Ashes of Life

by Erica Lucke Dean

  “It’s not like she’s out there driving around! Better to drink at home with supervision than to be out partying with a bunch of kids her age.”

  Unbelievable! “And who’s been smoking pot? I should call the police.”

  “Pot? Shit. No one gave me any pot. Maddie!” She sat up further and bellowed for her granddaughter. “Maddie, get your ass out here. You’ve been bogarting the pot.”

  “Grandma Rosie?” Maddie’s voice slurred from down the hall. “I’m lying on Mom’s bed.”

  “Well, get out here. You’ve got company.”

  My skin bristled as David’s barely recognizable sixteen-year-old daughter staggered down the hall, black mascara ringing her brown eyes like a raccoon’s, her long honey-brown hair tangled in knots around her head, and uncharacteristically risqué clothing hanging from her lithe frame.

  “You rang?” Even her voice sounded off.

  “Maddie? What the hell are you wearing?”

  She untucked the red satin slip from her panties and glared at me. “Well, if it isn’t my wicked stepmother. What brings you to my humble abode this fine day? Here to bring me a shiny red apple?”

  Under different circumstances, I might have laughed. Instead, I choked back my horror. “Your principal called. I guess I don’t need to ask why you weren’t at school today.”

  “Nope.” Maddie turned on her heel, nearly slamming her head against the wall as she brushed past me, smelling like a homeless person, and made her way to the kitchen. “Hey, Grandma Rosie. Did you eat all the Cheetos?”

  “You know I don’t eat those damn things,” Rosie barked in her smoker’s voice as she pulled herself off the couch and brushed the orange dust from the front of her white shirt. “So what brings you here today… it’s Alex, isn’t it?”

  My mouth hung open as I watched the scene unfold in front of me. “How could you sit back and allow this to happen? She’s just a child! She’s drunk and high and looks—and smells—like she hasn’t bathed in days. And what in heaven’s name is she wearing? Have you no morals whatsoever?”

  Rose laughed in my face, and I held my breath to avoid a contact high.

  “She’s older than I was the first time I got lit. Her mama just died. She’s allowed to grieve a little.”

  “Grieve? You call this grieving? This is just one step away from suicide. No wonder David didn’t want you within two counties of his daughter. I’ve been to the lawyer. I know you’re not supposed to be alone with Maddie.”

  The older woman’s eyes grew hard, and she took a step closer to me. “Who the hell do you think you are? That’s my granddaughter in there. My daughter died. If Maddie wants to go play dress-up in her mama’s clothes to feel closer to her, who are you to say that’s wrong? You’re nothing. You’re not family. Marrying her father doesn’t give you a right to say what she can and cannot do.”

  I steeled myself against what I knew was coming next. “Oh, that’s where you’re wrong. According to David’s attorney, I’m Maddie’s legal guardian. You’re the one who has no say in what she can and cannot do. And since this house now belongs to me, you’re trespassing!”

  “What?” Rose gaped at me, her stale liquor breath wafting across my face like the ghost of old garbage. “Sarah left the house to you? She wouldn’t do that. We may not have had the best relationship, but my daughter loved me. I know she did. Just as much as I know she hated you.”

  I wrapped my hands around my midsection to hold myself together. Five minutes with Rose had ripped all those old wounds wide open again. “Well, she may have hated me, but David loved me. And he trusted me to take care of what mattered to him the most. So get out of my house.”

  “What the hell do you mean, your house? This is my mom’s house!” Maddie stumbled out of the kitchen wielding an open bag of Oreos, leaving a trail of cookies in her wake. “You get out! I don’t want you here. Just get the hell out. I hate you! I hate that stupid baby you’re carrying. And I hate—” Before she could get the last word out of her mouth, Maddie vomited all over the front of herself, dropping down in a heap as she cried.

  Part of me felt as if I should go to her. To comfort her. But I stood frozen in place as the last piece of the man I’d loved broke down in front of me, wondering how I would ever muster the compassion to do what he’d asked of me.

  Chapter 9

  Maddie

  Struggling against the weights holding my eyelids down, I managed to pop one then the other open. Even with hangover-induced blurred vision, I could tell I was in my room at home. My curtains blew wildly around the window, and the smell of Lysol was so strong I could taste it, right there on the tip of my tongue along with the bitterness of vomit and stale Cheetos.

  It was too cold to get out of bed, but I had to pee, so I tugged on the heavy blankets until I had them wrapped around me like a toga, and made my way to the hall bathroom. As soon as I’d finished emptying my bladder, I heard voices carrying from the other room. I recognized Alex’s sugary-sweet California accent.

  Inching my way closer, I tried to make out what they were saying.

  “I think I’ve finally managed to get the puke smell out of the carpet. I never would have thought I’d be giving a spit polish to my husband’s ex-wife’s house.” Alex huffed as if she’d just finished running a marathon.

  “You’re doing the right thing here, you know.” The man’s soothing voice sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t place it.

  Alex laughed, but she sounded anything but amused. “Right for who? For David? For Sarah? Certainly not for me. I just cleaned up from a drunken party my dead husband’s former mother-in-law threw for his sixteen-year-old daughter. This isn’t something people do on a regular basis. Maybe people on a Jerry Springer episode but not people where I’m from.”

  What a bitch!

  “I thought you were from LA. Are you telling me you’ve never heard about crazy Hollywood parties or Girls Gone Wild in your neck of the woods?”

  “Are you teasing me? At a time like this?”

  “Come on, Alex. You need to relax. She just lost her parents. She’s bound to act out. And as for the grandmother, from what I’ve heard, for a woman in her sixties, she’s not exactly known for her maturity.”

  I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t argue with what he’d said about my grandma. She wasn’t very parental, but she did know a thing or two about helping me forget.

  “You know, I called you in for a medical consult, not a psych evaluation.”

  Maybe the crazy bitch needed a psych eval.

  “Well, in my expert medical opinion, what you did here today was a good thing.”

  “Thank you, Doctor.”

  “Now who’s teasing?” His voice got all deep and sexy like Brody’s when he was trying to get me to bend to his will.

  Are you kidding me? I felt like I was a fly on the wall in a late-night, soft-core porn movie. My stepmom was flirting with some guy in my mother’s living room. Thanks to Michigan winters and the stupid frozen ground, my dad hadn’t even been buried yet, and she’d already replaced him. Acid clawed its way up my throat, and I swallowed it down. I hurried down the hall and back to my room before they caught me listening in on their romantic interlude. Not moments after I’d nestled under the warm covers, there was a soft knock against my door.

  “Maddie? Are you awake?”

  Would she never leave me alone? “Go. Away.”

  “I can’t do that. We need to talk.”

  “I need to sleep. In case you didn’t notice, I have a raging hangover. So unless you’re bringing me a bag of White Castle, you can leave.” I buried my face in my pillow.

  The hinges creaked as the door eased open. “No, I don’t have anything for your hangover. You should probably just suffer for a while. Maybe you won’t be so willing to get drunk again anytime so
on.” The mattress dipped at the foot of the bed. “You know, you could have killed yourself drinking that much while smoking pot and whatever else you were taking.”

  “Ohh, reefer madness! Whatever shall we do?” I clapped my hands to my cheeks and lifted my face just enough to give her my best bitch brow. Her eyes seemed darker and sunken in, and her reddish hair had lost all its shine, as if she’d just finished a stretch in the local jail. Good. “Did you ever think maybe I was trying to off myself?”

  Alex closed her eyes and muttered something under her breath. “You’re not serious!” What little bit of color she had drained away until her face was the color of paper.

  “You’re so stupid. Of course I’m not serious.” I wasn’t trying, but if it happened naturally, no great loss. It was all I could do to keep from kicking her scrawny ass off the end of my bed. Instead, I pulled my feet away from where she sat and pressed my face deeper into the pillow with a groan. “Where’s my grandmother?”

  “She’s gone.”

  I sat up faster than I should have, and my stomach gurgled. “What do you mean she’s gone?”

  “I called her a cab and sent her home.” Alex stood and straightened her sweats—Dad’s sweats. “She’s lucky I didn’t call the police.”

  I kicked at the blankets until I’d untangled myself enough to swing my legs over the side. “You sent her away? You have no right to do that! She’s the only family I have left. You can’t just dismiss her like the help.”

  She pulled her hands into her sleeves until they disappeared. “That’s what your parents would have wanted.”

  “Why do you even care? Now that Dad’s dead, you can do whatever you want. You won’t be stuck with me anymore.”

  Alex barked out another cold laugh. “What I want isn’t possible. What he wanted was for me to take care of you.”

  “He who? Who are you talking about? I know you’re not talking about my dad, because he would’ve never wanted to leave me… especially not with you! He and my mom were getting back together.” The minute the words were out of my mouth, I wished I could take them back. But since I was on a roll… “That’s why they were together that day. They were making plans for the future. Our family’s future.” The line between what was real and what I wanted with all my heart blurred, and I let it.

  Alex stood from the end of the bed and smoothed out the quilt before taking a few steps toward the door. “We can discuss this later—”

  “There is no later. I’m going back to Haleigh’s.”

  “No, you’re not. I’ve already spoken to the Thompsons and the school. You’re going to pack your things and come home with me.”

  “The hell I am!” I pounded my fists into the mattress. “I want nothing to do with you and your stupid baby. My dad only married you because you were pregnant. I mean, it’s probably not even his.”

  She tried to look cool, but I heard her gasp. “I’m not going to argue with you. You stink, you look like crap, and you don’t get a say in this. I’ll give you until dinnertime to grab a shower and a bag. We’ll get pizza on the way back to the house.”

  My eyes burned into her, trying to set her on fire, but she just kept talking as she got closer and closer to the open door.

  “I’m going to finish straightening things up out here. You have one hour.” Then she left my room and shut the door behind her.

  I looked down at the red slip I was wearing. After puking all down the front of it, it was completely ruined. I shivered as the cold air hit my exposed skin and ran to the bathroom.

  No way I’d’ve ever admitted this to Alex, but I felt way better after taking a shower. I switched off the hairdryer and pulled a towel around myself when I realized I’d forgotten to grab clean clothes. I crept through the hall to my room, clutching the towel against me.

  The guy’s voice from before still rumbled in the living room, stopping me just short of my door. I held my breath, trying to overhear what they were saying.

  “Alex, you need to rest. You’ve been on your feet for hours. Come sit.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not fine. You look like you’re going to pass out.”

  Good, maybe she’d die, and I’d finally be rid of her.

  “Thank you again, for your expert medical opinion, but feel free to leave anytime you like.”

  He sounded shocked. “Are you kicking me out?”

  “Don’t you have a shift or something?”

  “Let me worry about that. But no, I don’t have a shift tonight. I switched with Dr. Adams. In your current state, you really shouldn’t spend the night alone.”

  “Alone? As if that’ll happen again with Sarah Jr. sleeping under the same roof as me.”

  She acted like I wanted to sleep there.

  “Alex—”

  “Don’t.”

  “Did you tell her yet?” he asked.

  “Who? Maddie? I will, but now is not the time.”

  Tell me what? That she’d already moved on? Like I could miss that. She was spending time alone with this guy, not even two weeks after my dad—her husband—had died? She was probably trying to find a new baby daddy for her evil spawn. I tiptoed back to my room. The last thing I wanted to do was to confront that lying bitch in my mom’s house.

  After closing my door as quietly as I could, I went straight to the folded pile of clean clothes stacked on my bed, the bed that had been made in the time it took me to shower. They were the same clothes I’d sifted through what seemed like days ago. “Don’t touch my stuff,” I muttered as I pulled a long-sleeved T-shirt and my favorite jeans from the pile and a clean pair of underwear from the basket beside it.

  I picked my mom’s things from the clean laundry and shoved mine into a duffel bag, tossing it against the wall by my backpack. Ugh. My backpack—where my homework still sat untouched. There was no way I’d have time to get it done before tomorrow. Double ugh! I’d missed a test.

  “Maddie.” Alex’s voice carried through the closed door. “My car is leaving in ten minutes. You’d better be in it.”

  I’d rather you were under it. “Yeah, okay. Fantastic. Can’t wait.” As if my life wasn’t already FUBAR—fucked up beyond all recognition—without adding Malibu Barbie to the mix. I grabbed my bags and reluctantly made my way to the stupid Porsche in the driveway.

  On my way through, I glanced at the sofa and wondered if they’d had sex right there in my mom’s house. Bitch.

  “Where’s the guy?” I looked around and only saw Alex sitting in the driver’s seat of the car. Her boyfriend must have snuck out while I was packing.

  “He did what he needed to do and left.”

  “I’ll just bet he did,” I muttered. “Hey, if I’m going to be stuck with you for more than a few days, I need to stop at Haleigh’s and pick up the rest of my stuff.”

  “Days?” She turned to me and raised an eyebrow. “It’s going to be a bit longer than that.”

  “Great.” I huffed and folded my arms, sliding down in the seat until I could put my feet on the dash.

  “My thoughts exactly.” Alex kept her eyes on the road ahead of her. “Get your feet off the dash.”

  “I wish my dad was here.”

  “So do I,” she muttered so low, I wasn’t sure if I’d heard her right.

  We pulled into Haleigh’s drive, and I jumped out before the car had come to a complete stop. Being trapped in a vehicle with her was bad enough, and now I was faced with being trapped with her for the unforeseeable future.

  Before I’d even raised my hand to knock, the door swung open, and Haleigh stood inside gaping at me, a piece of bubble gum dangling from her lips like drool. “I thought you’d died! What the h-e-double-hockey-sticks, Maddie? You scared the living poop out of me. Where have you been?”

  I
shrugged. “Just hanging with my grandma for a few days.”

  “Sure. That’s why Mrs. Walker called here looking for you, and so did your stepmom. No one knew where you were.”

  “I was at my house. It’s really no biggie. I’m fine. See?” I turned around as if I was modeling my jeans. “Now let me in. I’m freezing my nipples off out here.”

  She stepped to the side, her pigtails bouncing around her shoulders, and I brushed past her to go inside.

  “Is that Alex’s car? What’s going on? Are you in trouble?”

  “It’s a long story. Basically, I’ll be staying with her for a while. Or forever. Who the hell knows? Right now, I need to grab my stuff and go before she comes in here to talk to me again.”

  A few minutes and another duffel bag later, I was back in the Cayenne, and we were heading home. Well, my dad’s home. I guessed it would be mine now too.

  I followed Alex through the garage into the kitchen.

  “What do you like on your pizza?” She pulled a wrinkled menu from a drawer.

  “The usual.”

  “Pepperoni and sausage?”

  “Eww, no.” I gagged on my saliva. “Ham and pineapple.”

  She frowned. “We’ll get two.”

  Alex called in the order while I dragged my stuff upstairs and stared at my homework for thirty minutes until the doorbell rang.

  The smell of fresh pizza wafted up the stairs, so I abandoned my work and bounded down, suddenly ravenous. Alex had her cell phone attached to her ear with a stupid grin on her face, so I knew she was talking to him again.

  “Hey, Maddie just came down to eat.” She laughed. “Yes, I promise I’ll call you later with all the details, but I’ve gotta go. Yes… I’ll be fine. Coffee first thing in the morning. Okay. Bye.”