Journey's End (Marlbrook)

by Carroll, Bernadette

  The wedding celebrations were festive. Locals arrived by the cartload to sample the drink that promised to flow and to taste the food that had been released from the Manor’s stores.

  Thomas mingled with the guests. “Mistress Colby. Has that husband of yours told you how beautiful you are today?”

  Old Mrs Colby just laughed and pulled Thomas into the dance.

  The cool wind spiralled in and around the crowds, the breeze tainted on occasion by smoke from the open cooking fires. Thomas looked to where Maureen was seated, locating the expectant brown eyes of his wife, but his smile quickly departed when Lady Emily and her smirk marred his sight.

  “Lord Ashley, my congratulations to you and your bride.” A sound akin to purring tainted the transparently insincere tribute.

  Thomas thought that Lady Emily was cat-like; a beast stalking her prey, hungry despite the oversized bowl of cream she had just devoured. His immediate reaction was one of caution, but logic suggested that even she could not hope to destroy his wedding day.

  “You are indeed generous, Lady Emily.” Thomas presented her with an eloquent bow, his exaggeration mocking formality. “I appreciate that my wife is most giving in nature and, more importantly, patient with my shortcomings. Are they not admirable qualities in a woman to ensure a contented marriage?” While Thomas’ conversation was polite, he grinned, knowing that Maureen contrasted Lady Emily outright.

  Lady Emily remained unaware of Thomas’ sarcasm. She was too busy preparing for her next delivery. “That is pleasing to hear, my Lord. Your apparent happiness provides me with even more incentive not to delay in presenting your gift.”

  Lady Emily had observed Thomas throughout their conversation, and he likened her to an eagle about to swoop on its prey. He knew to be wary.

  “Madam, please do not keep me in suspense. If your offering is of such value, should I not call my lovely wife to stand by my side?”

  “Lord Ashley, you may choose to do exactly that,” Lady Emily replied, suppressing her delight at the prospect of what was to come, “but I seriously doubt that Lady Maureen will be thrilled to hear news of Laura.”

  Laura had a child. Lady Emily could not surprise him there, but the fact that his ‘friends’ had deceived him was a sad revelation. Their betrayal signalled the onset of reproach that would stay with Thomas to the grave.

  Laura had never married nor had she left the district. She had always been his had he wanted her. The information gnawed at Thomas’ being as he saw the door of opportunity close, his own hand delivering the fatal blow.

  Lady Emily had imparted the tidings in cheerful terms, smug and crowing at her own remarkable prowess, but even she had enough sense, when confronted with Thomas’ reaction, to leave his company and with great haste.

  Thomas survived the remainder of the day as his obligation dictated. He would not disappoint his wife or their guests.

  When the time came for the bedding ritual, Thomas looked to the beauty that lay by his side. The trust Maureen imparted was apparent; however, the question Thomas had to ask himself - was he worthy of that trust?

  Thomas was callous in taking Maureen, using her body to free him of his pain and the cruel timing that dictated a mistake that he was destined to live with.

  Maureen lay detached and lonely on her side of the bed. Her husband’s gentle, rhythmic breathing was a sign that he had finally found peace in the arms of sleep.

  The question Maureen asked of the night was in what direction she should look if she ever hoped to attain the same?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE - Betrayal

  “After devoting much thought to the matter, I have decided that travel would suit me. I shall go abroad.” Lady Emily’s announcement fed her love of the dramatic.

  Rather than question his wife on what appeared to be a very serious topic, Lord Henry merely looked upon Emily with disdain before returning his attention to his work.

  Emily chose to fight rather than be ignored. “You know full well that I need your permission, Henry. What I do not know is to what degree you will make me beg for the privilege.”

  Lord Henry placed his papers aside. “Emily. If you can guarantee that your departure will grant me the peace that I crave, then I cannot foresee any obstacles in your path.”

  “Good. Then I shall make my arrangements to sail to the Americas.”

  Emily lingered, wary that she may have pushed Henry’s endurance too far. But he did not flinch.

  Lady Catherine found the girl intolerable. “A wife’s place is by her husband’s side and not traipsing about the world alone.” Not a day went by that Lady Catherine did not bitterly regret her choice of Henry’s bride.

  While Lord Henry privately agreed with the thought of being free of Emily, he remained cautious. Emily was a schemer who embarked on few endeavours where the outcome was in doubt. His wife had an ulterior motive, he would wager his fortune on that surety, but what was behind the ruse escaped him. However, he resigned himself to the certainty that he would find out soon enough.

  Lord Henry had invested heavily in land over the years; the American South just happened to hold one of his numerous interests. Overseers maintained his property, and regardless of how inapt Emily’s report might be, he could see the benefit in obtaining a first hand account.

  Unfortunately, Emily would not leave immediately. Her appointments to be fitted for new clothes, he estimated, would keep her occupied for months. However there was one consolation - the activity would keep her out of his way.

  #

  The skies were clear. Hints of colour revitalised the scenery but were not yet blessed with scent. Laura knelt on the hard gravel edge. She did not want to disturb the new signs of life while she tended to their needs. Neither the man nor the horse attracted her attention.

  The picture warmed his heart, bringing images to the fore and materialising the past. Thomas’ time of waiting was over. Earnest in his attempts, Thomas had fought to remove the shackles in which Laura had bound him. He had a family that relied upon his discretion, and he had no desire to hurt them. Thomas started his horse down the hill. He would not have Laura run from him again.

  The sun struck Laura’s eyes, temporarily blinding her to the figure that crossed her path. Suppressed memories surfaced, and her courage fled under the belief that Lord Henry had come for Hope. Panic snapped at Laura’s heels in her rush to reach the cottage and the safe haven that it promised within the sturdy walls.

  Laura’s thoughts dashed about in madness, until she heard Thomas call her name. Yesterday mingled with the present, and her memories sent a chill through Laura’s body.

  Thomas dismounted and walked the short distance to Laura's door. Halting within a hand’s space of her, he bore witness to all the pain and heartache that had been Laura’s to endure. Words were banished, as he closed the gap between them and his mouth searched for hers. Two anguished souls met, and for one brief, magical interlude the events that had transformed their lives were banished from their existence. Laura cried freely, as the pent-up emotion that she had never dared to acknowledge poured forth.

  When Laura regained her composure, she willed herself to break the spell. “I have a child.”

  The drawing of Laura’s confession had been sketched in black and white, but for Thomas life was never that precise. He gazed into the shimmering green of Laura’s eyes, and it was here that he learned it had been a serious error not to find her sooner.

  The baby cried and liberated them from their difficult standoff. Laura disappeared momentarily before reappearing with the child. As Thomas caught a glimpse of the mother in the baby, he also saw the father. No further explanation was required.

  Lady Emily, vicious in her endeavours to destroy their friendship, had taken an unnatural delight in their misery, but now he understood. The child cradled in Laura’s arms would have prompted such a reaction.

  “You do not have a husband, Laura.” The anguish the honest statement produced was evident. Laura’s pain
ignited an inner conflict in Thomas and blame descended upon him for his part in this farce. Henry’s deceit had been open from the outset. In conclusion, it had been his own actions that had sent Laura into Henry’s bed, while he sat back congratulating himself on his romantic penmanship.

  Laura dried her eyes before returning the child to her crib, out of harm’s way Thomas supposed. God knows he loved Laura. Her apprehension persecuted him, and all Thomas could think to do was to comfort her. He advanced towards Laura, but she backed away and left him with his loss.

  Laura shared Thomas’ anguish, snapping at him in a defensive manner. Thomas could not expect her to carry his troubles. She struggled to retain a degree of sanity while coping with her own. “Please, you must leave for there is nothing for you here.”

  Thomas’ head bent forward and his shoulders sagged. Laura’s invisible wounding appeared to have robbed him of his purpose.

  “Surely you are not blind to my faults, Thomas?”

  Thomas made no move to leave nor did he condemn her as she expected. Laura’s voice raised a pitch, demonstrating her frustration and hurt.

  “What do you want from me that you stand here with your harmed expression? If you had planned to shame me, then I must inform you that you are too late in this respect, as I am well versed in its company. Thomas, look at me and see what I have become.”

  Thomas straightened and did as Laura pleaded.

  Past and present injuries dictated Laura’s next words. “Thomas. For all that is sacred, can you not see what I am and what I have come to represent? Others would not be so kind. I am a woman fallen from grace and therefore undeserving of your friendship. The father of my child is already taken in marriage, as you well know, denying me the prospect of a legal union. Does this not shock you? Dear God, Thomas, you cannot delude yourself about the father.” The effect on Thomas was not as Laura had imagined, and the answer he delivered made her go cold.

  Thomas had not interfered while Laura spoke, as her release was legitimate and demanding. However, he also matched her in determination.

  “Laura, I appealed to you once before for an answer, and I did not receive a reply. I shall now repeat the question, but this time I suggest that you answer justly for all our sakes.”

  Thomas’ pursuit was relentless. He would wrench a response from Laura if need be.

  “Do you love him?”

  If Laura loved Henry, then there was nothing Thomas could do to save her from her plight. Laura’s fate would be left in her own hands. If, on the other hand, she did not love him, then her predicament may not have been of her own making opening a door of hope.

  Laura hung her head in defeat, and one lonely, unfettered word escaped. “No.”

  The delivery served to uplift Thomas’ spirits but cast Laura into conflict. She had no liking to inflict additional harm, but love could not be hers for she had forfeited her rights.

  Laura knew what must be done before Thomas came to comprehend her circumstances in their entirety, for then irreparable damage would be done. Regardless of their schoolroom fantasies, Thomas had his world and she hers.

  “Sir, since we are being honest with each other in our dealings, pray convey to me the condition of your wife. I trust the strain of carrying your child is a joyous one and not fraught with the illnesses that one so often hears about?”

  Thomas surveyed the landscape through the open doorway, and when he spoke, he did so without glancing in Laura’s direction.

  “Laura.” The utterance sounded weary and strained. “Laura. Help me to shed some light on how our lives became so complicated, when our only sin has been to find love?”

  Thomas’ intimate appeal touched Laura, erasing her will to resist.

  Thomas turned to face Laura. “I asked you to become my wife, you know, and it is a great pity that my letter cannot be produced to console you. Laura, I had to locate you to see the truth for myself, for I have lived as one possessed since our last meeting. The mark you left on me is one that I am unable to erase.”

  As Thomas’ confession died away, the natural affinity between them intensified and Thomas held Laura in a warm, loving embrace before taking her to bed.

  Desire was tidal and the yearning physical, as wave upon wave of tenderness flowed to bind them. Thomas’ mouth, greedy and wanting, longed to taste all of Laura.

  Laura’s participation urged Thomas on. He explored the glory of Laura’s body and his mouth sampled where his hands strayed. Their naked bodies lay entwined. Thomas’ impatience defeated him, as he gazed upon Laura’s beauty, nearly climaxing as he lovingly entered her. Their time of neglect was over. They would be whole again.

  Tears discharged to demonstrate Laura’s joy, chaperoned by a surge of a love that no form of expression could describe.

  Laura lay in Thomas’ loving embrace, their hearts and bodies reluctant to withdraw. Tenderly, she kissed the hard-worn skin of his hand before guiding the large, strong object to her exposed breast. The intimacy of her action renewed their pleasure, bringing them instantly to a fevered pitch. Thomas again united with Laura, his thrusting incited by a want that had yet to be sated. Laura matched him in his quest.

  Unwilling to remove himself, Thomas had a longing to hide where it was safe and warm, until a soft cry dragged them from their temporary haven. This was Laura’s existence.

  Thomas welcomed the sight that had been denied him, and when envy knocked at his door, he freely admitted the feeling as Laura cradled the child that should have been his.

  When the first sharp pang of awareness dawned on Thomas, the exposure broke so suddenly that he began to doubt his reasoning. He had a vast number of emotions to sift through. Jealousy he sanctioned, as the vision of what he had lost was flaunted before him. Sorrow he also acknowledged. Laura had spoken the truth. Their lives belonged to others and with his acceptance came loathing. Thomas wanted to punish someone or something.

  Thomas lifted himself from the warmth to dress, and sadly it was during this brief period of activity that he found what he had been searching for. As the portal opened, he saw Laura’s story and with it the flaws. Part of him disputed whether he was ready to seek the answer.

  Thomas’ silence threatened them both. The way forward in any direction would be complex.

  Amid clouded thoughts that were dedicated to the picture that Laura had outlined, Thomas completed his grooming. He shifted through masses of information in the hope of proving his assumptions wrong, but the conclusion was always the same. Despair gripped him and he became weak under its morbid influence. The oak dresser served as Thomas’ support.

  At six months of age, the child had begun to show signs that beauty might be hers in later years. The father’s stamp was indelible and the mother’s absent at this stage of her growth. Her hair, as with most babies, was barely discernible, except for the dark growth sprouting from her crown, the ebony colour attributable to an absent donor.

  “Tell me, madam,” Thomas began, his animosity rising to the fore. “You have made no mention of the creature that you attribute to being your blood sister. Is the girl due back soon or is it that she has seen fit to abandon you when your need is most?” Thomas did not bother waiting for Laura’s answer. “But that could not be, and surely I must be stating these accusations in jest, for even she could not be so callous.”

  Bile rose in Laura’s throat. She was in no doubt as to where the interrogation headed, and, as a consequence, where it would then lead them too.

  Thomas released his anger. “And while I am about my inquiries, I pray that you are able to allay my concerns in a matter that has caused me great consternation these past months. One hears of some terrible tales that women endure during birthing?”

  Laura could not lie anew to this man. Thomas’ final query indicated the depth of his awareness. The child became her protector, a barrier to cushion the censure, his words demanding and cruel. No answer would satisfy Thomas’ quest.

  “The child is not yours, Laura.”
In a sweeping motion Thomas lifted his hand and slapped his forehead as if admonishing himself for his own stupidity. “It is your sister’s, madam!”

  The plot became clearer with each second, and when the story ended, Thomas cried in a voice laden with anguish. “My God, Laura, what have you done? You have sacrificed your future for hers!”

  Thomas sat on the edge of the bed, his hands supporting his head. When the awful truth descended upon him, the burden became too much to bear, as he added with a certain amount of irony, “And mine.”

  Slowly, Thomas regained his feet. Striding the few short paces to where his hat was located, he retrieved the item. Thomas left the silence unbroken, as he walked out of the door and out of Laura’s life.

  Thomas did not look back. The anger he experienced had built with such intensity that it had yet to peak, and he would not trust himself to stay, for he would be sorely tempted to strike her. He could not find it in his heart to forgive Laura.

  Laura sat in the quiet, absent of any thought. The minutes trickled slowly by. The baby amused herself in her cot but even her smiles could not pull Laura from the depths of her despair. The distress overtaking Laura became so immense that it threatened to engulf her.

  Laura’s friend beckoned to her, promising a release from her dark chasm. Laura accepted the support and reached for her journal.

  “If only once in my life I am to taste the sinful aspects of love, then today I have achieved my goal, but to have gained and lost so much in such a short time is regret enough.

  I have been forced to confront the pain that I have caused another by my deeds and the effect is far more reaching than I had ever contemplated.

  My decisions made in earnest, I note, were restricted by my narrow outlook. Never once did I consider the rights of the man I love and that there may have been, had I ventured his displeasure, a future for us and for the child.