Journey's End (Marlbrook)

by Carroll, Bernadette

  “You have one week, Laura, and one week only. But I give you warning. Do not try to delay the inevitable, for you shall be doing yourself an injustice. Upon my return, I will hear no more debate on this subject. If I do not obtain an answer, a maid will be instructed to remove the child immediately from your presence. For your sake, it is important you understand that I have come to the end of my forbearance.”

  Time was up and Laura’s journal verified her inner conflict, the daily writings carefully chronicled. Two roads led to the future. Each path required the reconciling of her moral standing, but either way, the Laura of old would cease to exist. Ultimately, the balance had to come from what could be determined as best for the child; her own needs a poor second. This, the last day allotted to Laura, she penned:

  “He offers wealth and a life that I could never provide for the child, but he also promises Hope a world absent of love. I cannot detect any fatherly concern in his actions, and I fear further retribution from one such as Lady Emily.

  To become a man’s mistress is so foreign to me and against a lifetime of instilled principles that this course does not present itself well. My memories are still stained by my experience of him and serve to plague my dreams.

  Again my decisions are such that the sacrifices grow and I can no longer see an end. When all hope is gone, for what does one have to fight?”

  #

  Today would see Lord Henry’s return, and although the sun had barely risen, Laura busied herself at her chores. The promise of a peaceful night’s sleep had been an elusive one. Laura’s apprehension multiplied in the quiet and the knowledge of what lay ahead filled her with dismay.

  Lord Henry arrived without any fanfare. Laura had completed her preparations for the morning meal when he entered the cottage. Lord Henry had not bothered to knock, a signal to Laura that he regarded her home as his territory and he required no one’s permission to enter.

  Laura’s defiance showed. Evidently her defences had rallied and, if nothing else, Lord Henry admired her spirit. While his thoughts were so occupied, his physical cravings became public viewing.

  The girl in Laura had gone, replaced by a woman capable of recognising a man’s wants. Innocence dismissed, Laura could see what her future held and the insight almost reduced her to tears.

  The child snuggled into Laura, unaware of the scene that was taking place.

  “Laura, place the girl in her crib outside and let us finish our business.”

  Laura reflected on what had passed and what would now come into being. She obeyed the directive instinctively. Lord Henry’s close proximity held little relevance; she had more pressing concerns. She knew Lord Henry’s question and loathed her answer.

  “Laura!”

  Lord Henry’s tone jolted Laura from the demoralised state to which she had plummeted.

  “Whether you like it or not, you are the “mother” of my child and you will have to learn to make most of the situation.”

  The mood of the conversation quickly changed. “Have you lacked for anything, madam? Have I not been respectful of your wants until today?”

  Laura started to sway; her thoughts were punishing as the communication she dreaded, along with the underlying threat it had always promised, came to pass.

  “I have come for my answer, Laura. You would be wise not to delay, as I have the maid waiting.”

  Instinctively Laura’s head jerked to one side, as if fleeing Lord Henry’s words, but he was quick to rectify the situation. He held Laura firmly in her place.

  Laura’s first attempt to answer ended in failure, but the second, a mere whisper, gave Lord Henry what he craved. “My decision is made, my Lord. I choose to keep my child.”

  Laura scarcely noticed the mouth that met hers. Undisturbed by her non-participation, the assault increased in tempo. Laura cloaked her thoughts, respectful of her mind’s right to retain a measure of sanity.

  Powerful hands forced a response. Lord Henry asserted his rights upon the territory he owned, and he showed no interest in where Laura’s attention resided.

  Laura felt her feet leave the floor, as he swept her up in his arms, before carrying her to the other side of the room. He deposited her upon her bed.

  The lonely figure produced no entreaties and exhibited few discernible emotions to rise up and confront him. The word Lord Henry’s consciousness raised was - rape. His exploits continued to erect barriers between them, and he queried why the woman continually brought out the worst in him. All he had ever tried to do was create an alliance.

  Laura was virginal, but Lord Henry’s ego assured him that he would be a good teacher. His self-talk spurred him on in his moment of indecision. Laura would learn to enjoy him, as he intended to pleasure her.

  As Lord Henry placed himself beside Laura, she pictured the child playing happily in her crib in the garden. The scent of roses drifted to greet her, and Laura closed her eyes on the existence of him.

  Lord Henry had taken Laura and she had not spoken since. Curse the woman, he thought, for invoking his guilt and making it want recognition. He had no intention of getting used to the experience.

  Lord Henry detected Laura’s gentle breathing, her luxurious flesh his to sample and her breasts his for the taking and yet satisfaction eluded him. Laura had remained passive, or in the interests of accuracy, submissive. Hell! Nothing had turned out as he had expected. Laura had cheated him.

  Despite all evidence to the contrary, he did not derive his sexual fulfilment from inflicting himself upon defenceless women. In a considerate move, he had released Laura from any unnecessary distress by restricting her choice. In doing so, he had removed the essence of sin in which he had imagined her wallowing. He had just assumed that she would be a willing partner in his bed.

  But Laura had beaten him at his own undertaking. To secure her, he realised that he would have to change his plans, otherwise he would not hold her for long.

  Laura awoke to the sound of the child’s cry. Lord Henry observed her as she placed her problems aside and offered his daughter a safe haven soothed with tender words. Kisses demonstrated Laura’s love for Hope and gave him what he wanted. Lord Henry knew then that he would become a good father and prevail.

  When Lord Henry finally took his leave, Laura did not cry. Life had led her here and she had acquired the knowledge that she would survive. The child and her welfare were paramount.

  A new bolt held the door firm. The next time Lord Henry arrived, he would not gain entry without a fight.

  That night, the passage in Laura’s journal was penned by a person still wrapped in self-loathing.

  “Today I acquired the knowledge that I may have access to my child if Lord Henry has access to my body and soul. He has taken the first, and it is with great pity that I regard my person, for I have discovered that I cannot separate my soul. In giving him my body, I have in turn contaminated my heart. The price is high, in any man’s terms.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO – Turning point

  The lock went unused. Returning the following day, Lord Henry knocked on the timber entrance, unlike the previous visit. The door opened to the visitor, and a new stage in their relationship came about.

  “Madam, I shall not fabricate a story or offer an apology for what happened yesterday.” Formalities were uncalled for and a redundant waste of time. He observed Laura, as she held the child close, her defensive reaction sealing his resolve.

  “We made a promise, you and I.” His voice softened, as he became aware of Laura’s distress. “I stayed true until yesterday; whereupon it seems that whenever I am near you, I repeat my mistakes. My errors have again led me to devote a substantial amount of effort in finding a resolution to this conflict.”

  Lord Henry paused briefly, but his eyes never left Laura. “I have revisited the terms of our association and decided to give you the distance that you require to adapt to our contract.”

  Advancing to where Laura was seated, Lord Henry crouched at her side. He located Hop
e’s tiny fist and enclosed it within his own.

  At close range, he could feel Laura’s anguish. Slight tremors wracked her body, betraying her outward facade of control. Laura’s endeavours to mask her trials were worth a tribute. Not once had he considered the effects of his conduct or that they may be experienced to this degree - such was his ignorance.

  “Although it must appear that I am of a callous nature, madam, and your bedding was not of your choosing, I am here to avow that my aspirations have changed. While I freely admit that you have no choice when it comes to being my mistress, I am sincere in my aim that you become a willing partner.”

  Laura’s demeanour gave no indication as to her present state of mind.

  “I know you, madam,” Lord Henry stated confidently. “Your pride will stop you from embracing this relationship without a great deal of prompting. With this in mind, I have come here today, armed with a new proposal that may provide some answers. All I ask is that you make an attempt at this union, and in return, I shall sanction your continuation of the child’s care. Hope may reside with you until she reaches the age of fifteen. The measure of time that she is taken from you up till then will be minimal. You have my word, as a Lord and a gentleman.”

  Laura’s natural instincts leapt into being, instructing her to challenge the validity of his vow, but she resisted the urge. Instead, Laura listened with a mind beset with worry. Her thoughts were still clouded by the expectation that Lord Henry would use her, as before, for his enjoyment. Her body mutinied at the prospect of further abuse.

  He hinted at influence over her life. He had not returned to violate her, but to extend to her the right to raise her child. Lord Henry demanded all of her, and he would not be satisfied with anything less. However, the dream that she might attain a respectful footing in their clandestine relationship was more than yesterday had entertained and more than she had ever expected from him. Laura steeled herself to look at her adversary.

  Lord Henry cringed, as the irony of the situation suddenly became very clear. The woman he had condemned by his callous actions was the woman he loved.

  The agreement was struck, and Laura, in every sense of the word, was destined to become the mistress of the Lord of Marlbrook.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE - Deception

  Laura adapted to a sedate existence. The daily routines of the baby served to keep her occupied and any leftover, unwanted memories were suppressed.

  The land surrounding the cottage was uncluttered. Green fields spread to the far corners of the land and grass sprouted in parts to match the height of the small trees. Together, Laura and Hope would often play in the meadows, secure within the familiar territory. Their world was one limited only by the span of their imaginations.

  Lord Henry had taken it upon himself to visit on a weekly basis, and so far he had adhered to his word. Laura understood that her slow adjustment persecuted him, but he had not pressed her. However, she knew his patience would not hold, despite his good intentions, and time would prove to be her enemy.

  As his habit now decreed, Lord Henry knocked upon the closed door, the significance of the ritual recognised by both parties. Today, however, he found both Laura and the child gone. His initial reaction was that Laura had met with harm. Curses filled the air, as he rained condemnation upon himself for having endangered her.

  Laura had remained secluded at his insistence, selfish motives driving his reasoning. He flung the door wide and called her name to the grasslands, but the pastures failed to echo a reply. His fear had reached a crescendo by the time he entered the top fields.

  In the meadow, safely snuggled together, causing a large indent in the grass, he found Laura and Hope asleep under the shade of a tree. The gnarled limbs and large leaves of the ancient oak fended off the harsh sunlight. He stood in silence while he observed the pair, appreciating what Laura and his daughter had come to represent. He acknowledged that they were a meaningful part of his life.

  As Lord Henry’s shadow passed over Laura, her subconscious woke her with a start. Strands of grass clung to her face and hair. The baby slept on, blissfully unaware of her surroundings. Laura gently liberated herself from the child, indicating to Lord Henry to stay quiet while they moved a slight distance away.

  Laura’s hair was dishevelled and Lord Henry observed the indentations left by the grass on her skin; however, they served to enhance not detract.

  He regretted that, as a child, he had not sampled the experience of liberty. However, somehow he doubted that any of the nannies designated to torment his childhood would have allowed him any such rudimentary freedoms.

  “I am sorry, my Lord, that we were not home to greet you. When the day is warm, I often bring Hope here to play. Is it your preference that we return? I am still able to carry the child,” Laura stated, the sharpness that normally accompanied her words absenting itself.

  “Let the child sleep. I am not averse to admiring the scenery while she finishes her nap, and I have no constraints of time,” Lord Henry replied. “While we wait, would you care to take a stroll around your park grounds, madam?”

  Lord Henry’s gaiety took Laura by surprise, her usual defences failing to make an appearance. She answered in like fashion, as he cocked his arm for her to take hold.

  They strolled, not too far from Hope, in a circular pattern, Lord Henry keen to engage in conversation.

  “My mother misses you, Laura. Her days are filled with the never-ending search for a new companion.” Lord Henry laughed, as he recalled the events. “The woman is on a seemingly impossible quest that should keep her out of mischief for some weeks to come.”

  Laura smiled, and her contribution lightened Lord Henry’s mood further. The afternoon proved to be a carefree and most enjoyable one - for both.

  They returned to the shade and, as any gentleman would for a lady, Lord Henry removed his coat. He laid the article upon the ground, motioning to Laura to take her seat. Lord Henry placed himself at Laura’s side.

  Laura studied Lord Henry’s refined features. His white shirt, exposed by his gallantry, suited him well, but she was quick to remind herself of the dark person that resided within.

  Suddenly, Lord Henry flung himself backwards. At ease, he lay staring up at the sky.

  His unexpected movement startled Laura. Tears sprung forth and had to be suppressed, as she prepared herself for another violation. Her eyes closed in self-protection.

  Unaware of Laura’s concerns, Lord Henry resumed their conversation. “To notice the days and the detail of their makeup is an indulgence in which I would not normally partake, and one that I suspect I would never have experienced if you, Laura, had not enlightened me.” Lord Henry shifted his position to face Laura. “This estate has belonged to my family for centuries, and not once in my thirty-six years have I ever stopped to investigate its splendour, thus was my hurry to always escape its demands.”

  Lord Henry watched Laura closely, as she absentmindedly caressed the dry leaves that had fallen from the tree. The fragrance of nature wafted in the air and he breathed deep of its fresh scent.

  The sun struck Laura’s hair at intervals, donating a silky appearance to the long strands, tempting him to reach out and touch them.

  Despite her resolve, Laura had to admit that she enjoyed Lord Henry’s company. His conversation revealed an intimate side of the man that she had briefly glimpsed in the early days of his return to Marlbrook, before -. With a swift stroke of determination, Laura halted her thoughts. Nothing would be gained by re-opening old wounds.

  Gathering Laura’s hand in his, Lord Henry monitored Laura’s opposition. He delayed his advances until he gauged that Laura had regained her composure.

  At length, he deposited a tender kiss upon the lips he adored and then he withdrew a slight distance, wanting to determine the effect. He saw then that Laura would keep her side of the bargain, regardless of any personal sacrifices, and rather than encourage his endeavours, the reverse occurred.

  Depositing Lau
ra’s hand clear of his, Lord Henry regained his feet. His reason had divided. The turning point had finally come about; he placed Laura’s needs before his own.

  “I made a pledge, sir,” Laura began, while remaining seated. “I am no longer ignorant as to the ways of men, and therefore I cannot hide behind a screen of non comprehension. I made a promise to you, knowing the price.”

  Laura bid her violent heart desist its antics before she could proceed. “The joy your child gives me far outweighs any penalty to which I might be subjected, and the more I come to know you, the more I realise that your life, as mine, is not as free as one might presume. I shall adjust to what destiny has assigned.”

  Kneeling beside Laura, Lord Henry kissed her gently before holding her in his embrace. His fingers toyed with Laura’s glorious strands of hair, as he waited patiently for her to tell him what he needed to know. At last Laura’s response, though slight, encouraged him. His mouth again sought hers, spurred on by the stirring in his loins.

  Lord Henry derived pleasure from laying Laura down on their bed of grass. Haste did not accompany his response. Anticipation and expectancy were eager to be placed at ease, but he did not want to frighten Laura or steer her from her course. He contented himself with her closeness and the prospect of what was to come. Minutes formed blocks of time before he bared her body to the sunlight. Love accompanied his moves.

  Laura had made her decision and regret was banished from her being. She would find a way to count her blessings. Lord Henry had feelings for her - in that he did not lie. She was luckier than most women who had found themselves in her position. Her circumstances were not uncommon nor the magnitude of her problems life-threatening.

  As Lord Henry’s mouth explored hers, and his hands examined where they strolled, Laura felt her violation was complete, but as he entered her, she learned that she would survive - unlike her mother.