My Mind's Eye (Pub Fiction #1)

by Gillian Jones

  “Jesus, Kitty Kat, that is sexy as hell. I can’t believe you didn’t pass out with him staring at you practically naked. I guess you’ll be checking the door like a person with OCD now, eh?” Claire says, and I can’t help but laugh nervously because she’s right on both accounts.

  “I don’t know what the hell was going on,” I tell her, exasperated. “I was just too stunned. Then I was trying to play it off all cool, and, well, you heard how well that turned out,” I say, making a pouting face, and she just smiles.

  “Well, chicka, once again, I’m proven right. I did tell you that you’re one hot piece of ass, and I’m sure seeing that rack of yours in your little lacy bra only helped Ryker to react like that when he opened that door. I can only imagine his face; I would have loved to have seen both of your faces, actually.”

  As we chat a bit more, she is a perfect ear. She listens to everything I tell her and reassures me it will all work out. She convinces me that my little tantrum is the last thing Ryker will remember.

  “Now speed it up.” She taps my knee as she rocks up and down with excitement while sitting on the couch. We’re now facing each other, and she’s pushing me to move on to the good part. “Okay, enough shop talk, I wanna hear how Mr. Mountain o’ Sex ended up on top of you. I cannot believe you didn’t start with that shit, now go. Eeep, this is killing me. I’m glad you worked for me last night. But before we go on, I need to take a quick pause to ask a very important question. One I really need you to consider, okay?”

  “Oh no, do I really want to hear this, Claire? You are being way too giddy about this,” I reply, my voice skeptical.

  “Well, because it’s clear it’s inevitable.” She grins at me before continuing. “Well, are you going to tap that?”

  Oh brother, this girl is way too much sometimes, but, unfortunately, I can’t help but roll my eyes while I scowl at her. “Ah, Claire, just a reminder: You’re a girl. I don’t think we call it ‘tapping that.’”

  “Meh, equal rights,” she replies, rolling her hand impatiently. “Get on with it.”

  I continue with the part I consider the good stuff, the part where my arms are pinned above me with Ryker whispering in my ear: You smell too fucking good, baby. Jesus, you are…

  “Wham! There it is! The part I couldn’t make out,” I say, louder than I intended to. I’m clearly more affected than I was hoping to let on to Claire, but I can’t help it. I’m pretty giddy and radiating excitement. I’m not going to be able to deny it anymore. There will be no more trying to hide and deny my real feelings on the subject of hooking up with one Ryker Eddison. My voice has started to fluctuate all over the place. “And, that’s all I got.” I’ve been trying so fucking hard to guess what the last word he whispered in my ear had been before he bolted out the door.

  “Fuck, that is hot, Kat, but why didn’t you hear what he said? I mean, he was whispering words into your ear, how the hell didn’t you hear? You’re killing me!” Claire states, annoyed. I’m killing her, ha! Meanwhile, I’m dying a little inside.

  “Damn it, I know. But it’s like as soon and I heard him call me ‘baby,’ I melted. It was like that word and his growling tone caused me to short circuit. Maybe he was mumbling, or maybe it was just that him growling ‘baby’ like that caused me to go half-deaf at the worst fucking time, and that’s why I didn’t hear the last word?” I say with a long, deep sigh, now restlessly prowling around the living room.

  I’m not a virgin by any means, but sex has always been very…vanilla. “Vanilla” seems to be the term everyone uses to mean boring, right? So, yes, it’s definitely been vanilla. Vanilla in the sense that it has never been an all-consuming, ‘I need you now’ kind of act. Sex for me has always happened when I was in more of a relationship situation, never one-night stands, and it’s been mostly plain old missionary, which is sweet, I guess, but not how I imagine it would be like with a man like Ryker. God, just thinking about Ryker evokes a kind of wantonness I’ve never felt before. Jesus.

  “I’m not really sure why it’s hard for you to understand why I can’t be sure what he said to me. I mean, after all, Ryker was pinning me down, whispering in my ear. You try having that man pin you down like that and see how much you can focus.”

  “Relax, Kat. If I didn’t know better, I’d almost think you liked it and wanted more,” she taunts and smirks at her.

  “What the fuck did you expect to happen? A girl can only take so much, you know. I think my brain just shut down. Fuck, look at him!”

  It doesn’t go unnoticed that I have now let on just how much into Ryker Eddison I might be.

  Claire starts bouncing up and down on the sofa, and squeals, “ERMAHGERD, O-M-G! Kitty Kat, you soooo want to tap that! I knew it! You little lying bitch! I knew it. You can’t deny what’s written all over your face. Hellooooooo! Kitty Kat needs her catnip, people.” God, I love to hate this bitch sometimes. My bestie howls and holds her stomach as she enjoys my squirming way more than is strictly necessary.

  Part of the problem I have with admitting to Claire that, yes, I might be finally warming up to the idea of having a one-night stand…and with Ryker, is that I’m inexperienced. I’m nervous and not really sure how to even go about it. I’ve never been that type of girl. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging. It’s not that I think one-nighters are wrong, it’s more that I’m not sure I could pull one off. Truthfully, I’m not sure I’m built to be the ‘love ’em and leave ’em kind. I think I’m too much of a stressor to not allow my emotions to become involved when I think I’ll always want more than a one-night stand. Besides, I kinda really like the idea of being wooed and all that fluffy stuff that I’ve never had. I’ve just always been the relationship type. However, that route hasn’t always worked out for me either; at this point, who the hell knows which is better?

  I attempt to get Claire to drop the current topic of conversation, but to no avail. She is relentless about hooking me up with Ryker.

  “Claire, Ryker and I haven’t talked much yet. All I know about him is hearsay and rumors and, of course, the weird interactions we’ve had, but I admit that, yes, there is something there. I do feel it. You were right. I think we might be great together. Even if it’s…if it’s just for one night. But the hard part for me, Claire, is can I do one night?” I ask, leaving it in the air.

  “You little minx,” Claire shouts, but then looks me in the eye, like really looking at me for the first time since all this shit with Ryker started, realizing I’m considering all the facts. She’s looking at me like she’s really contemplating my words, her words, and the situation. Like she knows I might be about to make one of the biggest changes to myself, and it’s with her help. I just smile as she watches me in silence for a few more minutes.

  Then I take a deep breath and get ready to tell Claire about the next part.

  “But before we keep talking about Ryker, I need to tell you what happened after work. And I need you to stay calm. It’s not really a big deal, but—”

  She cuts me off immediately. “Fuck that, Kat, what the hell happened? You never start like that unless it’s something big or something bad. Just tell me, but you know I can’t promise not to react. Pssht, please. You know better than to ask that shit of me.”

  “Okay. It was Seth. He showed up after work. He was waiting for me at my car,” I say, broaching the subject of Seth with a calm voice, trying to show her I’m okay. Because, honestly, I am. Other than a few texts and phone calls, this was Seth’s first time showing up in person; well, as far as I know anyway. And I’m pretty confident that after Ryker talked to him, it will be the last.

  “What the fuck! What a shitface douchebag!” Claire yells, pacing the living room now. She’s going on about what an ass he’s always been and how I need to call my dad and Wes so they can deal with him once and for all. She hates Seth and always has. Claire tried to tell me how he was a controlling asshole, but of course, I was too blind to see it.

  Once she calms down, she makes me repea
t the Ryker parts over and over. I swear, she’s getting a kick out of this now. Hearing how Ryker is a hero, how Seth got shut down, and blah, blah, blah, yes, yes, he is a pretty fucking hot—all hero—caveman of a being.

  “Now tell me again, please, why the hell—after last night—you aren’t convinced this could work with this hunk of a man? I mean, he came to check on you, Kat. Come on, that is major swoon.”

  Putting my hands up in surrender, I cave and tell Claire my true thoughts about him.

  “Yes, Ryker Eddison does seem to have some sort of powerful pull on me, one that is starting to make me and my lady bits go crazy, and I’m realizing that, yes, maybe there is more to him than the player status. And, yes, seeing him last night has heightened his likability, a lot. He was all superhero-like, swooping in to save me from that asshead, and it was pretty fucking sexy.”

  “Shit, yeah, that is such a sexy visual. I can picture him being all hot and seething. Now to think of a name and design his costume.” She strums her hand on her chin as if contemplating this. “Nah, but honestly, Kat, I really think you should just go for it, just put yourself out there and take a chance for a change. You can do it. You know deep down you want to; shit, I can see it written all over your face.” I sigh, preparing to share my final decision with her.

  “With all this having been said, I’ve been thinking, and I really need you to really hear me now. Are you listening, Claire? Because this attraction, these feelings are something I will be ignoring. Us hooking up is something that will never happen. I need to focus on other things, like school and work. Besides, I’m really not build for that kind of relationship. It can never happen. It won’t ever happen. In fact, I will deny having ever felt attracted to him from this point on. I felt what I felt, but in the end, I know he’s just a player, and so I’m going to leave it alone.”

  “Uh-huh,” she says, and smiles. “I completely understand, Kat.”

  “Claire,” I draw out her name after seeing her sneaky smile. “I mean it, you got me? Please. Listen to me for once. I will not be, like I’ve said before, another notch on his bedpost. I refuse.” I go on, rambling now.

  Claire just stares at me, smirking.

  “For real, Claire Bear. I need you to tell me you understand. Seriously.”

  Smirk.

  “Honestly, Claire, I don’t want to have to worry that you’re saying stuff to Ryker about me—and how we should hook up—when you’re working together.” I sigh and stare at her, waiting for confirmation. “Okay?”

  “Argh, okay, I got you, Kitty Kat, don’t you worry. I gotcha loud and clear,” she sasses back at me, her eyes shining with mischief, brows raised with interest. “But I can thank him for coming to your rescue,” she taunts before she says good day and heads to her room for a nap.

  After shutting everything in the living room off and cleaning up our mugs and bowls, I head up to my room too, but to think. My conversation with Claire helped a ton, but I seriously feel overwhelmed and I need to reflect more on what the hell I’m going to do with the Mr. Honeybutter situation.

  Chapter 14

  Ryker

  October

  Fuck me! My dick has been hard for over a month now, ever since Kat barged into my life. Not hard in the ‘I can tug it out in the shower to make it better’ way, either. No, I mean hard for that sweet little thing, Kat. Fuck. Ever since the time I practically broke her when I bumped into her, and then when I walked in on her in the staff room. Shit! I have been harder than Wolverine’s adamantium claws. Anytime I think about her, it’s like—bam!—my dick’s at full attention. Her pouty little mouth and that fucking attitude she tries to give me, just make me crazy. God, I swear, a guy can only eye-fuck a chick so hard for so long before needing the real thing. She’s fucking beautiful.

  Thank Christ we don’t work together; I don’t know what I would do. Yeah, I do. I’d be fucking her in the staff room, supply room, maybe even on Levi’s desk? Fuck. That last Friday shift in August nearly killed me. Thinking of that shift, I would have killed that son of a bitch had he laid a finger on her that night. Since that incident, I’ve had Levi make sure all late-night employees are escorted to their cars by security. That way I can make sure she—no, all—of the female staff are safe when leaving work.

  I wonder who that asshole was? Fuck, why do I care? ’Cause she gets to you.

  It doesn’t fucking matter who that asshole is, anyway. I told him if I saw him sniffin’ around Kat or the bar again, he’d live to regret it. He tried to tell me she was his. I laughed in his face. It was priceless. “You’re not man enough for that girl, asshole. You probably wouldn’t know what to do with a fine piece of ass like Kat.” I grabbed him by the collar, stood toe-to-toe with him. “She’s fucking sweet and MINE. My advice from this point on… fuck the hell off. I protect what’s mine. Now get the fuck outta here before I change my mind and kick your ass.” I don’t know why I told him she was mine, but I did. And if I’m being honest, I like the way it sounded. A lot.

  “Matty, you ’bout ready to get the fuck going yet or what, pretty boy? You need me to come do your makeup?” Justin, my roommate, yells out to Matt, our other roommate, and my best friend. We’re sitting in our living room sipping beer before heading to the bar, waiting on Matt like always. “Let’s fuckin’ go, dude.” He shouts out again, shaking me free from my thoughts. He turns to me. “You all right, brother? You seem preoccupied. You itching for some sweet pussy like I am? It’s been a slow week. Between work and school, that’s all I’ve done. I sure as shit need to relieve some tension tonight,” he admits with a grin.

  “Naw, man, I’m good. Was just thinking about work shit, is all. Yeah, of course I’m ready. I’m always fucking ready. I could definitely use a distraction.” I stand and nod at his beer. “Another? Seeing as Princess isn’t fuckin’ ready yet…”

  Man, I need, just need, to get laid. I realize this the more I think about Kat’s tight body.

  It sure as hell doesn’t help that Claire, her fucking roommate, can’t seem to stop talking to me about all things Kat and showing me pictures. She’s taunting me on purpose, I swear. She gave me the biggest hug and thanked me for helping Kat with her ex. It’s almost as if she really is on to me. Like she knows, despite my aloofness to her ramblings, how affected I am by Kat, that I’m actually quite interested in learning about her.

  Thank God the boys and I are headed to the bar tonight. I’m sure to find a hot piece of ass there to take the edge off. It’s only been this long because Levi’s needed me to work a few mornings helping out this daily operations when I don’t have classes on top of my usual nights since two full-timers up and quit mid-September, leaving us short-handed. Liar.

  “Dude, let’s fucking go. The Beaver and Bulldog is gonna be jammed with the hotties by now; it’s almost eleven. I am not coming home alone tonight. Let’s fuckin’ go, man. Five more minutes and we’re leavin’ your ass behind,” I yell up the stairs as I grab two more beers for Justin and me from the fridge.

  Tonight my plan is to get myself back into the game. Back to thinking about taking care of me and my needs. Seriously, no more thoughts of hot girl for this guy. Like I said, I don’t do relationships. Why the hell am I letting this girl get to me? Thoughts of her have been distracting me non-stop, her beautiful smile popping in my head at the wrong times, all the time. I don’t like not being in control; well, tonight I’m taking that control back.

  It’s not that the opportunity for a serious relationship hasn’t presented itself since my breakup two years ago. Believe me, if I wanted a steady girlfriend, I’d have a bevy of choices. Cocky or not, it’s the truth. But like I said, it’s been all about release for me. I don’t have time for feelings and emotions or idle chitchat about shit I couldn’t care less about. I have goals and a life plan that I intend on seeing through to the end. It’s not like I’m here to find, meet, and marry the head cheerleader. No, for right now, it’s all about getting my dick wet.

  I’ve been t
otally consumed with being at work and school all the time that I guess thoughts of her have been able to seep into my mind’s eye through the cracks, taking up spaces that aren’t usually reserved for only one girl. And after tonight, she will slip on out just as quickly as I slip my dick inside the pussy of the chick I allow to grace my bed for a few hours. Goodbye, Kat.

  There’s a thunder from the stairs and, suddenly, Matty bounces into the room ready to go.

  “How do I look?” Matt twirls in front of us, like the chick he is once he’s finally downstairs, ready to get the night on.

  His signature cologne as it clouds the room and I notice he’s spiked his short hair up in the front tonight.

  “Aww, Matty, you look very pretty. I just love your hair all spiky like that.” I point and he calls me a douche.

  “Nah, fuck, man, you still look like a dick. What the fuck? We thought you were changing,” Justin razzes Matty, and we share a good laugh at his expense.

  “Sorry I took so long. My room was a mess. I needed to make it pussy safe. I don’t need some chick-repellent smell making my night’s fuck change her mind suddenly because my room smells like a hockey bag, you know? This guy needs to get laid tonight.” He points double fingers at himself, and I can’t leave it alone.

  “Dude, your face alone is a pussy-repellent. It’s not your room you need to worry about,” I say, downing the last swallow of beer.

  “Fuck you, Ryk, you pretty boy. Let’s fuckin’ go. I’ll show you how the ladies love Matty. I ain’t no repellent. I’m like a fucking magnet…a chick magnet.”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake, dude,” says Justin, “that was lame. Do not say shit like that again.

  And maybe if you cleaned your room on a more regular basis, you wouldn’t be wasting our trolling time. Let’s fuckin’ go already.”

  Bring it on, says my cock.

  Chapter 15