The Little Gift Shop on the Loch

by Maggie Conway

  ‘I didn’t know you had links to this neck of the woods but what a happy coincidence. Do you know the owners here at Dallochmore?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’d heard there’d been a few changes recently, is that right?’

  Lily shook her head, mystified. ‘I think so,’ she replied vaguely. ‘But I really don’t know anything. Why are—’

  ‘Don’t you see?’ he pushed on, ‘If you take the job, this could be your first project, liaising with the distillery.’

  Lily’s mouth fell open and then closed again. Jack was coming towards them, looking incredibly handsome and her heart started hammering. She felt the lightest of touches on her back as he came up behind her.

  ‘There you are,’ he murmured. ‘Been looking for you.’ His gaze flickered questioningly between her and James.

  Lily’s fist clenched at her side realising she had little choice but to introduce them. ‘Jack, this is James Sinclair.’ Her voice sounded strange. ‘We, er, used to work together.’

  The men shook hands, a look of confusion etched on Jack’s face. Lily could almost see his mind making connections, like pieces of a jigsaw sliding together. With forced brightness in her voice she desperately tried to steer the conversation onto safer territory. ‘Jack’s sister did all the incredible food here today.’

  ‘Really?’ James’s face lit up in interest and he homed in on Jack. ‘Are you associated with the distillery Jack?’

  ‘Family friends, that’s all,’ he replied in a measured voice. He glanced briefly at Lily and then regarded James, a look of distrust flashing across his face. ‘Are you here for pleasure or business?’ he asked him.

  ‘Turns out a bit of both actually.’ James slid his gaze pointedly at Lily. ‘Our company is always looking to refresh and expand our product portfolio and the growth of Scotch whisky makes it ideal for investment opportunities. I’ve got a meeting here at Dallochmore, actually. I believe there’s been a change at the helm recently, it could be just the type of place we’re looking for.’

  He held the glass of whisky he was holding up to light, considering its contents as he carried on. ‘Of course it’s not just whisky that’s going from strength to strength – remember when we visited the gin distillery Lily?’

  Lily had forgotten about that. James had been quick to seize on the gin trend, successfully securing a deal with a start-up business to supply Bremners with artisan gift sets.

  ‘Couldn’t have done it without you by my side Lily. Wasn’t that the day we stopped at that nice little restaurant for lunch?’

  Lily squirmed at how intimate it suddenly sounded. What made it worse was at the time that was exactly what she’d thought it had been. Intimate and personal. But in reality, it had only ever been about business, that’s all it had ever been to James, the way it was now.

  Lily stood helplessly and looked over at Jack, his expression unreadable. She swallowed, her stomach rolling with nausea at how this was beginning to look.

  Thankfully a tap on his shoulder prevented James saying anything further. ‘Looks like it’s time for me to go and circulate,’ he announced. He inclined his head briefly in Jack’s direction then turned to face Lily. ‘It’d be really good to work together again, Lily. Let me know soon about the job, I’ll be waiting.’

  Lily and Jack stood silently watching James’s back disappear into the sea of bodies. She tried to move her lips but seemed incapable of forming any words, at least not the right ones.

  Jack dug his hands deeply into his trouser pockets and turned, his eyes crowded with questions. ‘He’s the James you told me about, the one you worked with?’

  Lily tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Did I miss something? He offered you a job?’

  Lily let out a breath, not meeting Jack’s eye. ‘The interview I went to a few days ago in Edinburgh – it was with him. He offered me the job then.’

  ‘I see.’ Jack’s voice was disconcertingly low.

  ‘But I didn’t know the interview was going to be with him,’ Lily rushed on. ‘When the recruitment agency called me all I knew was the job was for a financial services company – it was only when I got there I found out the company was a subsidiary of Dunn Equity.’

  ‘And this is the man you worked closely with, the man you had feelings for?’ he questioned, recounting fairly accurately what Lily had told him on the day they’d been on the boat.

  ‘Yes,’ Lily flustered. ‘I mean we did work together but that was it. There was never anything between us.’

  ‘You sure? You looked like you were on pretty good terms to me.’

  Lily shook her head. ‘I’m considering a job offer from him, that’s all. There isn’t – never was – anything between us. I know that now.’

  Jack nodded thoughtfully. ‘He made you redundant, right?’

  ‘That’s right.’

  ‘Must be a hell of a job he offered you.’

  Lily narrowed her eyes suddenly feeling defensive. She’d worked hard for her career and was good at what she did. She wasn’t going to apologise for considering the job offer. ‘Actually, it is.’

  Jack regarded her, his expression darkening. ‘Why didn’t you tell me when I asked about the interview, why the secrecy?’

  ‘It wasn’t a secret. I was working things through in my own head, that’s all. In fact,’ she paused. ‘I was going to speak to you today—’

  ‘You knew he was interested in Dallochmore?’ Jack interrupted.

  Lily frowned. ‘Not until a moment ago—’

  ‘That’s why you were asking all those questions, why you wanted to come today? You were doing your homework for him?’

  ‘What? No!’ How could he possibly think that? ‘I had no idea James was going to be here until ten minutes ago.’

  A small group of people suddenly surged in their direction chatting nosily and Jack stepped back to let them by, jabbing a hand through his hair distractedly.

  ‘So is he serious about making a move on Dallochmore?’ he asked, turning his attention back to Lily. ‘Because from what you told me how they operate, somehow I don’t think Dunn Equity would be good news.’

  Lily blinked, wondering how to make him understand she didn’t know anything. ‘I should imagine there’s a possibility but I have no idea,’ she replied incredulously.

  ‘So what would happen next if they want to invest?’ Jack rolled his neck to one side, tension oozing from him. ‘Do you think there’d be job losses?’

  Lily shook her head in exasperation. ‘I don’t know – there’re a lot of factors that would come in to play.’

  Lily knew the way James operated. He’d want to maximise the returns but it would depend on the risks involved and he’d wait to see the state of the distillery’s finances. She also knew there could well be redundancies and other consequences that might not go down too well. Even though she’d known nothing about any of it, the fact James had just asked to be involved made her feel horribly implicated in some way.

  ‘Jack, I know nothing about it. We never discussed Dallochmore at the interview and I didn’t know he would be here today. You do believe me?’

  James nodded and there was a long agonising silence before he spoke again. ‘So do you think you’ll take the job?’

  Lily was beginning to feel light-headed. This was not how today was supposed to go. She thought of all the things she’d wanted to say to Jack today and the conversation she hoped they’d be having. But that was before James turned up and now they were having a very different one.

  Jack looked at her and Lily could feel the doubt she saw in his eyes begin to creep into her own thinking. She’d stepped out of herself these last few weeks and now she felt herself retreating again. ‘I – I don’t know.’

  ‘Isn’t this what you wanted, a job back in the city?’ Jack’s eyes softened for a moment. ‘If it’s something you really want to do, you should go for it.’

  Only now did Lily wonder what she im
agined might happen today. Had she really thought Jack was going to declare his feelings for her? Beg her to stay? Right now, she wasn’t sure if he even trusted her.

  Just then, Adam appeared nearby with a couple of people who he seemed to be showing around and called Jack over. ‘I should go and see if he needs help.’

  ‘Of course, you should go,’ Lily told him.

  Jack hesitated for a moment, looking at her uncertainly. ‘I’ll see you shortly,’ he said.

  Lily remembered Isla’s words from earlier. Jack helped everyone. It was his way of dealing with what had happened. Helping her had simply been part of salving his guilt with what had happened. She’d thought it was her but it was everyone – Adam, Iris, Angus … There was nothing special about her. Lily knew in her heart he was a good man but he had his own issues to deal with and perhaps he wasn’t ready to move on.

  The kiss they’d shared might have been passionate but it had been in the heat of a drunken moment. Hadn’t he said he’d only had a few casual relationships since his split from Jessica and perhaps he’d only ever seen her as a possible casual dalliance while she’d been here. She’d misread the way he’d been with her as something much more than it obviously was. She’d been a fool, misread the situation with him just as she’d done with James. She could hardly believe what an idiot she’d been and humiliation swept through her. To think she’d almost spilled her heart out to him and revealed her feelings. Thank God she hadn’t.

  ‘Actually, I’m feeling pretty tired. I think I might go and see Iris,’ Lily said, keeping her voice light. She inclined her head towards Adam who was waiting. ‘You do what you have to.’

  Jack hesitated for a moment, his gaze flicking to Adam and then back to her.

  ‘I’ll be fine,’ she assured him.

  Lily watched him walk away and swallowed hard. The last few weeks had meant so much to her. She’d dared to hope and dream of a future in Carroch with Jack but perhaps she’d got it wrong. Perhaps Carroch wasn’t where she belonged, no matter how much she’d thought she wanted it to be. Opening the shop had been idealistic, a way of trying to connect to her mother but perhaps it had been a foolish idea. She’d been lured by the people, by the loch, the peace. By Jack.

  She’d got carried away but this wasn’t her life, it was her mother’s. She should be living her own life. Carroch wasn’t where she belonged, no matter how much she had thought she’d wanted it to be. She didn’t want to walk away but that’s exactly what she was going to do now.

  Lily felt her guard come up. Knowing what she needed to do now, she turned and went to find James.

  Chapter 17

  ‘Mr Bell could see you at half past twelve tomorrow if that suited you?’

  ‘That would be perfect, thank you,’ Lily replied, figuring she’d be able to make it to Mr Bell’s office and back in her lunch hour. She hung up the phone running her eye down her list, ticking another thing off with a satisfying stroke of her pen. You could achieve a lot in a week, she’d discovered, if you really put your mind to it. She sat back in her seat and finished her coffee. It was just about tolerable but given she was in a swimming pool café she supposed it could be a lot worse.

  She’d been working for over a week now. Her new office was in a nondescript modern block just outside Edinburgh’s city centre and coloured in a hundred shades of beige. It was nowhere near as charming as Bremners of course but when she’d discovered it was near a swimming pool, Lily had seen it as a sign and she’d been swimming every morning before work.

  It wasn’t the same as swimming in the loch by any stretch of the imagination. Warmer certainly but nowhere near as invigorating or life-affirming. With their moist walls and stray hairs the changing rooms were something to be endured but at least if she arrived early enough the pool was still relatively empty, just her and a few others determinedly clocking up lengths. She’d managed thirty this morning.

  Lily bit down a sigh. How she missed the loch. She missed everything. It was still so difficult when she allowed herself to think about what she had left behind in Carroch and what could have been. For a little while her dream had held so much promise before it had turned into nothing more than a fantasy. Had she’d really believed she’d had a chance of finding happiness with Jack and making a successful business out of the gift shop?

  But once she’d realised the dream was over and her life was back in Edinburgh she’d acted quickly and decisively, wasting no time after she’d left the whisky festival.

  Galvanised by her disappointment, she’d returned to the flat above the shop, hastily packing her clothes and the few items of her mother’s that she was keeping. What little furniture there was, she would just leave. Later and under the cover of darkness, she stole into the shop for a last look around, making sure everything was secure and given the place a final tidy up. After all, the next people there would be perspective buyers.

  She’d gone to see Iris and Angus early the next day and explained her decision to head back to Edinburgh. It had broken her heart to see the small exchange of glances between them. Angus had agreed to take Misty on the proviso that Lily visited regularly which she’d happily agreed to. Of course she would – Iris and Angus were the closest thing she had to family and it meant the world to her to know they were there for her. She was determined to see them regularly and had decided a car would be a good use of some of her redundancy money. She wasn’t exactly relishing the prospect of visiting car showrooms but it was next on her to-do list. That way she’d be able to drive straight up to the cottages to visit Iris and Angus whenever she wanted, avoiding the village and the risk of seeing Jack.

  The knitting club would keep running until a buyer was found which admittedly might not take long, and Lily felt terrible about it. She tried to be optimistic that whoever bought the property would keep it as a gift shop and maybe – just maybe – keep the knitting club running. She’d have to go over it all with Mr Bell at her appointment tomorrow when she gave him the instruction to sell. No doubt Finlay wouldn’t be too pleased when he found out she was selling though her own solicitor but she hoped this way she’d have more control over the sale.

  And then it had been time to leave.

  How she’d got through those first few days Lily didn’t know – simply by putting one foot in front of the other and willing herself to get on with it. Nothing about it had been easy but with a grim determination she set about claiming back her old life, beginning with her new job.

  Miles away, Lily was jolted back to the present by a group of elderly ladies shuffling their way passed her table heading to the early morning aquafit session. Realising it was time for her to leave Lily gathered her things together, ready to make the ten-minute walk to her office.

  She’d settled in quickly. The work was all routine, she could practically do it with her eyes shut and in some ways it was as if she’d never been away. All her new colleagues were at their desk when Lily arrived at nine o’clock. She nodded, saying good morning and waving over to Gillian already in the middle of a call. A trainee accountant, she was full of energy and enthusiasm, something about her reminding Lily of herself – or at least how she used to be.

  She kept finding herself staring at the screen in front of her, her thoughts drifting to Carroch. She thought of the view of the loch she’d woken to every morning and the sense of the tranquillity she’d felt. She imagined the blazes of colour, the oranges, pinks, purples and violets as the sun rose and set over the loch. And she thought of Iris, Angus and the knitting club ladies, wondering what they were doing.

  But it was the thoughts of Jack that caused her heart to ache and made it impossible to focus on anything except how much she missed him. It took every ounce of her willpower to push them away.

  She liked to think she was a still good accountant but the truth was, something within her had changed and she wasn’t the same person anymore. If there was one thing the last few weeks had taught her, it was that she wasn’t going to allow work to consu
me her whole life again.

  From now on it was going to be all about finding the right life-work balance. No incessant checking of emails, no taking work home and definitely no more crazy-long days. Which was why exactly eight hours later at precisely five o’clock Lily left her desk. There was nothing so important it couldn’t wait until the next day.

  Her new office was too far to walk home from so she hopped on a bus and then stopped to grab some dinner at the Italian deli on the way back to her flat. With the weight of her shopping bag and her swimming bag slung over her shoulder, she was relieved when she finally turned into her cul-de-sac. She could see lights being switched on in downstairs rooms as people arrived home and settled in for the evening.

  There’d been some rain earlier and the first leaves of autumn had fallen. The street lamps cast a glow on the wet pavements and Lily concentrated on stepping carefully over the leaves that lay slippery and golden. Lifting her head as she approached the stairs to her flat, she almost stumbled in shock.

  Leaning against the black railings, huddled into a warm jacket with the collar turned up, was Jack.

  He looked so out of place Lily thought she must be seeing things. She squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again but he was still there. They simply stared at each other, and for how long she had no idea. Time seem to stand still, her eyes drinking in every single detail of him as if they were thirsty for him.

  He looked tired, his jaw shadowed by stubble and his dark hair ruffled as if he’d just run a hand through it. Lily had never seen him looking so devastatingly handsome and every fibre of her being longed to touch him. But while her body might seem to thrill at the sight of him, her mind wasn’t so easily convinced.

  Her swimming bag slid from her shoulder and knocked the other bag out of her hand onto the ground. He was over in two steps, scooping up her bags and taking them from her. ‘Here, let me help,’ he said.