Mocha Me Crazy

by Kristen Flowers

  “What?”

  “For a moment, I thought maybe he was different. I thought maybe there was more to him than stupid jokes and laziness. He turned out not to be a slacker living off daddy’s money and the more we talked… I just thought…” My eyes looked to the ground as I drew in a breath.

  “Oh, Cassie, you really started to fall for him, huh?”

  I sighed and looked at Alice as I tried to stop a tear spilling out from the corner of my eye. I didn’t want to answer the question, not with words anyway. I didn’t want to admit out loud that I was stupid enough to fall for someone like him. And now I was paying the consequences for it.

  “He may not be living off daddy’s money, but he certainly isn’t mature. He doesn’t take anything seriously. He isn’t all that different from what I thought.”

  “Cass, your impression of him is all wrong. You have no idea.”

  “No idea about what?”

  Alice looked around to make sure no one else was listening and then leaned in to talk quietly, “I’m pretty sure someone who is a self-made millionaire and owns his own company has to take some things seriously. Someone without discipline, someone who is all about the fun, they won’t get things done. Being a self-made person like that isn’t some stroke of luck. It’s serious stuff to build and run and keep your own company. That’s responsibility. He has priorities he just… He doesn’t live his entire life based on them.”

  I knew what she said made sense. I knew he had to have some sense of responsibility to be the self-made person he was, but I couldn’t shake the feeling I had from his general demeanor. It was like he never knew how to be serious.

  “Even if that’s the case, he’s still immature. Everything is a big joke to him. And, I swear, it’s like Cal can get away with murder where Hunter is concerned.”

  “It’s not like that, Cassie.”

  “Oh? Then what is it like?”

  “Cal is Hunter’s best friend, but it’s deeper than that. In Hunter’s eyes, Cal saved him. He owes Cal.”

  “I know,” I said, looking to the ground.

  “Hunter’s parents basically disowned him when he was a young teenager. It was bad. When Cal found out Hunter didn’t have a place to stay, he opened up the doors of his home. So now that Hunter had this billion-dollar idea, he feels like it’s his turn to take care of Cal. Has he told you anything about his past?”

  “Yea, a little. How do you know all this?”

  Alice shook her head, “Cal has a big mouth when he’s drunk. So, if you ever want something to remain a secret, he’s not the person to confide in.” I drew in a deep breath and let it out with a heavy sigh before Alice went on. “You have to do what you have to do Cassie. And if he’s not right for you, that’s okay. I would just hate for you to end it because you had the wrong idea of him.”

  To some degree, I knew she was right. All I did was think the worst of him. Time after time he would do something sweet and nice to me, but I’d sweep it under the rug and focus on the immature qualities of him. I gulped and looked down at my shoes, feeling guilty. I didn’t want to focus on the feeling that I had messed everything up.

  “It’s too late now anyway,” I said, more to myself than to Alice. “I, uh, I already have my train ticket to Denver to catch a plane back to North Carolina.”

  Alice looked hurt. I knew she thought it wasn’t too late. It didn’t matter if the tickets were purchased, I could always go back and talk to Hunter. But I had already made my decision.

  Alice didn’t say anything to encourage me to stay.

  Instead, she just admitted, “I’ll miss you, Cass. I hope you come back to Vail to visit.”

  “I will definitely keep in touch,” I smiled and looked around the coffee shop one last time.

  The next day, I walked into the coffee shop. The truth was that I had gone there in hopes of making amends with Cassie. Unfortunately, she was nowhere in sight. I hoped maybe she just wasn’t scheduled, but something told me there was more to it than that. Swallowing my pride, I stepped up to the counter to approach Alice.

  “Hey,” I said quietly, “Is Cassie here?”

  “Oh,” Alice said rather sadly, “Cass… Cassie’s not here.”

  “Oh, um, any idea when her next shift is? I know maybe you can’t tell me but-”

  She frowned, “She isn’t having a next shift. She’s taking a train to Denver so she can fly back to North Carolina. She’s- she’s going home, Hunter. She’s gone.”

  “Oh…she mentioned she was going back to North Carolina, but I didn’t think she’d already have a ticket.” It took every ounce of strength I had to stop my voice from cracking.

  I knew how helpless and devastated I looked, but I didn’t care to hide it. I wanted to make amends with her. After she stormed off, I had a lot of time to think. I was done pretending I hadn’t fallen for her. I was done messing around and I needed to talk to her. I needed to see her again to explain everything.

  “Hunter, I- I don’t know what to say.”

  “It’s okay,” I lied, “I just… I wanted to tell her how sorry I was. I don’t know if she told you, but the last time I spoke to her, I said some pretty hurtful things. I wish I could apologize to her and, I don’t know, talk. I just want to talk to her.”

  “Oh, Hunter,” Alice said softly with a frown.

  “Oh well. She’s just different, you know? Cassie, she’s not like any other woman I’ve ever known. She’s not like any other person I’ve known. And I wish I could have let her know that instead of arguing with her the last time.”

  Alice heaved a sigh, “Oh, she might kill me for this, but... She’s not gone yet. Her train isn’t leaving until 11a.m. so you have some time. Not a lot, but maybe enough.”

  My eyes quickly darted to the clock on the back wall. “It’s 10:48am right now. I- I have to go!”

  “She’s the most stubborn person I’ve ever met, but she has a good heart. I know she regrets that argument too.”

  “I have to go! Thanks! I have to go!” I bolted toward the door in a panicked rush as Alice yelled out, “Good luck!”

  I only had about 10 minutes left. This was only the second time I ever regretted walking into town. I had no car and no time to wait for an Uber ride. I had to run to make it in time.

  “It’s not too far away,” I muttered, “I can make it. I can do this.”

  Without a second thought, I started to sprint through the town, dodging snow piles here and there. I had no time to doubt my decision or second-guess anything. Alice was right; Cassie had a good heart. I knew that. Things had just blown up and gotten so out of control in the heat of the moment. I regretted every hurtful word I hurled at her. I hated myself for what I said.

  The freezing cold air stabbed into my lungs as I ran through the snowy streets. I flew past tourists, families with ski gear, and kids making snow angels. I almost knocked in to a snowman a family of four was proudly photographing.

  “Sorry! I’m sorry,” I shouted, causing me to hunch over to catch my breath.

  It was difficult to run on the snow and the pain in my chest from the cold air was getting to be unbearable. But I knew if I slowed down now, I’d never make it to the train on time. I took off again, running into a pile of snow and tumbling forward. I cursed and pushed myself back up, taking off without apologizing to the people I startled. The station was coming into view. I didn’t chance a glance down at my watch. I just needed to get there. Some part of me felt like if I just made it to the station, everything would turn out all right.

  I skidded into the train station and the giant clock looming overhead let me know I made it with nearly 7 minutes to spare. All I could do now was hope that she wasn’t already sitting on the train. I ran forward until I reached a loading platform with a train sitting right in the middle. That’s when I realized people were boarding the train on both sides.

  “Shit,” I cried in frustration and panic.

  I looked around frantically, but the giant crowd was just
a blur.

  I didn’t know how I’d ever be able to make her out in the throngs of people. And then the realization that she might be on the other side set in. In a panic, I dashed to a pedestrian bridge that hung over the train. Maybe that would give me a better vantage point. I ran up the stairs despite being tired and out of breath, gripping the golden rail and looking desperately at all the people below.

  “Come on,” I muttered under my breath, “Come on.”

  And then, as if the universe were answering my pleas, I saw her standing on the platform; alone amongst all the happy families and smiling faces.

  She stood with her luggage gripped tightly in one hand and her boarding pass in the other. She looked as serious as ever and the relief that flooded over me sent me sprinting down the stairs toward her.

  It took every ounce of will power not to scream her name at the top of my lungs. I knew that making a scene was not the way to get on her good side. I needed everything in my favor to keep her from getting on that train. Even if Alice told me Cassie regretted the argument, that didn’t mean she was willing to dump everything to hear me out.

  But as I neared her and she inched closer to the door, I couldn’t stay quiet.

  “Cass- Cassie!”

  She froze, but didn’t turn around.

  “Cassie,” I repeated, as I got closer to her.

  Finally, she turned to look at me with complete shock all over her face.

  “I’m sorry,” Hunter blurted out immediately.

  I looked at him blankly, but at least he had my attention. If he had any shot at this working, I needed to know why he was there. I looked at my ticket and then at the train before turning my gaze back to him.

  “I’m sorry,” Hunter repeated, “I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for all the nasty things I said. I’m sorry for getting carried away when we argued. I’m sorry for yelling and insulting you and not listening.”

  “Hunter,” I said, unsure of what to do.

  He took a step forward, “Cassie, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry because I didn’t mean those things. You deserve better. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve someone who will make you laugh and listen to the things you have to say. The last time we saw each other was awful. But it was also one of the best nights of my life. You can’t deny you didn’t feel it too. I’m scared that I’ve ruined everything. I shouldn’t have let things escalate to that point. And now, now you’re leaving. Now you’re going back to North Carolina and you won’t get to see how sorry I am that we didn’t get to know each other better. I want to see where this can go,” Hunter drew in a trembling breath, “and I think you do too.”

  I was completely torn. My mind told me to get on the train and never look back. But something deep inside of me made me want to stay. I wanted to ignore that feeling and turn my back on him, but it was too hard.

  Hunter stepped forward and pulled me into an embrace, knocking the wind out of me. My mind felt like it was short-circuiting. I didn’t know what to do because I never wanted to lose the feeling I had now. The warmth that enveloped me just from being in his arms was unlike anything else.

  “Hunter, that’s- that’s a lot to take in. Especially after last time, I just don’t know. I don’t know.”

  “I know,” he told me, holding me tighter.

  I sighed and buried my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. It made me feel like I could melt right on the platform. I could turn into jelly in his arms. I shut my eyes as a snowflake landed on my cheek. I remembered how thrilled he made me feel and how I had questioned things I never had before. I remembered my frustrations about him and how overwhelming it was to realize I started falling for him. I remembered how his lips perfectly melded with mine.

  All of these thoughts and the surge of emotions made it feel like the ground was slipping out from underneath me. And I realized—maybe I didn’t want to get into something that made me feel so uncertain and out of control. It was too risky. It was too much.

  “I know we’re two different kinds of people, but every time you’re away I can’t stop thinking about you. From the moment I saw your serious face in the coffee shop, I knew I wanted to know everything about you. I know I’m asking a lot of you right now. You always want to play things safe. But just this once…leap before you look.” Hunter was fighting back the tears as he spoke.

  He was right. I always wanted to do things safe and by the book. And Hunter was the opposite of safe. He was wild and unexpected. He didn’t really care about the rules and lived life the way he wanted to. He was everything I was afraid of and everything I thought I hated. But he also made my knees tremble and my breath stop. He made my heart lurch every time I thought about him.

  I was completely confused. I looked up at the giant clock at the top of the train station.

  10:57

  Any minute now, the train would be pulling out. I needed to decide if I was going to be on it.

  “All aboard!” An attendant yelled, looking directly at me. The entire platform was nearly empty now with everyone on the train.

  The attendant’s yell sent a jolt through me and I sprung back, away from Hunter. He looked at me longingly and I felt my breath catch in my throat. My gaze lingered on his lips and I wondered, just for a moment, what would happen if I decided to kiss him. There was a loud sound that pulled me back to reality.

  “Miss?” The attendant said as he stared at me.

  Everything about Hunter turned my world upside down. I wanted order. I wanted normalcy in my life again.

  I had to make the safe decision.

  “I have to go,” I said. I turned around and handed my ticket to the man just before he closed the door.

  Without looking back, I got on the train.

  I watched Cassie disappear onto the train and out of my life forever.

  My knees felt weak from running through town. Now they felt even worse from all the emotions rushing through me. The weight of it all was too much. The loss was too painful. The train platform was completely empty now, making me feel more alone than ever. I watched in defeat as the train started to move. Somewhere on there, Cassie was seated. She was leaving me behind.

  I tried.

  I had given it the best I had. A light snowfall started to fall on me from the open sky as I watched the train race forward down the tracks.

  I was trying my best to keep my emotions in check. I didn’t want my knees to buckle. I couldn’t collapse, even if the weight of everything threatened to squash me. I stared blankly ahead, watching the train sprint away in a blur. I would watch it until it completely disappeared. Watching it race away felt like the last thing I had left of her.

  Finally, the tail end of the train rolled away, revealing the other side of the platform like a page turning in a book.

  My breath caught in my throat the moment I saw red amongst the pure white snow-covered platform. My chest swelled with my heart thumping inside.

  Cassie was standing there with her little red luggage looking at me across the train tracks. The smile on her face was genuine, but nervous. She looked unsure of what she was doing. She had probably never felt this feeling before; a spontaneous feeling of doing what she wanted and not what was ‘safe’.

  I lit up with a smile. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I looked quickly down the tracks. There were no trains heading our way so I quickly jumped down from the platform. I wanted her in my arms as soon as possible.

  “What are you doing?” Cassie yelled out in a mixture of panic and amazement. I scrambled across the tracks and hopped up on the other platform.

  I didn’t say anything. I just pulled her into a kiss so tight her toes raised off the snowy ground. It was sweet and meaningful. It was completely unlike any kiss we had before.

  As soon as we broke away from the kiss she looked up at me with tears rolling down her cheeks. “This is the first time I didn’t follow my plan. I always follow the rules and I always stick to the plans. But, this time, I couldn’t be
on that train. I had to get off. I had to see what there was to this. I thought about what you said and you’re right. Sometimes you have to leap before you look. I’m sorry Hunter. I’m sorry for the awful things I said to you and my terrible reactions.” She drew in a quivering breath as her hands clutched at my arms. “I’m sorry for thinking the worst of you all the time. You are a remarkable person and I just wanted to ignore that. I think what I saw in you reminded me of what I hated in myself.”

  “Cassie,” I said, shaking my head.

  “No, Hunter. You deserve this apology. I’m sorry for ignoring all the good things I saw in you, but that’s not going to happen anymore. I got off that train even though it wasn’t part of the plan. But then again, I guess falling in love is never part of the plan.”

  I pulled her into another kiss as the white snow trickled down around us. I looked over her shoulder and watched the train disappear out of sight.

  Then, I held her a little tighter.

  “Well, the idea behind my piece of instillation art was that I wanted NotCat to leave his ass prints all over her yard. That way she could kiss his ass because she hit him like a heartless wench,” Cal said to the laughter of all our friends. “But it was freezing so its not like I was going to dip poor little NotCat’s ass in the snow. Besides, I wanted something better.” Cal lit up with a mischievous grin.

  “It’s a good thing that wasn’t the only plan,” Hunter joked.

  “I’m always a prepared man,” Cal said.

  “I can’t believe you put that much time into it,” Alice laughed as she playfully squeezed Cal’s hand.

  “Well, I had to do it right. It was the principle of the thing. You know she’d be less than pleased to walk out to her beautiful yard to find it littered with sculptures of dog asses.”

  “How did you even make those,” Hunter shook his head.

  “A lot of time and money. When you were having your budding romance with Cassie, your ‘barista girl’, I was busy doing real work, revenge!” Cal’s face contorted into a grin like he was an epic villain from a comic book, “But that’s beside the point. There may have been some surprises littered and buried here and there too.”