by K. S. Thomas
I want to get out of the car so badly right now, just so I have a door to slam in her face, but I don’t. And for Sophie’s sake, I clench my jaw and grit my teeth to keep from shouting. “How can you even say that to me, Kirsten? I’m not the one who keeps dragging us out here. You are. I’ve done nothing to start up old habits. Nothing.”
She shakes her head. “You honestly don’t see it.”
“See what?” I can see me losing my freaking mind if she keeps this up, but that’s about all.
“He’s Jackson,” she whispers so Sophie won’t hear.
The sound of his name is enough to send chills down my spine and a brick lands in the pit of my stomach. I can’t even answer her.
“That guy. He’s totally Jackson, the way he dresses in those jeans and long sleeve work shirts. The whole unshaven thing and the horses. It’s so obvious, Quinn. And in the months you’ve been here, he’s the first guy you’ve been interested in. Why do you suppose that is?”
I close my eyes as if that will somehow take away the sound of her voice and the words she’s saying, but all it does is make me see the thing that makes me scream in the dead of night and sends me running for comfort from the only person who’s ever been able to give it.
“You’re wrong, Kirsten.” My voice is eerily calm. “About him. And me.”
“Quinn, you don’t even know him –“
“I knew Jackson. And the things that attracted me to him had nothing to do with the way he dressed or the fact that he was too lazy to use a razor more than once every two weeks. The horse thing, fine. That played a role, but all the other stuff, the stuff that sucked me in and held me captive, all that stuff you never saw. But I did. I know what it looks like, and I’m telling you, if I ever see it again, I won’t be flirting, I’ll be throwing punches and a swift kick straight to the balls.”
This time I do get out of the car, although I miraculously manage to refrain from throwing the door back into place with a loud thud. Wouldn’t have mattered either way, because Kirsten is already out as well and headed for the backseat to get out Sophie.
Her lips are pressed into a thin line, not because she’s mad at me, for once, but because she’s still not sure she doesn’t have a good reason to worry. Hell. Maybe she does. I am sleeping with a man I hardly know and have no intention of getting to know any better. Although, from where I’m standing, it’s the smartest thing I’ve ever done when it comes to men. Maybe that’s because it’s the first time I can honestly say my heart isn’t it and my brain is making all of the decisions.
For the time being, Kirsten seems to be done scolding me though, so I put on my semi-polite public face and follow her toward the main barn. A woman in her early thirties with black hair cut in one of those cute short pixie dos is walking out to greet us. She’s pretty and for some stupid reason I feel like I know her. I probably saw her during Sophie’s party, although I honestly have no recollection of her. But then, I was in a pretty foul mood for the most part that day, so who’s to say what I did or didn’t see and simply didn’t deem worthy of remembering because I was being pissy.
“Well, hello there, Miss Sophie,” she greets my niece enthusiastically. “Are you ready to get some serious one on one horse time with our Sassy girl today?”
Sophie starts jumping up and down, squealing a loud yes. I’m thinking she’s ready.
“Hi, Kirsten.” She shakes hands with my sister before turning toward me, “And you must be the famous Aunt Quinn. Sophie was telling me all about you and your barrel racing days last time she was here.”
I nod uncomfortably. Barrel racing seems like a lifetime ago now. “Yep, that’s me. Although I’m pretty sure I’m not nearly as famous as Sophie made me out to be.” At least not for the years I spent in the rodeo circuit.
“Well, we’ve always got horses of horses in need of exercising if you ever want to come out and ride. Experienced riders are hard to come by around here.” It’s a really nice offer, but I know I can’t accept it.
“Thanks, but I haven’t ridden in years.” I glance over at Kirsten, I’m surprised she hasn’t chimed in yet and changed the subject. Then we both see Riker at the same time and her mouth opens instantly.
“Horses were really more of a childhood phase for her. Unfortunately, I do believe she’s grown out of them.” She gives me a look I don’t have to struggle to interpret. She’s reminding me of our little conversation about Jackson. As if I need reminding. It was less than five minutes ago.
“Well, that’s too bad. But if you ever change your mind, our barn doors are always open.” Sidney smiles warmly. Then she notices Riker as well. Kirsten’s face looks like it might explode when Sidney actually waves him over. “Hey. You got a sec?”
He rolls his eyes, clearly wishing he was too busy to agree to her request. I’m a little offended since he’s definitely seen me at this point.
“What’s up?” He completely ignores the rest of us, instead busying himself with readjusting the baseball cap he’s wearing today as if it’s a really big, really important job. On the plus side, I’m assuming the talk about keeping our hook ups a secret won’t be necessary after all.
“Sophie’s here for her first lesson. I haven’t had a chance to bring Sassy in yet. Do you mind? I’m going to go take her down to the tack room and start there.”
He nods. “You got it, boss.”
She laughs. “Yeah, okay.” She shoves him playfully. “Just go get the horse, would ya?”
He doesn’t smile, or even do the half-grin thing, but I can tell he likes giving her a hard time. He likes her. And suddenly ignoring me makes all the sense in the world. It also totally pisses me off. I don’t mind being used since I’m using him, too. But the whole point of what we’re doing is for no one to get hurt. If he’s got a thing going with Sidney, that sort of negates the whole premise of it right there.
I watch as he takes off toward the pasture behind the main barn.
“Right this way, ladies.” Sidney begins leading us all inside.
I tug at Kirsten’s sleeve to get her attention. “Hey, let me get your keys. I forgot something in the car.”
She frowns, but hands them over anyway. “Don’t get lost.”
“It’s a straight shot between the barn and the parking lot. I think I can manage,” I say dryly as she turns to catch up with Sophie who’s already inside. As soon as Kirsten is out of sight, I follow the same path Riker disappeared down.
When I find him, he’s standing at a gate sorting through a collection of halters, probably searching for Sassy’s.
“Are you and Sidney together?”
He spins around, slightly startled by my outburst. I don’t blame him. I kinda scared myself a little.
“What, you following me now?” The sly grin begins to creep in.
“No, jackass. I was duped into coming here, as usual.” I walk up beside him. Next thing I know he’s dumped the whole load of halters into my arms, making it easier for him to untangle them. “I notice you conveniently avoided answering my question.”
He doesn’t break his focus from his task for even a second. “Why do you care? I’m not with you.”
I forcefully cram the load of halters back against his chest. “I don’t care. About me. Or you. I do care if you’re cheating on some innocent bystander. I don’t want any part of that.”
His jaw grinds back and forth for a moment. Apparently, he needs to contemplate his answer. Which probably isn’t a good sign.
“I’m not cheating on anyone. And not that it’s any of your business, but you’re the only one I’m sleeping with.” He untangles the halter he was looking for and places the rest back over the fence post.
“Oh.” I’m not really sure what to say now. “Well, good. Because I’m not sleeping with anyone else either.”
He grins again. “Yeah. I kinda already knew that.”
I can feel my face flush red and I hate him for it. “Keep it up and I won’t be sleeping with you either.”
>
Riker’s deep blue eyes go dark as he lowers his head to be level with mine. He’s not grinning anymore, but he’s got the look in his eye. The look that turns my knees to mush and sends a sea of butterflies ripping through my stomach, because I know what’s coming. And the anticipation is already killing me.
“You know, you really shouldn’t make threats you can’t deliver on.” The throaty rasp in his voice is enough to give me chills.
“You don’t know the first thing about what I can and can’t deliver.” My stubborn side is showing again, but the way I nearly stuttered while muttering my lame comeback, it’s probably not all that convincing right now.
Riker takes another step closer, his tall body towering over me, his face barely an inch from mine. “Quinn?”
“Yeah?” I can’t even swallow. I’ve forgotten how to freaking swallow.
“Don’t make me prove you wrong right out here in the open for the whole damn world to see.” His lips brush over mine as he speaks, taunting me.
I have to avert my eyes to even string together a coherent sentence. “I wouldn’t try if I were you. I’d only embarrass you.” The words have barely passed the tip of my tongue when his mouth comes crashing down on mine and I lose all sense of reason and responsibility.
By the time I become aware of my surroundings again, I’m straddling Riker who’s sitting on a stack of hay bales near the fence line. His hands are in highly inappropriate places, as are mine, and I have to double check to make sure I’m not completely naked. Because let’s face it, based on my previous experiences with the man, my clothes do tend to magically wind up on the ground without my knowledge of how or when.
“Fuck,” I gasp, breaking away from his kiss while simultaneously jumping out of his lap.
He smirks. “Later.” Then he stands up, brushing the hay from his jeans. He loops the halter around my back and brings me toward him again, biting my lower lip before he slides his tongue inside my mouth again. I’m about melt into his embrace again when he smacks me hard on the ass, slapping me back into reality. “Now stop being so damn difficult. There’s no need to complicate a good time.” He kisses me on the tip of my nose before he releases me and returns to the gate I first found him at.
“You know, you’re pretty cocky for a thirty something year old man who lives in a one bedroom garage apartment and can’t seem to accomplish even the small tasks of adulthood like grocery shopping and the occasional load of laundry.” I have no reason to still be standing here hurling insults in his direction other than I’m not ready to walk away yet.
Leading a solid looking red roan, he comes through the gate. “And yet you still can’t seem to get enough of me.” He just keeps walking with the mare, leaving me standing there unable to even muster a solid response and desperate to fall into step behind him and follow him wherever he’s going next.
It’s like he’s got some sort of mysterious magnetic force pulling me toward him and working against me. Except it’s really not all that mysterious. It’s lust. Love’s ugly stepsister. That manipulative bitch is always doing whatever it takes to get her way, because she’s selfish and has a one track mind that’s unable to formulate any thoughts other than, ‘What will it take to get laid again?’. Stupid, stupid lust. I always thought I liked her better than love. I was wrong. Really wrong.
I take another thirty seconds or so to shake off the lingering effects of my new drug of choice before I sneak back up around the barn and do my best to fake a trip in from the parking lot.
“So much for not getting lost,” Kirsten says snidely the second she sees me. “What on earth took you so long? And it better not be wearing dirty jeans and a backwards baseball cap.”
Out of the corner of my eye I see Sidney’s expression perk up, but I try not to react to either one of them or their assumptions.
“Mom called while I was at the car, and you know how that goes.” My mother’s a worrier. Anytime I go longer than forty-eight hours without checking in with her I’m setting myself up for a lengthy conversation complete with tears and a guilt trip. As it is, I’ve been due for one since yesterday, but I’ve managed to dodge her calls thus far, and will have to keep doing so at least until we get back home and I get some privacy, at which point I’ll have to hurry up and get it over with before she speaks to Kirsten and blows my little lie here to shit.
“You really shouldn’t go so long without calling her.” Holding Sophie’s hand, she starts walking to the opposite end of the barn where Riker has turned up with Sassy.
“I hardly think three days is a long time, Kirsten. Besides. What do I have to talk about? I don’t do anything different from one day to the next,” I grumble as I follow behind everyone else. I have to keep my head down to avoid accidentally exchanging some sort of a loaded glance with Riker. With Kirsten’s eagle eyes watching my every move, there’s no way even a hint at a flirtatious smile would go unobserved.
“Sassy give you a hard time?” Sidney asks when we reach the crossties.
He takes a step away from the mare, letting Sidney take over to continue her lesson. “Wasn’t Sassy’s fault. Someone else was feeling a little feisty and caused a bit of a distraction. But it’s all good. I straightened her out.” He looks and sounds completely serious so the fact that I’m turning a thousand different degrees of red right now, is entirely unfounded and thankfully, goes unnoticed by my sister who isn’t interested in feisty horses and is only all too happy to get back to her daughter’s riding lesson so she can get this part of her day done and over with.
With everyone else once again occupied, Riker takes off to do whatever it is he does around here. I have every intention of ignoring him as he passes me by, but lust, the traitorous bitch, ignores me and lifts my eyes to lock with his. He doesn’t smile or even smirk. He just winks and I swear I feel my panties evaporate into thin air.
Chapter Six
Riker
It’s nearly three in the morning already. I should really be sleeping. But Quinn showed up sometime before midnight and hasn’t left since. I’m not complaining. On the contrary. I’d rather spend all night not sleeping with her than spend all day tomorrow thinking about how well rested I am.
She’s been on my mind more than usual today. That’s a lie. She’s been on my mind non-stop ever since I saw her at her niece’s birthday party over three weeks ago. Today was different though. It wasn’t just about missing the feel of her skin on mine, or wanting to press my lips to her perfect mouth, or the million and one other horny thoughts I have about her every three seconds or so. It was about her. Little things have been collecting in the back of my mind. Like the way she is with Harley, protective and almost possessive, but in the most tender way possible. She loves that dog. Sometimes I think she doesn’t know how to love, but then I see her with Harley, and I know she’s capable of depths some of us will never reach. Same when she thought I was cheating on Sid. How she’d said she didn’t care about me or her, but that she wouldn’t hurt someone else.
I already knew I wasn’t part of the equation. I’m good with that. I shouldn’t be someone she cares about because I’ll never be able to return those feelings. But she should care about herself. Being here with me, should be about both of us getting what we need and walking away content. Or at least, not any worse off than we were before our paths crossed. I may not be the guy to make her dreams come true, but I don’t want to be the piece of shit who adds to the nightmares either. And I need to be sure she won’t let that happen. I need her to care about her. Because I won’t.
She’s lying next to me, quietly staring at the ceiling. Our heads are on opposite ends of the bed as a result of our most recent entanglement. I don’t think I’ve sixty-nined anyone since high school, but then that’s kind of right in line with everything we’re doing right now. Just fucking our way through the encyclopedia of sex one position after the other.
I run my hand over her smooth calves. They’re toned and tight from running just like the rest of h
er body. Moving up toward her feet, I take one of her soles into my hands and start rubbing it, pressing into it with my thumbs.
“Oh, that feels good,” she moans from the other end of the mattress. I like the sounds she makes when she’s enjoying herself. I like how expressive she is in everything she’s thinking and feeling. There’s never any guessing with Quinn. At least not in the present. Her past is another story entirely.
“Quinn?”
“Uh-huh.” She barely even moves. Just lies there, still staring dreamily at the ceiling. I know that expression. She’s in between. Disconnected from the world and whatever haunts her here, but still hovering too close to truly escape it. It’s where I go too when I’m with her.
Lifting myself up onto my elbows, I try to get a better view of her face. “How old are you?”
Her brows furrow and I know I’ve brought her back. I feel an instant sense of guilt because I know how hard it is to leave and how precious the time spent in between is.
“Twenty-two.”
Twenty-two. She doesn’t seem like twenty-two. Shit, one look in her eyes and I’d think she’s older than I am. This girl has seen things. Life altering things. Things no twenty-two year old is meant to see. And now more than before, I want to know what they are. But I won’t ask. I shouldn’t. I can’t.
“What the hell is a twenty-two year old doing screwing an old guy like me?” It’s all I can think to say to lighten the mood.
She sits up, grinning from ear to ear. “Benefitting from all of your years of experience one orgasm at a time.” I know before she’s even lying on top of me, I’m not getting even a minute of shuteye tonight. And I don’t give a damn.
***