by K. S. Thomas
Quinn
It’s been nearly a month now. A month of running at least once, sometimes twice a day and winding up at Riker’s place. If he has a life outside of work and fucking me, I don’t know when he has time for it. I don’t have one. So it’s not interfering with anything other than time spent listening to Kirsten tell me all the ways I should be living my life right now that I’m not, and I’m always happy to take a break from that merry-go-round.
She has a point, of course. I can’t spend the rest of my life living in her game room. Nor do I want to. But things are...complicated.
The sun is starting to set later now that we’re moving into summer and I have to keep reminding myself that Riker won’t be home from work for another hour because feeding time has been pushed out as well. I’m antsy and tempted to go for an actual run, when the phone rings and my heart stops. Only two people ever call me. And I spoke to my mother this morning, so I know it’s not her.
“Hello?”
“Quinn. Got a minute?” It’s Devyn. My lawyer.
I sink down onto my bed. “There’s news.” It’s not a question. She wouldn’t be calling me if there wasn’t. She knows how much I hate the phone.
“I’m sorry, kid.” I can hear her sigh on the other end of the line. “Looks like we’re going to trial again.”
I bite my lip hard. Not because I’m about to cry, but because I want to feel the pain of piercing a hole into my own flesh with my teeth. Pain and pleasure seem to be the only two sensations still connecting me to this body and I need to know I’m still in it right now.
“When?” I don’t know what I want her to say. Next week? So I can face it and get it over with? Two years from now so I can pretend until then that my life has the capacity to be normal. That it’s worth getting up every day. Worth planning for a future I may never really have.
“Three months. Trial is set to start August 19th. You’ll need to come back before then, so we can discuss how we want to proceed. It’ll be different this time. It’s a civil trial, not criminal court. The stakes aren’t nearly as high, and, I think it’s important that you know, that one verdict does not guarantee another one. It’s a new trial. New judge. And a new opportunity to prove your innocence.”
I let out a harsh laugh. I don’t mean to. Devyn has been nothing but good to me. She’s seen me through everything and been there defending me every step of the way. Even when I was ready to give up and told her I didn’t need her to do so anymore.
“I’m sorry, kid. I really am.” And I know she means it. Even though she doesn’t have a damn thing to apologize for.
“Don’t be. Seriously. This is not your doing. It’s mine. I’m the reason for all of it. So now I need to figure out a way to face the next round of consequences.” I run my hand over my face and through my hair. I should really brush it. I don’t think I’ve done anything with it since I left Riker’s place early this morning after another one of our joint showers.
“Are you at least liking it out there? Are you getting out? Meeting people?” Devyn’s not much older than Kirsten, but she’s been like a second mother to me since the day I met her. Only one I actually feel like I can talk to. Probably because of that legally binding confidentiality agreement we have.
“I’m not getting out exactly...but I’m working a lot and I’ve got a little project I’m trying to grow into something bigger. Something that could maybe someday make a difference and would make me feel like I had more purpose in my life...of course now I’m not sure there’s much point in pursuing it.” I flop backwards into my mattress and reach over to pet Harley who’s lying curled up by my pillow.
“Don’t say that. Of course there’s a point in pursuing things. This trial is just a minor hiccup along the way. The worst is already over. You’ll see.” She’s trying too hard to sound optimistic. And, apparently she doesn’t even believe herself. “I hate this. Please tell me you’re at least getting closer to your sister so that I don’t have to picture you there all alone, wallowing in self-hatred and despair until someone finds your stinky, decaying body.”
I roll my eyes at the ceiling. I suppose we don’t have the most conventional attorney client relationship. “Kirsten is trying. I’m just not cooperating as well as she would like.” I pause for a moment, then decide she’s legally obligated to keep my secrets so there’s no harm in telling her. “But, you can rest easy knowing I will not be alone tonight and my body will live to be decay free another day.”
I can hear her office chair squeak as she leans into it. “Do tell.”
“His name is Riker. He lives a mile up the beach and he is hot as hell. Also, he’s been fucking my brains out for the last month or so and it has done wonders for my mood swings.”
“Abigail Quincy, you watch your language.” Devyn tries to muffle her laughter, but I can still hear it. “But seriously, good for you, girl. You deserve it.”
“I don’t know what I deserve, but I know I’m taking it anyway. At least until August.” I squeeze my eyes shut as if that will somehow erase the new knowledge I’ve gained regarding my looming fate.
“Why does it have to stop in August? Wait. You haven’t told him, have you?” Her tone is quiet and almost sullen. Funny how I do that people. Take them from perfectly happy to perfectly miserable in no time at all.
“I haven’t. And I don’t plan to. That’s not what being with Riker is about. I was being very specific when I said I’ve been sleeping with him. That’s literally all we do. It’s not a relationship. And it’s not going to become one. And if you tell Kirsten any of this, I will have you disbarred.”
“You can’t have me disbarred for that, you psycho. Telling me about your little booty call hardly applies to your legal case or my job as your attorney. That was all girl talk, my friend. And I won’t tell. But because I’m not a gossip. Not because you threatened me.” She’s laughing again, but it’s different. It’s dry and bittersweet, like it’s taking a great deal of effort.
“Thank you.” I force myself back into an upright position. I know this conversation is coming to an end and if I wait too long, I’ll just end up lying here all night curled up in a ball caught in some time warp where I’m still the old me, too scared and weak to get up.
“Well, I’m going to let you go in a sec so I can finish up here at the office and get the hell home...where there is no hot guy waiting to screw my brains out, I might add bitterly,” she chuckles and I mimic her automatically. “But before I go, I’m going to impart one last little piece of wisdom on you, one single girl to another. You can only be intimate with a man for so long before you become intimate. Maybe you think your head is running this show, but I’m telling you, your heart isn’t far behind. So, you know, you should probably try talking to him in between your sexcapades.”
“Yeah, I’m starting to think I shouldn’t try talking to you.” It’s not like I didn’t know she would say it. Of course she would insist on seeing the romantic side of life. It’s the fun side. The fairy tale side. Who wouldn’t prefer to live there?
“Yeah, okay. Bye, Quinn.”
“Bye, Devyn. And thank you.” Gratitude. That I still feel. Because that one comes from the soul.
“Always, girl. I’ve got your back. You know that.” There’s a brief moment of silence between us and then I hear the break in the line. She’s gone again.
Automatically I glance at the time. Riker’s still not home.
“Wanna go for a run, boy?” Harley’s head perks up instantly. Although, even he thinks going for a run means going to Riker’s now. Not that he minds. There’s been a steady stream of left over peperoni pizza coming his way ever since it became a regular thing. Riker even started leaving an old quilt piled in the corner of the room for Harley to lay on. He made it look like it was just dumped there, awaiting some sort of fate that would eventually land it in the garbage can out front, but I know he did it so Harley would have a somewhere comfy to hang out when we come over.
I’m on my feet again and ma
king my way to the fridge to grab a bottle of water, since I’m actually going to do the running thing, when there’s a surprise knock on my door and Kirsten’s head pops in, followed by the rest of her.
“Damn girl, don’t you ever get tired?” She’s eyeing me in my shorts and sports bra. Thankfully, I’m still getting a work out either way, so my body still mostly reflects one of a runner’s.
“Just helps clear my head. You know that.” I try to smile. If I don’t smile, she’ll know something’s up. Not that I smile a lot. But I can feel my face doing the scowly thing and it hasn’t done that in weeks.
“You know what else might help clear your head?” She says this in the most enticing way possible and I already know I want to say no to whatever she has in mind.
“What’s that?” I’m cringing. That part I don’t need to hide. That she’s expecting.
“A fun night out!” She claps her hands in excitement, probably hoping it will rub off on me if she exudes enough of it.
“You and C.J. planning a girl’s night or something?” Because I would possibly consider going to one of those. I could go for a round of C.J.’s stories right about now. They’d sure as hell be more entertaining than my own.
“Better! Nate’s friend Carson just broke up with his girlfriend and he’s dying to meet you.”
I almost choke on her choice of words. It’s all I can do not to make a snide comment about the way men tend to do that with me. “Why on earth would he want to meet me? What have you guys told him?”
She shrugs innocently. “Nothing really. Same thing we tell everyone.”
“The missionary work thing?” My lip curls up in disgust. Not because I find missionary work so appalling. It’s more so the fact that what I was actually doing could easily be considered the exact opposite.
“I think. I don’t know for sure. Nate talked to him, mostly. But that’s not what triggered his interest.” Her eyes light up as they attempt to burst out of their sockets. “He saw your picture. Nate was showing off pics from Sophie’s birthday party and you were in a lot of them. The second Carson saw you, he started asking questions about you. Nate thinks he really likes you.”
I roll my eyes into my skull. Maybe staying in bed wallowing would have been the better option after all. I could be sleeping right now. Then Kirsten would be talking to herself about this Carson person.
“Kirsten, he doesn’t even know me. He couldn’t possibly feel one way or another about me.”
But she’s not giving up. My sister is nothing if not determined. And it generally pays off for her. “So, let him get to know you. Tomorrow night. He wants to take you to dinner at La Sirene. And trust me, you want to go have dinner at La Sirene. The food is amazing.”
“Do I have any hope at all at getting out of this?”
She shakes her head. “Nope.”
“Why is this so important to you, Kirsten?” Maybe if I understand, maybe if I get where she’s coming from, I’ll feel better about giving in.
“Because I want you to have the kind of life you were always supposed to have. The life you wanted before... before everything happened that took it away. And I know you don’t think you can have it again, but I’m going to prove you wrong. I’m good at this, Quinn. Look at me. I found a wonderful husband who loves me and treats me well. We have a perfect little girl and our lives are complete. Let me find your happily ever after for you. Please.”
I take a deep breath in and exhale it loudly through my mouth. “Carson what?”
“Winn. Why?”
I hold up my phone. “Because I’m going to google his ass, that’s why. If I’m going to go spend an evening with him, I at least want to know as much about him as he does about me.”
She grins. Because she won. “Fair enough. Alright. You go run and we’ll go shopping in the morning. We’ve got to find you something a little more feminine to wear for your first big date.”
“Yeah, okay, crazy lady.” I follow her to the door and shove it closed behind her, just to make sure she doesn’t change her mind and try to come back in. My eyes dart back for the clock. Finally. He’s home.
Chapter Seven
Riker
I check the table one more time. Everything’s there and if she shows up soon, it’ll even still be hot. It’s not fancy. Just take-out from Joe’s, but I was starving and figured I might as well get enough for two.
Now that I’m looking at the food sitting there, I’m rethinking the whole thing. Sharing a meal sort of implies a date. And a date would imply an interest in developing other aspects of our relationship. Which I don’t have.
On the other hand, it’s just fucking food and we’ve both been very clear about the fact that neither of us is looking for more.
So why am I over thinking this?
***
Quinn
The sun’s setting by the time I walk up onto his deck with Harley in tow. It’s beautiful out, in spite of the unexpected chill in the air. It didn’t bother me on the run over here, but now that I slowed down again it’s getting cold fast.
My heart sinks when I spot the note taped to his front door. I peel it from the wood only to find it marked with an arrow. No words. Just an arrow pointing straight up.
“What the...?” I take a step back and glance upward. There’s a rooftop deck three stories up I never noticed before. Now that I have, I’m not any closer to reaching it. I’m tempted to shout his name, but it’s Riker. He wouldn’t leave me standing down here, with a note suggesting I go up with no way of getting there.
I twist my mouth back and forth while I contemplate my next move. There’s a second door just three feet down from Riker’s. I always assumed it went to the main part of the house. Maybe I was wrong.
With limited options to pursue, I reach for the handle. It’s unlocked and the door opens, revealing a dimly lit spiral staircase leading straight to the top.
“Well, bud, I think you’re going to have to sit this one out.” I walk back over to Riker’s place and try the door there. It gives way instantly and Harley runs inside and goes right to his blanket. “See you in a bit.” I close the door again and head back to the staircase.
Taking two steps at a time, I hurry upstairs.
Because I’m eager to see the view from up there.
Not because I want to see him.
I do want to see him.
Damn you, lust, you horny bitch.
As I pass the second floor, I notice the door to the main living area is cracked open. Curiosity gets the better of me and even though I know I shouldn’t, I detour onto the small landing leading up to it. There’s barely any light anymore, but my eyes have adjusted enough to the dark for me to make out some very noticeable basics. For starters, the place is completely trashed. There’s broken frames lying scattered in the foyer and from what I can tell, there’s no furniture. My first instinct is to run upstairs and tell Riker the Shepherdson’s have been robbed. Then I realize how ridiculous that is. I mean, he lives right downstairs. He walked by here same as I did. He would have to know.
Which brings me to my second realization. I haven’t seen a single renter since I’ve been coming here. Whoever this James Shepherdson is that’s running the family business, he sure seems to be doing a shit job of it. Or, as Nate so kindly put it, he’s definitely unmotivated.
But then, who am I to judge? The only thing motivating me these days is the prospect of getting naked with Riker. That’s not exactly what I would deem an admirable ambition in life.
Properly grossed out with myself, I return to the stairs and this time, don’t get distracted until I reach the top.
“I was starting to think I didn’t leave you with good enough instructions.” He’s standing near the railing, smirking and wearing entirely too many clothes for my liking. Then I notice the table. And the take out boxes.
“What’s all this?” I can hear myself. I sound...pleased. Happy even.
“Just burgers. Fries.” He picks up one of the S
tyrofoam boxes and hands it to me before taking one for himself. “I didn’t have a chance to eat before, and I knew you’d be coming over, so...” He shrugs. Like it’s no big deal. Except we both know it is.
“You know, you don’t have to be nice to me. I’m going to sleep with you anyway because you’re so nice looking.” I stack my box on top of his to free my hands so I can take ahold of his face and pull him toward me. Usually I let him do to the initiating. I don’t know why. Maybe he just always beats me to it. Today, it’s my turn to kiss him. And I do. Long and fervidly, until every other part of my day disappears and he’s the only thing left.
“I missed you today,” his words rumble quietly into my mouth as he slowly breaks away.
“You saw me this morning.” I want to sound stern. I don’t. But I want to.
“I know.” He grins wickedly and I know we’re about to go from sweet to dirty. “But then when you were leaving I saw you stop and bend over to fix your shoe lace, and I’ve been thinking about getting you back into that exact position all damn day.”
Simultaneously, our eyes travel toward the railing and I suddenly have a pretty good idea why we’re up here tonight. “Sex with a view. I like it.”
He chuckles and my stomach flips back and forth from the deep sound of it. “But first, we eat.” Still holding both of our boxes, he takes a seat in the chaise lounge, gesturing for me to come and sit with him. Straddling the back end of it to face him, I slide both legs over his knees, still leaving enough room for our food between us.
“Saw you running over from up here,” he says, about to take his first bite.
I’ve already had mine and I hurry and swallow to answer him. “Oh yeah?”
He nods. “You were talking to yourself. You looked pissed.”
I was. And I wasn’t so much talking to myself as I was making all the arguments I should have made to Kirsten against going on this stupid date tomorrow night. “Just finishing up a chat I had with my sister before I left. Unfortunately, I’m one of those people who always thinks of the perfect thing to say ten minutes after the conversation is already over.”