Wishing and Hoping

by Susan Meier

  “Drew…”

  “No!” He said it more harshly than he’d intended, and when he saw the stricken look that came to her eyes it actually hurt him. But to Drew that was simply another confirmation that they’d let this go too far.

  “Look, I figured it all out while you were still at work. I’m a bastard. Nobody would have even the slightest problem believing that I hurt you enough, ignored you enough or was just plain mean enough that you couldn’t handle it.”

  “But—”

  “You’re off the hook!” Drew shouted, again more harshly than he’d intended, but he couldn’t help himself. He felt like a caged animal that couldn’t get free. Because she was the one holding him back, she was the one getting the brunt of his anger.

  “Life is not a fairy tale. It infuriates me that you think it is. I’ve been patient. I’ve not taken advantage of you. But if you don’t get out of my way and let me go, I will sue for custody of the baby.”

  Chapter Ten

  Despite Drew telling her not to come to his home anymore, Tia arrived at his farm the following Friday, anyway. She opened the door, slid inside and set her travel case on the foyer floor as she always did. He’d said the charade was over. He’d said he didn’t want her to come to his house. He’d said that he didn’t want her in his life. And that had darned near killed her. But eventually she had put her own emotions aside and realized she’d heard fear in his voice.

  Once she reminded herself of his failed relationship, she chastised herself for not recognizing sooner that this would happen. Of course, he was afraid. Of course, he’d barked at her, not bared his soul, telling her all his fears and vulnerabilities. Drew wasn’t the kind of man to admit weakness. He would try to keep control, even if it hurt him to do so. Especially if he believed he was protecting her. And he did feel he was protecting her. He’d come right out and said it.

  Which was exactly why she was here. She needed to prove to him that he wasn’t protecting her, but hurting her by ending their marriage. Somehow over this weekend, she had to make him see that rather than dissolve the marriage before they got hurt, they needed to promise each other they would stick it out forever. Because that, she realized, was the real bottom line. If she could get him to promise never to hurt her, he wouldn’t. He was a man of his word. And if she could get him to believe she wouldn’t ever hurt him, he wouldn’t go back on that conviction, either, because Drew had proved time and time again that once he put faith in someone, he kept it there—until that person gave him reason to doubt. And since she never intended to hurt him, desert him or even let him be unhappy, they would be fine.

  Now, all she had to do was get him to believe it.

  Straightening her shoulders and preparing for the fight of her life, Tia called, “Drew?”

  When he didn’t answer, she leaned against the newel post and called up the steps, “Drew?”

  Again, no reply. The swinging door at the end of the hall opened and she eagerly glanced down the corridor, but it was Mrs. Hernandez, not Drew, who came scurrying up the hall.

  “Miss Tia.”

  Tia took a long breath. “Uh-oh. Something’s wrong. You’ve never called me Miss Tia.”

  Mrs. Hernandez smiled weakly. “Why don’t you let me give you a little supper while we talk?”

  Tia shook her head. “No. I know what you’re going to say.” She sucked in another quick breath. “He’s not here, is he?”

  “No.”

  Tia glanced around. “Well, maybe I’ll just wait for him, then.”

  “You’ll be waiting until next Tuesday.”

  “Next Tuesday?”

  “I found his itinerary.”

  “Itinerary?”

  “His flight schedule and hotel accommodations. He’s on vacation.” She paused and added, “In the Bahamas.”

  “I see.” He’d probably come home right after he’d broken up with her and called his travel agent. So much for thinking he had been pining for her.

  “He was very grouchy when he left.”

  “He’s always very grouchy.”

  “This was a new kind of grouchy. He’s hurt, Tia,” Mrs. Hernandez said, catching her hands. “I don’t know what you fought about, but—”

  “We didn’t fight. He told me he wanted a divorce. I begged him to give things another try. He didn’t want to hear it.” It was finally sinking in that he really didn’t want her. Not at all. Not even a little bit. She hadn’t imagined everything she felt between them, but she had misjudged his reaction to it. She had been so certain she could convince him he could trust her that she’d never once considered that he didn’t want to trust. That he didn’t even want to try.

  Her heart felt so heavy in her chest that Tia thought she’d faint. But rather than give in to the emotion threatening to consume her, she turned, walked to the door and grabbed her overnight case. “I guess I’ll see you.”

  “Tia—”

  “No,” Tia said, taking another breath to keep herself from crumbling. “I’m fine. I knew when we got married that we’d probably divorce.” Funny, but though she’d “known” it, she’d never believed it. “I’m fine.”

  “I’m fine!” Drew barked when Mrs. Hernandez came running out to help him with his luggage when he returned from Eleuthera the following Tuesday.

  “I know that you’re fine, you crusty old crab. But Miss Tia isn’t.”

  That caused Drew’s chest to tighten and his knees to weaken. “Is she sick? Is the baby okay?”

  “They both seem fine.”

  “Then why did you say something is wrong?” he growled, more annoyed with her interfering than usual. She never stopped to consider that things might hurt him, too. No. She just pushed ahead like a damned steamroller.

  “Because she came here on Friday.”

  “I told her not to.”

  “Yeah, well, sometimes she don’t listen so good.”

  “Oh, no. No. No. No. Don’t go using bad grammar on me. I know you, Mrs. H. You’re smarter than anybody in this town.” Except Tia, but he wouldn’t let himself think about that. “You’ve been manipulating me since the day you got here and I’m not falling for it anymore.”

  “Okay, then fall for this,” Mrs. Hernandez said, following him up the front porch steps. “I quit.”

  That made him stop. “You quit? Because I’m getting a divorce?”

  She shook her head. “No. I quit because I’m getting married.”

  Drew burst out laughing, picked up his suitcase and walked across the porch. “Good one.”

  “I mean it,” she said, catching his arm to get his attention. “I’m going back to Minneapolis.”

  “Back to your sister?”

  “Back to the man I met while caring for my sister.”

  Standing on his front porch, Drew stared at his housekeeper and from the serious expression on her face, he knew she wasn’t kidding. He inclined his head in the direction of the front door. “Let’s go inside.”

  Mrs. Hernandez nodded.

  Drew set his luggage in the foyer, the same way Tia had every Friday night. But he knew the placement of his bags was only part of why he thought of her the instant he stepped inside. She hadn’t been in his house for days, yet the place smelled like her. He could feel her in the rooms, hear her laughter in his mind. He swallowed.

  “If you’d like a little Scotch, I could get it for you,” Mrs. Hernandez said, leading him into the living room.

  “I’ll get it myself.”

  “You’re pretty handy with getting things for yourself.”

  “Which means I won’t miss you,” Drew shot back on his way to the bar as Mrs. Hernandez perched on the arm of the white sofa.

  Mrs. Hernandez laughed. “Oh, Drew. You will miss me. You will tell yourself you don’t. You will tell yourself you’re strong. You’ll even wash your own laundry and eat your own cooking for six weeks just to prove how strong you are. But you’ll miss me.”

  Drew banged a glass on the bar, then reached for
the Scotch bottle. “Very funny.”

  Mrs. Hernandez shrugged. “I guess it’s a matter of perspective, because I think it’s very sad.”

  Drew peered at her, a sudden suspicion forming in his head. “You wouldn’t be doing this as a way to leave me alone so much that I miss Tia enough to ask her back?”

  Mrs. Hernandez laughed. “You are the most vain man I have ever met. No, Mr. Drew. The sun does not rise and set on you. When I went to Minneapolis to care for my sister, I met a man.”

  He poured Scotch into the glass and, out of politeness, he offered it to her. To his surprise, she took it.

  “Thanks.”

  Without missing a beat, Drew retrieved a second glass and Mrs. Hernandez went on. “We hit it off right away. We don’t have any of the same interests, but we click.” She laughed. “So, he’s teaching me to play golf and I’m teaching him to play pinochle.”

  Drew shook his head. “I thought you said you were quitting to get married?”

  “I am.”

  His eyes narrowed as he studied her. Finally, he said, “You’re marrying a man you met six weeks ago.”

  She nodded. “Yes.”

  Frustrated, even a bit scared for the poor old woman, Drew set his drink on the bar and combed his fingers through his hair. “Okay, you and I really need to talk.”

  “No, we don’t.”

  “Yes, we do! Mrs. Hernandez, it may seem that I don’t like you, but I do.”

  She waved her hand in dismissal. “I know that.”

  “Then you should also realize that I’m not going to let you marry some guy you just met!”

  Mrs. Hernandez laughed. “I’m almost sixty years old. You can’t stop me.”

  He gaped at her. “You’re serious.”

  She nodded.

  “Okay, look. I’m sure your entire family has spelled out the negatives for you, but let me give this one more shot. First, it’s really not very smart to marry somebody you don’t know.”

  “You’re a fine one to talk. You married Tia after one wild night after a party.”

  Drew’s Scotch glass stopped halfway to his lips. “How do you know about that?”

  She shrugged. “I have my sources.”

  “Who?” Drew demanded.

  Mrs. Hernandez shook her head. “Not that it matters, but it was Joe,” she said, referring to one of the stable hands. “Scuttlebutt got around the stable that you’d met a woman at a party you went to in Pittsburgh. It didn’t take us too long to put two and two together when you announced you were getting married. Especially since Tia lives in Pittsburgh.”

  Drew took a breath, realizing he had been correct. She had been suspicious. Not because of Elizabeth, but she had been suspicious.

  “I thought it was good that you married Tia,” Mrs. Hernandez continued, “because it proves that deep down inside you’re a good man. But it doesn’t change the fact that you married someone you barely know.”

  “Which is exactly my point! Look how that turned out. In case you missed the memo, we’re getting a divorce.”

  “I won’t be so stubborn, and neither will Nolan.”

  Drew sighed. “Tia and I aren’t stubborn.”

  “You’re right. Tia isn’t stubborn, but you are. And I’m not. And neither is Nolan.”

  “No matter how good your intentions, things may not work out.”

  “I disagree. I think things will work out because I will make sure they work out.”

  “And what if he decides otherwise?”

  “He won’t.”

  Drew persisted. “What if he does? Or better yet…You’re no spring chicken. I’m guessing Nolan isn’t, either. What if he dies? What will you do then?”

  “Then I will have memories.”

  “Baloney.”

  “Baloney, yourself! How do you think I would feel if he really did die and I let time go by without spending it with him? I’d be devastated.” She rose from the sofa arm and set her Scotch glass on the coffee table. “Even if we have only two weeks, it will be two wonderful weeks because I will make the best of every damned day.”

  She stood directly in front of the bar and held Drew’s gaze. “You may not care if you waste your life one day at a time and lock out anybody who might be foolish enough to love you, but I’m not so stupid.” She paused and tilted her head. “Or maybe it’s because I’ve seen how stupid you’ve been with Tia that I won’t let my opportunity pass me by. Even if I only have two weeks, I want them. Goodbye, Mr. Drew. I was going to work out a two-week notice, but now I know I need to leave immediately because you’re right. None of us knows how much time we have with the person we love and unlike you, I refuse to waste a second of mine.”

  She left the room and just as she’d said, she packed her bags and was gone within an hour. Drew stared after her as she drove her little blue car off his property.

  He wasn’t angry with her. He felt a little silly for actually talking her into going when he was trying to talk her into staying, but deep down inside he was pulling for her.

  He wished for her sake that she was right. That she would have the memories of her time together with this man she thought she loved.

  But whether she knew it or not she had actually hit Drew and Tia’s problem on the head. They had too much time. Years to hurt each other. Years to leave each other.

  He simply couldn’t risk it.

  Chapter Eleven

  Lightning streaked across the sky as Tia drove toward her parents’ farm. Since leaving Pittsburgh almost eight hours before, the farther south she went, the stronger the storm had become. And the stronger the storm had become, the slower she drove and the tighter her nerves stretched. She had a sneaking suspicion she was heading into the remnants of the hurricane she’d heard her coworkers discussing, but she didn’t know for sure. She hadn’t had time to listen to the radio or watch the Weather Channel. She hadn’t had time for anything but work. Which was why she had decided to come home this weekend. She couldn’t tell her parents about her dead marriage in a phone conversation. She knew from the calls she’d had with them these past two weeks that Drew hadn’t told them. But that was fine. They were her parents. She should be the one to tell them that she and Drew were not staying married.

  Lightning again crackled through the darkness. Rain beat against Tia’s windshield. Her wipers could barely keep her vision clear. Wind buffeted her little car. She approached Drew’s farm and—stiff from holding the steering wheel so tightly and scared silly—she darned near stopped, but didn’t. Not because of pride, but because she knew she couldn’t take the look on his face when he saw her. Even if she explained that she only wanted to get out of the rain, he’d think she was trying to manipulate him.

  She understood why he was skeptical; he didn’t trust. He couldn’t. She’d naively believed that once he got to know her he would trust her. But he didn’t. She’d let herself be vulnerable, opened up to him, given him everything she had and he still didn’t trust her. Instead, when they got to the point where he needed to make a choice, he’d decided to hurt her. And that was the most telling thing of all. Rather than take the step he’d so desperately wanted to take and risk being hurt himself, he’d hurt her.

  So, after hours of maneuvering her little sports car over rain-slicked roads, dodging puddles and steering against the wind, she didn’t wish to endure a scene. She didn’t want to see the suspicious look on his face. Worse, she didn’t want to soften in her feelings toward him because she knew that deep down inside he was hurting. She didn’t want to feel compassion. Didn’t want to understand him. Didn’t want to ache for him.

  She simply wanted shelter. Happy shelter. Somewhere everybody would be glad to see her. She didn’t want to hurt anymore.

  So she passed the lane to Drew’s farm, deciding to risk another ten minutes on the road. After all, she’d driven this far. Now that she was on the less-traveled country road she could easily get herself to her parents’ in one piece. She wouldn’t bother Drew. She k
new it hurt him to hurt her. She didn’t want to understand, but she did. And that was what was killing her. Because she understood, she couldn’t even try to change his mind. She knew better.

  When she was just a few yards past Drew’s lane, the entire world around her lit up. A crack of thunder accompanied the lightning, meaning the strike had been nearby. As quickly as Tia concluded that, a tree fell on the road in front of her.

  She swerved to miss it, but overcompensated and her tires spun on the roadside gravel, sending her car careening out of control. The steering wheel spun so fast and so hard, Tia thought it would rip her arms out of their sockets as it wrenched itself out of her hold. Without having the steering wheel to anchor her, she bounced backward, then forward, hitting her head hard enough that the world instantly blackened.

  Dressed in a slicker and cursing a blue streak, Drew ventured out into the rain. He couldn’t believe someone had left on a light in the barn, but even through the wall of rain he could see the glow. He slammed the door behind him and huddled inside his rain gear against the driving rain, but only two feet off his porch he realized the light wasn’t in his barn. What he was seeing were car headlights and they were coming from a small strip of land he hadn’t cleared but had left as a wetland because a creek ran through it.

  Realizing the person inside the car could be hurt, Drew forgot about protecting himself from the rain and ran toward the wrecked vehicle. Rain pummeled his head and shoulders. His boots were ensnared in sticky mud several times, but he yanked them out and kept running. About fifty feet away from the car, he realized it was small and red. About ten feet after that he recognized it as Tia’s.

  His heart stopped but his legs grew stronger. He raced to her car and to his relief, he could open the door, but when he leaned inside, he not only saw Tia was out cold, he also saw a cut on her head. Blood poured down her face.