The Jade Emperor

by Suzanne Jenkins

  Pulling the chair out from the sewing machine table, she sat down, cradling both pictures in her hands, and bowed her head. Very softly, she allowed tears to fall yet again. In twelve hours she’d cried more than she had in the past ten years, succumbing to self-pity, finally facing the truth, her husband hadn’t loved her like he did this woman from Asia.

  Making a tough decision, he’d come home to stay with Kelly and their child, and then had five more. Knowing Steve, he’d probably thought he was doing the honorable thing. But Kelly thought that it was a weakness, that he’d been a chicken. He should have stayed there with Lee, or gone back to Vietnam and left Kelly with Augie, giving her a chance to find someone who loved her instead of not loving her enough.

  She’d spent her whole life trying to get Steve to love her in the way he’d already loved someone else. He never laughed, rarely smiled, and it seemed like the burden of having a wife was too much. Often racking her brain trying to determine what part of his misery was her responsibility, she could never figure it out.

  Too late, she’d discovered the answer; he’d given up the real love of his life and tried to make do with a substitute. Were Steve’s last words to her that morning a true declaration?

  “I love you, Kelly.”

  Had he finally, at the mid-century mark of wedded years, concluded that she was the one he wanted, not the other woman? Did he have to see her son to make the decision?

  “Oh hell,” she said, hiding the photos away for later viewing. She’d scan them together so he could see the difference. Before-after, before-after. Happy Steve, miserable Steve; happy Steve, miserable Steve.

  Going in to shower, she thought of something else. Her daughter Alice, a definite chip off the old block, had slipped in conversation with Kelly and said something about being raised by a man who was emotionally unavailable. Kelly would ponder that phrase for a long time. What did it really mean? He loved the children, Kelly thought, was there for them, helped support them financially. What more did parenting require?

  “Wait till you have your own kids,” Kelly had responded. “You’ll find emotional availability is often a mistake.” Alice laughed, but she really didn’t think it was funny.

  “Dad acts like it’s a burden to have a family.” That statement threw Kelly. “He is so miserable.”

  “I don’t think it has anything to do with us,” Kelly answered. “He has his demons, like we all do.”

  Looking back, she realized the conversation was prophetic. Steve hadn’t heard what Alice said because Kelly didn’t want his feelings hurt. Now she realized she was enabling him to stay emotionally unavailable.

  The weekend was so important to her; for years she planned how she’d spend every second of her time away from work, and Steve and his son were not ruining her time. Having things to do and people to see, she had a shower, took extra care getting dressed, and began her day.

  Texting her sister, she invited her to meet at the Cast Away Diner out on the highway so they wouldn’t run into anyone they knew; then she texted each of her kids to say she was available for an audience with any of them or all of them if someone wanted to throw an impromptu gathering together. They could discuss a cider mill outing at that time.

  Driving to the diner, she didn’t even think of Steve and Lee and Titan. Pulling next to her sister’s car, she looked up and smiled at Karen and checked her phone for text messages one last time. Augie’s wife, Sandy, said to come over at three; everyone would be there for a late lunch. Kelly opened the car door, stretching to get out when Karen tapped on her window, and a finger pointing toward the entrance made Kelly look up.

  It was Steve and his other family. Evidently, Lee had come on the excursion from Chicago and Steve had failed to tell her. And he was with her in a public restaurant on a Saturday morning.

  The ludicrousness of it, that he would go to the Cast Away to hide out, made her laugh out loud. Kelly glanced over at Karen who frowned, clearly questioning. Steve walked toward the cars chatting comfortably with Lee and Titan. Kelly decided she was ready for a meeting now.

  Steve looked up just as these thoughts appeared in her head, like the energy was transmitted to him. You can’t hide it anymore, Steve-o. Pale skin turning beet red, he didn’t approach the car or even signal he knew her. Putting his hand up on Lee’s back in a protective way, he had her move beyond him, speaking to Titan as he did so, and then when they were safely out of view, he came back to her car. She was seething.

  “Sorry about that,” he said, glancing over at Karen’s car to wave, but she ignored it. She smelled a rat and had nothing to lose by letting him know she didn’t approve. “I thought it would be safe to come here for breakfast, but obviously I was wrong.”

  “Does safe equal behind my back?” Kelly said, struggling not to spit in his face.

  I am not going to let him see how angry I am, she thought. Staying cool might help her keep the upper hand, but she wondered why keeping the upper hand was suddenly important in a marriage of almost a half century.

  “No, not at all,” he said.

  “Then why didn’t you tell me she was here?”

  Kelly was seeing a side of Steve she’d never seen before, and she didn’t like it. He was creepy, a lying cheat who thought if he hid his sins, they weren’t really sins.

  “I didn’t know she’d come. I was going to tell you later,” he said, but Kelly wondered.

  “Well, she’s very pretty,” Kelly said honestly.

  Lee didn’t look seventy-three. Maybe that was another lie.

  “What are you going to do?” Steve asked.

  “Now, or for the rest of my life?” Kelly said.

  “Now,” Steve replied, embarrassed.

  “After the faux breakfast, since I’m sure I won’t be able to eat anything after this, I’m going to visit your other family. Augie’s having everyone over at three.”

  She was biting her tongue not to say something smart-ass about him bringing Lee and Titan.

  “I’d better get back,” he said.

  She frowned at him, disbelieving that they were in such a predicament.

  “I need to get going myself, Steve. Have a nice day.”

  She opened the door, trying to get him to move aside so she could get out.

  “Don’t leave mad,” he said condescendingly.

  “Fuck off, Steve,” she said, slamming the car door, and she stamped off to her sister’s car.

  They looked over their shoulders at Steve, shooting him angry vibes.

  Chapter 2

  Nervous, Steve went to his car after his wife left for the diner. As he got closer, he saw two smiling faces. His son, although obviously Asian, was definitely a Boyd. He had the oval face and long nose Steve had, and the same goofy smile. Lee was sitting in the front seat, watching Steve closely. Steve was embarrassed by the scrutiny. Lee was still beautiful.

  The night before, when Titan had invited him back to the hotel, Steve didn’t know she’d be waiting there. Titan swore he wasn’t trying to trap Steve.

  “I’m so sorry,” he said. “I thought I told you my mother came along.”

  The first giveaway was that he knocked on the door to his own room. That meant someone was waiting on the other side. Steve thought it was Titan’s wife, Jean. He’d seen pictures of her already; they were both pediatric orthopedists. His son, the doctor. Jean had MS, one of the first intimacies revealed, and she was rapidly deteriorating. Titan had his hands full, trying to keep up with the practice they’d started together. Jean no longer worked, and her mother stayed at the house while Titan was in Michigan looking for Steve.

  He got into the car and looked at Lee and then at Titan in the backseat. “Well, that was my wife,” Steve said.

  Titan and Lee were both sorry they’d caused him problems, but not enough to have stayed away.

  “Is she upset?” Lee asked.

  “Mother, for God’s sake, what do you think?”

  Titan had had a few months to work out h
is own anger at Lee for lying to him about his paternity, and for having lied to Ted Baker, letting it slip later, after Ted died, that he thought he was Titan’s father.

  Shortly after Steve left Vietnam, Lee discovered she was pregnant. Latching on to Ted Baker was easy; she was wise and beautiful, and he was a lonely officer. Bringing Lee back to the US was never a question for Ted, who was a devoted husband and father, unwavering that his child would have a safe, secure life. More importantly for Titan, Ted Baker was also smart. Ted raised Titan in an atmosphere of academia, and from a young age he knew he’d go to college.

  Titan didn’t know anything about Steve Boyd except that he was uneducated. Whether or not he was smart was yet to be determined. Titan had made the decision he didn’t care about Steve’s intellect. After time, Titan had come to terms with his mother’s lack of moral character, that she’d entrapped an innocent man. In one year, he’d lost the man he thought was his real father; his wife, also his business partner, could no longer walk or care for herself; and he’d discovered that his mother was as sly as a con artist.

  Lee denied it, saying she was desperate to find someone to rescue her, and she’d always treated Ted with respect. But she never stopped loving Steve. Titan was so sorry he’d revealed Steve’s whereabouts, and he certainly hadn’t intended on his mother coming along to see Steve. She’d insisted, buying her own ticket, showing up at the airport at the last minute. Considering canceling the trip, Titan was afraid she’d contact Steve on her own. Now it looked like she’d be trouble for Steve no matter what.

  Titan had hired a private investigator to find Steve, who was off the radar and didn’t have email or any internet presence. A good ole’ boy, a hunter and fisherman, Steve had a woodshop in his garage and a tool chest in the back of his pickup truck. The best way Titan could meet him was by just showing up. When Titan arrived on Steve’s doorstep, he’d opened a Pandora’s box. An angry wife needed to be appeased. Steve had six kids, which meant Titan had brothers and sisters, whom he wanted to meet.

  “Steve, we don’t expect you to spend the rest of the day with us, although it’s very kind of you to offer,” Titan said.

  “Well, I do have explaining to do at home,” he replied. “We have jobs to go to, so I probably shouldn’t wait for Monday to take care of it. How long will you be in town?”

  “We’re leaving tonight,” Titan said.

  “But we can stay longer,” Lee said, determined to have her way.

  “Mother, that’s not an option.”

  She gave him a dirty look.

  “Let Stevie decide,” Lee said, flashing her eyes at Steve.

  The provocative look didn’t escape Titan.

  “I need to get home soon,” Steve said.

  Then he turned to Lee, trying to use his head in dealing with her. “We’ve been married for over forty years and have six children. I was married to Kelly when I was in Vietnam, so I’m ashamed that I betrayed her.

  “Titan,” he said, “I am pleased to meet you. I’m proud of you already. We need to give this situation time, though, before we do anything else. Let’s just get to know each other.”

  “I agree,” Titan said. “I didn’t expect you to drop everything and come running to us. We need to get back to Chicago and I need to go to work on Monday, too.”

  “I’m going to stay here,” Lee stated.

  “You really can’t,” Steve said. “If you do, it will cause trouble for me. Is that what you want?”

  “Mother, stop being so selfish, okay? Your selfishness is what got us into this mess in the first place.”

  Lee snapped at him in Vietnamese.

  “I’m glad I didn’t understand that,” Steve said.

  “Show some respect for your mother,” she translated.

  “Act worthy of my respect then instead of being a troublemaker,” Titan replied. “Steve, you can take us back to the hotel now.”

  Steve started the car and backed out of the space, heading toward the highway.

  Kelly and Karen watched the charade out the grimy window of the diner, while Karen watched her sister’s reaction across the table. They were fraternal twins. Karen didn’t look anything like Kelly, had short salt-and-pepper hair, and was short and chubby. But they were made of the same stuff.

  “I still can’t believe it,” Karen said. “I guess I don’t know Steve as well as I thought I did.”

  Kelly didn’t reply. What was there to say? If Steve wanted to betray me badly enough, he’d find the skills to do so. Deciding not to bash Steve, Kelly pretended that she wasn’t as crushed as she really was, hoping Karen wouldn’t hate Steve. Her sister was protective and could hold a grudge for a long time.

  “He was young, remember, in his early twenties,” Kelly said. “I asked myself this question. If I had been sent to war against my will and thought I might die at any second, and an older, beautiful woman, maybe coming across as a wise woman, came on to me, what would I do?”

  “Kelly, going off to war didn’t give him the right to ignore his morals. A lot of men were in Vietnam, and they didn’t all have affairs and leave kids behind.”

  “You would be surprised how many did, Karen. I read that tens of thousands of children were born to Vietnamese mothers from American fathers. Steve didn’t even know she was pregnant. At least he says he didn’t.”

  “Do you believe him?”

  “I don’t know what to believe. We haven’t had a chance to talk yet.” She looked at her watch. “I have to be at Augie’s at three. I’ll text you as soon as I talk with Steve, okay?”

  “Don’t do anything rash,” she warned.

  “I thought you were mad at him,” Kelly replied, grinning.

  “I am. But I don’t want you to get a divorce or anything like that,” Karen said.

  Karen knew her criticism of Steve had hurt Kelly deeply, her beloved sister who she would never intentionally set out to hurt. Last Christmas, Kelly had given her an angel ornament for the tree that had an inscription by Emily Bronte. Whatever souls are made of, yours and mine are the same. Thinking of it brought tears to her eyes. Kelly had to be devastated, yet was putting on the strong face they’d been raised to show the world.

  Leaving the booth, they went to the cashier. “I still can’t believe it,” Karen said.

  “Tell me about it,” Kelly replied. “Now I have to pretend everything’s okay with my kids for the rest of the afternoon.”

  “Maybe it will be,” Karen said, hopeful, hugging Kelly and kissing her cheek.

  But it was already too late.

  ***

  Dropping Titan and Lee off at the hotel after breakfast, Steve felt anxiety creeping in. Shaking their hands, he said goodbye and didn’t linger. On the way back home, he began to worry. While he was with Lee and Titan, he hadn’t thought much about what the situation would mean to his family. Now that he was alone, the facts started tumbling around in his head.

  Steve had decided to have a relationship with his son, aware of the impact it would have on his and Kelly’s children. The decision meant involving his children. During the ride home from the hotel, he confronted his first fears about his other children. Would they hate him? Hate Titan? Or would they give him a break? It wasn’t Titan’s fault in any way.

  Would they be angry with Steve for betraying Kelly? He thought of Augie, his firstborn; Augie was the prince of the family. They even called him the Prince behind his back. He was smart and good, and he’d never given them a moment’s concern except for once, before Steve left for Vietnam. The infant Augie had a high fever. Kelly thought he was dying, he was so sick, and that fear translated to horror for Steve. After that, he was afraid of his son, of the power he had over Steve and Kelly. It was his love for the baby that he feared.

  When orders for Vietnam came for Steve, it was almost a relief. He was running from his wife and baby, but they’d be well taken care of by her doting family, even if he was killed.

  Trying to put the focus back on the present, he
knew they were meeting at Augie’s that afternoon, like they did almost every weekend. The children excused Steve from having to attend, but today he wondered why. Was he that miserable that he’d choose to miss out on an afternoon with his children and grandchildren just so he could be alone in the dreary basement?

  Reaching home, he decided he’d go to Augie’s. Pushing the button on the garage door opener, Kelly’s car was there. The dashboard clock said that it was just after one. He wasn’t expecting to have to confront her so soon after the diner debacle. Taking a deep breath, he carefully opened the door leading to the kitchen. Standing at the sink, Kelly was looking out the window above it, a pose Steve had seen many times, one he took for granted. Turning to look at him for a second and then back to the window, she had nothing to say to him. Feeling disrespected that he’d go out in public with Lee, taking a chance that she’d see them together, Kelly forced herself not to run from the room, waiting for Steve to start talking.

  “I’d like to go with you today,” he said.

  “Why? You hate going over there,” she said, frowning.

  “I don’t hate anything, Kelly. I don’t want to waste a nice fall day in the basement, watching TV, that’s all. And I need to tell the kids about Titan.”

  “No. You don’t drop a bomb like that at someone’s get-together, Steve. If you want to ruin their day or their lives, tell them at your own throwdown. Make a plan to get together with them here or at a park.”

  “Oh, good point. I didn’t think about it like that.”

  “Yeah, you don’t seem to be thinking about anyone but yourself right now. That was a class act, showing up at the diner. You know I have coffee with Karen every Saturday.”