Trolled

by Bruce Coville

  I am sorry not to have been a more attentive grandfather, Cody. I told myself that with your father so angry with me for returning to Finland when I did, it was better to stay in the distance. The move was a choice he could not understand and I could not explain. But I see now that hanging back was wrong.

  Do not hesitate to contact me with any other questions that arise. And give my regards to Nettie Thump! Though I never met her, I have long been fascinated by her story. I never imagined she would end up in New York City!

  Love,

  Grampa Raimo

  PS: Have you noticed anything strange about your farts?

  Text messages between Cody Takala and Raimo Takala

  Cody

  How did you know about the fart thing?!

  Raimo

  Because I have the same problem. It’s one of the side effects of being part huldra. Oddly, for some reason it doesn’t happen to huldra themselves.

  Cody

  It’s so embarrassing!

  Raimo

  I know. But not much you can do about it. How do yours come out?

  Cody

  They smell like roses!

  Raimo

  Interesting. I get lily of the valley.

  Cody

  How do you deal with it?

  Raimo

  Well, I haven’t eaten beans for forty years. But basically you just get used to it. The condition skipped a generation with your dad.

  Cody

  Lucky him!

  Raimo

  Look at it this way, Cody. Odds are good that with your huldra blood you’ll be tall, handsome, and rugged…with farts that smell very pretty. There are worse things to have as the family genetic markers! I can tell you from personal experience that as long as you can keep the farts quiet, so girls don’t know where the smell is coming from, they will find the odors very attractive. You should have a very good love life.

  Cody

  GRAMPA!!

  Raimo

  You’ll thank me later on. Trust me.

  From: R.Takala@finnet.fn

  To: C-Tak@kid2kid.com

  Date: 10/20

  Subject: About That Prince

  Dear Cody,

  Now that you know about me being half huldra, it might not surprise you to learn that I have access to a lot of information hidden from most humans. It’s one of the reasons I chose my career as folklorist. I have even been inside Troll Mountain!

  Because of this, I have a stock of things I haven’t written up for publication. Sometimes this is because they are mere fragments of stories, unfinished and thus unsatisfactory for the average reader. Other times the information is just too sensitive to release to the human world.

  Anyway, the point of all that is that after our last exchange of text messages I went digging through my files for something I had a vague memory of recording a couple of decades ago. It took me a while to find it, but it was worth the search. I am attaching it, as I am sure it will be of interest to you. It would probably also be of interest to Nettie, though she may find it disturbing.

  I will leave it to you to decide whether to share it with her. Her story is already such a sad one that I would hate to make things worse for her.

  Most people would think this is a mere fairy tale, of course. But now that you know about trolls and huldra and the Enchanted Realm, I’m sure you won’t have any trouble believing it.

  I can vouch for my source. He is a tonttu named Aspen Markonnis, and we have been friends for many years. He is highly placed in Troll Mountain, so I can promise that this is all true.

  Now that I know Nettie is still alive, I plan to do some investigating to see what else I can find out about this. Though it has been many years, I may even go back to the mountain! (Wish me luck!)

  Love,

  Grampa R

  PS: I am so happy to be in touch. I truly regret the long silence that separated us!

  From The Annals of Troll Mountain

  By Aspen Markonnis

  When Queen Hekthema failed in her plan to marry her daughter to Prince Gustav Fredrik, she was filled with both wrath and fear.

  The wrath was due to her daughter’s betrayal. By showing the prince her true face, Nettie had demolished a carefully laid plan.

  The fear was at what Nettie’s father (who was, after all, the King of Troll Mountain) might do when he learned of his wife’s failure and his daughter’s disobedience.

  After two nights of brooding (as she told me herself, when I asked her what had happened), Hekthema hatched a new scheme. If they could not drag the prince under the mountain as their daughter’s captive groom, they would have him in another way.

  With that in mind, Hekthema disguised herself as a human crone, seemingly too old and withered to be a threat to anyone. Then she left Troll Mountain, carrying with her a basket of apples, one of which was specially enchanted.

  It was this apple with which she planned to snare the prince.

  The troll-hag stationed herself in the same place where her daughter had met Gustav Fredrik on those occasions that led to his falling in love with the disguised girl. For three days and three nights she waited for the prince to come that way again. When he did finally appear, he was sullen and downcast, still mourning the loss of the beautiful maiden he had thought he loved until she revealed her true and trollish nature.

  When the prince drew close, Hekthema stepped into the road and croaked, “Apples! I have apples, ripe and red. Will you buy one, sir?”

  Despite being wrapped in bitter sorrow over his loss, the prince took pity on the crone. “I’ll buy an apple of you, Mother,” he said as he gave Hekthema a silver piece worth a hundred times the price of an apple.

  She handed the prince the apple she had prepared especially for him. Bright and shining on the surface, it hid poison in its firm and juicy flesh. With the first bite, Gustav Fredrik swooned and fell to the ground.

  Hekthema dropped her glamour. At once her appearance shifted from a bent and withered woman to the powerful troll-hag she truly was. Throwing back her head, she uttered a growling cry. In response, seven tonttus burst from the forest and lifted the prince’s senseless body. Swiftly and silently they bore him to the glass coffin Hekthema had prepared for his long sleep.

  Then the tonttus carried Gustav Fredrik, coffin and all, into Troll Mountain.

  From that day to this, the beautiful prince has slumbered in the glass coffin, guarded by the seven little men.

  And none knows how to wake him.

  Text messages between Cody Takala and Alex Carhart

  Cody

  Hey, Alex! You there?

  Alex

  Yep. What’s up? Angus getting on your nerves?

  Cody

  No, he’s fine. He keeps telling me what a pleasure it is to spend time with someone who is naturally tidy.

  Alex

  He would! Actually, the state of my room is starting to bug me. When are you bringing him back?

  Cody

  Not sure. It’s not like you live only a few blocks away. I can’t just say, “Hey, Mom, can I go over and visit Alex?” And I can’t pop him in the mail. Besides, I think I’m going to need him for a while longer. Things here are getting weirder.

  Alex

  Weirder than you being able to talk to cats?

  Cody

  Yeah. Turns out I might be part troll.

  Alex

  Jeez, Cody, you’ve told me some whoppers, but that’s pretty far out even for you.

  Cody

  It would be…if I was making it up! But I’m not. Seems that handshake I told you about brought some of my troll aspects—like being able to talk to cats—to the surface.

  Alex

  Not tracking here. Why would a handshake do that?

  Cody

  Because Ned Thump, the person I shook hands with, is actually a troll.

  Alex

  Get out of town!

  Cody

  It gets weirder. Turns out not only is
Ned not human, he’s not even a guy! SHE is really a troll named Nettie.

  Alex

  Why was she pretending to be a guy?

  Cody

  I think it was just easier for her. She’s huge and really ugly. Now I need your female take on something.

  Alex

  Girl trouble?

  Cody

  NO! Well, sort of. It’s about Nettie. I’m going to email you a couple of things I got from my grandfather in Finland. One is sort of a fairy tale, except it’s totally true. The other is an unfinished story, but it’s true, too. What I need to know is whether I should tell Nettie about the second thing.

  Alex

  This is nicely mysterious. When are you going to send?

  Cody

  Soon as we end this conversation.

  Alex

  Then let’s end it. I’m dying of curiosity!

  Text message from Alex Carhart to Cody Takala

  Alex

  TELL HER!

  Cody’s Life Log

  10/24

  After I got Alex’s text message I had a long talk with Angus about how to tell Nettie that Prince Gustav Fredrik is still alive, that he’s imprisoned in a glass coffin, and that her mother is the one who did it.

  His first response was that we shouldn’t.

  “Saints and marshmallows, boy!” he cried. “Do you know how messy that will be?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Trust me, lad…when you get to mucking about with love, things always get messy. And you know I canna abide a mess!”

  “But don’t you think Nettie has a right to know?”

  “What good would it do? To begin with, she’s here and the prince is in Troll Mountain, on the other side of the Shadow Sea. Secondly, it’s her own mother who’s holding the prince prisoner. And thirdly, it’s not as if Nettie could wake him.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Well, it has to be true love’s kiss, doesn’t it?”

  “I don’t know. The stuff Grampa Raimo sent said no one knows.”

  “Well, true love’s kiss is the way that sort of thing usually works.”

  “Well, Nettie truly loved him. So if that’s the way it usually works, she should be able to wake him.”

  “You’re not paying attention! She loved him. But he did not love her. He fled from her! So what’s the point in telling her?”

  “I don’t know. I just feel like we ought to do something.”

  Angus crossed his arms and scowled at me. “You know, ’twas my da getting mixed up in matters of love that brought about the curse that forced me to come to Alex.”

  “Well, that didn’t work out so bad, did it? The two of you seem to like each other.”

  Waving his tiny fists in the air, he cried, “You great sentimental slop of a boy, have you heard a thing I’ve been saying?”

  Then he stomped away, muttering to himself.

  I was glad Alex had warned me about his temper. Taking a deep breath, I counted to ten to calm myself, then started on my homework.

  An hour or so later Angus came stomping back—as much as someone who is only twelve inches tall can stomp—and said, “All right, we’ll tell her! It’s what my da would have done, so I suppose I should, too. But don’t think I’m happy about it!”

  So that’s settled.

  I hope I can talk Dad into letting me go back to the station with him again tonight. We have important news to deliver!

  Tuesday, Oct. 25

  I am in an agony of joy and confusion!

  Cody sought me out again last night. I did not want to talk to him, felt I was not ready for that, so when I saw him coming I turned to hurry away.

  “Nett—” he cried. “I mean Ned! Wait!”

  Fortunately, there was no one nearby to hear him. But that he had almost shouted out my real name enraged me!

  “Ned, it’s important! I have something you need to know.”

  I turned in a fury and growled, “What is it?”

  Cody looked frightened, so I probably sounded even harsher than I had intended. But I was still very upset about him discovering my secrets and wanted him to leave me alone. He took off his backpack, and I realized he had brought the brownie with him.

  “I told the lad ’twas nae a good idea, and you would not want to see him,” said Angus, sticking his head out of the pack. “Even so, I do think you’ll want to know this.”

  “What is it?” I said, trying to restrain my anger.

  “Um…can you read?” Cody asked.

  “Of course I can read,” I snapped, even though it wasn’t an entirely unreasonable question now that he knew I was a troll.

  Hand trembling, Cody held out a paper. “My grandfather lives in Finland. He studies folklore and collects stories. That was how I knew your story….I read it in one of his books! But what people don’t know is that one reason Grampa is so good at folklore is that he is half huldra and—”

  “What?” I shouted.

  He smiled. “My grandfather is half huldra. Which means I’m one-eighth huldra. Grampa thinks that’s what caused that jolt when you and I shook hands. The skin-to-skin contact pulled my huldra part to the surface.”

  I looked at my hand in amazement.

  “But that’s not the important thing right now!” Cody continued. “The important thing is that Grampa has connections in the Enchanted Realm. When I told him I had met you, he was very excited and decided to do some new research. Yesterday he sent me this. I wasn’t sure whether I should show it to you, so I asked my cousin Alex. She said I should definitely give you the information. So, um…here it is.”

  I took the papers he was holding and was startled to see my mother’s name. But that was nothing to the astonishment I felt when I read the whole thing and discovered that Gustav Fredrik is alive and being held prisoner in a glass coffin! Joy at the news and fury at my mother’s actions warred within me. My head began to swim. I think I may have actually staggered, because Cody cried, “Are you all right?”

  “Yes! No! I don’t know! Leave me alone! I need to think!”

  I must have seemed very frightening, because he turned and ran.

  I wanted to go back to my cave and curl into a ball. But I have made it a point of honor never to shirk my duties as watchman. So I faithfully followed my rounds until the night was over.

  But my mind was focused entirely on what I had read.

  Gustav Fredrik is alive…alive and imprisoned by my mother in a magical sleep!

  What am I going to do? What can I do?

  Cody’s Life Log

  10/25

  Someone must have pressed down really hard on the weirdness accelerator for my life, because this evening things moved into high gear.

  It started when I got home from doing my jobs at Granny Aino’s apartment. As I walked under the sycamore tree that stands near our building’s front door, I heard a squawk. Looking up, I saw a large black bird perched on the lowest branch. It squawked again, as if calling to me, then turned its head from side to side. I had an eerie feeling it was checking to see if anyone was watching. That feeling was confirmed when it leaned forward and said softly, “You’re Cody, right?”

  Too shocked to speak, I just nodded.

  “Good. I have a message for you.”

  A month ago I would have totally freaked out. But since then I’ve met a brownie, talked to a couple of cats, found out that I’m part huldra, and learned that my dad has a troll working for him.

  So I only freaked a little.

  “What’s the message?” I asked.

  “It’s tied to my leg. Go up to your room and open the window so I can come in. I don’t want to chance being spotted down here.”

  When I didn’t move fast enough, the bird made an angry squawk and said, “Mice on a bun, boy, get going before someone hears us!”

  I hurried into the building and up to our apartment. Once I was in my room I closed the door.

  “Welcome home,” said Angus, who
was tidying my desk (even though it was already quite neat).

  “Thank you,” I said, heading across the room.

  Just then the bird landed on the window ledge. As I grabbed the sill to raise the glass, Angus shrieked, “Moon and stars, Cody, what are you doing? You’re not going to let that thing in, are you?”

  “I am not a thing!” said the bird as I raised the window. “I am a raven, and a trained messenger. And fear not, small person. I have no interest in eating you. You would probably be sour and bitter.”

  Angus scowled, but I could see he wasn’t sure how to answer. Claiming he would actually be sweet and tasty was obviously not the best response!

  “Do you want to come in?” I asked the raven.

  “Thank you,” it replied, stepping over the sill. “I couldn’t enter without being invited. I appreciate your asking, since I’ve had a long flight and could use a rest before I have to turn around and go back.”

  “Back to where?”

  “Finland.”

  I stared at the raven. “You flew all the way from Finland? That’s thousands of miles!”