suddenly all she could do was close her eyes, cry, and rest her hand on top of Curtis’s. He continued caressing her face, and chills eased through her bloodstream. She loved him, too, and thought it interesting how after all the years they’d been together, he still had such a mesmerizing effect on her.

  Curtis pulled her up from her chair, and Charlotte opened her teary eyes. She gazed into his and couldn’t stop thinking that no matter how much time had passed, Curtis was still the most handsome man she knew. Actually, the more she analyzed his face, she would swear he looked even better than when she’d first met him, if that were even possible.

  They stood holding each other, and then Curtis kissed her in a way that told her he did love her, that he still had extreme passion for her, and that he didn’t want to be without her.

  But from there, things went downhill.

  “Look, baby, I know you’re unhappy with the idea of Curtina being here and that you’re also sad about Marissa being gone. But if you could just try to see that regardless of the mistake I made with Tabitha, Curtina is simply an innocent child. If you could just try to see that maybe Curtina is God’s way of replacing Marissa. Maybe Curtina is God’s gift to both of us.”

  Charlotte shoved Curtis away from her. “God’s gift? You can’t be serious!”

  “Okay, baby, maybe that didn’t come out right. But you know what I mean. I—”

  “I just don’t get you, Curtis,” she shouted, interrupting him. “I don’t get any of this.”

  “Baby, look, I’m sorry. And why don’t you please try to calm down.”

  “Don’t tell me to calm down! Hell, why don’t you calm down? Or better yet, why don’t you tell that little bastard child of yours to calm down?”

  Curtis stared at Charlotte in a way she’d never seen him stare before, and she knew she’d gone too far. She would even take it back if she could, but her pride wouldn’t let her.

  Curtis finally shook his head and then left the kitchen.

  When he was out of sight, Charlotte tried settling her nerves and regaining her composure. Things were spiraling steadily out of control, and she was getting scared. She’d been telling herself for a while that she didn’t think things would get better, but deep down there had been this part of her that wanted to believe she and Curtis would eventually be fine. Now, she wasn’t so sure. They were playing a very dangerous game of tug-of-war, and she didn’t see how anyone had a chance at winning it.

  Charlotte sat for another twenty minutes, then went upstairs. When she entered their bedroom, she saw Curtis putting on his shoes, though he wouldn’t look up at her. So she went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. However, to her surprise, when she came back out, Curtis had already left. She wanted desperately to go find him, but at the same time she was still too angry about that whole Curtina-replacing-Marissa comment he’d made. She could just kill him for being so thoughtless.

  Finally, she walked closer to the doorway and heard Curtina singing in her bedroom. This infuriated Charlotte even more, and she wished Curtina’s little jovial behind would just shut up. For good.

  Charlotte returned to the bathroom, took her shower, and then stepped back out into the bedroom. This time, she looked out of the window and saw Curtis backing his shiny, black SUV out of the garage and the wrought-iron gate closing. As he drove away from the house, Charlotte saw Curtina sitting in her car seat, clapping her hands. Probably to one of those irritating DVDs she loved so much.

  Charlotte watched until her husband and stepdaughter drove completely out of the subdivision and knew she had to do something. She still didn’t know what exactly, but something. Anything. Anything at all as long as it had to do with eliminating Curtina from their lives. Maybe not literally—although literally doing away with her would solve everything.

  Chapter 6

  Mom, things really couldn’t be worse between Curtis and me right now,” Charlotte told her mother as she curled her legs up on the chaise. She’d browsed the Internet for a while and then decided to call her mom at work.

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  “Curtina is what’s wrong. I can’t stand her, Mom, and I want Curtis to send her to live with one of Tabitha’s relatives. My husband just won’t hear of it, though, and he’s acting as if I don’t even matter to him anymore.”

  “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. And why have you kept this whole thing from me? I mean, I knew when Curtina was born you didn’t want Curtis having a relationship with her, but once she started coming around I just assumed you’d accepted her. I thought you and Curtis were very happy now.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure everybody thinks that. But so much for appearances.”

  “You do think the two of you can work through this, though, don’t you?”

  “I don’t know because, Mom, I can’t deal with being around Curtina every day. It’s enough to drive me insane.”

  “Well, I do have to admit, I can’t imagine that you would be happy living with your husband’s outside child. I don’t think any woman would.”

  “I know, so I’m not sure why Curtis can’t seem to understand that.”

  “May
be he’ll soon come to his senses and will realize that keeping Curtina isn’t good for your marriage.”

  “I don’t think so. Not when he’s already said Curtina isn’t going anywhere. He loves that child, and she thinks the world of him. As a matter of fact, even Matthew thinks the sun doesn’t shine the right way unless it’s shining directly on his baby sister. She’s got them both wrapped around her little finger, and it’s sickening.”

  “Then, what we’re going to have to do is pray over this one. And you should also talk to Curtis again. Get him to see why having Curtina there with all of you isn’t a good thing.”

  “I’ll try. But I doubt it’ll change his mind because whenever the subject comes up, he always brings up Marissa and yada, yada, yada. He keeps harping on what I did to him.”

  “I’m sure he does. But you just hang in there. Curtis is a wonderful man who loves you, and in the end, that’s what’ll count.”

  “I hope you’re right, Mom.”

  Charlotte chatted with her mother for a few more minutes and then hung up. Soon after, she flipped through channels on their mounted flat-screen but stopped when she heard a show host on TBN talking about forgiveness.

  “No matter how much another individual has wronged you or betrayed you, God still wants you to forgive, forget, and move on. He wants you to forgive others the same as He has forgiven you for all your misdeeds,” the bearded man explained.

  Charlotte wished forgiveness was truly that easy. She wished she could somehow accept Curtina and go on with her life, business as usual. But she couldn’t.

  She flipped through more channels; however, when she didn’t see anything interesting, she decided to change out of her loungewear and take herself to lunch. At first, she considered calling Janine at the university to see if she already had plans, but then realized she just wanted to spend some time alone, enjoying a nice meal. She searched through her closet for an outfit and hoped getting out of the house would make her feel better.

  * * *

  Charlotte sashayed inside The Tuxon, told the hostess she needed a table for one, and the sixtyish maître d’ escorted her into the dining area. As they strolled further along, though, Charlotte thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. Had to be, unless it really was Curtis and Curtina sitting only a few feet away. Charlotte moaned silently and wondered why she couldn’t get away from them. Not even at a restaurant.